


Agency

by sorati



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anakin Is Crying Somewhere, Badass Rey, Dark Rey, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Existential Angst, F/M, Force Bonds, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Is In Denial, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo/Hux Rivalry, Power Dynamics, Rey taking none of Kylo's bs, Slow Build, Snoke Is A Creep, Snoke Ships It, So much denial, That's Not How The Force Works, UST, pretty dark occasionally, you done fucked up Kylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-05-26 23:47:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 40
Words: 148,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6260722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorati/pseuds/sorati
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey strikes a deal with Kylo Ren and becomes his reluctant student to preserve the life of Luke Skywalker. As Kylo Ren faces an increasing number of holes in the stories he has constructed around himself, Rey hunts for the truth behind her origins and plots to save Luke and herself without going darkside. Who will blink first in this game of power and wits?</p><p>When Rey’s personal vendetta against the First Order leads her down a lonely and dangerous path, allegiances are reshuffled drastically, and Kylo Ren must reassess his idea of what it means to fulfill his grandfather’s legacy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Overture

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to "Agency", a trilogy about individual choices and the driving forces behind them, personal accountability as well as asserting oneself in the face of overwhelming outer circumstances, a.k.a. "I wanted to write porn without plot and it exploded".
> 
> This fic was written largely over the course of late January/February/early March 2016 and at 40 chapters (as of now), it is pretty much done. You can therefore expect regular updates. I made up a lot of stuff to explain away the questions TFA left us with, and I’m worried that when ‘Bloodline’ comes out all that will have been for naught, so I guess I have to start posting this monster now before I start tearing it all up.
> 
> Get out your Reylo bingo cards because this fic has all the major themes we know and love - force bonds, abductions, lightside/darkside power struggles, dreams, angst, force-sensitive sex, eventual redemption etc. It’s probably not the most original fic in the world, but I hope you’ll have fun anyway. 
> 
> Enjoy - and let me know if you do! x

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Luke and Rey share memories, and Kylo Ren lies low.]

~o0o~

 **Part I: Dreamwalkers  
** **Chapter I: Overture**  
_[In which Luke and Rey share memories, and Kylo Ren lies low.]_

~o0o~

 

Rey watched the _Falcon_ take off and vanish in the grey clouds. As if on cue, it started to rain.

“Ah yes. Welcome to the lovely climate of Ahch-To. We hope you'll enjoy your stay,” Luke said, extending his arms in an ironic welcome of the big, wet drops. “Let’s get inside. It’s getting dark, anyway.”

‘Inside’ on Ahch-To meant a collection of small stone cottages in various states of dilapidation, a short way away from the shore halfway up the cliffside. Luke pointed out one next to his own for her to use, and helped making it a little more cozy by procuring some warm blankets and lighting a fire in the fire pit on the floor.

Outside, the wind and rain howled and waves crashed onto the cliff in the darkness as Luke handed her a cup of hot tea, then sat back and turned over the old lightsaber she had given him in his hands with a faraway look on his face, almost caressing it fondly. Then he looked at Rey with an unreadable expression.

“So, essentially, what is it that you came here for?”

For a moment, Rey was lost for words. There were so many things she had hoped, still hoped to find here.

“I want to learn about the force. And--”

Well, in her mind she had envisioned him to come back to the Resistance with her and Chewie, and help the General in the fight against the First Order. She had realised that this was unlikely to happen after she had watched Luke talk to the wookiee alone for some time, and had then be told that Chewie and R2-D2 were going to return to the Resistance while she stayed with Luke.

“I’m not going back,” Luke summed it up, as if he had read her mind.

“But Kylo Ren murdered---”

“I know,” Luke stated evenly. An expression of deep sadness flickered across his face. “I suppose it was bound to happen. A parent simply cannot give up on their child, however desperate the case may be - Han had to at least try it. I believe he knew he was going to his death though, and made his peace.”

“So you’re not going to help?” She asked softly.

“What do you want me to do? Track down my best friend’s son and take revenge by killing him? No. This is not my battle. Not anymore,” Luke said, suddenly looking even older and more worn-out. “As it is, most days I’m wondering what we all fought for. What it was all good for.”

Rey could not believe it - that after everything, she would find Luke Skywalker so opposed to get involved in this conflict in any way, even though it involved his immediate family.

“But - you are the last Jedi. Please, I need your help! I have no one else to turn to to learn about the force.”

 _You need a teacher. I can show you the ways of the force._ The memory of Kylo Ren’s unexpected offer bubbled up in Rey’s mind, but she shoved it aside. _Yeah, right._

“Patience.” Luke lifted his hand. “You misunderstand - I’m not going to abandon you. You have made too big of a splash around the First Order, they will never stop hunting you now. I have enough skills to evade Ben and Snoke, but if I left you on your own, you’d quickly fall into their hands again.”

Rey felt her stomach sink and wrapped her arms around herself absentmindedly. She had not asked for all this attention. Luke shot her a glance.

“Don’t worry. My fighting days may be over, but I will do everything to prevent Snoke from sinking his claws into yet another one of my Padawans.”

Something about the way he put it made Rey look up. ‘Another one of my Padawans’. Somehow she knew that Luke was not referring to her like that because she was going to be his student from now on. And Rey, too, felt a connection to Luke Skywalker that went back longer than the few hours she had stayed here. She had to know. This was the moment to bring it up.

“I really am your student, aren’t I? This isn’t the first time we have met.”

Luke looked at her with an unreadable expression. “What do you remember?”

“Nothing. I remember nothing from before Jakku. It’s just a feeling.”

“You are looking for your parents, aren’t you? You want to know who you are. Perhaps I can help, just a little. However - I will say up front, don’t expect too much from what I can tell you.”

Rey’s head shot up. Her heart beat up to her throat with excitement.

“You are right. We have met before, years ago - you were a tiny slip of a girl then, no older than four or five years old. Your father brought you to my school; your mother I never met. Your father said he had no idea about this magic stuff - as he put it - but that your mother was sure of your force sensitivity. Obviously she was right. Then as now, you were overflowing with potential. I was intrigued to see so much of it outside of my own family line, if that does not sound too conceited.”

Rey hardly dared breathe as she listened intently.

“You see, at the time, I was gathering information on as many force-sensitive people and lineages I could find to rebuild the Jedi Order. So I asked your father to bring your mother to my school as well and introduce us. He promised to do so - in the meantime, I was to keep charge of you and start teaching you in the force.”

“He left the same day, and did not return for weeks. I never saw him again, and started to think that maybe he had abandoned you - that maybe he was scared of your unusual power, and did not want anything to do with you. For my part, during the time you stayed with me, I was delighted. You showed such promise at such a young age! I think Ben did not take too kindly to you as competition for my attention - he and I used to be very close, you know.”

He smiled sadly.

“But then, some weeks later, something odd happened. I was away to visit my sister. Already back then she wanted to share her fears with me about Snoke, who was beginning to have altogether too much influence on Ben for her liking. She implored me several times to keep a close eye on Ben and protect him if need be. My nephew had just turned 15, and that is a difficult age for many young men as it is. Even more difficult it is to follow the Jedi code at that age, and very especially so if you have a predator like Snoke around you.”

Rey shook her head slightly. Hearing Luke talk about an unhinged psychopath as Kylo Ren like some poor confused child upset her a little - and anyway, she wanted to hear more about her parents. Luke seemed to pick up on her thoughts.

“Sorry for digressing. Anyway, while I was away for a few days, I left Ben in charge. Troubled he was at the time, he was still my best pupil, my own trusted family. Imagine my surprise when I returned and Ben casually told me that you had been picked up and taken out of my school by your mother. Apparently, she had reconsidered about having you trained as a Jedi. I was immensely disappointed, not only at you having been taken away, but also at missing the chance to meet the woman who you inherited all your potential from. I started looking for you and your family, hoping, if possible, to change your mother’s mind. Only then did I realise how little I truly knew about you or your parents. All I had was your father’s name. Ben had not even cared enough to remember your mother’s name. Apparently you reacted to the woman who came to pick you up like a child would to her mother, and that was good enough for him.”

“Could he have lied?” Rey said suddenly. “Perhaps there was never any woman who picked me up. Perhaps--”

“You think he might have been the one to dump you on Jakku? Rey, maybe he was somewhat jealous, but he was only 15 years old and way too absorbed with his own troubles to kidnap a small girl and abandon her on some random planet - and then lie about it to my face. He wasn’t always like how you know him today. Besides, the other students supported his story - they had seen a woman coming to pick you up, too.”

 _I’ve met Luke when I was little. I’ve even met Kylo Ren. And however briefly, he has met and spoken to my mother._ Rey saved all these facts for later consideration

“Anyway, I did some research just going by your father’s name, but it all ended in nothing. I could not find any trace of you or your family. The whole thing kept bothering me for quite some time afterwards.”

“So what was his name? My father’s name?” Rey asked.

“Well, he introduced himself to me as Sorus Ghan.” An amazing feeling of familiarity and recognition completely failed to engulf Rey at the sound of that name. Even more, something about the way Luke phrased it made Rey think that the Jedi suspected the name to be false.

“I did pick up on the name a few times during my search, but always just as a shadow of someone. The information was always conflicting, or went nowhere. However - why would that man bring a little girl to me under a false name? And you were genuinely attached to him. At the time I had no reason to believe he was not your father.”

“So, my father brought me to you, and my mother took me away again,” Rey summed up the extent of what Luke had told her. “And you don’t know anything more, other than that my father’s name might have been false all along?”

“That is basically it. I warned you I only have very little to tell you,” Luke said. “It is too bad your mother arrived just while I was away. I tried to get every piece of information out of Ben, believe me. But it was my own fault, really, having been given charge of such a young child as you were, and then leave you in the care of a teenager for some days.”

Rey looked crestfallen. “I’ve accepted that I’ll never see them again. But it would help to know who they were at least. Why they left me behind. Just - _why_?”

“What has happened to you was cruel, no doubt. But I can’t help but count it as a blessing that you did not grow up in my school.” Luke said. “You have heard what happened to it, some years later?”

Rey nodded. “Kylo Ren.”

“I like to think I owe it more to Snoke. The man you know as Kylo Ren was not always a monster, you know. His descent into darkness came along slowly. I am to blame for it, in part.”

“How so?” Rey asked incredulously.

“As I said before. Snoke got to Ben at a young age, sank his claws into him during a vulnerable, impressionable time. A Jedi is ever surrounded by temptations, and it was my job to keep Ben in line, to watch him closely and guide him. But I was so caught up in my dream of reviving the Jedi Order, I took on altogether too many apprentices at once - so I lost sight of Ben. I did not give him guidance and attention when he needed it most.”

Rey thought back to the brief flashes she had seen in the basement of Maz Kanata’s cantina on Takodana, visions of fire and smoke and violence.

“People don’t just kill innocents because they feel neglected. Kylo Ren made a choice. He _decided_ to do all these horrible things. Just like when he murdered Han Solo.”

“Those raised in the light can not always understand the struggles of those raised in the shadows,” Luke replied evasively.

“I was not raised in the light!” Rey protested, suddenly finding that she was strongly resenting the implication that she was a child of fortune who could never hope to understand the underprivileged victim of circumstances that had been Ben Solo.

“No. But it is in you, still, after all these harsh years. I could see it then and I can see it now, the nature of your power, unexplored, but strong. You are a creature of the light side.”

Rey did not know what to say to that. What did that even mean? She remembered the cruel whisper she had heard when she had had the chance to kill Kylo Ren - and how she had refused it. “I am? So I couldn’t fall to the dark side? Not ever?”

Luke was suddenly very serious. “Of course you could. Those strongest in the light have sometimes fallen to the darkest depths. Never forget that. You are just starting out in the force. Temptation will inevitably befall you, too.”

Rey shook her head. “I’d never do anything so vile as Kylo Ren. He thanked his father as he ran him through. He actually _thanked_ him.”

“Preserve that innocence of yours,” Luke said, looking very old again. “But don’t condemn those who fall so easily. You probably heard the story of how Darth Vader, at the very end, chose the light side over the dark. I saw it happen. That’s why I believe anyone can come back from the dark side, if you reach out to them.”

 _Look where reaching out got Han Solo._ Rey’s unforgiving thoughts must have been written all over her face, because Luke just smiled his sad smile again.

“In any case, I am glad that your way led you to me again after all this time. Now get some rest, and don’t tear yourself up over who your parents were. In my very personal experience, that is never a healthy thing to dwell on, especially not for a Jedi. You yourself define who you are.” Luke got up, and before leaving for his own cottage, handed her back the Skywalker lightsaber.

“Hold on to this one for me, just for the time being. You’ll need it, Padawan.”

~o0o~

That man was in his dreams again.

Han Solo slipped off the precarious runway, never taking his eyes off his son as he was falling down the shaft, and Kylo Ren dropped to his knees, feeling weakness overcome him instead of the power surge that he’d expected, felt the wound through his father’s body as if it was his own. And there it was again, that blurry figure before him, saying something that Kylo Ren could not hear.

_Who are you?_

_Come home with me, Ben. Your mother misses you._ Again his father stood before him, and again he ignited the saber, and again his father fell, his final touch ghosting on Kylo Ren’s cheek.

_Snoke’s using you for your power, manipulating your abilities. When he’s gotten everything he wants out of you, he’ll crush you._

And now there was the girl before him, blazing with fury, the Skywalker saber raised against him, frozen in the moment, and next to her stood _that man_ , straining to be heard above a roaring, deafening noise.

_Who are you?_

He was ten years old again, and the whispers had come back again in the dead of the night. Ben Solo curled up on his bed, staring into the darkness.

_Who is there?_

Now he was running his hands along Darth Vader’s helmet.

_My grandson. Finish what I started. Continue my legacy. Root out my children’s treachery. All my power, and more, will be yours._

With a start, Kylo Ren opened his eyes and sat up. The wound that Chewbacca had torn into his side with that bowcaster ached in protest at the sudden movement. The beeping sound that had woken him was being caused by a medic droid requesting entry to his quarters.

With a wave of his hand, Kylo Ren allowed it through and settled back as the droid set to work on changing his bandages. It hurt no small amount, but Kylo Ren bore it with clenched teeth. The humiliation at the memory of his defeat burned a lot worse than this.

Snoke was displeased with him, but not more so than Kylo Ren was with himself. While General Hux was using the disarray and the confusion that the destruction of the Hosnian system had thrown the New Republic into to push further and further into enemy territory, he, Kylo Ren, had been relegated to nursing his wounds and focussing on his training. But he felt restless. He needed to be out there, destroy the Resistance, hunt down that girl and his uncle - he needed to stay active, anything to keep him from a moment of introspection.

Why was he still having these dreams? Why was there still something tearing at him? Where had been that rush of power he had hoped for as he had watched his father fall? Instead, a part of him had broken down, had sent him to his knees even before the bowcaster shot hit.

“You will always feel the call of the light. It is in your blood, in your essence, as much as the darkside is”, the Supreme Leader had said to him once. “That is why your loyalty to me is so much more meaningful.”

That was it. Kylo Ren had proven, and would continue to prove to Snoke that his trust was not misplaced. Perhaps he was born with the same weakness that his grandfather had so tragically succumbed to, but he would not let it dictate his life, nor his choices. The look on his father’s face that was seared into his mind, his blood on his hands, would remind him of that, every day.

Snoke was right in letting him lie low. He was going to focus, heal properly, prepare and then come after his uncle with a ruthlessness not seen in the galaxy since Darth Vader. _A man who has killed his father can do anything. No wavering, no weakness anymore, not ever._

With these thoughts in mind, Kylo Ren dropped off to sleep once more.

 

[to be continued]


	2. A Chance Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey begins her lessons, and Kylo Ren has a theory.]

**Part I, Chapter II: A Chance Encounter**  
_[In which Rey begins her lessons, and Kylo Ren has a theory.]_

~o0o~

That night, Rey dreamt vividly.

This was a memory from a few years ago - she was on Jakku, dragging a load of scrap behind her, a good haul that would keep her fed for several days. But suddenly, to the left and right, fellow scavengers emerged from behind the dunes. Rey gripped her loot tighter and tried to run, and then, as they descended upon her like vultures, tried to fight them off with her staff. As it was ripped from her hands, Rey clawed at her attackers, kicked, hit and scratched like a wildcat. It had done her no good back then, and it did her no good in this dream. Now she was lying curled up in her makeshift home in the old AT-AT - her loot having been stolen, she was famished and bruised. Tears of frustration stung in her eyes.

_Destroy your adversaries. You have the power._

Rey jumped up at the rushing whisper in her mind, and as she did, so did the small, dark-haired boy opposite her, curling up under his blanket and looking around searchingly.

_Who is there?_

Like a looping recording, now Rey was back fighting the thieves on Jakku, but this time the dream went down a different road. She was fighting, clawing, scratching, but now the frustration and anger she had then boiled in her stomach like lava and fuelled her strength _\- how dare they, how dare they try and rob her, they would regret it, she would make them pay, she would make them bleed_ \- and with an angry yell she lashed out at the attackers with her bare hands. Sand exploded around her, the nearest thief inexplicably flew several meters up into the air and crashed hard into the ground, and she advanced on him furiously, her staff no longer a staff but a fiery red-orange saber flickering madly.

And now the hot sand had turned into snow, and the man before her was no longer a Jakku thug but an unmasked Kylo Ren, bleeding from a gash in his face and staring in disbelief at her, and she lifted the red raging saber over her head, thoughts ablaze. _How dare he hurt Finn, how dare he hurt me, how dare he how dare he how dare he kill kill kill him killhimkillhim---_

She gasped for air and blinked as the oppressing rage threatened to drown her, and the scene of the snowy forest fell away in an instant. Curiously though, she had not awoken fully. Even more curiously, one element from the dream remained; there was Kylo Ren, staring up at her in utter bewilderment.

“What is this?” He murmured.

Rey gasped, looking between him and the red saber in in her hands. Kylo Ren followed her gaze, then he slowly got up, never taking his eyes off her.

“It’s you, isn’t it,” he said. “This was your dream.”

He took one step towards her, and Rey stumbled back, upset and scared. The saber in her hand flickered out. He took another step.

“Stay back, monster.” Rey’s voice shook, fighting down her panic and trying to get the saber to reignite.

But far from doing so, Kylo Ren closed the distance between them with a few steps and reached for the sword. Rey lashed out in panic, the saber coming back to life all of a sudden, and she swung wildly at him. He caught her arm, wrestled for control. _This was a dream, a nightmare, she just needed to--_

 ~o0o~

Rey woke with a start, and sucked in a huge gulp of air. Luke was standing in the door of her cottage.

“Rise and shine, Padawan!”

“Master!” She needed several seconds to get her bearings, her throat was parched and she was drenched in sweat. A dream. Just a dream.

“‘Master’. I have not heard anyone say that in a long time. It will take some getting used to,” he mused. “Is everything alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Rey had collected herself. “Sorry, I was just-- really out of it just now. Odd dream.”

They had simple porridge with a bit of honey before Luke took Rey for a short trip around the island. Ahch-To was an aquatic planet with just a few steep islands dotting the ocean surface, and it appeared that Luke limited all his activity to the one island they were currently on. He had planted some herbs and vegetables in a little garden behind his hut, a boat with fishing equipment down lay on the shore down in the bay. A creek that flowed past the collection of huts served as water supply.

A few minutes’ walk away from the cliffside led to a small forest in which Luke had left the ship he had arrived in many years ago, hidden from prying eyes under a heap of foliage.

“I’ve disabled the communication system and taken down all antennas. Better safe than sorry. Though of course now my location is not much of a secret anymore, not to the Resistance anyway. I hope the secret does not spread further,” Luke said as they walked back towards the cliffside.

The most spectacular place on the island was not far from their cottages - it was an outlook on the highest point of the island where Luke often went to meditate. The view from up there was breathtaking. To Rey it seemed like the ocean stretched forever.

“I have been wondering where to start with your first lesson,” Luke began as they were sitting down cross-legged on the ground opposite one another, high up on the cliff. “But in your case, it seems you have already begun it without me. Your awakening to the force, it happened when Ben invaded your mind, correct?”

Rey nodded glumly. Having another consciousness sift through her mind was not an experience she ever wanted to relive, not even in memory. Luke shook his head almost angrily.

“Stupid, reckless boy. Mind-probing is a dangerous technique. It has shattered the minds of weaker victims, and sometimes even of those doing the probing. And you hit back at him the same way?”

“It just - happened,” Rey murmured. “I wasn’t really trying to. But he was really unnerved by it.”

“He would have been. That exchange was very dangerous for both of you, though of course you’re not to blame. However, never try it again, not on him or anyone else.”

Rey nodded. It was not a difficult advice to follow. The whole thing had been painful, raw and altogether too intimate.

“So, to sum it up, you have dabbled already in mind-probing, in mind tricks and in levitating objects,” Luke said. “Very impressive for someone completely untrained, quite frankly.”

Rey did not know what to say - she had no idea what was an appropriate amount of aptitude in the force and what was not. When she had touched the lightsaber for the first time, the resulting force vision had upset her so much that she had run away, but after watching Kylo Ren using the force - use it on her - it had just clicked.

“It is important you learn more about the conscious use of this power you have. You could hurt innocents, or even yourself, if you don’t know exactly what you are doing. That’s why we should be concentrating on control, the overarching virtue of the Jedi.” Luke said. “Control over your own mind, control over your own passions and emotions. If you have mastered that, control over the force will be like an afterthought.”

Rey nodded attentively, eager for what Luke had planned as first lesson. She had heard the stories about the Jedi - superhuman strength and speed, gravity-defying agility, near-magical abilities. If she wanted to defend herself against the likes of Kylo Ren, that was what she needed. Luke seemed to know exactly what she was thinking, because now he was winking at her.

“No, Padawan, don’t think you get to skip the groundwork because you’re somewhat of a prodigy. We’ll start at the beginning. We’ll start with meditation.”

~o0o~

That girl. It had been her. He had felt her force flare up like a lighthouse, had felt her consciousness bleed into his, and then he had found himself drawn from his own uneasy sleep into her dream.

And she was still there, lingering on the edge of his consciousness in the force. If he concentrated, Kylo Ren could still feel it even after opening his eyes. Well now. How about that? Was this an echo of what had happened between them on Starkiller Base?

 _You. Scavenger._ He pushed the thought at where he felt her in the force, but if she picked up on it, she did not react in any way. Perhaps it didn’t work that way. Perhaps she had no idea about - this, could not feel or hear him consciously. It was something worth investigating, in any case.

Gingerly, not trying to put too much strain onto his wounds, Kylo Ren got dressed and made his way to the Supreme Leader’s hologram chamber.

When he entered, he noticed with annoyance that General Hux was already occupying it to give his report about the latest territorial gains of the First Order. The New Republic was still reeling from the assault on Hosnian Prime, and Hux’s army was going to take down as much opposition as he could during this happy state of affairs. The only faction that consistently put obstacles in the way of the First Order’s expansion movement was the Resistance.

“We know it is on D’Qar,” he heard Hux say presently.

“Nevertheless, it is wiser to concentrate on taking as much territory as you can in the current situation. The more of the galaxy we control, the easier it will be to crush the Resistance once we have it surrounded and friendless. If you strike too early, they will scatter and you will have to go through the trouble of locating them anew.”

“Understood, Supreme Leader.” Hux saluted and then turned to Kylo Ren with an arched eyebrow.

“You’re up on your feet, Ren,” he said. “How fortunate.”

He said it in a tone that sounded more like ‘what a pity’, and Kylo Ren bristled inwardly. Hux had saved his life on Starkiller Base, and the General loved making him feel the debt he owed him for that. It was supremely irritating.

 _None of that now, Kylo Ren._ His master, as always knowing what was in his heart, commanded him privately.

“Leave us, General,” he said aloud and, after Hux had left with a sharp salute, added. “Have you done as I bid you, Kylo Ren?”

“I am concentrating on your teachings, Supreme Leader. But they still elude me.”

He felt the force shift around him then, as the holographic image of Snoke leaned forward. Tendrils of it rose out towards him, lightly brushing past him. That was one of Snoke’s remarkable abilities - even from far away, he was able to wield the force and use it to reach out to him. But the Supreme Leader never really needed to read his mind. He understood his struggles like no other person, knew all his thoughts even without having ever probed into his mind.

“You are still struggling with your deed, and it upsets you,” Snoke said, sounding almost kindly. “You are not sleeping well.”

“If I am not sleeping well, it is certainly not because of my father,” Kylo Ren claimed. “No, I was wondering about force bonds. I was under the impression they only ever come about between force-sensitives as a result of a long or particularly intimate relationship. Can they suddenly establish themselves?”

“It is not entirely unheard of. But why do you ask?”

Kylo Ren was silent for a moment. Perhaps it was too early still to tell the Supreme Leader about his suspicion. He should try and find out more first.

“Kylo Ren,” Snoke insisted. “What is on your mind?”

“I had a strange dream tonight,” Kylo Ren said eventually. “I do not believe it was mine. I think I was somehow drawn into that girl’s dream. I saw--”

_A young girl curled up in the sand, crying and hurting and so hungry it ate her up inside._

“I saw our duel on Starkiller Base. But this time, she tapped into the dark side and threatened to kill me with my own saber.”

Snoke tilted his head. “What makes you think it was not your own nightmare, reminding you of your failure?”

Kylo Ren winced at the jab. “It was too real. Something between a dream and a force vision. I felt her presence as if she was right next to me. And I can still feel her on the edge of my mind even now.”

“Intriguing. It could be a force bond, as you have surmised. If so, it could prove useful. After what you have told me, I am considering the options of turning her into an asset for the First Order. When you go after your uncle, I want her brought in alive.”

“What options?” Kylo Ren asked, somewhat surprised. He almost regretted having brought the girl to his Master’s attention now. His offer to teach her had been just that - _his_ offer. He had found her and awoken her to the force after all. With the interest Snoke was taking now, it was well possible that he wanted to make her his own apprentice, alongside himself.

“I am much too busy to take on another student.” It was uncanny how the Supreme Leader always seemed to know what was on his mind. “I would give her to you, of course, if she is all what you say she is. We shall see. As for the phenomenon you described - study it further, try to enact it again, utilise it on your own terms. It will give you something to do while your wounds heal.”

“Understood, Supreme Leader.”

Kylo Ren was still mulling over the exchange as he made his way back to his quarters. As Master of the Knights of Ren he stood somewhat outside of the First Order’s military structure, but for the purposes of most other people on the _Finalizer_ he ranked as a Commander. As such, he was entitled to particularly luxurious quarters.

Like most of the _Finalizer_ ’s interior, they were marked by utilitarian dark steel and general gloominess, but that did not bother him. The room adjoining the one he slept in - spacious, with one wall made of reinforced glass to look out into space - he had made into his personal training room. Kylo Ren sometimes spent hours meditating here.

Now, too, he settled down in the middle of the room, closed his eyes and focussed on the force around him. Snoke had told him to utilise the connection on his own terms, and he would try just that - if she could accidentally pull him into a dream of hers, surely he would be able to do the same to her. It was likely though that it would not work while they were both awake.

He would need to watch, and wait for a chance.

 

[to be continued]


	3. Test Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Kylo Ren extends his offer once more.]

**Part I, Chapter III: Test Run** **  
** _[In which Kylo Ren extends his offer once more.]_

~o0o~

Rey collapsed onto the blankets of the bed in her cottage, utterly exhausted. Luke really had started at the beginning, like he had said. They had meditated for what had seemed like hours, after which she had felt rather more stiff and sore than relaxed and powerful.

So when Luke proposed some light sparring, she had eagerly agreed - only to find that combat training did not go much better, despite her youthful speed and agility. Luke had ended up deflecting every single one of her strikes while he himself hardly moved at all. Not even her most underhanded feints and snake-like attacks that had struck terror in the hearts of every Jakku thug had been able to catch this man off-guard.

“Awareness of yourself in the force and combat training are intimately connected,” Luke had explained. “If you train yourself well enough, you will always know where your enemy is and where he is going to strike even with your eyes closed. Likewise, if you can manage to hide your presence and your intentions” - Rey was struck down by a force blow at her feet she had not felt coming at all - “you can even leave other force-sensitives in the dust.”

It did not help that while Luke had previously praised her prowess with her staff, he had not been impressed with her sword form, criticising it as altogether crude and unrefined, and bemoaning a general lack of proper technique and mindfulness in her fighting style.

“Too impulsive. Too rage-driven. Do not lunge, don’t react to aggression like some brute. Deflect your opponent’s power, anticipate it. Seek to control and subdue, rather than being wild and brutal about it.”

Being brutal had been the only language Jakku thugs had understood, however, and Rey could not immediately switch off years of conditioning. By the end of the day she had retreated to her cottage feeling exhausted and rather discouraged - things could have gone better for her first day of training. With these thoughts in mind, Rey dropped off to sleep and--

\-- immediately realised something was off. Her mind did not enter that state of mild, friendly chaos that normally ushered in sleep. This was different.

Rey looked at her hands and then down to her body - for all intents and purposed she felt she was awake and this was real. But what she knew for a fact was that she was sleeping in a bed on Ahch-To. So where was this? What was going on?

She looked around, recognising Takodana, the entrance to Maz Kanata’s cantina. There was not a soul around, no music drifted out from the inside, everything was quiet like a grave. Rey touched the stone pillars, knelt down to the damp ground. These, too, all felt incredibly real.

It was just like the force vision she had had, Rey realised then. That, too, had felt real. Yes, that made sense - this was probably another force vision. Perhaps she was supposed to go to the basement again. Perhaps she would find another puzzle piece of the mystery of her parents.

That’s when Rey felt she was being watched. Her head whipped around into the direction of the forest, and there he was. Kylo Ren, in his menacing black cloak, hood and mask, standing unnaturally still.

She, likewise, did not move. That man over there was not just a nightmare, he was really _there_ . She could tell, she could feel it in the force, this was _him_. He was watching her quietly as she watched him.

Slow terror started to build up in Rey’s throat. If this was a dream, she should be able to wake up - so she bit down on her lip, hard. But aside from tasting blood in her mouth, nothing about the situation changed.

Now the dark phantom was slowly moving towards her. Rey’s eyes darted around wildly, looking for a weapon, anything she could use.

“Please remain calm.” He said, and the voice changer in his helmet achieved much the opposite effect. Rey threw herself around to run, and froze - he held her in a force grip. Once more, she was completely paralyzed as he came closer, but she heard him take off and set down his helmet nearby, and walk around to face her.

Rey said nothing. There was really nothing to say. She had no idea how, but somehow Kylo Ren had managed to trap her mind in this strange place - this vision, this dream or whatever it was. She was not physically here, not really, and neither was he. But their being in contact was real. It was probably another strange and dangerous mind trick that Luke had not yet gotten around to tell her about.

“Yes, it’s quite the fascinating phenomenon, isn’t it? I believe we share a force bond,” Kylo Ren said conversationally. “It allows me to access your mind when you are unguarded. Think of this place as a dream in which I make the rules - just like you did last night. Remember you pulled me into your nightmare first.”

She looked at him in silence, and he could feel fear rolling off her in waves.

“You are terrified of me even in this place,” he said softly.

“You’re a murderer,” Rey replied with tears in her eyes remembering Han, her own fear nearly choking her, and was surprised when she felt the force grip fall away and she could move once more.

 _A weapon. A saber. Anything. This is a kind of dream. Take control of it!_ She urged, but however much she willed a weapon to appear in her hand, none would.

“My rules,” Kylo Ren stated flatly, but he also made no move to attack or threaten her, either. Rey drew back a few steps and watched him tensely.

“You caused this. On Starkiller Base, with your mind-probing,” she said eventually. He shrugged.

“I tried to go gently. I gave you a choice to cooperate. Doing this to you gave me no pleasure.”

“Choice? You took me prisoner and tied me to a chair,” Rey said through gritted teeth.

“And you probed into my mind in return. It does not matter how little you understood about the process then. I was hurting you, and you wanted to hurt me back. Well, congratulations.” There was a ghost of a smile on his face now. “If anything, you are as responsible for establishing this bond as I am.”

“I was just-” Rey glowered, but he cut her off.

“You were only just realising what you could do with the force, I know. And I had barely left the room when you manipulated some hapless fool into letting you go. Very resourceful, very talented. I wonder what you would be today if you had stayed in school.”

Rey started at this. It was not the first time he had indicated he knew more about her than he let on, but this time she knew why.

“You remember me,” she said, half a question, half a statement. He did not react.

“So what happens now?” Rey inquired and hated her voice for quivering a little.

Kylo Ren looked thoughtful. “My motivations have not changed since we met last time. But for now, I am still figuring out what is possible to do with this force bond.”

He had hardly finished the sentence when Rey was startled by a complete change of scenery around her. Now they were standing in a large skyscraper apartment in front of a window, looking out onto an illuminated city skyline that seemed to go on forever. Though Rey had heard stories, she had never seen such a giant, bustling metropolis.

She had not fully caught her breath, when she was startled by his touch - he had taken off his glove and was running his hand along her face. Perhaps it was this strange place, but his touch felt as if he was charged with static energy. Her skin prickled.

“So you feel this, too,” Kylo Ren remarked.

“Don’t touch me.” Rey drew back alarmed and pushed at him with the force inexpertly, with all the strength she could muster. He actually took a step back to catch his balance, but that was the extent of it.

The scene changed again. Now she was back in the interrogation chair on Starkiller Base, strapped down securely.

“You chose the wrong teacher if that is what you call a force push,” Kylo Ren remarked from his seat in front of her. “Is my uncle teaching you anything useful at all? As one of his Padawans to another, don’t hold your breath.”

She threw herself at the restraints, but they were as unforgiving as the real ones had been.

 _‘His motivations haven’t changed’ - he still wants that map_ , she realised. She steeled herself for what must inevitably come - Luke had not given her any useful hints on how to withstand a mind probe yet, but she had done it once by instinct, and she could do it again.

He drew very close, way too close, as he had done when they had first talked in this room. But different from last time, Rey was now acutely aware of the energy around him, as well as her own. Her skin prickled again. When he was this close, they might as well be touching.

“Won’t you consider it?” He said.

“What?” Rey asked nonplussed.

He sighed. “I’m telling you that despite what happened on Starkiller Base, my offer still stands. Think of how powerful you could become, if you let me teach you.”

“I am not after power. I want you to leave me alone. I want you to leave my friends alone,” Rey said weakly. Kylo Ren snorted disdainfully.

“You can’t really be that childish. This war between the First Order and the New Republic is far bigger than either you or me. You can’t just close your eyes and ask to be left alone. Or has Skywalker rubbed off that much of his pathetic cowardice to you in such a short time? No. If you want people to stop pushing you around, power is _exactly_ what you should be after. I would have expected that to be the first thing a lonely scavenger learns out in the desert.”

A force touch ghosted across Rey’s bound, calloused hands with their dirty, broken nails and across the many faded cuts and bruises on her arms that her scavenger life on Jakku had left her with.

“Don’t,” Rey pleaded and hated herself for sounding so pathetic. She had not expected him to, but Kylo Ren actually shook his head slightly and seemed to snap out of whatever reverie he had been indulging in.

The interrogation room and the chair vanished, and she found herself standing on a rocky beach - the beach of Luke’s island - with waves lapping softly at her feet.

“Is this where you are, right now?” Kylo Ren asked her, and her shocked expression told him all he needed to know. “Calm down. This is the image I already saw in your mind on Starkiller Base. You will be relieved to hear I don’t know where this planet is. Yet.”

 _He does want the map._ Rey realised. But it seemed his other wish prevented him from torturing it out of her. ‘Yet.’

“Do consider my offer. We don’t have to be enemies in this.”

And then he was gone, and the dream scenery winked out.

Rey’s eyes shot open, drawing in a huge breath, and she jumped from her bed before she was even fully awake. But her legs were tangled in her blanket, and she crashed to the floor with a yelp.

The next thing she saw was Luke standing at the entrance to her cottage once more, his silhouette dark against the starry sky. He had activated his lightsaber, allowing its brightness to illuminate the small room.

“Rey! Is everything alright?”

Rey stared at him terrified, ghostly pale in the saber’s light.

“No.”

~o0o~

Kylo Ren opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling of his training room which was inexplicably spinning. It took several minutes for the nauseating feeling to stop. He felt exhausted and noted a dull ache in his head - clearly, a prolonged connection to another person’s mind through the force was as demanding as it was intense. He would need to be careful not to let these encounters go on for too long at a time - who knew what kind of side effects this phenomenon had.

One such side effect he immediately was made aware of was the girl’s force signature all around him. He could still feel her energy, it lingered in his mind like the scent of a perfume long after its owner has left. He sat up, careful not to put too much pressure on his injured side.

He had already some ideas for their next encounter.

~o0o~

Luke had put both his hands on both sides of Rey’s head and closed his eyes as he felt into the force around her. There was something there of Ben’s signature, lingering like some kind of miasma, like a fingerprint on a glass vase.

“Can you tell anything?” Rey inquired anxiously.

“It doesn’t exactly work that way, my young Padawan,” Luke said. “I’m not a force doctor. Times like these I wish all the old lore hadn’t been scattered or destroyed.”

“What is a force bond, anyway?” Rey asked.

“A mental connection between two force-sensitive individuals. It usually forms naturally between a Master and their Padawan, after spending a lot of time together training, fighting, meditating. And then, of course, there are latent bonds between family. But what you seem to share with Ben probably came about unnaturally, due to his meddling with mind-probing techniques, as well as your uncoordinated retaliation. No, I’m not blaming you,” Luke added, seeing her expression. “Just making an observation. The fact is, both of you inflicted a force trauma on each other.”

Luke lowered his hands and watched his student’s haunted face with worry. Rey had not slept all night after having woken up white-faced and terrified. He had hoped, here on this island remote from all the conflict, to guide her to that place of tranquility and fearlessness within her from which all users of the light side drew their power. But she could not possibly find that place as long as she did not feel safe in her own mind. If Rey felt cornered - and having Kylo Ren invade your dreams very much put you in a corner - she might lash out uncontrollably and go down a dangerous path.

 _Ben must have figured this out, as well_ , Luke realised. _Or he will very soon._

Did this put their security on this island at risk? Would Ben be able to find them by tapping into this bond to Rey? Luke had to trust that it was not quite as easy. Feeling other individuals through the force did not work like a long-distance navigation system, after all. What he might try, however, was forcing the information out of her by means of torture.

He needed to prepare Rey for another visit of this nature somehow. Luke inwardly cursed their lack of time and how suddenly this problem had sprung up. Closing off one’s mind, shielding oneself even in sleep - all these things took weeks of practice at the very least; a Jedi might easily spend a lifetime perfecting these skills. Rey, however, had only until she succumbed to sleep deprivation, and that would be soon.

They had to try, though. So he took his white-faced student to the beautiful island’s outlook once more and tried to impart his knowledge about meditation techniques, complete self-awareness and by extension, how to withdraw and shut away one’s presence completely. He talked to her endlessly about overcoming her terror of Ben, about overcoming fear altogether.

It did not work. His words did not seem to get through to the restless and exhausted Rey at all.

“Alright, Padawan,” Luke said eventually. Clearly a completely new approach was called for to raise her spirits. “How do you feel about a little field trip?”

  
  
[to be continued]


	4. What the Light Side Demands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which it is sink or swim for Rey, and Kylo Ren takes a lesson in manipulation.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, thank you for all your lovely reviews! I usually post a chapter before going to sleep (I'm in GMT+1) and it's nice to wake up to your comments in the morning. ;-) Much appreciated! x

**Part I, Chapter IV - What the Light Side Demands** **  
** _ [In which it is sink or swim for Rey, and Kylo Ren takes a lesson in manipulation.] _

~o0o~

Dismissing the other members of the First Order High Command from the meeting chamber, the Supreme Leader bid Kylo Ren to stay behind and report on his current project. As Kylo Ren had predicted, Snoke was very pleased with his findings from the experiment the night before.

“These are good news. Skywalker still poses the greatest risk to the supremacy of the First Order, and now you have a direct link into the mind of his student. That should make your work easier.”

“You want me to extract his location out of her, then,” Kylo Ren paraphrased. He was not sure he liked this order much. If he tortured the girl for information about Skywalker, she was never going to trust him or let him teach her. With some surprise, he found himself clinging quite stubbornly to this idea. _ I found her. I drew out her power. She is mine to teach. _

“You have learnt much from me over the recent years, Kylo Ren, but I fear there are some qualities that define a truly powerful leader which still elude you. I propose, then, that you let this girl become your ‘masterpiece’, such as you are to me.”

“Had you not rather I concentrate on dispatching of Skywalker?” Kylo Ren asked.

“By all means, if all fails, torture the information out of the girl, kill Skywalker and bring her in. It would be a satisfactory outcome,” Snoke said. “But a truly wise strategist must always take care to play the cards he has been dealt to the best of their abilities. It is what I am trying to make you see now. See the potential of the situation before you, maximise the profit of your endeavor. Take your time. Prove your skill. Utilise all I taught you.”

Kylo Ren was somewhat surprised at Snoke treating this crucial stage of the hunt for Skywalker like some kind of field exercise. Unlike Snoke, manipulation and indirect application of force were not his strong suit - his angle was fear, intimidation and straight up taking what he needed. But his Master was right. If he really wanted to become a teacher himself, he would have to employ other methods.

“Lesson one, Kylo Ren, is this: find leverage. Everyone has a button you can push, save perhaps the most enlightened of Jedi. I understand she told you she was not after power?”

“She will realise the foolishness of that sentiment very soon.” Kylo Ren shrugged.

“Indeed. But convincing an enemy to join your agenda requires a bit more of an individualised approach, as I am sure you are aware. So what do you think is her leverage?”

Kylo Ren hesitated. He remembered diving into her mind, hearing the echos of her emotions. The aching loneliness. The feeling of being left behind, unloved, unwanted. Human scrap discarded on a junkyard.

“She craves human connection. Her family. Companionship. Belonging. Validation from her superiors,” he mused. “All very quaint.”

“Ah. But see, lesson two is this: Any desire, however quaint, however pure, can be made to work for you. Needs can be created. Ambition can be instilled.” Snoke leaned forward. “But one thing after another. For now it will suffice to plant first seeds of doubt in her regarding her current alignment. Show her the inherent weaknesses of the light side. Show her the conclusion you yourself arrived at when you joined me.”

Kylo Ren nodded. That, at least, would pose no problem.

“Have you got any further instructions for me, Supreme Leader?”

“Just this. Do not allow yourself to be unduly influenced.”

“How do you mean?” Kylo Ren asked, somewhat taken aback.

“You understand me well enough,” Snoke continued. “This girl appears to be naturally inclined to the light side of the force, and you still struggle with your own aspect of the light, even after your latest sacrifice. You always will. When you initiate this bond you share, you go into direct contact with it - through her. You may find it a little too much to handle.”

“Supreme Leader. The blood of my father is on my hands. How can you still suspect me of wavering, of weakness?”

“I do not suspect you, I trust you implicitly. You have proven your determination and your loyalty many times over,” Snoke said almost kindly. “I want nothing more than for you to succeed, but not at the cost of potentially losing you, Kylo Ren, my greatest asset.”

Kylo Ren was still somewhat disgruntled, but inclined his head in acknowledgement.

“I will not disappoint you.”

~o0o~

“You really cannot swim?” Luke mused as he lifted his drenched, panicking Padawan back on board and set her down gently, courtesy of the force. Rey held on tight to the tiny boat as if her life depended on it - well, it did - and miserably coughed up some more saltwater. 

“Where would I have learnt to, on a desert planet? Can we please turn back?” Rey begged, drenched and miserable. First the nightly visit from Kylo Ren, now this - it was clearly not turning out to be her day.

The story had been this: Luke had taken her out into the bay on his tiny rowing boat in order to haul in their fishing nets and - so he had promised her - to show her something.

Ahch-To’s geography was quite extreme, and Luke’s island was no exception: on all sides except one, the ocean floor dropped into unfathomable depths almost immediately as one moved away from the shore. Only in the bay was there a slight plateau, submerged under perhaps ten meters of water. It extended a few kilometers out into the sea, before sharply dropping off into unexplored depths as well.

Luke had not noticed Rey growing ever more unsettled as he casually told her all this, rowing out into the bay. He had asked her to help with the fishing nets - and that was when a wave had made her lose balance and she had fallen overboard. He had laughed heartily at first, but stopped quickly when she emerged briefly flailing helplessly and went under again, sinking like a stone towards the ocean floor. Then, of course, he had hastened to rescue her.

“Did you see it, though?” He asked, in a hushed tone. Rey nodded. She had indeed, and for a second there she had thought it would be the last thing she would ever see before Luke had pulled her up. Right below them, there was a submerged structure - a large building.

“It is a Jedi temple. Not just any. The very first one,” Luke presently said, his voice betraying his excitement.

Rey’s eyes lit up. She had almost forgotten that Luke had retired to this forsaken planet for a very specific reason. “You found it then!”

“Indeed I have. I have been down there many times. I thought perhaps it would take your mind off of things if we dove down and explored it together, but...”

Rey slumped. There was no way somebody who could not swim and nearly got a panic attack when her head was under water could make it down there. “I’m sorry, Master.”

Luke realised somewhat guiltily that in taking Rey out here, he had managed to demoralise her even more thoroughly. “Don’t worry about it. It just means we need to take one step after the other. You’ll have to learn to swim, first. That is definitely a skill that might just save your life at some point.”

“What is down there, anyway? And how did you hold your breath long enough to explore?” Rey asked as he turned the boat around to take them back to the shore.

“That was going to be one of the surprises. I have not yet found out how it works, but there is air down there in the temple. Perhaps there was an earthquake here at some point and it was submerged so fast the air was caught inside. But my own little theory is that it was built this way on purpose. It’s possible the tides on this planet are much more extreme. It may have been always meant to be submerged regularly.”

“Can’t we wait for the tide to go down, then?” Rey asked hopefully.

“I have been here for quite a number of years, and the tide has never gone down once in all this time. It’s not too bad of a dive however even for an old man like me - if, of course, you can swim.” Luke smiled briefly at Rey’s dejected expression. “Don’t worry, Padawan. You’ll learn it in no time.”

That, at least, turned out to be true. Rey got the hang of swimming quickly and by the end of the day managed to paddle around the shallow part of the bay on her own while Luke busied himself preparing and smoking fish over a fire on the shore. She still did not like to submerge her head, let alone open her eyes in the salt water, but diligently practised to overcome her aversion.

It was not until sunset that Rey got out of the water, her limbs almost stiff from the cold. Luke gave her a blanket, hot tea to drink and smoked fish to eat, all of which she accepted gratefully. They had not talked about Kylo Ren all afternoon, and Rey looked much better for it.

“See? It isn’t hard. If you can swim, you can also dive - in theory,” Luke explained. “It’s not in your arms, it’s in your head. It’s ultimately all about losing the fear of being underwater. Know your mind, and stay in control. If you want to practise for that, practise your breathing before going under. Long, deep breaths. They help you keep your head clear and the panic down.”

Rey shot him a glance across the fire. Without so many words, he was tying her swimming lessons into their less successful meditation lessons.

“I’m sorry you lost your school, Master Luke. You’re a good teacher,” she said warmly. Her head slumped - she was exhausted from the day’s exercise, and from not having slept. Luke chuckled.

“Don’t butter me up, Padawan, and go get some rest. You can hardly stand.”

Rey closed her eyes with a pained expression, thinking of Kylo Ren lying in wait for her. “Will you wake me as soon as you notice anything strange?”

“I’ll do all I can to help,” Luke promised - though he was not sure if somebody whose mind had been trapped in such a way could even be woken up from the outside. “Ben is my responsibility. I am not letting him terrorise my only remaining Padawan.”

They gathered their things, and slowly walked up the steps to their cottages. Luke noticed Rey’s reluctance to turn in.

“You are scared.”

Rey did not reply. It wasn’t like she needed to.

“I know it is hard. But letting go of your fear is the key to standing up to Ben. When you call on the light side of the force, you can never let the fear of injury or death take over. Never, ever let fear rule your actions. After all, death is not the worst thing that can happen to a Jedi.”

She was still rooted to the spot, looking at the entrance to her cottage as if she was about to descend into the bowels of the underworld. Luke sighed.

“If you don’t want to go to sleep yet, will you join me for a little while longer?” He indicated for her to follow him, and they walked up to the outlook on top of the cliffside once more. Ahch-To’s sun had just set over the horizon, and Rey marvelled at the sight of the fiery-red, darkening sky.

“I want to put the threat of Ben aside for a minute. Rey, you have stumbled into the thick of this conflict without having been given the time to really consider what is actually going on, and what it means for you personally. You probably jumped in with your heart on your sleeve. You want to protect your friends, you want to stop the villains and help the Resistance. And suddenly you found out you have this incredible power, and if you can just learn to use it, you can do all these incredible things. You can do anything! Sounds great, doesn’t it?”

Rey nodded, a bit unsure where he was going with this.

“See, I have that power, too. It must be rather surprising to you, then, that I am here. All alone. Leaving my friends and family to their fates. Allowing my nephew do all these horrible things. You’re probably asking yourself, does he not care? Is he a coward?”

“I would never--” Rey began, but he cut her off.

“A long time ago, I was told that being tempted by the dark side would be a constant challenge during my life,” Luke said. “And seeing how my father lived and died, I made myself a promise that I would never let that happen to me. No matter the cost, even if everything I ever loved was brutally taken from me. I owe this to my father, but more than that, to myself.”

Rey was aware of a deep melancholy in his voice, but there was something else. He sounded serene and at peace, like someone who had gone to hell and come out on the other side a changed man.

“I did not imagine that my resolve would be tested in the way it was. But up until now, I remained true to my vow. How? By keeping my distance. By not allowing myself to be drawn into this spiral of violence and revenge and grief. It looks cruel from an outsider’s perspective. I am sure Leia resents me for abandoning her, especially now. And poor Ben probably just thinks I am a coward.”

His choice of words when talking about his murderous nephew once again upset Rey.

“He is not ‘poor Ben’,” she said grimly. “He made his choice. He is evil, he hurt Finn, and he wants to kill you.”

“I told you before. My father was the worst menace to terrorise the galaxy,” Luke said. “Yet in the end he chose to do the right thing. I forgave him a long time ago. As I would forgive Ben, in an instant, if he truly had a mind to come back to where he really belongs. I know Han forgave him even as he died. And so should you. When you see him next time, don’t be afraid. See him for who and what he is.”

Rey stared at him. “You are asking for a lot.”

Luke smiled. “It is not me that asks it. It is the light side that demands it. How easy it is to give in to fear, rage and revenge. In Ben’s case, it was all that mixed with a dose of rebellion, and having Snoke whisper false ambitions in his ear. He is a lost soul. As is everyone who has fallen to the dark side.”

He looked out onto the ocean for a while.

“You are scared now, Rey. Scared and untrained, a dangerous combination. Snoke will have taken notice of you, like he took notice of Ben early on. He will want you for the dark side. I want to protect you from that.”

“By training me as a Jedi, I know.”

“Yes. But you must also know being a Jedi comes with a price. It means letting go of everything that might push you to the dark side. Strong emotions, strong sensations - fear, ambition, passion - romantic entanglements, family ties.”

Rey looked doubtful. “I am not sure if I want to give up all that.”

“It’s always a little harder for young people.” Luke winked at her. “Did you perhaps leave behind a dashing young pilot on the Resistance base, hm?”

Rey flushed as her mind briefly flashed to Finn, comatose in the sick bay. “No, it’s not like that! It’s just… I’ve been so lonely all my life. I’ve never had any friends. And now that I’ve found some, I don’t want to give them up.”

“You don’t have to take it quite so literally,” Luke said. “Just know that when push comes to shove, your allegiance must be primarily to the light side, to staying true to yourself at your core. You must never let your friends be used as pawns to manipulate you - just imagine someone torturing them. If you flew into a murderous rage, where would that lead you? The more power you have, the greater the temptation, the worse the fallout if you succumb to it.”

Rey sighed a little helplessly. She knew what Luke was trying to tell her. She had heard the call of the dark side once before - she had resisted it then, but would she always be able to? Anyway, what did she want from her own life, and did it fit with the prospect Luke had laid out for her life as a Jedi? Under normal circumstances, would that have been the life she would choose for herself? She had never asked herself such questions. Until just recently, her life had been waiting, waiting, and yet more waiting, while scraping to survive.

“Why don’t you stay out here for a little while and reflect on all this a little?” Luke suggested. “I’ll be in my cottage. Let me know when you want to go to sleep. I’ll watch over you best I can.”

Rey nodded and, after he had left, thoughtfully watched the stars brighten up the sky one by one.

What Luke had told her sounded like an impossible choice - a terrible one, an unfair one. She could either become a hermit in everything but in name, like him, and give up that which she craved most - true human connection, belonging, one day maybe a family of her own. Or she could jump back into the thick of it, use her power to go fight alongside her friends, try and defeat Kylo Ren, and live in fear of tumbling towards the dark side with every little step, every day.

It was obviously all very clear to Luke. There was nothing in the whole galaxy he feared more than falling to the darkside. He was prepared to let go of all his ties to prevent it. But what about herself, what did she fear most?

“I’m never going to go to the darkside. That is never going to happen. I know what is right and what is wrong,” she murmured.

But Luke’s way… was not her way. At best, it was the lesser of two evils. Even if she subscribed to it, a part of her would always view it as having had to sacrifice the life she really wanted in the name of the light side. What if that resentment eventually turned her to the dark side?

Rey groaned, her head felt like it was about to burst. Did being born force-sensitive really mean that one was doomed to such a choice? Wasn’t there another way, a third way she could take? Something between the self-sacrificing hermitage of Luke, and the self-serving ruthlessness of Kylo Ren?

_ Has Kylo Ren been exactly where I am now? Is this the part where he slipped up? Is even thinking like this the first step in the wrong direction? _

Rey sighed and let her head fall onto her arms. There was nothing for it. She needed to sleep. 

  
  
[to be continued]


	5. Night Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey find her convictions derailed.]

**Part I, Chapter V: Night Sky** **  
** _[In which Rey find her convictions derailed.]_

~o0o~

When Rey opened her eyes, she found herself on the outlook on top of the highest cliff. It was still night time, the stars shone beautifully. But sure enough, the person next to her now was not Luke, but Kylo Ren. Without his hood and mask on, he was not anywhere as scary as when she had first seen him, but she still drew away warily.

_Don’t be scared. You can do this._ Rey told herself. Then she really took in her surroundings, and frowned as realisation dawned.

“How do you know about this place?” She asked suspiciously. This scenery was just as she had left it before going to sleep, but surely--

“It was at the very top of your memories,” he said. “I didn’t even have to pry. It is very easy to pick up things from you when you’re not paying attention to defense.”

Rey stared at him horrified at the implication - if he could simply pick up things like her latest memory, surely he would try and go for the map to Luke again. She slammed down a mental shield around her mind, grasping at the force clumsily and wrapping it around herself like Luke had told her to. This was it, then. This time, he meant business.

“I’m not here to for information about your physical location,” he stated calmly, letting his gaze wander over the sky and the ocean of Ahch-To, apparently lost in thought. Rey frowned again.

“About your offer then? The answer is still no.”

Kylo Ren did not reply, but the next moment, Rey felt herself grabbed by a pair of stormtroopers that had appeared behind her, quite literally out of nowhere. Her survival instincts took over, and holding on to one of them, she violently kicked at the other, sending him stumbling across the edge of the cliff. The second one now tried to wrestle her to the ground. She twisted out of his grip and, in one motion, twisted the attacker’s arm painfully onto his back, trying to land a blow in the vulnerable joints between armor and helmet with her other fist - to no avail, the armor really had hardly any weaknesses other than slowing its wearer down.

Suddenly the stormtrooper was holding a blaster in his other hand, and it was all she could do to duck out of the way as a bolt shot past her face. Rey slipped behind the man and kicked him hard in the back of his knee, in between the armor joints. The stormtrooper went down with a grunt. She made a grab for his helmet, wrenched it off and swung around to embed her elbow in the man’s nose--- and managed to stop just inches away from Finn’s terrified face.

Panting hard, Rey realised she had allowed herself to get carried away. This was simply Kylo Ren screwing with her. The dark figure had not moved from his spot and seemed to have actually been mildly entertained by the show. At a wave of his hand, the image of Finn disappeared from before her.

“Well done dispatching the grunts, that was some effective, no-nonsense street fighting,” he said and, more condescendingly, added. “You might want to work on a little more finesse though.”

Rey gritted her teeth. She had gone into this encounter with Luke’s words still ringing in her head - _let go of fear, never let it rule your actions_ \- but it had not taken Kylo Ren two minutes to utterly unnerve her. Again.

_Calm down._ He might control everything in this space, but it was still up to her whether or not to let it faze her. _Breathe in, breathe out._

“I told you. I am not interested in whatever you want to teach me,” she said steadily.

“But you should be. Allow me to demonstrate.”

Rey suddenly felt the weight of a lightsaber in her hand and reflexively brought it up as Kylo Ren took an almost lazy swing at her with his own saber. And another. And another. Rey parried each, backing away. He actually wanted to spar? This was ridiculous. When she had bested him on Starkiller Base, he had been half-dead already - but here and now, he was at full strength, much stronger than her and infinitely more skilled and experienced. He was a machine. This could go only one way.

“Knowing my uncle, he has you sitting around all day meditating on how _not_ to use the power you have. I will show you that you can be more than that.”

Swing, stroke, stab - parry, block, dodge. Rey noticed only briefly how the scenery around her had changed from the Ahch-To cliffside to a spacious, gloomy room. One side of the wall was a large window, looking out into space. Rey was not at leisure to wonder about this place though, it was all she could do to keep up. He struck out once more, more forcefully this time, and left himself open for a counterattack on purpose, a chance she instinctively used to lunge at him. Kylo Ren easily parried and shook his head.

“Your technique is appalling.”

The weight of the weapon in Rey’s hand changed. The sword had transformed into a staff with light blades on each end. Rey gripped it almost gratefully, but shot a glance at Kylo Ren full of distrust. He struck out at her again and this time, she found it much easier to parry.

“That’s better,” he said and swung at her a few more times. “When you craft your own lightsaber, be sure to fashion it into a staff.”

Then, he picked up the pace. Automatically, Rey had fallen into the stance and the moves that had kept her alive on Jakku for all these years, but as he rained down attacks on her, she once again struggled to keep up. He was slowly but surely backing her into a corner - she could not allow that.

She dodged his next blow, used the staff to propel a kick at him and swiftly moved into his blind spot - or so she thought. Like Luke a few days earlier, Kylo Ren seemed to know exactly where she was, and did not even need to turn around to block her staff.

“You are relying too much on your reflexes.” He turned around to her. “Don’t just react. Try anticipating where I’m going to strike next. Use your feelings. Close your eyes.”

Taking her eyes off him? _Not bloody likely._ Rey glowered at him-

\- and yelped when all of a sudden her world went dark. She clutched at her head. He had made a helmet appear on her, light but immovable. She could not see a thing. Rey heard him deactivate his lightsaber and clutched her staff more tightly, jerking violently and swinging it around. For a few moments, she saw and heard nothing until she felt him touch her side lightly with his hand.

“And - you’re dead. That was too easy. Try again. Feel my presence.”

The helmet wouldn’t come off no matter what she tried, so Rey did as he said. She strained her ears, felt into the force. He was-- everywhere. A supernova of power all around her. He made no sound, but he was pacing around her, she could feel it. Her staff shot out instinctively, and a moment later his lightsaber hummed back to life, blocking her strike.

“Now you’re getting it.” He actually sounded pleased. Rey blinked as the helmet vanished. “Try to utilize it even as you see your surroundings. It is the first step to anticipating your opponent’s attacks.”

And now he changed his mode of attack yet again. What had been a flurry of quick strikes before were now huge, brutal blows. Rey made the mistake of, instead of dodging, trying to block a strike that he brought down on her with both hands. Her staff transferred the force of the impact down on her arms so hard, she felt it down to her bones. Instead of lifting the saber up again, Kylo Ren bore down on her even more strongly so that for a moment they were locked in a battle of strength. One of Rey’s legs gave away and she dropped to one knee, still trying to push away his sword.

_He’s using the force to boost his attacks_ , Rey realised, looking up at him. He did not even appear to have broken a sweat. Even though she rationally knew none of this was really happening in the real world - the ache in her arms, the exhaustion, the sizzling heat of his lightsaber - all of this felt terribly real. She did not care to find out what would happen if she got hit.

As if to mock her, Kylo Ren then simply kicked her other leg out from under her and casually sent her skidding across the floor of the training hall with a force push. Panting heavily, she closed her eyes.

“You see? For a normal human, you’re not even a bad fighter. But think of what you could do with the force. You could be unstoppable. I can teach you all this.”

“I have a teacher already,” she said. The important thing was to not let herself be pushed into feelings of rage and fear. _Stay calm, breathe, don’t be afraid. Draw your resolve from the place without fear._

“Get up,” he ordered and, when she wouldn’t move, walked over to her.

“Leave me alone,” she said flatly.

“Up,” he repeated, the tip of his lightsaber humming angrily just inches from her face.

Rey remembered when he had done this on Takodana. It had terrified her then. Now however, she could feel a quiet, reassuring power flow through her. She remained perfectly calm, and stayed put right where she was, looking past his saber at the ceiling of this strange, gloomy room. This must be what Luke had meant. _The place without fear. Death is not the worst thing that can happen to a Jedi._

She felt his anger surge, and herself be lifted by invisible hands.

“Perhaps a reminder is in order: I could kill you right where you are. I could shatter your mind until there is nothing left. I could take the map by force. It is merely that I’m choosing not to,” he growled. “What happens to you here depends entirely on my mercy, so do as I say and pick up your staff.”

Setting her onto her feet before him, he summoned the staff into his outstretched hand and thrust it into hers.

“Such potential, and yet you choose to be pathetically weak,” he said somewhat irritated. “All that power, and you choose to depend on the mercy of others. You asked me to leave you alone. Last time, you begged not to be touched. Don’t you realise if you just let me show you, no one would be able to do anything to you you did not want? No one could take what is important from you?”

Rey did not know what to say to that, so she said nothing. He’d struck on a truth that she’d had to learn early, and brutally in her life. On Jakku, letting other people walk all over you meant death sooner or later. You could not afford to remain on the bottom of the food chain; you had to claw your way up to the top. If someone was doing something horrible to you, you didn’t ask them nicely to stop, you _made_ them stop.

Kylo Ren was absolutely right, she thought bitterly. But she keenly felt the truth of what Luke had told her earlier, as well. How could she bring these truths into balance?

“You’re letting my uncle get to you with his light side philosophy,” Kylo Ren continued. “But its inherent weakness is evident. The Sith may be gone now. But the Jedi’s days are counted, too. All because of Luke Skywalker’s pathetic weakness.”

Rey’s head snapped up in a sudden fury.

“How dare you! He lost everything because of _your_ weakness!”

Kylo Ren blinked, not quite having expected this outburst. Rey remembered Luke’s face before her, his deep melancholy, his tired spirit, and yet - his almost otherworldly gentleness and genuine willingness to forgive his nephew for the horrors he had put his whole family through. He was not a coward, and he was certainly not weak.

“You had a loving family, you had no material worries, you were privileged to train from an early age with the greatest hero in the galaxy and you, you-- decided to throw it all away; you destroyed your uncle’s dream, broke your mother’s heart and then you went murdered your father who loved you even as you ran him through with your lightsaber! ‘Raised in the shadows’, what a joke! You have nothing to teach me I would want to learn. You disgust me, _Ben Solo_.”

Rey spat out Kylo Ren’s birth name as if she had just found a disgusting insect in her drink, and silence fell like a hammer as she simply stood there, still shaking with anger. She had not realised it herself until now, but these thoughts had been bubbling within her for a while. She was jealous of him. Of the life he could have led, and consciously chose to throw away. It well and truly pissed her off, and it got worse whenever Luke spoke about his nephew with a voice full of sympathy. Kylo Ren did not deserve having such an uncle, such a mother, such a father.

“Are you done?” He inquired evenly.

“I don’t think I’ll be done until you are put down, you monster,” Rey said, white-faced, her eyes full of anger.

And Kylo Ren actually chuckled. “Listen to yourself. All that rage, all that grief inside you. You’re a poor image of a Jedi right now, wouldn’t you agree? Don’t you see how similar we are?”

“Don’t you dare claim such a thing,” Rey said coldly. “I’d rather kill myself before sinking to your level of depravity.”

He was at her throat in an instant, choking her both with the force and his own hands.

“I can feel what is in your heart, your jealousy, your anger, but don’t presume to know anything about me or my past, scavenger,” he hissed into her ear, shaking with barely suppressed rage. He was so close she could feel his breath on her face. She clawed at him uselessly. “And don’t be so ready to throw your life away. You may find it harder to do than to say.”

Rey couldn’t hear him anymore. Her eyes rolled back into her head, and darkness encroached her. This was it. He was going to kill her. Could he? She briefly wondered what would happen to her real body on Ahch-To. Would she simply drop dead without apparent provocation?

_I don’t want to die_ , a wild thought welled up from the deepest corner of her mind along with a surge of the force. It rose in her mind like a red mist, powerful and dangerous. _Why should I have to die? I can defeat him. I just need to reach out and--_

And then it was over. Rey came to on the ground, the terrible crushing force around her neck gone. Coughing and sputtering, she dimly realised she was lying on soft grass - he had changed the scenery back to the lookout on Ahch-To. Kylo Ren was standing with his back to her looking out onto the ocean, arms crossed, a quiet phantom against the beautiful night sky.

“Remember this, this moment of defeat, of near-death,” he told her. “And ask yourself if you really are ready to die after just having taken your first steps in the force. My uncle is trying to fill your mind with all those old Jedi sermons. A moribund cult not fit enough to survive. He expects you to become a martyr for the light side. Is that prospect really so alluring to you - you! So full of life, of--”

Rey’s head was still swimming, but she noted with some surprise how soft his voice had become all of a sudden before breaking off. Fleetingly, she felt a ghostly, soothing touch brush her face, and felt her mind reel from all his mercurial mood swings. But as quickly as it had come, the moment was over, and he continued.

“As I was saying before, both concepts, Jedi and Sith, were flawed to begin with. They deserved to land on the scrap heap of history. The Supreme Leader is establishing a new concept of what it means to be a dark force user, one in which you would be allowed to realise your own potential without needlessly limiting yourself - except for what you yourself decide. Don’t let yourself be turned into some Jedi hermit. You can be so much more. You can be your own master.”

He turned around and regarded her silently for a long moment. His dark eyes seemed to pierce her soul.

Rey struggled to her feet and wrapped her arms around herself protectively. She met his gaze, lost for words. What he said spoke to her on a very deep level, and yet a tiny part of her screamed out in horror, _he murdered Han Solo!_

“Think about it. Really, do. Come to me if you have doubts or questions. You can imagine I have been where you are right now. I _understand._ ”

Rey felt a wave of emotion wash over her. It was his, she realised - a memory of how conflicted and confused Kylo Ren - no, Ben Solo - had been until it all fell into place for him.

_I will never go to the dark side. I know what is right and what is wrong._

“I do have a question,” Rey said quietly. “Were you your own master when you ran your father through with your saber?”

Kylo Ren threw up his hands in a universal gesture of frustration. “I can see you still need some time to process this,” he said. “I’ll release you now.”

_But I’ll come to you again_ , was the unspoken promise hanging in the air between them.

Rey closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she was lying on her bed. Trails of tears had run down her face, half-dried.

Luke was next to her, a warm, comforting hand on her arm, watching her sorrowfully. He had obviously been here for a while, having felt the turmoil in the force around her. Rey stared at him, her head about to burst, and was so grateful for his presence that in her state of overcharged emotion she burst into tears helplessly.

“He is just so-- evil,” she sobbed. It was a stupid thing to say, it wasn’t even what she truly felt - not all she felt, anyway - but she found no other words.

“What happened?” Luke asked, worriedly.

“I’m fine, he just--”

In truth, she was crying because his words had reached a part of her. He had spoken truth, a truth she could deeply relate to, just like she had related to Luke’s truths earlier. Rationally, she refused it - how could she even be listening to him? But her own sense did not allow her to deny the impact of his words.

What did that make her?

~o0o~

Kylo Ren opened his eyes and, disregarding his nausea and exhaustion from upholding the connection for such a long time, immediately got up and moved to his desk. A few commands entered into the computer terminal drew up a three-dimensional holographic star chart that spread through the entire room - the part of the map to his uncle that the First Order had already found in the Imperial archives. A second set of commands brought up a complete map of the known galaxy, massive in scale and detail. He let the computer superimpose the two maps on each other - which took a while, as even the computing power of the _Finalizer_ ’s main system struggled with the load of data.

When it was done,  Kylo Ren walked around his quarters, almost feverishly and still a little weak on his feet, stared at both maps and the part that was missing from one of them; zoomed in and out with swift gestures, turned it in every direction to re-align the position of individual stars with one another, occasionally closing his eyes and standing very still before adjusting the map again. That girl had not even realised she had handed him all the information he needed to find her and Luke on that island of theirs on a silver platter - now he just needed patience, and a little time.

_Were you your own master when you ran your father through with your saber?_

The nerve. But she would understand in time, he knew he had got through to her tonight.

Kylo Ren slowed his gestures and narrowed his eyes at the stars around him. Then he took a small step to the side, and gently zoomed out of the map ever so slightly.

_Now I’ve got you._

The stars before him aligned exactly as they had on the night sky of Luke Skywalker’s hideout.  


[to be continued]


	6. Turning the Tables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey finds courage, and Kylo Ren is helpful.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the reviews, guys! x I'm still super nervous about posting this monster, it's my first long fic in English and I have been obsessively re-reading and checking everything for errors. Once a chapter has been posted though, I can't do that so easily anymore, so it's both liberating and terrifying. orz

**Part I, Chapter VI: Turning the Tables** **  
** _[In which Rey finds courage, and Kylo Ren is helpful.]_

~o0o~

“Kylo Ren. What news?” The Supreme Leader leaned forward expectantly.

“I have located Skywalker and the girl on an otherwise uninhabited planet named Ahch-To. I have already plotted a course, have sent a few scouting drones ahead and can be on my way any time you wish me to.”

Judging from how a smile flickered across Snoke’s withered face, it seemed the Supreme Leader was pleasantly surprised. Perhaps he had not expected Kylo Ren to deliver results this quickly.

“Excellent work, my disciple. How did you find out? Did you draw the information from the girl?”

“In a way,” Kylo Ren replied. “She doesn’t know I know though.”

“If she doesn’t know, there is still time for you to get back to your full strength before going after them. Do thorough reconnaissance on their location, make sure they can not escape when you strike. This time, I will allow for no excuses, and I will permit no failure. If they slip through your grasp again, Kylo Ren...”

Snoke’s voice had taken on a threatening tone, making Kylo Ren’s skin crawl. The Supreme Leader could be merciless when enraged - though of course his punishment was never unreasonable. Certainly, in the past, Kylo Ren had deserved it in times of failure or disobedience. These days, it was hardly necessary anymore.

“Rest assured I will not disappoint you.”

“Very well. How did your last encounter with the girl go?” Snoke inquired.

“I have demonstrated the inferiority of the Jedi beliefs to her; and I am sure she has seen the truth of it. I can attest that there is a capacity for the dark side in her. I intend to push a little harder next time, draw it out.”

“And about my warning to you?” Snoke stared at Kylo Ren hard. “Have you yourself noticed any… unsettling effects?”

“If anything, it enrages me more when I watch her cling to Skywalker’s teachings. His weakness does not become her.”

His words seemed to satisfy Snoke.

“Proceed, then.”

~o0o~

_What do I do next time I see him?_

The question hung over Rey like a shadow as she watched the sun rise over the ocean, and it was constantly at the back of her mind all morning as she practiced with Luke to close off her mind and contain her presence in the force.

The truth was, there was nothing she could reasonably do, Rey thought when, later in the day, she rowed out into the bay once more. Perhaps it would be a different story if they met and faced off in the real world, where normal rules applied. However, in the dream world, there could be no hope to ever prevail over him. As long as he was the one in control of the scenario, he had her completely in the palm of his hands.

_As long as he was in control…_ Well. Hadn’t it all started with her pulling him into her dream? Why let him take control every night? Why not trap him in return? But no, Rey decided, no, it was too reckless, too dangerous to consciously try it. Too many things could go wrong. Luke had warned her not to meddle with the bond.

Still, the idea was nagging at her.

Rey anchored the boat and took a deep breath. Then she leaned over the side and plunged her head down into the water. She forced herself to breathe out through the nose, then pulled back, took another deep breath, and repeated the process. Water got into her nose and ears, but she willed herself not to be freaked out by it.

After having repeated this exercise a few times, she kept her head underwater for longer, and forced herself to open her eyes. The saltwater bit into her sensitive eyes immediately, and the first few times she immediately pulled back into the safety of the boat.

_You’re being a baby, Rey_ , she chided herself. The next time, she braced herself for the unpleasant sensation, and willed her eyes to stay open, as well as her head underwater.

The ocean ground swam into focus. There it was, a circular structure, sprawling some ten metres below. It looked a little bit like the back of a turtle with a dome in its midst. All around it, Rey could make out holes in the ocean floor; tunnel entrances that seemed to lead towards and into the building complex. Luke had been right: this temple seemed to have been built to be submerged under water.

Rey, out of air, drew back and furiously rubbed her eyes. Luke had - frustratingly - refused to tell her about what awaited below until she was ready to dive down there with him, and she was dying of curiosity.

She spent the rest of the afternoon training to swim and dive. By sunset, she managed to go about halfway down to the ocean floor, and had gotten quite used to keeping her eyes open. But now she was freezing, and the daylight was fading fast. The water on Ahch-To was crystal clear and a diver could see far - the more unsettling it was to look out over the sheer underwater cliff not far behind the temple, and feel an abyss of darkness stare back.

Rey shuddered involuntarily, pulled herself back into the boat and made for the shore. She had faced one phobia successfully today - time to face another.

_They say attack is the best defense_ , she reasoned. Anyway, if she was taking such a huge risk, she might as well follow up on another thing that had been nagging at her during the last few days.

_Ben Solo once met my mother._

~o0o~

Kylo Ren had never once worried about the possibility that the girl would ever turn the tables on him and mind-trap him while he was asleep. She was terrified of him, the last thing he expected her to do was to seek him out voluntarily. He was therefore all the more surprised to find himself in a dream that could not possibly be his own.

It was rather unpleasant, in fact - the murderous heat of Jakku hit him like a sledgehammer. He was standing in full sunlight in his heavy, black coat and the hot, dry wind that whipped around him bore no relief. And on top of it, Rey had decided to shackle his arms and legs together. _How cute._

She was some distance opposite of him in her light scavenger getup - shielded from sunlight, wind and sand in the shadow of an enormous half-submerged starship, with her staff by her side. The girl’s energy felt different from last time, more... focused. She had obviously been lying in wait for him.

“These are rather pointless,” he told her, indicating at his shackles.

As if on cue, a gust of wind hit him in the face with a load of sand. Finding himself becoming rather annoyed, Kylo Ren lifted his cuffed hands to rub his eyes and to shield them. He did not particularly care for sand.

“Better safe than sorry with you,” she replied guardedly.

“So, to what do I owe this pleasure?” Kylo Ren inquired, squinting in the glare. “I don’t suppose you have seen the truth of what I told you last time?”

Rey did not immediately answer, but the way she turned her head to the side told him that indeed, what he had told her lingered in her thoughts.

“Either way. Remove these cuffs, girl. I do not wish to hurt you unnecessarily by doing it myself.”

“The cuffs stay on.” Rey squared her jaw and crossed her arms.

“Suit yourself.” Kylo Ren said. He knew it would hurt her if he threw his weight around, but he would not be treated this way. Time to show her how easily a skilled force user could break out of her hold on the scenario.

Rey felt a searing stab of pain in her head as he gathered the force around himself. Whatever it was that he was doing, it nearly sent her to her knees. Agonised and not sure how to make him stop otherwise, she lashed out at him wildly with the force, tossing him several meters backwards and making him crash hard onto a rocky plateau. She was getting the hang of this force push thing - but already he was about to get back up. She could not allow that. Again, she lashed out and grabbed him, held him in a force grip like he had done to her several times now.

Kylo Ren blinked in surprise and then actually displayed the ghost of a smile. “Good. Very good. You’re a quick student.”

Rey inwardly groaned - this was her dream, and he still managed to make her feel like she was dancing to his tune. She’d never used the force grip before. This was probably just what he wanted.

“You’re still not my teacher,” she reminded him.

“Really. Even though you learnt everything of what you can do with the force by watching me?” He retorted, and Rey was lost for a moment, realising that this was true, strictly speaking. Anyway, she had him under control now. Time to pursue her original plan.

“There is something I want to know,” Rey said. “I know you remember me from fifteen years ago. I was in Luke’s school for a while. I heard that you were there when my mother took me away.”

Kylo Ren was surprised but took care not to show it. Snoke had told him to look for leverage when dealing with the girl, but he had not realised that he had long held something she had wanted all along.

“I do remember,” he confirmed simply.

“Do you know why? Did she tell you her name? What did she look like?”

“I did not care at the time,” Kylo Ren said. “Her presence in the force was strong, but she was untrained, much like you are today. She was nervous. She said she was on the run from… ah. I see now.”

For a moment, Kylo Ren stared off into the distance. He seemed to connect some dots; some long-forgotten information appeared to fall into place in his mind. Rey watched him, breathlessly. Apprehension forgotten, she drew closer.

“Who was she running from? Did she say anything to you? Anything at all?”

He looked at her for a moment with an unreadable expression. “How about I show you what I remember?”

Rey looked at him incredulously. “You can do that?”

“If you let go of that force grip,” he said.

Rey paused. Was he lying to her just to make her let him go? He looked at her, apparently reading her thoughts as they showed clearly on her face, and sighed.

“As I demonstrated earlier, I could easily break out of this force grip and these silly cuffs, you know. I’m choosing not to because if I do, it will hurt you. You’re controlling this dream, it is already putting a strain on you. You might not notice it now, but you will realise it when you wake up.”

When she still hesitated, he added, “I cannot show you if you won’t let me.”

_I should not be listening to him. This was a bad idea from the start,_ a part of Rey insisted, but was overruled. Carefully, she released her hold on Kylo Ren, willed his shackles to disappear.

“Much obliged,” he said, and stepped towards her, stopping when she immediately raised her staff at him. “Do you want to see the memory, or do you not?”

Rey knew she really should not, but her curiosity got the better of her. This had been the whole point of tonight’s enterprise, after all. She lowered her staff, and allowed him to get close and put his hands to the side of her face. As he looked into her eyes, Rey froze up anxiously. She knew all she needed to do to get out of this was to break off this dream, but then she would learn nothing.

Kylo Ren, in the meantime, was privately taken aback at how pliable she was all of a sudden, how badly she must be yearning for this information to let him come close like that. She was evidently scared, however. This was where he had to prove that her trust in him was not misplaced.

“Calm down. I’m not taking anything this time, I’m giving you something.”

_A hallway, a door in front, a hall behind. Evening. A woman in front. Brown hair, delicate features, a hunted expression. “Luke Skywalker isn’t here right now.” -- “Where is my daughter?” -- A little girl running past, squealing with joy as she threw herself into the woman’s arms. “Mum!” -- “I’m taking her with me. She isn’t safe here.” -- “Not safe? Madam, this is Luke Skywalker’s school.” -- “Yes, and the Divinators already watching it. Watch out, young man. They are close by.” -- “Bye, Ben! Till next time!” The little girl, smiling and waving._

Rey gasped as the vision ended as suddenly as it had begun.

“Who was watching the school - what are ‘Divinators’? Why did you not tell Luke?” She asked him almost feverishly.

“At the time, I did not believe any of it. Now...” He trailed off, considering something. He still had not taken his hands off her face, but Rey did not make a move to pull away. There was still a chance she would learn more.

“What about my father? Have you seen him, too?”

“Never met him. But I have an idea where to look. Have you got names for me?”

Rey blinked. “Why are you being so helpful?” She could not help but ask.

“I have no reason not to help you.” He shrugged.

“Besides being my enemy?”

“I’m not your enemy. I’m your teacher.”

“I told you you are not my---”

“And as your teacher, I’m warning you. _Listen,_ ” Kylo Ren said, suddenly very serious, all but cradling her face now. “The last few times I controlled our encounters, it took a toll on me. I would imagine it is even harder on you. If you keep me here longer, you could get seriously hurt. I will try and find out about your parents, and we’ll talk again. Now tell me what names to look out for.”

Rey was taken aback at how urgent he sounded. Did he even realise himself that he was gently rubbing his thumb across her cheekbone? She drew back anxiously. The way he suddenly dropped his hands, it seemed he genuinely hadn’t - and now, having caught himself, he looked distracted, almost flustered.

“I have only my father’s - Sorus Ghan. May be fake, but it’s all I have to go on,” Rey said eventually.

“I’ll look into it. Now-- if you please?”

Rey stepped back further. With him being so bizarrely cooperative, there was really no reason to draw this encounter out any longer. Abruptly she separated the connection and opened her eyes in her cottage on Ahch-To. Everything around her spun, and her head ached so badly she felt nauseous. She barely managed to stumble to the door and vomit out her dinner behind her cottage.

Luke was nowhere in sight, and for once she was glad for it. He would probably not be happy with what she had done tonight. As she stumbled back inside, the world still spinning madly, Rey touched her face to find she had a violent nosebleed.

“Oh, blast,” was her last thought before folding up and letting darkness engulf her.

[to be continued]


	7. Under the Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Luke and Rey go on an adventure, and Kylo Ren hits the archives.]

**Part I, Chapter VII: Under the Sea** **  
** _[In which Luke and Rey go on an adventure, and Kylo Ren hits the archives.]_

~o0o~

Luke cursed softly as he found Rey the next morning. He had meant to wake her for training, only to find her out cold, her face dirtied with vomit and a copious amount of dried blood from her nose.

The old Jedi cleaned her face with cool water, then touched her temples on both side with his hands and let the force flow through her. Unlike before, there was just the slightest suggestion of Ben’s force signature around her - it looked more like she had overexerted herself somehow. His suspicions were confirmed when Rey awoke after a few minutes and reluctantly told him that this time, she had been the one to tap into the bond to Kylo Ren.

“What were you thinking?” Luke asked almost sadly, after he had gotten the whole story out of her. “It’s bad enough Ben is doing this to you. But you can’t answer this aggressions in turn. It can damage you, mind and body, as you just saw. I really did not expect you to do something so reckless, after everything I told you about how dangerous mind-probing, and meddling with this bond in general is.”

Rey lowered her head. “I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I had to find out a couple of things.”

Luke shot her a sidelong glance. “You asked him about your mother?”

“He shared his memory of her with me. He said he’d look into it, and get back to me.” As she said it, she realised how silly she sounded. “He’s playing me, isn’t he? Even if he does find out something, he’s just going to dangle it in front of me as bait.”

“It’s not how I know him to operate, but it is very much to be expected,” Luke said. “I can only caution you again. Don’t actively seek him out. Don’t be drawn into his pace. If you can, forget about finding out about your parents through him for now. If it is meant to be, you will find out one day.”

Rey hung her head. “It wasn’t the only reason why I did it,” she said. “I was tired of being attacked. I was- I am tired of feeling so vulnerable. I don’t think I can bear another night with him attacking me, and scaring me while I can do nothing. I know I’m not supposed to fight back--”

Luke put his hand on her arm to stop her. “Rey. What on earth gave you such an idea? I would never ask you to turn the other cheek to Ben and bear his aggressions with a smile. That’s not what I was trying to tell you about the light side.”

“But I feel like I have no power whatsoever unless I use rage and fear,” she said helplessly.

“And that’s exactly why Ben is doing what he’s doing. He’s trying to push you to the dark side before you have a chance to find your footing in the light.” Luke sighed. “If it wasn’t for this unfortunate bond you share, we would have all the time we need to prepare you for such encounters. But - not fight back in the face of aggression? Rey, the Jedi and the Sith have fought for centuries. If the Jedi were not allowed to stand up for themselves, they would not have lasted a day.”

“But what can I _do_? What can I actively do when, let’s say, he puts me into a force grip?”

Luke stood up suddenly. “I’ll show you. Come on.”

Rey, a little surprised by his sudden activity, followed her Master outside. He positioned himself a little away from her.

“You used a force grip on Ben last night, didn’t you? Use it on me. Go on.” When Rey hesitated, he added. “Look, just because you learned it from him does not mean using this technique is going to suddenly turn you into a raging Sith Lord.”

Rey smiled despite herself, lifted her arm and gathered the force around her like she had done the night before. Luke visibly froze up.

“Well done,” he said. “Now, watch.”

As she held him in her invisible grip, she felt how he moved the force around him. Her grasp slipped, and even as she tried to get a new hold on him, he somehow wound himself free. Luke stretched out his arms and shot her an almost boyish grin. “See?”

Rey stared in amazement. He had shaken off her grip like it was nothing.

“A lot of your fear stems from your inexperience with these kinds of arts,” Luke explained. “That’s what Ben is counting on. Of course someone who has never experienced a force grip will kick and scream in fear and use anything to get out of it. But a Jedi? That trick means nothing to us. It certainly does not have to scare us.”

Without warning, his hand shot out and Rey found herself in a force grip herself, not choking, but still unyielding. She froze up outwardly as well as inwardly.

“Don’t panic now,” he told her. “Feel what it is that is holding you, and what you must do to free yourself. The force will obey you.”

Rey closed her eyes, calmed herself and reached out to the force that had twisted around her. She touched, pushed, pulled - and suddenly, as if unravelling a piece of fabric with one loose thread, it fell away.

“Very good,” Luke encouraged her. “Now, don’t kid yourself - you are but a novice. If I was Ben, I’d counter your efforts like _so--_ ” Rey felt his force grip close around her once more, tighter and more secure than before. She immediately set to work to unravel it yet again, but Luke let the force that held her snake around her, changed his grip constantly. “And you may take a moment to free yourself. But the important thing is not to be scared. This is really all there is to the whole thing. Ah, very well done, Padawan!”

Rey had unravelled his hold again, and pushed back. The force that held her ebbed away.

“So next time he pulls that trick on you, stay calm in the knowledge you can break out of it,” Luke clapped his hands to emphasize his point. “Ben likes to walk around in those robes and mask of his, terrorising people, and most people are right to fear him. But you’re training to be a Jedi, Rey. You can see through his tricks. You can counter his attacks. You can beat him. As long as you stay calm and fearless, and draw your power from your inner peace.”

For the first time in what felt like ages, Rey felt her spirits lifted.

“I’ll do my best. Thank you, Master Luke.”

“And talking about staying fearless in the face of the unknown.”, Luke added. “Are you feeling up for our expedition?”

~o0o~

Kylo Ren, too, mulled the last dream over as he made his way to an inconspicuous-looking office that held his objective - a data link to the wealth of knowledge that were the Imperial archives, salvaged and enlarged with new information compiled by the First Order. Here, senior staff could request information on just about anything and, if authorised, would usually be granted immediate access to whatever they were looking for via their personal computer terminals.

Funny how memories worked. For years, he had not wasted another thought on this woman who had picked up the girl from his uncle’s school, and certainly had not placed any importance on her words. But now that he had unearthed the memory again to show it to the girl, he saw them in a new light. “Divinators are already watching”. Divinators.

As far as he knew, they were the First Order’s secret service, loosely connected to the military but operating somewhat on the outside, dealing in espionage and intelligence. Kylo Ren had briefly dealt with Divinators a few times before when Snoke had sent him on Jedi extermination missions, but how they were structured and who they primarily answered to, he had never really cared enough to find out. But their records were sure to hold information as to what they had been doing around Luke’s school fifteen years ago, and how either Rey’s mother or father figured into things. If he found critical information about that girl’s family, he would have her in the palm of his hand in no time.

Having arrived at his destination, Kylo Ren was greeted by a droid. “How may I be of service, commander?”

“I need information on Divinator activity from about fifteen years ago. Raids. Neutralised targets. Seized suspects. Anything that may have occurred near the planet Jakku, near Luke Skywalker’s Jedi school, and anything relating to a man named Sorus Ghan.”

Oddly, at his specifications, the droid’s signal code changed colour from blue to red.

“Just one moment, sir, while I confirm your request.” The droid whirred away and took some time to reappear. It annoyed Kylo Ren, but there was no debating with, or intimidating a droid. All the happier he was to see a human trail behind as the droid reappeared. The man had a rather grim and annoyed expression on his face, but that visibly faltered when he recognised the looming figure of Kylo Ren at the counter.

“Kylo Ren, sir.” The man saluted. “I had no idea it was you who requested--”

“Is there a problem? What is your identification?” Kylo Ren inquired silkily. That last question inevitably struck terror into any soldier’s heart. It meant one could be held personally responsible.

“XPL-2342, sir. I am the ship’s Divinator representative.” The agent inwardly cursed his bad fortune. He knew that Kylo Ren made short work of anyone who had the misfortune of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and suddenly he realised he was looking at the very real possibility that these were the last few minutes of his life.

“There will be no problem with your request, sir, not if it is you. The information may take a few days to arrive on the _Finalizer_ , however. I am so very sorry - regulations state that Divinator intel may only be transmitted via physical data cube.”

“Fine. Have it delivered top priority.”

“At once, sir,” XPL-2342 said, voice shaking slightly. “There is another thing, sir. If I order ‘anything relating to a man named Sorus Ghan’, it will be nearly half the archives. Unless that is what you wanted, of course.”

Kylo Ren raised his eyebrows, though of course the poor fool could not see it behind the mask. “That notorious, is he?”

“Not quite, sir. It’s a cover name commonly adopted by our agents, while they are on undercover extraction missions,” XPL-2342 explained. “Consequently, it will show up in a very large number of our records.”

XPL-2342 prayed to all gods he could remember to preserve him as the huge, menacing man before him stood very still for a moment. This was it. The famous calm before the storm that marked Kylo Ren’s legendary tantrums. He would be hacked to pieces any second now.

But the force was with XPL-2342 on this day.

“That is very interesting,” Kylo Ren mused, and half-turned away, apparently deep in thoughts.

“Sir. Would you like me to cross-reference the name with your other specifications to narrow down your search?”

“Do what you must, but deliver results.”

~o0o~

Rey broke through the surface of the shallow pool, sucking in air desperately. She’d made it - barely. Luke was waiting for her outside the pool, reaching out his hand and pulling her out. He had already switched on his saber to illuminate the pitch-black room.

“Well done! From non-swimmer to expert diver in three days,” he said with a wink. Rey smiled faintly, squeezed the water out of her jacket and shook her head to dislodge the water in her ears. Then she ignited her own lightsaber, and followed Luke out into a circular corridor.

The room with the pool that they had used to enter was just one of many. On her left, more such antechambers existed - she had seen as much when she had looked at the structure from the outside. Soon the corridor split - one half led right, further inside, the other continued on the outer rim.

“You see, the whole temple is built like a spiral seashell,” Luke explained. “It supports my theory that the Jedi who built this place knew about this planet’s tides and that this building would need to be able to last underwater for longer periods. If we keep right, we’ll get to the center soon.”

Rey snuck a glance into a room they had just passed. Like Luke had said, the seashell structure of this place left every room with slightly curved and bent walls. The little furniture that was left seemed to have been built to accommodate this fact. Rey would have liked to explore the rooms they passed a little more thoroughly, but Luke motioned for her to come along.

A few more minutes of walking along corridor brought them to the centre of the building. Luke moved to a wall, and pulled a lever. With a humming sound, hundreds small lamps lit up along the walls, out into the deserted corridor, bathing the entire temple in soft blue and green light that seemed to flicker and change hues ever so gently.

“That’s beautiful!” Rey said in awe.

“Isn’t it? And it still works after hundreds, thousands of years. The same mechanism probably also pumps in fresh air.”

Above their heads, the ceiling formed a dome, illuminated by the changing lights. Distinctly Rey could see two symbols high up on the ceiling, a mural, painted white against the dark blue of the dome. One appeared to be a round, flower-shaped circle containing a small pointed star, the other was star-shaped, containing the smaller flower-shape in its middle. The pulsing light made it look as if they symbols lit up one after the other like a slow heartbeat.

“These are the ancient symbols of the light side and the dark side of the force,” Luke explained, following her gaze. “I have wondered myself why both of them would be included in a Jedi temple. I do get a little uneasy about the dark one, considering everything that has happened, but perhaps it held a different meaning to the Jedi who built this temple. Too bad we will never know.”

As Rey still gazed at the two symbols lighting up and winking out after one another, Luke stepped into the centre of the room and stretched out his hand as if calling out to something. In one graceful movement, a white staircase descended from the gallery above to allow them access, and Luke beckoned her to follow.

“Here we are!” He said, when they had reached the top of the stairs.

Along the dome’s gallery, rows of little windows had been set in the wall. At first Rey thought there were lamps behind each, but when she got closer she saw that the soft light was being emitted from crystals instead. Each of them seemed to overflow with energy.

“What are these?”, Rey asked, stepping closer and running her fingers over the glass.

“Kyber crystals. Very valuable, and very rare these days. They are the central component to forging new lightsabers. They do not naturally grow on this planet - which means the early Jedi brought them here many years ago.”

Walking past the row of windows, Rey stopped at a particular one. “What’s with this one? It looks different.”

“Not to me,” Luke mused. “But if you think it is special - why don’t you use it for yourself?”

Rey’s eyes lit up when she realised what Luke was hinting at, and he nodded and continued.

“Every Padawan constructs their own blade as part of their training. The one I am holding, I built for myself. The one you’re holding was made by my father before his fall to the dark side. That’s why Ben is so obsessed with it.”

“Can I really take it, just like that?” Scavenger though she was, Rey felt a little uneasy about destroying centuries-old Jedi heritage.

“Well. You and I are currently the last Jedi in the galaxy. Who is going to complain?” Luke shrugged. “Leave it here for now, though - we will first collect the other parts you’ll need. I’m sure you’ll want to make a saberstaff, won’t you?”

Rey nodded, eagerly smiling at the prospect, and Luke motioned for her to follow her downstairs again.

“I will admit I was a little anxious about showing you this place. Worried that if the information about this temple falls into Ben’s hands, he will destroy it as part of the Jedi heritage.” He glanced at her. “But I trust you, Rey. You have continued to hide our location from him, even as he taps into your mind every other night.”

“I will guard this secret,” Rey promised earnestly. Fleetingly she thought that, in fact, Kylo Ren had not once asked her directly about where she was holed up with her Master in any of their shared dreams. That was actually rather strange.

 _He can’t have figured out where we are_ , she reassured herself. _He would come for us immediately if he knew._

But as she followed Luke down the stairs, she could not shake a feeling of dread deep down in her stomach.

_I have a bad feeling about this._

~o0o~

The revelation about ‘Sorus Ghan’ earlier had preoccupied Kylo Ren all throughout the High Command strategy meeting. It was impossible - what were the odds that the man who had brought a highly force-sensitive child to the legendary Luke Skywalker for training was actually called Sorus Ghan, and had not been a Divinator agent in disguise?

But if this man had indeed been a Divinator, then it would mean a First Order agent had brought a force-sensitive child not to the nearest base, but had handed her to the enemy. A traitor, then? But how did that agent fool Luke Skywalker into believing he was Rey’s father? Surely Luke should have detected such an obvious lie. And surely even a child of just four or five would protest at a complete stranger claiming to be their father.

In any case, Rey’s parents appeared to be somehow connected to the First Order. Even if one considered the possibility that Rey’s father had been a Divinator agent, the oddity, then, was the behaviour of her mother, who had explicitly said the school was being watched by Divinators, and had decided her daughter was not safe in Luke’s school.

At the time, he had already been acquainted with Snoke, but had not known him as the Supreme Leader of the very organisation that his mother feared so much. It had not been until some years later that he had decided to join the First Order, and to become Snoke’s apprentice. But apparently, the Supreme Leader had his secret service watch him and his uncle even back then. How long had he been in Snoke’s sights, truly? Kylo Ren found he could not say. Anyway, this was not about him, but about the girl.

Kylo Ren could not do much more until the data cubes arrived on the _Finalizer_ , but he could tease her with what he had found out about her father’s name, at least. She would not nearly be as antagonistic now that he had something she wanted - she would yield without him even having to use any force. What had the Supreme Leader said? _Any desire, however quaint, however pure, can be made to work for your agenda._ This must be how the Supreme Leader operated all the time.

 _Has he ever played you like this, as well?_ A treacherous voice inside him supplied, but he shut it down quickly. He was the Supreme Leader’s most trusted, most loyal servant, and in asking him to make the girl his master piece, Snoke had essentially taken him into his confidence, was grooming him for leadership. The Supreme Leader could have no reason to employ such methods against him, Kylo Ren. Of that, he was sure.

Almost, at least.

[to be continued]


	8. Off the Rails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Kylo Ren hears the call of the light, and Rey hears the roar of the darkness.]

**Part I, Chapter VIII: Off the Rails** **  
** _[In which Kylo Ren hears the call of the light, and Rey hears the roar of the darkness.]_

~o0o~

Rey did not immediately open her eyes. She had felt him come, knew tonight’s game had begun, but wanted one moment to collect herself. She still felt exhausted, and it was not because of today’s activities. These force dreams were robbing her of rest she direly needed, especially after having taken the reins last night.

“I did warn you it would take a toll on you,” Kylo Ren remarked.

Realising she could not ignore him forever, Rey forced her eyes open. This was the gloomy, spacious room he had conjured up before during their sparring - unsurprisingly, he was already towering over her. What was surprising that instead of his usual force wraith regalia of billowing robes, hood and his helmet, he was wearing just a simple black tunic and trousers and - bizarrely - no shoes, as if he was at home here. Rey was surprised to find that when he was not intentionally trying to intimidate his peers, Kylo Ren looked like a normal person. Relatable.

“If you are so concerned, you could let me sleep through a night for once,” Rey remarked a little sourly, staying right on the ground and closing her eyes again. She would not allow his mere presence to set her on edge any longer. _I’m training to be a Jedi. I can see through his tricks._

“I considered it, actually,” Kylo Ren said casually. “But I thought you might be interested in what I found out about your family.”

He smirked inwardly as Rey pulled herself up immediately at his words, looking at him expectantly. Snoke was right. Find leverage, and you could have people dance to your whims without a single threatening word.

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Are you going to tell me?” Rey said impatiently.

“If you earn it.” He suggested. His own lightsaber, and the saberstaff he had given her last time appeared in each their hands.

Rey considered it. As expected, he was trying to goad her into another sparring session. Why was he so obsessed with teaching her? Did he really think it would lead her away from Luke? Did he really think she would be swayed so easily?

_I do want to know about my family._

_That is never safe to dwell on, especially not for a Jedi. If it is meant to be, you will find out one day._ Luke’s words reverberated in her ears.

It had been silly to contact Kylo Ren about this in the first place, Rey decided, and dropped the staff unceremoniously. “Nevermind. Not interested after all.”

The force blow hit her completely without warning.

“It’s unfortunate that we have to keep coming back to this point,” Kylo Ren said, annoyed at how easily she had turned him down. “But you will pick up your staff one way or the other.”

“No,” Rey repeated. The force punch hit her so hard this time that she stumbled to the ground. She got up again, wincing, but resolute, squaring her jaw.

“You may think that after all these nights of bullying, of scaring me, you can just order me around as you please. But I’m calling your bluff. For whatever reason, you or Snoke want something from me, and until you get it, you won’t kill me.” Rey squared her shoulders. “So, no, Kylo Ren, I’m not going to pick up the staff. And I’d appreciate it if you left me alone from now on.”

As she said it, she expected him to throw one of his tantrums now, but none came. The only sound she heard as he watched her impassively was that of the red lightsaber igniting, humming angrily. Possibly, that was worse. Rey refused to let it intimidate her, though.

“I’ve been completely truthful with you up until this point and I am not going to start lying now,” he stated. “You are correct. Supreme Leader Snoke has indeed forbidden me from killing you or otherwise inflicting long-term damage; he wants you alive. However--”

He swung his saber, and even though the blade did not get anywhere close to her, the accompanying force punch hit her light a freight train. Rey felt herself lifted several meters into the air and thrown onto the ground. A terrible weight bore down on her, it was as if gravity had increased exponentially.

“I am free to choose my teaching methods, and I assure you they will be unpleasant if you are not willing to defend yourself,” Kylo Ren said as he circled her, the tip of his lightsaber always trained on her.

Rey wheezed under the enormous pressure, but fought down her panic with an iron will. _You’re training to be a Jedi. Act like one. There is no emotion, there is peace._

Kylo Ren’s eyes lit up as she called the saberstaff to her. It snapped into her hand, and he felt her power surge as she slowly lifted his own power from off of her and crawled to her feet. It was all deliberate and controlled, though. That was no use to him.

“This would not be necessary if you had just done as I asked,” Kylo Ren almost complained as he let the force pressure drop and instead struck out with his saber. “I was genuinely going to tell you something about the name you gave me. Why do you make this so hard on yourself?”

Rey gritted her teeth, wishing she could simply smack him as she blocked his blows. That man clearly had his head screwed on the wrong way - _she_ wasn’t the one making things hard on herself. He was the one bullying her, and Rey still couldn’t figure out what he actually hoped to accomplish, if it wasn’t for the map.

Evidently Kylo Ren had decided that warm-up time was over. His attacks were becoming more serious now. Rey answered them, highly concentrated, all the while listening within herself like Luke had said. There was an ocean of power there, just awaiting her command. She drew on some of that power, and used it to bolster the speed of her arms. Kylo Ren found himself forced to do likewise to execute a series of parries as she struck him.

“It’s ridiculous how you still won’t admit that I have already taught you more about the force than your supposed actual teacher,” he remarked.

Rey would not rise to this comment, either. She knew better. Perhaps she was taking the actual techniques from Kylo Ren, but her basis - control, serenity, peace - that was all Luke. If he didn’t see that, that was his problem.

It appeared Kylo Ren did see it, though, because he grew increasingly irritated. Once more, Rey was hit squarely by a force punch, was torn off her feet and skidded across the room to hit the opposite wall - but as she did so, she felt she had gotten a sense of how it worked. She could _see_ it now. Next time, she would try to neutralise the attack as it came.

Rey got to her feet with measured movements, walked a few steps towards him and assumed a defensive position. She had her gaze fixed on his face, fearlessly, determined, daring him to come.

Kylo Ren was not sure what to make of this strange transformation that had come over her. Clearly something had happened in the course of this one day that had opened her eyes. She had fully awoken to the force now, had a sense of her own power - and she used it like a Jedi would, with calm, measured deliberateness.

_I will destroy your peace. I haven’t even started yet._

Rey waited calmly. Her opponent had not moved for a long few moments, he seemed to measure her up.

_Surprised? I’m done being scared_ , she could not help but think at the way he searched her expression for an opening, and it seemed her words were transferred to him even without speaking them aloud.

“Let’s see about that,” he muttered and was before her so quickly it almost seemed as if he had warped there. His hand was on her saberstaff, and with just one arm he twisted it around. Rey, unwilling to let go, was flipped around and own on her back, and saw his own saber descend to impale her. She had no choice to let go of the staff and roll out of the way.

Using the force to flip herself up, she retreated, out of his range. Kylo Ren did not give her time to come up with a smart plan, though, but immediately followed. Rey ducked, dodged and jumped backwards helplessly. He clearly had pulled out all the stops, and she had no weapon anymore - instead of having the decency to throw it aside so she could summon it back to her, he was still holding on to it. Slowly but surely, he was backing her into a corner of the room.

_Serenity. Control._ As he propelled himself at her, she locked him in a force grip which hindered him just long enough for her to grab both his arms with her hands and grapple with him for her staff, just like they had done before on Starkiller Base. But she had seriously misjudged how much stronger he was now that he wasn’t bleeding out from a gaping hole in his side.

Realizing her mistake she briefly turned to him, their faces suddenly just a hair’s width apart, and as their eyes locked he kicked her legs out from under her and caused them both to crash to the ground. She had briefly gotten a hold on the staff, but now he had taken both her wrists in his hands and pressed down so hard she automatically let go of it again. As he buried her under him, both weapons skidded out of reach.

Rey closed his eyes, momentarily forgetting to breathe, and fought hard to stay calm. This was the closest he had ever been to her. She was averse to having her space invaded on the best of days, but whenever _he_ did it, the sensation threatened to overwhelm her. From the very first time he had come close, she had felt it - his presence, his energy made her hair stand on end, there seemed to be a kind of static energy sizzling between them. It repelled them and drew them together at the same time.

Rey called on the force to help remove his weight off her. He did the same to keep her pinned down, and so they remained locked into their position, with Kylo Ren at the advantage due to his superior strength and body weight.

“And that’s as far the light side can get you,” he said. “Are you scared yet? You should be. Of your own weakness.”

With satisfaction Kylo Ren did notice a gleam of fear in her eyes. Here was a primeval terror starting to blossom that he could draw on and disturb her newfound, irritating tranquility with.

At the same time, he could not deny this situation was having an effect on him, too. He covered her entire body and was acutely aware of every one of her curves under him. He wasn’t blind, he had long ago taken notice of the fact that she was beautiful, it just had never figured in any equation he had made in regards to her. And then there was her power. He was so close he thought he could feel it hum around her, as if she herself was a kind of living lightsaber. There was undeniably something like friction, a charge of energy between them. How odd. Did that commonly happen between users of opposite aspects of the force?

Rey found she had trouble breathing, she had completely frozen up. Kylo Ren had paused; his face hovered just inches above hers, she acutely felt his warmth, his essence. Then, very gently, he lowered his forehead to hers. The contact sent a jolt of energy through Rey, and by the looks of it, also through him.

“How strange,” he murmured. “You feel it too, don’t you?” He shifted on top of her to increase their contact. Rey shuddered.

“Get off,” she clipped. His weight, his presence, his dark force that engulfed her - she felt like her senses were going into overdrive. Too many emotions were bubbling under the surface of her newfound ocean of tranquility, and above all, terror slowly raised its head like a sea monster.

_There is no emotion, there is peace._ Rey held on tight to this thought as Kylo Ren caught her eyes in his, tried to hold on desperately to the serene, steady light within her, to the place without fear. Drawing on that place, she called on the force to repel him, but wavered under the onslaught of her senses, emotions, and most of all his overwhelming presence. And as he stared into her eyes, to the bottom of her soul, she felt he saw it all.

“How easily my uncle’s teachings come undone,” he said softly.

_What are you doing?_ A part of him protested. _Proving a point_ , another tried to rationalise, but it was almost as if that argument was taking place somewhere else. In reality, he was flying blindly, was simply being pulled forward by the spur of the moment, and it pulled him right towards her. She was a sun, and he was hurtling towards her like a doomed starship whose shields had broken down.

_You have compassion for her._ Snoke had accused him once. But the truth was far worse than that. _I want her. Not only as my student. I want her whole._

Rey was watching the myriad of expressions flicker across his face - he was still pinning her down, but something visibly affected him. There was triumphant malice in his face, yes, but predominantly a fascination, a preoccupation - childlike wonder, admiration, affection in his eyes. Rey was mind-blown to perceive it. _Peace, peace, peace, there is only peace._ She closed her eyes and repeated it like a mantra, drawing on that ocean of power in her.

But it all came undone when she felt his lips on hers, his tongue slipping past, infinitely gently, slowly, searching. The sensation overwhelmed her; she felt his energy flow into her and hers into him. And deep down, like the faintest echo of a radio wave, she felt a flicker of light within him answer hers.

_That’s my first kiss_ , some part of her registered dimly, and then, _Force, preserve me._ She felt that last thought as clearly in her mind as clearly as she knew it wasn’t her own.

“Ben?”

Immediately she knew it had been a mistake. Kylo Ren jerked violently, gripped her wrists even more tightly, and where their souls had touched earlier in mutual wonder, a wall seemed to go up. His presence and force influence on her did not let up, but it grew considerably darker.

“Ah. Now I know what the Supreme Leader meant.” He closed his eyes, his lids fluttering with barely contained anger, and when he opened them again his eyes were hard and cold. “You will not succeed, though.”

“What are you talking about?” Rey said weakly. Kylo Ren laughed darkly, almost madly.

“Act innocent all you want. But I know what’s going on. My uncle probably hoped for something like this to happen - though he’d never admit it - some romantic notion of having you turn me back to the light side. He’s thrown you to the wolves then. How cruel of him to sacrifice you for such a hopeless effort.”

Kylo Ren leaned down to her ear and whispered with barely suppressed rage. “When you wake up, tell him he can bury that dream. I imagine he must be quite good at digging graves by now.”

“You’re insane,” Rey said, her face white as death. The feeling of terror that had momentarily subsided was back, and worse than before. “Let me go.”

“Make me, if you can,” he said, and kissed her again, angry and forceful this time. Rey recoiled. There was no holding on to any enlightened peace now. He was flooding her with malicious intent, his hands roaming her body as he held her arms up in an overwhelming force grip, leaving her with no doubt about what he meant to do.

“No!” She screamed. She reached out to the force grip on her arms, looking for an opening to unravel it just as she knew she could, she had trained for exactly this--- but she slipped, there was no time, he was ripping her clothes apart and touching her---

_See how useless the light side is. See how weak you are. If you weren’t so weak, you could stop me._

_Help me, help me._ Rey cried inwardly. _Luke! Help me!_ She didn’t know if he could even hear hear, and even if so, what he could possibly do to help. _This isn’t even really happening,_ she tried to rationalise. _It’s just in my mind, it’s just some kind of dream, he is not really touching you._ But what good was knowing that, when it all felt so real?

She felt his hands undo her belt, and terror welled up like a dark tide. Whatever idea she might have held about holding on to any peace and serenity was drowned out.

Rey screamed. She grasped at the darkness, embraced it, drowned herself in it and, instead of skillfully unravelling his force grip, broke out through sheer power. She hurled him off her in one fell punch, distinctly heard him crash into the wall on the far side of the room. She saw it all now, saw it through a storm of red. The force, his force, hers, how he tried to hold on to the scenery around them. She reached out and smashed it, shattering it into tiny fragments around them and leaving them in the strange void in which they had first met. Pure rage was rushing through her, rolling off her in waves. The beast was sniffing the air, and it smelled blood.

_I will tear you limb from limb. I will shatter your mind until nothing is left._

Kylo Ren was still on the ground, disoriented from the blow and trying to cope with how she was wrecking his scenario around him. Blinding pain was searing through his head, his very mind. Yes, it had been his dream, but when Rey called on it, his own, fiery-red lightsaber materialised in her hand. She marched towards him filled to the brim with fury, dark energy crackling around her like a storm. _How dare he, how dare he, he’s going to diediedie---_

Kylo Ren, paralyzed, tried to sever the connection, willed the dream to end. To his astonishment, he found he could not wake up. He slumped back. She had taken over completely, and now she was standing before him like an angel of death. Helpless laughter broke out of him.

“Now, don’t you see?” He whispered. Dimly, through the red haze, Rey saw the expression on his face, a mixture of awe and satisfaction, all wrapped up in a chuckle. Blood was flowing freely from his nose. “That’s the power I’m talking about. Just _look_ at yourself.”

Once more, time appeared to stand still as Rey towered over Kylo Ren, saber raised. He closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

_Look at yourself._

The darkness fell away from Rey, the lightsaber disintegrated. Kylo Ren opened his eyes as, with a sigh, Rey folded up and limply fell into his arms. He pulled her up into his lap, with her slumped against his chest, and there they sat for a long moment, both exhausted beyond enmity.

_That was wrong. I had no right. I apologize._ The thought rose up in his mind, genuine and unchecked by any other control instances. As if she had heard it - perhaps she had - Rey stirred and opened her eyes. The red haze was gone, and that tranquility, that thrice-damned expression of peace was back. Now it was her staring into his soul, searching, searing.

Kylo Ren, finding it impossible to hold her gaze, turned away, but Rey touched his face and gently turned it back towards her.

_See him for what he is._

“I forgive you.”

Then everything went dark.

~o0o~

Kylo Ren’s eyes snapped open, gasping for air. The nausea was overwhelming, and he stumbled to the bathroom, reaching the toilet just in time to rid himself of the bile in his stomach. The world spun worse than ever before.

What had just happened? What had he done? Had he lost his mind? And the girl, she--

_I forgive you._

Another bout of nausea overcame him, and Kylo Ren heaved over the toilet bowl. The pain in his head was unbearable.

He had been laid bare before her. She had seen him, had seen his weakness, the link to the light which he was so desperately trying to stamp out. And she had reached out to it, had seared a trail of light across his soul just as she had marked his face with a scar. Now that light in him yearned for her, called for her. And in his horror, he had tried to stomp down on it in the most brutal way imaginable. That was a low he’d never wanted to descend to. The feeling of shame burned on his soul, along the trail of light she had marked him with.

_Guidance. I need guidance._

Wiping his face down with a cloth next to his sink, Kylo Ren half rushed, half fell outside into the dimly lit corridor, making his way to where he kept the molten helmet of Darth Vader.

_Grandfather. Help me_ , he thought feverishly. _You passed on this weakness to me, help me overcome it. It’s still calling me. She’s calling me._

He had arrived at the stand that held the helmet, and clutched it like a lifesaver. And then it came again, that rare whisper of Darth Vader, and all his attention was focussed on the helmet.

_Do not ask for help, grandson. You already have all the power in your hands. Believe just in my vision and carry on my legacy. Let your mentor guide you on your path to greatness._

He felt it rush through him, a darkness, cruel but comforting, strengthening him. Kylo Ren sagged onto his knees almost gratefully, falling forward.

The last thing he saw before the darkness took him was the shade of a young man in the room, ghostly flickering, calling out to him urgently. But Kylo Ren could not hear him through the increasing noise that filled his head.

_Who are you?_

[to be continued]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps a few words regarding Kylo Ren's actions in this chapter. It was hellishly difficult to write because I love this character, and I think we all agree that there is a special hell reserved for rapists. 
> 
> So what was this about? Kylo is a character who, in a fit, has been shown to be driven to mindless acts of violence. Before this point, he did not seem to have realised this to be much of a problem. Rey, in this chapter, experiences the dark side as something that briefly changes her entire being to some rage-driven, murderous fiend - she does not recognise herself. That is what the dark side does to people, and I wanted Kylo to experience the same thing.
> 
> But since he is already the 'villain', and we have seen him do horrible things in canon already, I needed Kylo do something so dark it shocks himself, something counter-intuitive that harms ultimately himself, as well - like his chances of ever having a normal relationship with Rey (which, at the core, is what he truly desires, though at this point of the story he can't admit it yet).
> 
> This experience will linger in both character's minds for many chapters to come. But I did not tag this fic with 'fluff' for a reason - Kylo is a very, very broken person, and he needs to realize it before getting better. Essentially, this chapter here is an important building block leading up to the majestic collapse of Kylo Ren's entire being. He will try to rationalise his actions and put the blame on the victim like many IRL scumbags do ("she made me do it"), but I can promise you already that Rey will not stand for that kind of bullshit and will slap sense into him.  
> Ultimately Kylo's own instinctively-felt guilt, his genuine feelings for Rey and the knowledge that - darkside or no - he is solely and fully to be held accountable for his actions (this one and others) will prevail. This epiphany is some time off still, but it will happen!
> 
> Another major theme of this fic, aside from agency and accountability is forgiveness. Rey, who previously was very unforgiving towards Kylo, forgives him here, because she has seen him at his core, and she has now had a taste of the dark side, as well. Her forgiveness, too, will haunt and preoccupy Kylo. But that's an essay for another time. ;-)


	9. Choices Made on the Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey and Kylo Ren apply to their mentors.]

**Part I, Chapter IX - Choices Made on the Edge** **  
** _[In which Rey and Kylo Ren apply to their mentors.]_

~o0o~

When Rey awoke, Luke was already by her side. He had been roused by a nearby disturbance in the force, and had rushed into Rey’s cottage only to find his student screaming, thrashing wildly, with dark energy rolling off her in waves worse than ever before.

He had heard her cries for him in the force - _help me, help me, Luke_ \- and all he had been able to do was answer her in turn, _I’m right here._ But in effect, he had been forced to watch as all of a sudden, darkness seemed to seep into her and threaten to snuff out her very essence. Deep grief had come over him then - once more, he had been unable to protect one of his students.

But then, just as suddenly, it had been over. The dark force had ebbed away, Rey had stopped thrashing, and a few moments after, she had opened her eyes.

“Thank the force,” Luke breathed. He just held her and let her cry, and it seemed to help - after a few minutes, she had calmed down enough to speak.

“I’m sorry,” were her first words. “I almost failed you.”

“You haven't failed me,” Luke reassured her. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

She seemed to pause, and wiped away her tears. A dark suspicion entered Luke’s mind as she looked away and curled up slightly.

“Rey, what did he do?” He asked. She flinched, and seemed to think. Then she met his gaze.

“I stood up to him the way you showed me. He didn’t like it. I tried to stay in control but I simply wasn’t strong enough to stop him without the dark side. He kissed me, he-- tried to--”

She faltered, and Luke fought the bile rising in his throat. Even with everything that had happened, he was still surprised that Ben would resort to something so low - having killed Han, he was apparently not going to shy away from even the basest act of infamy if he thought it helped his agenda. And here he had thought he could never be more ashamed and grieved for his own flesh and blood - but such was the dark side, twisting souls to unrecognisable distortion.

_How far you have fallen, nephew. The boy I knew would have been horrified._

“I’m the one who should say sorry,” Luke said. “I knew something bad was happening, but couldn’t do anything to help you.”

“I made him regret it,” Rey laughed timidly. “Nearly killed him.”

Luke chuckled, more to display sympathy rather than finding it very funny.

“The dark side is powerful, undoubtedly. Incredibly so,” he then said in a serious tone. “It’s why the Jedi call it the easy way. But look how close you came to being consumed. How close you came to being lost in that rage.”

“Master Luke,” she said, very serious. “That was one of these situations you talked about, wasn’t it? What a Jedi decides when push comes to shove. Do you think rather than using the dark side, when I realised my power wasn’t enough, I should have just-- done nothing?”

“You cannot seriously expect me to lecture you about your choice in front of such options,” Luke said evasively.

“That’s not an answer,” Rey said, more forcefully. “You really do think so, don’t you? You told me a Jedi’s allegiance had to be to the light side always, no matter the cost. _No matter what._ ”

“Rey, that’s-- Ben has forced you to face this dilemma when you’re only just starting your training.” Luke said, in a frustrated tone of voice. “I wish it wasn’t so. I wish I could teach you in peace, without his interference. I wish I had the time to show you that with enough training and experience, you can be just as powerful in the light side as you were in the dark side just now.”

Rey clenched her fists. He was skirting the issue, but she heard the message alright.

“But with things as they are, you’d rather have him go through with it,” she said coldly, not looking at her teacher. “When it comes down to it, you would rather let it happen. Just as you let Han die. You’d let it happen, even if it was your own sister’s life on the line.”

Luke stood up abruptly and turned away, putting his hand over his eyes. Her words cut, and she wanted them to, was lashing out at the nearest available person as a way to cope.

“Well. If anything, I learnt one thing tonight - I’m not like you, Master Luke. I will fight to my last breath, by any means necessary. And if that makes me a Sith, then so be it!” Rey said, voice brittle and shaking.

“You’re in shock. Angry. Of course you are,” Luke said. He briefly wondered if he should give her space to process things, but instinctively he knew leaving her alone would be the worst possible thing to do right now.

“You want the truth from my own mouth, and you deserve hearing it, however much I hate inflicting this cruelty on you now of all times. But yes! This was exactly one such extreme situation in which a Jedi must show strength. Yes, personally I believe you should not have tapped into the dark side, not even then. Yes, I am aware of the implication, of the immensity of the sacrifice. But you, too, consider it for a moment - and be more sympathetic to those who, when they faced their own crisis, found themselves unable to make this very sacrifice. Like my father. Like Ben. Tonight, however briefly, you made the same choice they did. This is what every force-sensitive faces sooner or later. But if we give in to the dark, eventually we become corrupted shadows of who we once were. And it can happen so easily - in that way, we are cursed rather than blessed with this power.”

Luke’s heart nearly broke when he looked at Rey’s hollow face, and having poured his heart out, he settled down again.

“This is what the light side demands of us at its most radical. But there is also a more pragmatic truth.”

Rey looked up tiredly.

“It is this: in the end, we’re all just human. We all just muddle through. About these extreme situations - ultimately no one has the right to tell you what is the right thing to do. You _alone_ must choose, and no one can judge you for your choices, because no one else but you was there. You are only accountable to yourself. I know it’s scary. It’s always easier when you have a strict set of rules, a code to adhere to. But when you’re standing on the edge, all alone, when someone is forcing an impossible choice on you, you make the best choice you can, the one you can live with best.”

Rey thought back to that moment, burning rage flowing through her, red mist before her eyes, and a defenseless Kylo Ren in front of her. She could have killed him. He would have deserved it. It would have been so easy. She’d stood on the edge, and had made a choice. She had walked the line, but had not crossed it.

“I didn’t kill him. I forgave him,” she said softly. Luke smiled, and sat down next to her. He took her hand into his and pressed it reassuringly.

“And that, right there, is why you are so much stronger than Ben.”

~o0o~

By the time Kylo Ren was fit to appear before his Supreme Leader, he had convinced himself that not really much of anything had happened at all.

Yes, there had been a-- situation. He had gone in with a clever enough plan, but had lost the plot when she refused to take the bait. He had taken things too far, pushed her perhaps a little too hard; essentially he had, instead of employing subtle methods to draw her towards him, further alienated her. On the positive side, he had succeeded in making her tap into her darkside potential, which - he was happy to report - was enormous. Kylo Ren was profoundly sorry for his lapse of judgement, for his failure to work the angle the Supreme Leader had instructed him to, and having now realised his mistake, he was going to lie low and wait for the Supreme Leader’s order to launch an assault on Ahch-To, kill his uncle and bring the girl to Snoke to decide what to do with her. No more experiments.

The Supreme Leader had listened to his student’s account of events calmly, his expression unreadable, fingers steepled together.

“I see,” Snoke said eventually. “And that is what happened, you say? Have you nothing else to share with me?”

Sharing how he had been utterly defeated, how his weakness had been exposed for both of them to see, how he was tormented by shame for what he had tried to do even now, how she had reached out and left a trail of light across his very soul? Impossible.

But then - _Trust your mentor. Let him be your guide._ Those had been his grandfather’s words.

“There was... an interference,” Kylo Ren finally said. “At one point, I felt the influence you warned me about. I believe the girl is deviously trying to bring back Ben Solo, I suspect at the orders of Skywalker.”

“And did she succeed?” Snoke inquired sharply.

“I put a stop to it very decidedly. She fears me now more than ever.”

 _Liar. She has seen your weakness. She has seen your heart and soul._ Was that Snoke’s thought in his head, or his own? There was a moment of silence as Kylo Ren found himself under Snoke’s scrutiny.

“Do you still want to make her your apprentice?”

_Yes. She is mine to train. I found her._

_No. She makes me weak. I fear her._

“Lord Vader has granted me another vision last night. He told me to trust your judgement. If you wish it, I will undertake this task.”

Snoke made a noise of disapproval. “Kylo Ren, you are my student. I made you what you are. Do you really think I can not tell how much you have been shaken by your recent experience? Do not deny it, not to me or to yourself. ”

Kylo Ren closed his eyes with a pained expression. But Snoke continued.

“You do not sound as convinced anymore as previously. You don’t trust yourself anymore. Don’t you see? Your objective is made difficult by two factors. One is your inherent light. I told you you will hear its call throughout your life in some form or capacity, no matter what you do. It is simply in your nature.”

“I would not want you to doubt my conviction or loyalty,” Kylo Ren said meachnically.

“I have witnessed you forge a pact with the darkside, with the blood of your father. I trust that sacrifice, I trust your conviction. I know you have the strength to overcome this kind of temptation, as well. Which brings me back to the other factor that acts against you - it is the force bond you share with this girl. Remember I was the one who warned you to be mindful of it in the first place. You can’t help her light affecting you, whenever you tap into this bond. The good news however: it likely works both ways. She is drawing out your light, you are drawing out her darkness. If you are mindful of this, you can both subdue its effect on you, and enforce the effect on her.”

Kylo Ren considered this. Snoke’s words, calm and rational, made sense to him, brought back order into the jumbled mess of his emotions, relegated the guilt and the confusion back into the deepest corner of his mind. It was not his fault, it was not his weakness that made him feel so torn and confused, it was her influence. If he acknowledged it, faced it rationally, he could subdue it like his Master had said.

“To demonstrate my trust in your abilities, I would have you pursue your original objective of making her your student - perhaps with some more cautious distance. I will not pressure you, however. Would you undertake this task?”

Kylo Ren drew on the force, let it course through himself, allowed it to calm and strengthen him.

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” His voice carried his old conviction, and it seemed to please his Master.

“Excellent. Until further notice, do not connect your mind to hers again until I order you to. I will let you have some time to recover, to restabilize yourself,” Snoke went on. “Then I want you to go to Ahch-To, kill your uncle, and bring her in. Do not fail.”

Kylo Ren breathed out. This was good. Time was all he needed to fix himself and stomp out that memory, that weakness, that longing in himself.

~o0o~

It was very late when Luke returned to his own cottage. He had offered Rey to watch over her sleep, but she had declined - his presence had been a blessing, but now she needed time to sort out her thoughts on her own.

Rey lay on her bed, looked out at the sky and the fading stars and realised that, no, she did not regret a single one of her actions, or her choices. She’d stood on the edge, and had done the best she could. She had tapped into the dark side, but ultimately refused it.

Why? Because she had seen him. All of him. His fears and insecurities. How tortured and lost he was, how off-kilter and unbalanced. She shook her head at the memory of some of his words, spoken in dark anger. He’d actually suspected Luke had sent her his way to... _seduce_ him away from the dark side. How deluded and self-centered could a man be? _He_ was hunting _her_ , not the other way around. But why would he even harbor such a suspicion, if not because because he was feeling something he could not deal with, and needed to build some acceptable story to rationalise it?

Didn’t that mean that she did have some influence on him?

There had been that kiss. He had meant to frighten her, before and after, but there had been this short moment in the eye of the storm, a moment where she had seen and felt all of him. A moment in which he had been unguarded, and had kissed her not in violence, but gently in curiosity, wonder, longing. She had felt all these things from him, just before things went south. Rey had been too overwhelmed to process that raw, intimate moment properly at the time. But now that she thought back to it, she felt her heart speed up. She had never been this close to another person, body, mind and soul, in her entire life. It had been… incredible.

Then she remembered what had followed, what he had done to her, and grew sick once more.

When it came to killing him, she had stayed her hand for this single aspect of light in him that she had called Ben. However there was still no poor, good Ben Solo buried under an evil, twisted Kylo Ren that could be freed and saved and could live happily ever after. People did not work like that. People were what they chose to be.

Ben and Kylo Ren were one and the same person. The man who had pulled her to him and had simply held her when they were both exhausted, near-dead. The one into whose soul she had stared until he had turned away. Who had apologised. Whom she had forgiven.

 _It will be a while before he comes back._ Rey did not know why she was so sure of this, but she was glad for this knowledge.

Yes, Kylo Ren was a lost soul, just like Luke had said, and despite everything she felt-- compassion. Pity. But she had no obligation to deal with this mess of a person any more than she had to, because in the end, that was what he was - a dangerous mess who was after her and Luke’s life.

~o0o~

When Kylo Ren returned to his quarters, exhausted and fighting for countenance, he found that service droids had delivered a large crate to his rooms - the shipment of data cubes from the Divinator archives. The agent had not been exaggerating: it was a huge amount of them. To go through them all would take days, if not weeks. But somewhere in here, there might be a clue to who the girl’s parents had been, and what had happened to them.

The girl. Her light, her warmth under him, her soft lips. His own complete loss of control, his shameful act. Her forgiveness. The forlorn call of the light inside of himself.

_I can’t deal with this now._

He shoved the crate into a corner of his room, and left it there.

[to be continued]


	10. The Last Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Kylo Ren is grounded, and Luke faces the First Order.]

**Part I, Chapter X: The Last Stand** **  
** _[In which Kylo Ren is grounded, and Luke faces the First Order.]_

~o0o~

The next two weeks on Ahch-To were spent in a peaceful, mellow mood. As she had foreseen, Rey’s nights remained blissfully undisturbed by Kylo Ren, and she spent the days with force training - jumping, pushing, gripping, anticipating attacks - as well as with meditating and sparring with her Master. She practiced to perceive life forms around her, and learned how to exchange thoughts with Luke via the force.

Offset only by the occasional pang of missing Finn and Chewie, Rey could not remember happier days in her life than those spent on Ahch-To with Luke. She still harbored the hope that one day, the old Jedi would agree to come out of exile and travel the galaxy with her, but Rey never once voiced that hope. On that front, Master and student had formed an unspoken understanding, and after coming out of her own ordeal, Rey felt she understood Luke’s actions - or rather lack thereof - much better. _When you stand on the edge, all alone, you make the choice you can live with best._ Luke’s secluded life here was the one he had made, and Rey would not judge him for it, just like he never judged her.

Occasionally she dove down to the temple and sat under the dark dome lost in thoughts, looking up at the slow pulse of the light and dark force symbols lighting up peacefully. It inexplicably calmed her, and she found meditating a lot easier in the peaceful silence of the temple. In more practical matters, she was delighted to find quite an amount of metal junk in the outlying rooms that could serve as building material for the saberstaff she wanted to build eventually. However, Rey knew that she was unlikely to find everything she needed on this island.

She said as much when she returned to Luke one evening, some two weeks after her last encounter with Kylo Ren. Once more, she had explored the temple all day, looking for a long piece of metal to serve as handle base, but had come up empty-handed.

“I suppose it’s time I faced it,” Luke said and, when Rey looked at him quizzically, added: “The end of my exile.”

Rey was too astonished to reply.

“I have spent many years on this island,” Luke explained. “Hiding from Ben and Snoke, in grief, in solitude, more concerned with licking my own wounds and looking to this old temple for guidance. I was waiting, but didn’t know what for. But since you arrived, my way forward has become clear. I am supposed to guide you on your journey, help you grow and become a fully realised Jedi. How can I show you what that means, while we’re cooped up on this planet, cut off from the world?”

“But the First Order is hunting us,” Rey said, staring at her Master. Yes, she had hoped for this, but she never would have imagined that hope to be ever fulfilled, much less so soon. “Anyway, didn’t you tell me your fighting days were over?”

“One step at a time, Padawan. I’m not planning an assault on the First Order’s flagship just yet. For now, I’m talking about getting you all the materials you need for your saberstaff. What do you think about a visit to D’Qar? We’ll be as safe as anywhere with the Resistance. I will grovel and ask my sister for forgiveness, and while Leia chews me out, you can check on that dashing pilot of yours”, Luke teased.

“I told you there is no dashing pilot!” Rey protested, laughing - but truthfully, she did look forward to checking on a certain ex-stormtrooper.

“Then that’s settled. I’ll reactivate the communicators and contact Chewie tomorrow - he’ll come get us in the _Falcon_. Though he’ll probably nag at me and tell me to make up my mind for once.”

“You’re in a giddy mood,” Rey said, amused when she saw Luke grin fondly at the thought of his old friend. “Doesn’t really make you look all that venerable, honestly.”

“I’ve shut myself away for too long,” Luke said, standing up and stretching. “I’m quite looking forward to seeing some old faces again.”

He looked at her fondly. “This island might have become my final resting place, if it wasn’t for you, Rey. I’m glad we have found each other again. You have given me a sense of purpose again, and you’ve already made me very proud.”

Rey was rather flustered by his solemn words, but smiled warmly. She, too, felt giddy. Very soon, they would be on their way to D’Qar, in the _Falcon_ , with Chewie and herself at the helm. She would see her friends again, and more - she’d return with the legendary Luke Skywalker, after the Resistance had to dealt with the disappointment of him refusing to get involved. His return would be a huge boost of morale for everyone, especially General Organa.

But as she went to sleep, happily recounting all these good prospects, Rey could not shake a dark sense of foreboding.

For the first time in two weeks, Rey felt into the force, into her own mind where she knew her bond to Kylo Ren was. There was absolute silence there, but it was the pregnant silence of someone very close, quietly standing right on the other side of a door. Rey considered communicating something, anything. Would it reach him?

But no. She had made this mistake once, and would not be so foolish as to initiate any kind of contact between them again. It was well possible that after the harrowing experience of their last shared dream, Kylo Ren was happy to stay far away from her.

~o0o~

General Hux stood on the main bridge of the _Finalizer_ that had drawn up near Ahch-To, looking down at the blue planet, half shrouded in the darkness of night. From the huge window, he could see the pilots move into position. He shook his head - all these ships, all this manpower, for an old man and a girl. He had heard the tales of the Jedi, knew what the Force could do, but it still seemed a little excessive to him.

But if the Supreme Leader thought all this effort necessary, Hux was not going to go against him. Today was a big chance to prove his worth - Snoke had given him supreme command for this mission, and for once, that explicitly included Kylo Ren. Snoke had impressed upon his disciple several times that Hux was in charge, and that he was to listen to his orders as if they were Snoke’s own.

The General smirked, shooting a glance at the dark-robed figure standing next to him. This order must have already irritated the man to no end, but what was more, Snoke had also decreed Ren was not to join the front line, was not to challenge Skywalker directly. Instead, he was to stay behind on the _Finalizer_ to concentrate on his own special task. The knight had barely managed to keep it together hearing this as they had all stood before Snoke, but had thrown another one of his tantrums as soon as the meeting was over, and with Snoke’s backing, Hux - oh glorious day - had had the power of authority to berate him for it.

“Are we ready to strike?” Phasma asked Kylo Ren, snapping Hux out of the sweet memory.

“Not yet,” the knight snapped irritably.

There were a few more tense minutes of waiting. Silence reigned on the bridge. Then, evidently having picked up on some kind of change somewhere, Kylo Ren settled down into a nearby chair.

“Give the order, General. I will take care of the girl.”

~o0o~

Rey dreamed.

“Go on, Rey, go with the other kids,” a man’s voice told her. She was running along a sunlit stone path, towards a big courtyard. There were other children around, mostly older ones, some teenagers. To her four-year-old self, they were all giants.

And there was Master Luke. He looked much younger, a handsome man in his late thirties, a broad and happy smile, radiating power and confidence, wearing the light garb of the Jedi.

“Alright,” he called. “Before you pick your partners - come here, Rey.” He motioned for her to stand next to him, which she did, a little shyly.

“This is our newest student, Rey. She’s a little young still, so all of you are to look after her and help her, okay?” Luke announced. ”Now let’s hear the Jedi code, Padawans.”

The students obediently started reciting. _There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the force._

Rey looked around with huge round eyes while holding on to Luke’s robe. She then noticed someone standing to Luke’s right side - a teenager, very tall, towering even over Luke, pale, dark hair, dark eyes. He did not join into the recital and was looking straight ahead.

“Let’s get started.” Luke said when the students had finished. There was a moment of hurried disorder as the Padawans rushed around to get their swords, then they all paired up for sparring. As the rowdy shouts of kids and the clattering sound of wooden swords clashing filled the air, Luke leaned down to Rey from an impossible height and handed her a small wooden stick.

“Now, this is where we train how to fight,” he explained. “You’re a little young to do that, but why don’t you have my nephew Ben here show you a few moves? Who knows” - he winked at her - “perhaps you can even beat him?”

The dark-haired lanky giant shot an annoyed look at Luke as only teenagers are capable of, but took up a wooden sword nonetheless. Rey laughed - she loved this game - and hit at the boy’s legs with her little stick.

 _This is a memory_ , the part of Rey that looked on dimly realised. _An actual memory from my first day at school. From before Jakku. I wish I could remember more._

She was still child-sized as she ran around Ben, laughing and swinging her stick around. But suddenly the teenager with the perpetually annoyed expression before her seemed to erupt with darkness, and the wooden sword he’d held exploded into a red-hot lightsaber.

Little Rey screamed --- and adult Rey snapped out of it. The courtyard, the Padawans, Luke - all gone. But she was not really awake, she instantly realised. She was in a small, square room. The walls, floor and ceiling around her were made of welded steel; there was no door, no window, nothing.

She was still in a dream. So, evidently, this was to have been the extent of her holiday from nightly harassment.

“What do you want this time, Kylo Ren?” She shouted, banging on the metal walls with her fists - feeling a lot more angry than scared. “Have you come for a rematch? Because that can be arranged!”

 _You’ll have to be patient, scavenger._ A disembodied voice entered her head. _The Supreme Leader and I require you out of the game for just a little while longer._

That’s when Rey realised - the First Order had found them.

~o0o~

Luke Skywalker was instantly awake. They had come, they were almost upon them. He jumped up, grabbed his saber and rushed into Rey’s cottage, only to find his student still fast asleep. Ben’s force signature was flowing around her, and that was when he realised she would not wake up until his nephew allowed it. Anxiety for her rose, but he had other problems to deal with.

 _Be strong, Rey. I’ll keep you safe here,_ he promised, lifted her over his shoulder with ease, grabbed her bag with the saber parts she’d collected, briefly stopped to stuff his father’s lightsaber inside as well and rushed back outside. Already he could hear the roar of TIE and shuttle engines in the dark sky.

 _Think fast._ If Ben was keeping Rey trapped in their bond, it meant the person that was most dangerous to him was tied up himself, and not out in the field.

He needed to get to his ship down in the forest. The trees would shield him for a while, and he could send out a signal to D’Qar, reactivate the ship and try to shake off the pursuers until help arrived.

But as he looked down from the cottages into the direction of the dark shadow of the forest, he could already see white dots emerge from the trees - stormtroopers. An explosion told him that they had found and disabled his getaway vessel. And now they were closing in.

Luke cursed. He’d show them what it meant to pick a fight with a Jedi - but he could not fight with Rey slung over his shoulder, and he needed to keep her safe.

He looked out into the bay. There was one other option.

~o0o~

 _Luke. Wake up, Luke. They’re coming. They’ve found us._ Rey had sat down in her steel cage and sent out her thoughts into the force, hoping they would somehow rouse her Master and warn him.

 _Cut it out._ Kylo Ren replied in an annoyed tone of voice. _He can’t hear you, I’ve seen to that._

“How did you find us?” Rey asked desperately. Her thoughts flitted to the Resistance Base. Enough people there had seen the map after they had reassembled it - surely the First Order hadn’t…

“Oh, you haven’t figured it out?” Kylo Ren said. From one moment to another he had materialised inside her cell. His hood and mask were back in place, he seemed more distant than ever, a stark contrast to their last shared dream. “You showed me.”

“I did not!” Rey protested. Surely she would have noticed - but he had never even tried once to pry things from her mind. She herself had once remarked on how strange that was.

“Don’t you remember? I told you on Starkiller Base that we already had a part of the map. And then there was that memory you shared with me, from the top of that outlook,” he said, truly enjoying to rub it in. “A lovely view of a starry night sky as seen from your planet. It was quite thoroughly stuck in my mind after you showed it to me. From there, it was easy to extrapolate your position. I’ve known where you were for some time.”

He leaned down to her, got in close. Rey stared searchingly into the dark slit of his mask, surprised herself at how little he scared her anymore. _I know you. I have_ seen _you._

“Why don’t you take that off? Aren’t we past all that?” She asked quietly, nodding at his mask. Kylo Ren abruptly turned away as if he had been burned.

“I had an unfortunate lapse of judgement, before, in underestimating your influence,” he said walking up and down in the tiny cell slowly in a predatory pace probably meant to intimidate her. “I assure you I will not make that mistake twice.”

“You’re scared of me, then,” Rey paraphrased calmly, and was slammed against the steel wall for it by his force grip. She undid it - this she had practiced with Luke for hours on end - and dropped to the floor.

“You are,” Rey whispered, staring at him almost in awe. “You are actually scared of me.”

“Keep telling yourself whatever you need to be comforted,” he replied hotly. “Because soon you’ll kneel before Supreme Leader Snoke, and he will decide your fate. If you behave yourself, I may just let you say farewell to the dead body of Luke Skywalker. Otherwise, you’ll never see him again.”

Rey looked up in alarm at the threat.

“As if you could even lay a finger on him!” She said scathingly. “He’s way more powerful than you. After all” - she suddenly realised what would really hit home - “he is the son of Darth Vader, and you are just his grandson. And you’re _scared_.”

He moved towards her at that, and Rey drew back tensely, feeling his anger, the oncoming storm of something violent - but then he stopped himself.

“No farewells to Skywalker it is, then,” were Kylo Ren’s last words before he vanished from her cell and fell silent again.

Rey sat down on the floor, thoughts racing. Luke was probably dragging around her unconscious body right now, she was being a hindrance, a dead weight. She needed to wake up and help him. And for that, she needed to break Kylo Ren’s control, like she had done in the last dream, when she had been fuelled by undiluted rage. She had seen it then, had felt the bindings of the force illusion around her, and had felt it come crashing down when her rage had hit it.

Luke’s words came back to her. _If only I had the time to show you you could be as powerful in the light side as you were in the dark  just now._

Could it be done without the dark side? Rey collected her thoughts, pooled them within her, and concentrated on the force, that vast ocean within her, waiting for her command. What was the nature of this force connection she shared with Kylo Ren? How did it work, this whole “trapping the other’s mind in one’s own”? She let the force flow around her and touched, felt, sensed, traced every little bond and crack around her with her mind. Maybe she needed to think of it like one big force grip?

And perhaps here, too, she would grasp on a thread by which it would all come undone.

~o0o~

“General, we have located Skywalker again, heading away from the shore,” one of Hux’ cadets reported. “Squad C closing in now, squads F and G on the way.”

“What about the other target?” Hux asked. Supreme Leader Snoke had stressed the importance of bringing the girl in several times. According to the plan, they would overwhelm the old man with sheer numbers and then retrieve the girl whose consciousness would still be held by Kylo Ren - a straight-forward “strike hard, strike fast” kind of operation. Hux shot a glance at the still form of Kylo Ren in his chair, in deep meditation.

“Nowhere in sight now. We think he may have hidden her somewhere along the shore,” the lieutenant replied.

“Cut him off from the beach then. We can search for her later. Encircle him around the cliffside. He’ll have nowhere to go but up.”

“Sir, we have lost three TIE fighters,” an operator in charge of the airstrikes a bit further away reported. “They inexplicably crashed.”

“Sir, squads B, F and G have all been taken out,” another cadet cut in, in an astonished tone of voice. Hux saw Phasma tense at hearing her troops being decimated.

“It’s just one old man, what the hell are they doing down there?” Hux growled. Despite the order and his personal feelings about it, he felt that since their opponent was a Jedi, this would actually be the one time when Snoke’s spoilt little prince would prove to be a real asset in the field. But - as things stood, they would have to exhaust the man with sheer numbers. And numbers, the _Finalizer_ could provide.

“Send in as many squads, as many TIE fighters as you need, I don’t care how many it takes. We’re taking Skywalker down, if we have to blast the entire island to pieces,” Hux said.

“General--” Captain Phasma started in protest, concerned for her troops, but Hux shut her down with one gesture.

That was when Kylo Ren started moving - but not voluntarily. He emitted a low groan, thrashed wildly and gripped his face with both hands - his mask, as it were - and slipped out of his chair, writhing on the ground.

“What the hell, Ren?” Hux asked. “You there, and you, put him back in his chair, restrain him. He’s having some kind of seizure.”

The hapless volunteers that Hux had pointed at looked in terror at the mere idea of restraining Kylo Ren, but saw no other choice but to obey their general - and paid for their loyalty with their lives. As soon as they had so much as touched the man on the ground, they were flung back, their necks turned with a sickening crunch. Another cadet apparently thought this was a good time to inform Hux that Squads A and L had been annihilated by the one-man-army on Ahch-To.

“Then send in more! And - damn it, Ren!”, shouted Hux. “Get yourself together!”

The knight, getting up from the ground, ripped off his helmet and slammed it down, livid with anger. His face was full of blood, flowing freely from his nose.

“She got out,” he hissed. He wiped his nose from which blood was still flowing, and turned on Hux. “Change of plans, General. I’m joining the operation.”

“Absolutely not,” Hux declared. “I am ordering you to--”

“I’m moving out,” Kylo Ren growled, choking his words out with one gesture. “And if you think of stopping me, by the force I swear I’ll take your head off right where you stand.”

Phasma stood petrified as Kylo Ren dropped a writhing and coughing Hux to the ground, and strode away as operators around her continued to announce the annihilation of her finest troops.

 

[to be continued]


	11. At the Crossroads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey has a moment of weakness.]

**Part I, Chapter XI - At the Crossroads** **  
** _[In which Rey has a moment of weakness.]_

~o0o~

_Take that, Kylo Ren._

Rey awoke with a start, nauseous and with a bad headache, but also with a rush of triumph of having escaped his imprisonment. Disoriented for a moment, she looked around wildly, not knowing where she was - she had definitely not gone to sleep here. Had she been captured already?

The she realised. Luke had put her in the safest place he could think of - in the temple’s gallery, with all the precious kyber crystals. But where had he gone?

Rey jumped up and, ignoring the nausea, rushed down the stairs, calling her Master’s name, increasingly frantic. That was when she felt it. Great turmoils in the force, close by, centered around one single person. Luke was fighting and wielding a power so immense she felt her skin prickle even down here.

_Master Luke!_

Rey rushed along the corridors, towards one of the pools, all the while feeling the shocks and tremors in the force. It was awe-inspiring - and yet she knew her Master was in trouble. He was just one person, and by the feel of it, half the First Order had shown up to take him down. The Order was bombarding the island, she could feel the earth tremble even down here - clearly they did not even care for the safety of their own infantry as long as they took down the last Jedi. No matter how strong Luke was, a missile was a missile. Why was he even out there? Why had he not stayed down here with her?

_Padawan. Stay away. Stay in the temple._ A thought reached her. It felt exhausted, tired.

_Like hell I am._ Taking a deep breath, Rey jumped into the pool and dove through the small tunnel towards the outside.

It happened when she arrived outside and was just about to push herself off towards the surface - a violent contraction and explosion of the force, a powerful wave that shook even the earth and waves so strongly that Rey gasped in surprise, which, underwater, was a bad reflex. With her last senses about her, she pulled herself back into the tunnel and out of the pool in the temple, where she coughed and hacked up water for a few minutes until she felt strong enough to try again.

_Master?_

As she pushed towards the surface, lungs burning, she knew something was wrong. When she pulled herself onto the shore, she was greeted by the sight of the wreckage of a half-submerged, smoldering TIE fighter, but otherwise everything was eerily quiet. There was no blaster fire to be heard anywhere, no engines, no shouting, just ocean waves - the island was still as a grave. And as Rey struggled up the worn path towards their stone cottages, she saw why.

A scene of destruction lay before her; craters, debris and dead stormtroopers everywhere. Not a single one was left alive to challenge her.

“Master!” She cried, listening for his reply, feeling for him in the force. He was close, she could tell.

_Rey. Go back to the temple. It is shielded; he won’t find you there. I’ll tell him I sent you away._ Luke’s thoughts sounded horribly weak. _My father’s lightsaber--_

As he said it, Rey realised that obviously, he must have left it down there with her. But she, like a complete fool, had stormed outside without even spending one second to look for it, and now she was unarmed.

No time to turn back now. She needed to act fast. Find Luke, get him to safety---

“No, no, no.” Rey’s voice faltered when she saw the carnage increase the higher she climbed up the cliffside. It was littered with the bodies of stormtroopers, too many to count. The Jedi must have raged like a storm among them.

Rey finally found him lying at the very top of the cliff, at the site of his favourite lookout, gazing at the sky through half-closed eyes. His flickering presence in the force told her he was still alive, albeit barely.

“Rey,” he mumbled as he felt her approach. His sight was fading fast. “What are you doing? Ben is on his way. I can feel him.”

“I’m not leaving you here.” Rey was nearly choking as she reached him. “It was my fault, he found us because of me, I’m so, so sorry.”

She was shaken to the core at the sight of his gruesome injuries; he was bleeding from several wounds. There were laser burns all over him.

This could not be happening. This could not be real.

“Don’t blame yourself.” Luke looked at her gently. “Don’t be sad.”

“No. Don’t talk. I’m going to get you to safety. You still need to help me become a fully realised Jedi. We need to find parts for my staff. We were going to D’Qar to visit your sister, remember?” Rey babbled frantically, as she uselessly tried to suppress the bleeding of his wounds. Too many. _Too many._

“Rey, remember what the Jedi code says about attachment. You have to--” Luke strained to continue, but his power left him. Rey was racked by huge, desperate sobs, her tears nearly blinding her as she tried to gather her Master up into her arms. She needed to get him to his bed, patch him up, then try and get help, somehow. Any minute was crucial now.

_Where are you going to get help in such a short time?_ She thought as another part, the abandoned little girl within her, cried desperately. _Please don’t leave me. Oh, please don’t leave me. Not you, too._

She was too overwhelmed with grief to notice the man who had drawn up behind her, until Luke’s lightsaber next to her was lifted from the ground by invisible hands. It snapped into Kylo Ren’s outstretched hand, and came to life with a hum.

“Step aside,” he said, standing over them like an executioner. Rey stared at him through tear-clouded eyes. He had lost his mask somewhere. Traces of blood from his nose betrayed the damage she had caused when she had shattered their last dream.

“Over my dead body,” she whispered, clutching Luke’s still form to her.

“That can be arranged,” Kylo Ren said softly, his face an expressionless mask as if to make up for the one he had lost.

Rey knew it was hopeless. She was near mad with worry for Luke, to disturbed to fight, and anyway Kylo Ren held the only weapon in sight. _Why didn’t I stop and think to look for the Skywalker saber?_

But even if she had that weapon now, there would be no time for a battle against Kylo Ren. She had to save Luke. He was fading fast.

“I want a bargain.” The sentence burst out of Rey before her brain had really caught up.

Kylo Ren shook his head. “I already have got everything I want,” he said without any real malice. He was stating a fact, and it was true - he had won, utterly and completely.

“I’ll come with you. Willingly. I won’t put up a fight. Please, I beg you. Spare him.” Rey was openly crying now, and she didn’t even care.

“You’re coming with me, either way. Your willingness does not factor in.” This too, was stated as the fact it was. “Now. Step aside.”

He drew back his arm in preparation to extinguish the last flicker of life in his uncle’s body. Rey threw herself over Luke protectively, and without looking at Kylo Ren, screamed:

“I know where Darth Vader’s lightsaber is hidden, and I know you’ll never find it unless I tell you. If you kill Luke, and take me with you, I will make your life a constant misery, in every tiny little way I can think of. You will get nothing from me, I’ll fight you to my last breath, and I will use even the slightest opportunity I get to kill you, and if it is the last thing I do in this world.”

She looked at him with red-rimmed eyes and added:

“But if you spare him, if you save his life, I’ll come quietly. I’ll be your student. I’ll give you that stupid lightsaber you want so much. I’ll even throw a bunch of kyber crystals in the mix.”

Kylo Ren met her gaze. His expression had moved just the slightest bit. Then-

“The decision to spare him is not mine to make.”

“Not your decision?” Rey almost laughed. “You said if I let you teach me, I could be my own master. Are you even your own? You’re standing here with your saber pointed at your own uncle, and you’re seriously telling me it’s _not your decision to make_?”

Rey’s heart beat a little faster when she saw that her last words had gotten through to him. She let go of Luke to stand up, and imploringly put her hand on Kylo Ren’s arm that was poised to strike.

“Just consider it for one moment. You have more to gain if you take my offer.”

_See the potential of the situation before you, maximise the profit of your endeavor._

Kylo Ren stared into her eyes as if to test the strength of her resolve. She met his gaze equally intently, pushing her appeal at him with the force, willing, begging him to accept it. _I spared you. Twice, I spared you. Please, for the love of all that is holy, spare him._

An endless moment seemed to pass before Kylo Ren relented.

“You have a deal.”

Behind them, stormtrooper reinforcements were now drawing up. Kylo Ren motioned to them, and then at Luke.

“Bring Skywalker in. He will be contained and put on life support.”

Rey closed her eyes, exhaling deeply as stormtroopers rushed past her to heed Kylo Ren’s order. Tears were stinging in her eyes. She had been flying free as she negotiated, begged, pleaded, had followed her heart, not her head. Now the gravity of her decision was starting to sink in.

She felt Kylo Ren’s heavy hand on her shoulder.

“I expect you to make good on your word _,_ ” he said, and Rey’s heart clenched painfully. “My saber, where is it?”

When she did not immediately reply, he put his hand to the side of her head once more. “You know how this goes, scavenger.”

Rey simply closed her eyes, and did nothing to fight his probe. It was easier to let him take the memories rather than solidify her betrayal of Luke’s trust by verbalising them herself. In this light, she regarded the pain of Kylo Ren’s intrusion into her mind as just punishment.

“Such guilt, such shame.” Kylo Ren murmured, twisting the knife. “He put the saber down there with you, didn’t he? I see the bay, the temple. I see the crystals. I see...”

_A mural of the light and dark side symbols on the ceiling of the dark dome, slowly pulsing in the soft light._

Kylo Ren snorted softly and withdrew from her mind, satisfied with what he had found and not interested in anything else. Rey simply stood there, the will to fight having left her entirely, and let the feeling of crushing defeat wash over her. She had managed to save Luke’s life. But at what cost? _When push comes to shove, your allegiance must be to the light side. Death is not the worst thing to happen to a Jedi._

This was not the choice Luke would have made, if their situations had been reversed. He would not thank her for saving him under such terms. But then, it had not been for Luke that she had done this.

It had been all for herself. For the heartbroken girl who could not bear the idea of losing - once again - the closest thing she’d ever known to a father.

“Come, _Jedi_.” Kylo Ren took her by the arm and led her down the cliffside towards his command shuttle. Silent tears ran down Rey’s face as she stumbled along.

_‘Jedi’? I’m not a Jedi at all._

 

**[End of Part I]**

[to be continued]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand that wraps up Part I as the overly long exposition, setting the stage for Part II: “Masters and Apprentices”. Kylo Ren may think he has won for now, but he and Rey are about to enter the grand battle of “who’ll blink first?” Will it be Rey? Will it be Kylo? Stay tuned to find out!
> 
> I’m taking the opportunity for a big thank you to my faithful reviewers. I’m really, really grateful you’re taking the time to comment on the story every day to tell me what you think about each chapter. It means the world to a mediocre trashfic writer like me - because in the end, don’t we all write to share our excitement for our OTP with fellow fans? I know I do. So, Dankeschön! x


	12. A Glooming Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Kylo Ren makes his Master proud, and Rey does not.]

~o0o~

**Part II: Masters and Apprentices  
** **Chapter I: A Glooming Peace  
** _[In which Kylo Ren makes his Master proud, and Rey does not.]_

~o0o~

After Kylo Ren had collected his long-lost lightsaber from the underwater temple along with the little hoard of kyber crystals, he had the structure blown up by missiles, and the _Finalizer,_ after sweeping the planet thoroughly for any other points of interest, had prepared for departure. Skywalker’s awful rampage was sure to have sent shockwaves through the force across the galaxy, and General Organa was equally sure to have picked up on them. She might decide to send the Resistance fleet to try and help her brother.

Perhaps the First Order might have even been victorious in such an encounter, but neither Hux nor Kylo Ren, in a rare instance of agreeing with each other, were going to mar their victory with risky skirmishes with the Resistance. And so the _Finalizer_ had left the now deserted planet behind and pulled all the way back deep into the Unknown Regions, into First Order territory.

Presently Kylo Ren was standing before his Supreme Leader to report, along with Captain Phasma and General Hux. The holographic form of Snoke regarded Kylo Ren for a long moment, as the knight calmly waited for the verdict. This could go either way.

True enough, Kylo Ren had jeopardised the mission by allowing the girl to break out of his hold, had assaulted his commanding officer to join the action in clear violation of the agreed mission plan, and had disobeyed Snoke’s direct instruction to finish off Skywalker once and for all. This kind of insubordination should not be allowed to pass unpunished.

On the other hand - ‘a truly wise strategist must always take care to play the cards he has been dealt to the best of their abilities.’ Those had been Snoke’s own words. Faced with the prospect of losing her Master and father figure, the girl had fallen apart like a house of cards. She had handed Kylo Ren everything he wanted, and more than he had expected. She had put her heart over her mind, emotion over peace, and she was wrecked with guilt for it. Another little step towards the dark side.

It was textbook. The Supreme Leader smiled.

“I am proud of your success, Kylo Ren,” he said. “I thought perhaps I had asked too much of you, but you have proved to me that you have taken my lessons to heart after all.”

General Hux, who had been looking forward to the Master of the Knights of Ren being demoted to the cleaning staff, exhaled audibly.

“Supreme Leader, I must protest--”

“Quiet, General. I am aware Kylo Ren disobeyed and assaulted you. But you, after the girl had already broken out, would have had him stay on the _Finalizer_. Just to show up your rival, you would have endangered the success of this mission. It counted towards your own fortune that Kylo Ren did disobey you.”

“My apologies, Supreme Leader. I spoke out of turn.” Hux stepped back, his face immovable. He was not even force-sensitive and still knew Kylo Ren was smirking under his mask in insufferable self-satisfaction. The Supreme Leader’s pet was being spoilt once more.

Hux stared daggers into Kylo Ren’s back as the Supreme Leader dismissed them both. He would find some way of dealing out revenge for this injustice.

~o0o~

  
Kylo Ren had ordered Rey to be put in quarters close to his own, in the part of the _Finalizer_ where most high-ranking officers stayed. Very few of the crew enjoyed the luxury of having their own personal quarters, so all in all, the girl was getting an exponentially better treatment than the last time she had been called a guest of the First Order. In its own little way, it was rather cruel, Kylo Ren knew. Had he put her into an actual prison cell, she might have been able to delude herself into being just a poor victim, not somebody who had made a conscious choice.

When he checked on her after having reported to Snoke, she was standing in front of the window in her empty training room, gazing out into space.

“I want to see him,” she said softly as he entered, not looking at him.

Gone was the calm resolve and confidence that she had displayed for a short time, so very much like a Jedi. Kylo Ren shook his head imperceptibly as he picked up her anguish through their bond - clearly, no torture that he could inflict could be worse than her own feeling of guilt right now. Nevertheless, he decided to twist the knife a little. She had bested him at his own game several times now, and he intended to savour this victory.

“In time, perhaps. Rest assured that I have not gone back on my word, just as I expect you not to go back on yours.”

She closed her eyes and turned back to the window.

“What do you even want?” She asked, sounding exhausted. “You’ve won, haven’t you? Have you simply come to gloat?”

Rey suddenly became aware of the fact that, aside from events during the First Order’s raid on Ahch-To, this was the first time they were in each other’s physical presence since their brutal duel on Starkiller Base. Their shared dreams, as deceptively real as they had felt, had been different than this. And - she noted - after everything that had happened since then, he was still wearing that damned mask of his.

“Why don’t you take that off?” She said wearily, indicating at the helmet with a nod. “Or are you still scared?”

Kylo Ren paused. Then, he took off his helmet with deliberate movements, and looked her right in the face.

“You are right,” he said softly. “For a while, I wanted to avoid facing you. I’ve become well aware of your insidious influence through our bond, and felt that I needed to shield myself from it.”

He took her chin into his hand and turned her this way and that as he was looking narrowly into her eyes, searching, reaching out with the force. This time, it was Rey who found herself unable to hold his gaze. She shook herself free and took a step back, turning away.

“But I don’t see danger in you anymore. Because you have failed as a Jedi in every respect, and you know it.”

Kylo Ren’s words were like a stab through her heart.

“I’ll let you get used to your new home,” he said as he turned to leave. “I’ll be back later to take you to the Supreme Leader. It is ultimately up to him to decide what will happen with you.”

After he had left, Rey slumped to the floor, still staring out into space.

_Master Luke_ , she called to her mentor through the force, but wherever he was on this ship, he couldn’t hear her, or couldn’t reply. Or perhaps he chose not to.

_I’m so sorry. Please tell me what to do. Tell me how to fix this._

But there was only silence.

~o0o~

And then, finally, she was standing before Snoke in the gloomy hologram chamber.

Rey looked at him dully, feeling too empty to be afraid of him much. She did register his immense force pressure, though. It was thick, heavy, oppressive, so much that it seemed to distort gravity. This should not be possible, considering this was just a hologram - but there it was.

The holographic image leaned forward, closer and closer, until its huge face was so near she might have touched it. A wicked, strangely satisfied smile grew on Snoke’s old, scarred features as Rey felt his energy reach out to her, engulf her, inspect her.

“Ah yes. Much as I suspected - the lost daughter returns.”

The remark cut through the dull haze over her thoughts like a lightning bolt.

“What?” Rey whispered. But Snoke had already turned his attention back to Kylo Ren.

“You were not wrong about her potential. It is indeed immense. You have done well bringing her back in.”

Rey saw Kylo Ren incline his head in acknowledgement of the praise.

“As we discussed, I am putting you in charge of her training, Kylo Ren. Teach her as I taught you. Her performance shall reflect back on you. Report regularly.” And, only for the benefit of his student, he added:

_If you feel overwhelmed by the task, if you feel your control over the situation slip, do not hesitate to confide in me. In that case, I will remove her from your worries._

“Understood, Supreme Leader.”

Kylo Ren indicated for Rey to follow him outside, but Rey wound herself out his grasp and took a step towards the looming hologram.

“‘Lost daughter’? What did you mean by that?” She asked breathlessly.

Gravity suddenly increased exponentially. Snoke’s force bore her to the ground just like Kylo Ren’s had done in one of their dreams before, but this was so much worse. Rey couldn’t breathe, couldn’t get out a single sound as she was crushed. She felt every bone, every organ inside her groan under the strain. He was going to kill her. Dimly, she reached out to the force, wrapping it around herself to alleviate just the tiniest bit of the horrible sensation.

“You are not to speak unless spoken to.”

And then it was over, and Rey was left on the ground sucking in air desperately until she was unceremoniously taken by her arm and raised to her feet by Kylo Ren. She would have slumped right back down, had he not continued to hold her upright.

“Impart the importance of respect unto her while you’re at it, Kylo Ren,” Snoke said. “Dismissed.”

Kylo Ren more carried than guided her outside. Rey was still reeling, and when she blacked out right after they had stepped into the corridor, he was obliged to outright gather her up in his arms. He did not expect that after this, she would be in need of too many lectures on the topic of speaking out of turn - Snoke had made himself quite clear.

Still, Kylo Ren himself had been rather surprised himself. The Supreme Leader knew this girl, seemed to have recognised her from somewhere. He would have to inquire about that later. Evidently it was not only for her darkside potential that the Supreme Leader had decided to keep the girl alive, and place her under his care.

After having arrived at her quarters, he put her down onto her bed - and decided to linger.

Kylo Ren was many things, but he was not a fool. Subdued and plagued by guilt though she was right now, he could still feel her light keenly. The relationship of Master and apprentice in the force was an intimate one, and theirs would be even more intimate due to the deep bond they had forged. He briefly reached out to tap into it and caught a glimpse of her dreams - a jumble of images, emotions, sadness, regret and longing.

Was he up for this?

Kylo Ren allowed himself a brief memory of That Dream, cringing inwardly. Try as he might to push back the whole incident to the very back of his mind - it was futile. Like a persistent thorn under his skin, deeply buried on the bottom of the pile, there was a dangerous memory of her light, her energy, the feel of her lips, her body under his, how warm and wonderful she had felt, and most importantly, how she had made him feel. _I forgive you._

The light side, and herself. Temptation came two-fold in this girl, Kylo Ren thought as he absentmindedly let his fingers ghost over her still face, felt his skin prickle with energy at the touch. He was not a fool in that regard, either. She was beautiful, and he was drawn to her. To that fact, too, that accursed dream had opened his eyes.

He pulled back his hand.

A pact with the darkside, forged with the blood of his father. Darth Vader’s legacy to uphold to bring back order to the galaxy, to crush the anarchy of the New Republic and the Resistance that backed it. He had committed unspeakable acts to achieve those goals.

Kylo Ren shook his head, stood up and left her quarters. If he allowed that girl to put him into an existential crisis, if teaching her and slowly bending her to the dark side really posed such a problem, he did not even deserve to entertain the mere idea of one day being as great as Darth Vader.

~o0o~

Rey dreamed.

Luke was sitting with her on the lookout on Ahch-To, gazing out on a beautiful, calm ocean under a clear, blue sky. She gazed at his weathered face, his gentle expression and felt his serene, powerful, reassuring presence. Her heart swelled with affection.

“I’m sorry I couldn‘t let you go, Master Luke. I’m sorry I failed you. Please don’t be angry with me.”

“I’m not angry. Just a little sad, perhaps,” he said, and arguably that was worse. “Rey, they will keep using me against you. You _have_ to let me go, not only for my sake but yours.”

“I can’t,” she choked, tears springing to her eyes again. “I just can’t. I know they’ll kill you in the worst possible way and have me watch if I do not cooperate.”

“Perhaps in that moment, you were not strong enough to simply let me die. But there is another option,” Luke said with a faraway look on his face. “I know you have thought of it, but you are afraid. Don’t be.”

The lookout was gone, and that’s when Rey realised she was having a force vision rather than a dream. She was on the _Finalizer_ now, but in a dark room she had never seen before.

Luke lay before her locked and restrained in a kind of pod, completely still and pale as a ghost, being injected with an assortment of liquids, all the while computer screens monitored his life signals. Rey looked down at her hands. She was holding a knife.

“How can you ask something like that of me?” Rey whispered.

_It’s not me that asks it. It is the light side that demands it. At its most radical. Remember?_

The dark room fell away, and she was back with Luke on the Ahch-To lookout. He watched her silently. She watched him.

If being a Jedi meant losing him, watching him be tortured to death, or even killing him herself to spare him that fate - then she did not want any part of it.

“I’m not a Jedi, Master Luke. I’m just not cut out to be one. I realise that now. I’m so sorry to disappoint you.”

The vision of Luke looked at her with infinite sadness. Rey clenched her fists. _No, you are not going to thank me. I know you won’t._

But she was standing on the edge, all alone, and she had to make a choice. She was a scavenger. A survivor that picked up discarded pieces and put them together anew, made them work for her. She improvised. That was what she did best.

“I’m going to save you, Luke. In my own way.”

[to be continued]


	13. Ground Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey and Kylo Ren negotiate their relationship.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I found out today that AO3 allows you to put illustrations into your fic - sweet. I put one into the last chapter, and may add more into future or past chapters if I don't get too lazy. AO3 is an awesome platform!)

**Part II, Chapter II - Ground Rules** **  
** _[In which Rey and Kylo Ren negotiate their relationship.]_

~o0o~

When Rey awoke, her thoughts were clear. The turmoil of guilt and despair within her had subsided.

Perhaps she had failed as a Jedi. Perhaps now she was alone again, stranded in a dangerous place, surrounded by dangerous people. But that had been her life up until recently, hadn’t it? Time to stop crying, and to make the best of a bad situation.

She propped herself up - Kylo Ren must have taken her back to her quarters after she had collapsed from Snoke’s punishment. She had spent some time in here the previous day, but had been caught up too much in her anguished thoughts to really take note of anything. Currently she was lying in the alcove that served as her bed in the main room. Aside from a table, some chairs and a small, empty wardrobe built directly into the wall next to her bed, there was not much else to see.

Rey got up and paced through the adjoining rooms. To one side, there was a small bathroom, to the other, a large, nearly empty room with one wall made of glass to look out to the vastness of space. It looked somewhat like that room that Kylo Ren had conjured up a few times during their dream encounters.

The first reminder of the fact that she was indeed a prisoner was the fact that her room had two doors with windows in their upper half, allowing to look all the way through to the corridor. She was able to open the first door, and found fresh clothes and some synthsust inside the small space. Of course, the second door was sealed tightly, and before it, a kind of energy field was simmering. _A ray shield._ Rey realised, stretching out her hand and pulling back fast when she realised what it was. There was no getting past one of those unless one wanted to be fried to a crisp. Kylo Ren was obviously not going to take any chances.

A stormtrooper outside stepped closer and watched her through the outer door’s window, indicating that, no, he could not hear her through the door and therefore not succumb to any mind trick she might attempt, and, yes, he would indeed shoot her if she tried anything of the sort.

It was not Rey’s intention to escape, anyway. Not at the moment. Not yet.

She turned back, devoured the synthsust hungrily and then could not resist indulging in a shower - a real shower, with real water. On Jakku, water was a luxury and the best one could have hoped for in regards to personal hygiene was a sonic refresher _._ As she let the water cascade down her still-sore body, she let her mind wander to the unpleasant encounter that had caused all this pain. Snoke. Just a hologram, but still somehow able to extend his force so far that he had been able to nearly crush the life out of her. How had he been able to do that?

And he had recognised her - the ‘lost daughter’. Rey did not think for a second that he had meant to imply that she was personally related to Snoke in some way - he wasn’t even human. But it did strongly suggest that Snoke knew where she had come from, who her parents were, and that her origins were somehow connected to the First Order. With everything that had happened between then and now, Rey had almost forgotten - but in one of their dreams, Kylo Ren, too, had briefly mentioned something about having found out something about her family, hadn’t he?

Back then, Luke had persuaded her not to pursue this topic further, at least not to rely on information from the First Order, in order to not be led astray. But - Rey smiled grimly - it was a little late for that now, was it not? Luke and herself had been defeated, and both Snoke and Kylo Ren clearly had information about the question plaguing her all her life. She had to find out. Snoke might really kill her if she dared ask again next time, but Kylo Ren? Rey felt she could learn how to deal with him. She would have to, anyway.

Rey stepped out the shower and slipped into the clothes that had been laid out for her. Dark trousers, dark shirt, dark tunic, wide belt, boots - simple, but not uncomfortable. With nothing else to do, she sat down by the window in her training room, closed her eyes and tapped into the force, feeling for living beings like Luke had taught her to.

The microcosm of life forces spread out around her like a star chart. All around she could perceive hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of people - the _Finalizer_ was one huge, travelling army base. Among all those countless little flickers of life forces, Kylo Ren’s presence shone like a dark supernova, close by. He seemed to have taken notice of her reaching out, because now she felt his presence stir as if in answer. It seemed that now that they were in such close physical proximity - speaking on a galactic scale - their bond was even stronger, and perhaps that made them particularly sensitive to whatever the other was doing.

A part of Rey was fascinated by the theory, but was also unsettled by the idea that for the rest of her life, no matter where she went, he would always be there, always looming, always lurking. Did force bonds ever go away? She had a sinking feeling that this state of affairs could only be resolved in one terminal way. Even if he could ever be persuaded to stop hounding her, her history with Kylo Ren was such that indifferent coexistence, the idea of just staying out of each other’s way, was laughable. They were stuck with each other. _Till death do us part._

Rey would have to make sure that when it came down to that, she would be doing the killing.

Now that their minds had brushed lightly in the force, it did not take long for him to show up at her door. She got off the floor as she felt him approach, and walked back into the main room just in time to see the stormtrooper outside step back to make way for Kylo Ren, who opened the door and disabled the ray shield on a panel outside. Then he opened the second door, and entered. _Watch how this works_ , Rey’s lizard brain, the part of her that was solely preoccupied with keeping her alive, instructed her. _This could be important later._

Rey was surprised to see that, completely without prompting, Kylo Ren put down his hood, took off his mask and set it down on the table.

“Have you recovered?” He asked, looking her over.

“I’m fine,” Rey replied, surprised by the display of concern coming from a man who had, for the past weeks, constantly attacked and terrorised her. “Though I can see now where you get your inspiration from.”

He did not rise to her remark. “It will not do you well to take that tone with the Supreme Leader. Next time, you might take away lasting damage.”

“How did he do it?” Rey inquired. “Wasn’t he just a hologram? How was he able to use the force?”

“It is in the Supreme Leader’s power to extend his force influence to whatever place he can see. No matter how far away it is. Even if it’s just through a hologram,” Kylo Ren explained. “One of the many skills he has that would awe any ordinary force user. He is a genius in the dark side, completely revolutionising the Sith skills of old - just to give you an idea of who you addressed so nonchalantly yesterday.”

_Big fan, are you?_ Rey could not help but think, and saw in Kylo Ren’s disapproving frown that he had picked up on this. It seemed their bond had developed to such an extent that it even allowed telepathy. Rey would have to be careful with her thoughts.

“I appreciate power,” Kylo Ren said. “It is why I have been taking such an interest in you.”

Rey did not know what to reply to that, so she simply watched him guardedly.

“I feel we will need to set some ground rules for the future. You know first-hand what I can do,” Kylo Ren stated calmly. “But as I am to be your teacher, I prefer establishing a working relationship that does not revolve around you constantly opposing me, and me punishing you for it. Does that sound acceptable?”

He looked at the girl, she looked back at him. Something about her had changed yet again overnight - her presence in the force had a cool, focussed feel to it, the torturous maelstrom of sadness and regret had calmed down. Surely she did not still cling to the idea of remaining a Jedi after the selfish deal she had struck?

“Fine. And since we are talking about ground rules, let me reiterate mine,” Rey said. “I realise I am your prisoner. I promised to cooperate, and I will, as long as you do not hurt Luke. However, I will disclose nothing, and do nothing that endangers my friends at the Resistance. If that was what you wanted, you might as well put me right back into that interrogation chair of yours.”

Kylo Ren chuckled briefly, and Rey was a little taken aback at the sound of his genuine amusement.

“You, laying out your terms. How very brave,” he said somewhat sarcastically. “But - fine, let this be my concession to you. I will not ask you to disclose information about, or partake in any action against the bandits, turncoats and anarchists you call friends. But make no mistake, if you sabotage the First Order during such encounters, you will be punished.”

“Fair enough,” Rey said. What she, for the sake of a continued civilised conversation, did not say was that of course she would do what she could for her allies in any given situation, punishment be damned. And that of course, she was simply biding her time until she had enough power, enough resources to get herself and Luke off this ship. Rey had no fancy concept of ‘honoring her word’, especially not since it had been given under such circumstances. As far as she was concerned, she did not owe Kylo Ren anything.

Yes, she was going to let him train her. And she would make him regret ever having done so.

“Another thing,” she added. “I will train with you, spar, practise everything you feel you must teach me. But I’m not going to be tortured or otherwise forced into the dark side.”

She almost added “like you did before”, but found herself unable to verbalise a reference to the memory of That Dream. It hung in the air between them however, unspoken but communicated, and she could tell he was affected because he sharply turned away to look out of the window.

“That was a mistake. One that will not be repeated,” he said softly. “If that episode served any purpose, remember the power you wielded then. Remember that for a moment, you were not reliant on anybody’s mercy or pity. You were truly free.”

“I was not myself.” Rey said shuddering involuntarily, thinking back to that awful rage, that darkness coursing through her very being, the roar of the beast in her mind.

_That makes two of us._ Before Rey had time to process this thought she had picked up from Kylo Ren, he continued.

“Perhaps you remember my words on Starkiller Base. I told you I could teach you the ways of the force, and this is still my intention. I have decided to show you both the light side and the dark side approach to power. How could you make an informed decision otherwise?”

Rey was taken aback for a moment. After a moment’s pause, he went on.

“But don’t misunderstand. Knowing my uncle, he probably spoiled you with a pacifist, timid and soft approach to the force. Understandable, since he fears the dark side so much. But I am not him. I will have you use your potential, draw it out if I must. I will push you.”

Only now did Rey realise that he had a bag slung across one shoulder. He set it down on the table next to his helmet and took out two wooden training swords.

“Take one, girl. I don’t have much time at present, but enough to illustrate my point.”

“I have a name.” She informed him as she took the sword he offered her, but Kylo Ren ignored her words as he ushered her into the spacious empty room with the window. Anyway, did she even want him to call her by her name? It was not like they were friends.

“I told you a while ago already, _girl_ , that asking nicely for something will not get you very far. Power is the currency that gets you what you want. It is no different for normal people, but especially true for those strong in the force.”

Rey was not good with wooden swords. It was all she could do to block his strikes as he went on.

“I will show you the truth of this in terms you can understand: if you want something from me, any privilege - like for example taking you to see Skywalker like you asked yesterday - you will have to earn it.”

“Earn it?” Rey repeated through gritted teeth as she concentrated on her movements, remembering he had said something similar in That Dream.

“Surprise me - overpower me, take my weapon, defeat me. I hardly expect you to be able to, but if you make a good enough effort I will judge it more fairly than any scrap dealer you may have dealt with until now.”

_I see._ Rey thought grimly. She had defeated him twice before - not counting her standing up to his mind probe - and each time she had been teetering on the edge to the dark side. That was his angle, then.

“Do concentrate.” He said, and his next strike easily disarmed her. Rey blinked as her sword flew away and clattered against the window. As far as she’d been able to tell, he had not even used the force - this had been pure technique. Kylo Ren did not think of stopping just because his opponent was now unarmed, but kept striking out unconcernedly.

“Pathetic. There goes your arm, your leg, your other leg--”

Rey spun, and with her left arm that Kylo Ren had not mock-hacked off, summoned the discarded sword and propelled it directly at him. His hand shot out and stopped it inches before his neck, and for a second, they both force-pushed at the sword until it clattered to the side once more.

“Nice try, at least.” Demonstration apparently over, Kylo Ren put aside his own sword. “My point is, privileges are earned, not given. So if you want me to use your name, make me remember it.”

_Liar_ , Rey thought. _You remember it well enough. You just don’t want to call me by it because then you would have to acknowledge me as a person._

“Anyway, wooden toys like these are not fit for force users.” Kylo Ren changed the subject. “And considering your horrendous sword form, you really ought to have a saberstaff. Happily, since you brought all these kyber crystals with you, that is well within your possibilities.”

He walked back into the main room and, from the bag that had held the training swords, procured the smaller satchel with the materials Rey had collected in the temple on Ahch-To - she was surprised that he had thought to take it to the surface with him. Now he chucked it back at her before putting his helmet back on.

“There is a large engineering workshop on the _Finalizer_ , and all the parts and materials you could want. I’ll see if I can locate some schematics and take you there later, but now I have things to do.”

“I could go there on my own,” Rey volunteered hopefully.

“Remember that you are a prisoner,” Kylo Ren replied dismissively and turned towards the door.

“Where would I possibly run off to while you’re holding Luke hostage?”

“I would perhaps consider it if you were not strong in the force, but I’m not fool enough to underestimate the treason and damage you could cause moving around freely on the _Finalizer_.”

The door closed in Rey’s face. Through the window, she could see him open the second door and step outside, then enter a code into the control panel outside that raised the ray shield back up. Finally the second door, too, was closed once more.

_For now you are to stay put, in here._ He told her via the force.

_Wait! I still have some questions about my family. You found out something, don’t you? You said so weeks ago._ Rey insisted.

_Same rules apply. Earn it. And now be quiet, I’m busy._

Rey groaned. Despite what he had said about judging her effort fairly, she had a feeling Kylo Ren would turn out to be quite the Unkar Plutt when it came to haggling.

[to be continued]


	14. The Cargo Hangar Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey is invited to a party, and Kylo Ren sends a message.]

**Part II, Chapter III - The Cargo Hangar Incident** **  
** _ [In which Rey is invited to a party, and Kylo Ren sends a message.] _

~o0o~

The hours ticked away as Rey waited for Kylo Ren to reappear.

She went into meditation, reached out to Luke through the force and once more tried to contact him, but still in vain. She stared out into the neverending darkness of space, paced the rooms, laid out the parts from her bag on the table and imagined how each would fit into the saberstaff that was coming together so nicely - in her mind, at least.

Two more rations of food were brought by droids as she waited. Those were the only moments where Rey could perceive a weakness in the mechanism that kept her locked up - when the droid came, the inner door would be sealed, then the outer door and the ray shield were opened by her guard to allow the droid access to the small space in between, with the stormtrooper training his blaster on the door throughout it all. If she ever wanted escape, Rey figured, it was at least useful to know that the control pad that raised and deactivated the ray shield outside did not appear to be bio-locked to Kylo Ren, as she had initially suspected. Another useful bit of information.

Anyway, aside from the droids, no one else came for many long hours. Finally, lying on the floor in her training room and staring out into the darkness of space, Rey dropped off to sleep.

“Up, prisoner.” A command woke her only a moment later - or so it felt to Rey. Startled and still half-asleep, she scrambled to her feet. The voice that had woken her had not been Kylo Ren’s - in front of her stood two strangers holding blasters. They were not wearing stormtrooper uniforms, but pitch-black military garb.

How long had she slept? What time was it? In space, day and night were an artificial concept. The army that manned this travelling fortress probably worked and slept in shifts to be alert at all times.

“Arms front,” one of the guards commanded, taking out a pair of cuffs. Rey stepped back with a frown.

“What is this? Who are you?” She demanded. 

“We’re here on orders of our commanding officer,” the other said. Rey had a feeling that something was off, but unprovokedly beating up some soldiers on an errand to take her to Kylo Ren probably would not count as being on her best behaviour. So she begrudgingly agreed to having her arms cuffed in front of her, and to be led outside.

They walked on and on, and - Rey grew more suspicious at this - went down many stairs deeper into the bowels of the  _ Finalizer _ . Even though she’d spend her life crawling around in downed imperial warships and recognised some familiar structures in the  _ Finalizer _ , Rey had soon lost all hope of ever finding back to where they had come from.

So, either Kylo Ren had ordered her to be taken directly to the workshop he’d mentioned - that would indeed most likely be located somewhere on the lower decks - or something else was at play. They were passing soldier’s quarters now, huge dormitories that bore the individual no peace or privacy. The trio was getting strange looks from passing stormtroopers, but Rey noticed that there appeared to be something like an enmity between the stormtroopers and whatever corps her current guards belonged to. They exchanged suspicious glances, but stayed well out of one another’s way.

Deeper and deeper they descended into the  _ Finalizer _ , until they left behind even the soldier’s quarters and instead walked past long, wide corridors with a few sparse, big doors. The cargo hold, Rey realised. There were hardly any people around now.

“So where are we really going?” Rey asked, tired of the charade. “Does Kylo Ren know you’re doing this?”

“Quiet, and forward,” the man behind her said, and Rey was now seriously considering attempting a mind trick on both of them, when the other man opened a big gate that led to a cargo hangar, and pushed her inside. 

Inside the unused hangar, with its scaffolding and empty shelves around the walls, a crowd of soldiers had assembled. There were perhaps fifty or sixty of them, all apparently belonging to the same corps, wearing those plain black military uniforms. They had formed a ring in the centre of the room, and some of them had climbed the scaffolding to get a better view of what was happening inside the makeshift arena. A few turned around to the newcomers, but most of them were fixated on the show. There were shouts, jeers, the sound of punching and one loud voice above the din, as her guards pushed her through the throng of shouting soldiers.

“And now let’s hear it for our special guest, lads,” the voice shouted, amplified through some loudspeaker device. “From the mists of myth, here she is, the last Jedi!”

A roar went up. Rey looked around shocked and bewildered as she was pushed inside the ring, hands still cuffed together. A pair of fighters were just clearing the venue, and she was now the new centre of attention.

“Wielding magic powers and uncanny fighting skills!” The voice continued and Rey saw now that it belonged to a man high up on a shelf to the side. “All but wiped out a generation ago. Aren’t we curious to see the myth in action? Well, are you, boys?”

The soldiers around her started cheering and chanting. Rey got increasingly angry. Who were these men? Was this some kind of unofficial fighting arena? Had she really been taken here on Kylo Ren’s orders?

“Now! We need a brave volunteer to fight the Jedi and draw out her powers,” the host continued. From his tone it was evident he did not believe in any such powers, or at least not that she personally wielded any. Rey realised that the troops that had been involved on the recent raid on Ahch-To had all been stormtroopers, and this lot probably had only heard rumours about what a Jedi in action could accomplish. 

Then again, rumours about her being a Jedi were probably secondary. First and foremost, here was a gang of bored soldiers looking to unwind, and now they had gotten their hands on a prisoner to play with.

“Step forward, lads, don’t be shy! Which of you wants to be known as Jedi Slayer?” The host called to an ever-increasing cheering and clapping.

_ The on-board entertainment leaves much to be desired.  _ Rey pushed her angry thought at Kylo Ren through their bond.

_ I have no time for you right now, _ was his disgruntled reply.  _ If you’re bored, meditate. _ It seemed like he really had no idea about any of this, then. Rey had suspected as much - this was not his style; until now he had always preferred to torment her up close and personally.

In her distraction, Rey did not notice the punch that was headed her way until it hit her straight in the jaw. Pain and anger flared up in her.

_ What are you doing? _ Kylo Ren inquired, apparently having picked up on the spike in her emotions.

“It seems we have a volunteer! Let’s hear it for Cadd!” The host’s voice shouted.

_ Some bastards took me to a-- _ Rey began, but was no longer at leisure to engage in telepathy. Led on by the cheer of his comrades, the first assailant - Cadd, or whatever his name was - attacked again. He was no common street thug, but well-trained military, and she still had her hands cuffed.

_ Tell me where you are.  _ Kylo Ren’s voice rang in her head, but Rey could not reply - she was busy slamming down her hands on the assailant’s neck, letting his descending head hit her ascending knee halfway and breaking his nose with a crunch. The man stumbled back to a chorus of laughs, jeers and whistles, but the next one was already upon her.

“And Cadd is out!” The host commented excitedly. “Here comes Brody, going for the tackle and oh! That’s gotta hurt! Not gentle with the ladies, are you?”

Rey wheezed and doubled over as the man’s elbow hit her in the stomach. Kylo Ren must have picked up on that, too, because he sounded more urgent.

_ I’m coming to you now. It will be faster if you tell me where you are. _

Blindly, Rey grabbed her attacker by his belt and, boosting her strength with the force, flung the man several meters back into the ring of people around them.

A hush went down, and then a roar as the onlookers realised that there really was some supernatural power at play here. Her attacker jumped back up, and Rey grabbed him effortlessly in a force grip. The man gasped as Rey lifted him higher and higher.

“Holy bantha shit guys, she really is a Jedi!” The host shouted among the rising clamour. Rey found herself tackled from behind and lost her control on the force grip. More and more people were rushing in.

_ Stay calm. They are just grunts _ , she told herself, collecting her thoughts and her power.

_ They are vermin to be crushed underfoot. Kill them, kill them all, _ the beast supplied from deep within her mind, eager to be let off the chains. She ignored it.

Perhaps she could not call herself a Jedi anymore. But she remembered the vast ocean of power within her, just waiting for her to call. She had stood up to even Kylo Ren for a while, drawing on its power - that was what she needed to hold on to, not to the red whisper of the beast.

A liberating force punch sent several soldiers that had been holding on to her flying backwards, and Rey used the split second of freedom to propel herself up and forward with the force. With one single jump, she landed on the second layer of the steel shelves, right next to the host, who gaped at her in disbelief. It wasn’t easy to hold on to the scaffolding with her hands cuffed, but she managed. As the first people below scrambled to get up after her, she stared deep into the man’s eyes and, her voice laced with the force, said hurriedly:

“ _ You will tell these people to stop attacking and to calm down. _ ”

“Stop attacking and calm down,” the man said obediently, but due to his addled mind, his voice carried neither conviction nor authority, was barely audible over the din. Despairingly, Rey turned around and repeated the same force-bolstered words to the mob below, but there were too many minds, whipped up in too much of a frenzy. A hand grabbed Rey’s ankle and pulled. She kicked at the man with her other leg, but now a second hand was grabbing that, too. Rey’s grip on the scaffolding, not secure to begin with, slipped and she fell back into the frenzied throng of people.

_ Shit, shit, shit _ , Rey cursed. Hands were grabbing, punches were flying, she did not know how else to help herself other than to pick the nearest assailant, reach towards him with the force and  _ twist _ . The soldier howled as his arm was bent into an unnatural angle with an audible crunch, but it seemed that in the chaos, that did not impress anyone enough to stay back.

“Leave me alone or I will kill you!” Rey screamed, pushing back the mob with the force again and again to no avail. She did not want to, she found. Yes, she had killed people in battle before, but never bare-handed, never with just the force.

The soldiers had wrestled her to the ground now, pressing down on her, punches and kicks raining down. Someone had sat down on her chest, throttling her. Rey dimly realised that if she did not put a stop to this, and fast, she might actually be killed here - beaten to death here in this forsaken cargo hangar, by a bunch of brutes, after all that had happened. A kick hit her head, and she felt warm blood seep into her hair.

_ To hell with it.  _ She wrapped the force around the head of the soldier sitting on her chest and twisted. A human’s head was surprisingly hard to turn into a direction it did not want to go, and Rey had to put all her power behind it until she felt the bone crack. The pressure around her throat let up, but the sensation of her power snuffing out his lifeforce was one of the most sickening things she had ever felt, and it struck her to the core.

Disgusted at herself, she unleashed another huge force blow that gave her some space, and jumped back to her feet. Stretching out her arms in front, she petrified the first row of assailants before her, but again, those behind tackled her and wrestled her down once more. 

Then she heard the familiar sound of two lightsabers igniting.

Men screamed as somewhere near the door, a whirlwind of saber strikes began to rain down and steadily moved towards the center of the ring. Terrified, the soldiers tried to move out of the way but were prevented by those in the back who had not realised what was happening. Victims screamed, limbs flew. It was mayhem. It was a massacre.

Rey stared at the oncoming storm of death in a mixture of awe and horror, and the man on her back hurriedly let go of her to stumble back as one last, huge slash struck down two soldiers in front and Kylo Ren came into view. He took one look at her beaten appearance, another at the man with the twisted neck on the ground, then moved over. With just one motion of his hand, he unlocked her cuffs.

“You still haven’t internalised that you can do anything with the force, have you?” He said, shaking his head. He shoved Luke’s lightsaber into her hands while he held on to the one built by his grandfather. “Why would you allow these worms to cuff you with such toys? You’re a force user. Start thinking like one.”

With these words he turned back on the soldiers, who, now that their frenzy was quickly turning into panic, had begun to flee through the open hangar gate. Kylo Ren reached out and slammed it shut. He then advanced on the herd of frightened soldiers, methodically starting to mow them down. Rey stood petrified, feeling his lust for blood, his red-hot anger in the force like a bonfire.

The soldiers were her enemies, not only in theory but in a very real sense, she felt it in every bruise and cut on her body. But this was slaughter, plan and simple. Kylo Ren was going to murder every last one of them.

_ Stop it _ , she thought as she reached out towards the hangar gate with the force, felt his hold on it and tried to undo it.

_ Stay out of this. I am sending a message _ , he answered curtly, hacking down more people. Rey felt bile rise in her throat.  _ The stench _ , she realised. Lightsabers instantly cauterized most wounds, so there was not much blood, but the smell of seared flesh and fabric was appalling, revolting. The feeling of life forces being snuffed out around her, death rippling through the force, petrified her.

“Stop it!” She repeated, screaming now. The hangar gate was thrown open at her will, and a last handful of terrified soldiers escaped gratefully to the corridor outside.

They did not get far. Kylo Ren whirled around, and lifted all of them, five people at once, up in the air. Rey looked on horrified as the men screamed. When Kylo Ren broke their spines with a sickening crunch, Rey could almost feel it in her own bones.

Kylo Ren turned around once more to the last soldier that was still alive - though the man appeared to be short of an arm, and nearly mad with fear of the apparition in front of him.

“Go to the General,” Kylo Ren said silkily. “And tell him that if he ever interferes with my affairs again, it will be the last thing he does.”

The soldier scrambled to get away, and finally, silence fell.

Rey felt all power leave her, her knees were shaking. A few bodies were still twitching and - heavens, the  _ stench _ of it all. Rey heaved and, with her last wits about her, stumbled out into the corridor, where she dropped Luke’s lightsaber and emptied her stomach.

Kylo Ren drew up behind her, collected the saber, gripped her by her arm and pulled her away from the scene.

“This was rather unfortunate,” he said, marching her along the corridor. 

“Rather unfortunate?” Rey repeated weakly.

“You got caught up in a little feud I have going on with a fellow officer,” Kylo Ren explained. “He must have thought it a brilliant idea to have his men steal you away and toy with you a little, just to mess with me. I’m sure you’ll agree that it was necessary to send him a very emphatic message never to try that again.”

_ Toy? _ Rey thought dimly.  _ They would have mobbed me to death. And now there is a hangar full of dead people and I snapped a man’s neck--- _ She felt a welcome darkness encroach her senses.

“Are you going to faint again?” Kylo Ren asked, stopping briefly to steady her. “I had not anticipated this, but let it be a lesson to you nevertheless. I saw you killed one of them. One. Had I not come, you would have been torn apart by the rest. Not because you did not have the power. But because you were not prepared to do what was necessary.”

Rey’s head was swirling and hardly registered how laden with emotion his voice was. When had he taken off his mask? When had he gotten so close again, staring into her soul once more?

“There is too much light in you. Too much weakness, too much hesitation. Let go of that, or it will be the death of you one day.”

Rey finally slumped, and Kylo Ren sighed.  _ Of course.  _ Having to carry her was apparently becoming a recurring motif. It still aggravated him to see all that power, all that potential in somebody so unwilling to use it. But then, the girl was naturally inclined to the light side of the force, so really, she could probably not help being so pathetic.

Word of what had happened apparently travelled ahead as he gathered her up and made his way back to the upper decks. Troops of soldiers rushed past him in the other direction - Hux’ cadets and stormtroopers alike - making sure to get out of the way as the imposing dark figure strode past, speckled with blood, reeking of death and carrying a beat-up unconscious girl.

He put the girl into her bed - again, he noted dryly - then went back outside and made sure to lock the doors securely. He then turned to the guard, who visibly shrank under his attention.

“What is your denomination, soldier?”

“ZP-4602, sir,” the guard replied meekly. 

“Why did you allow the prisoner to be taken out of her quarters by guards that should not even have access to this deck?” Kylo Ren inquired silkily, and ZP-4602 knew then he was in trouble. Just a moment after this realisation, he found himself in a force choke.

“Did you not worry for a minute they might have been Resistance agents on a rescue mission?”

“Sir,” the hapless stormtrooper croaked. “The order came straight from General Hux. His men had the access code and the authorisation.”

The stormtrooper felt the pressure around his neck let up, and took a hungry breath. He was still held in a force grip, however.

“Well done, ZP-4602. You can not be blamed for following orders.” Kylo Ren leant in close. “So do take note of mine. No one but me is to enter my apprentices’ quarters. If anyone attempts to do so again, even if it is the General himself, alert me instantly. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir.” ZP-4602 croaked, and slumped in relief as the menacing figure abruptly drew away and stalked off.

As the  _ Finalizer  _ erupted with frantic activity, gossip and rumour, Kylo Ren made his way back to his own quarters, went to bed and soon drifted off to sleep.

_ He opened his eyes lazily. He felt - profoundly at peace, perfectly quiet, perfectly calm. He was lying in a bed - not on the  _ Finalizer _ ; some other ship, it seemed - on his side, and curled into him snugly, skin on skin, was-- the girl, Rey, fast asleep, breathing calmly. They were both stark naked. He had his arms around her, his face buried in her hair. She had her legs tangled in his. He could feel her slow, steady heartbeat pulse against his arm. _

_ It was a perfect moment. _

Kylo Ren woke up once more, in so much shock that he sat up immediately and stared around his room.

Then, anger flowed into him, anger at himself. Sone part of himself evidently was still weak. And if that part sent him such dreams, to mock him, spite him, torment him - he would have to be careful so that the real Rey was not accidentally caught up in them. She had seen his weakness once. It could not happen again.

Realising that he would not be able to go back to sleep for a while, Kylo Ren got dressed again and made his way to Vader’s sanctuary, as he was wont to do when insomnia gripped him. Whenever he needed them most, his grandfather’s whispers would be there. He did not expect to hear any tonight, but it still calmed him to touch the molten helmet, to be reminded of his mission as he turned it over in his hands.

_ Ben _ . A voice seemed whispered near his ear, hardly audible but still too clearly to have been just his imagination. It was not the longed-for, powerful, dark voice of Darth Vader, but something - someone - else. 

Kylo Ren whirled around, staring around the empty, silent chamber. A rustling, a rising whisper - and then silence.

_ Who is this? _

He stood still for a whole minute longer, not moving a muscle, listening, watching, reaching out into the force. Then he abruptly put the helmet back on its pedestal and sharply turned to leave.

[to be continued]


	15. The Toolbox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Kylo Ren shows compassion, and Rey begins to gather resources.]

**Part II, Chapter IV: The Toolbox** **  
** _[In which Kylo Ren shows compassion, and Rey begins to gather resources.]_

~o0o~

“Finally, it has been brought to my attention,” Snoke said towards the end of a long meeting between General Hux, Kylo Ren, Captain Phasma and himself. “That yesterday the _Finalizer_ ’s crematorium had to be put to use quite extensively, even though this ship has not had enemy contact since the raid on Ahch-To. Would anyone here like to share their thoughts as to why this became necessary?”

Hux closed his eyes, his face unmoving. The other shoe had dropped, and though at first glance it appeared to be Kylo Ren who was in trouble, inevitably the question would arise how his men had been able to take that girl out of her quarters when their level of authorisation did not even allow them to be on the same deck as her. Kylo Ren was not a snitch, however. He sat there supremely unconcerned and made no move to explain himself, let alone point fingers.

Silence continued to reign. Captain Phasma glanced between the two men. It was an open secret that Hux and Ren despised each other, and the story of what had happened in the cargo hangar had run through the _Finalizer_ like wildfire. She knew that, like in any army, there was bad blood and rivalries simmering between individual units. Her stormtroopers, for example, had an inner hierarchy, but would always band together against Hux’ special cadets, who in turn had their own inner pecking order. It was just how armies worked. However, there had never been an outright massacre before, and most certainly not on such a scale. That kind of thing reflected very badly on general morale.

“Do take care that the crematorium workers are not unduly burdened in the future.” Snoke had apparently decided the uncomfortable silence had gone on long enough and dismissed the three of them. Hux glared when he saw that Kylo Ren lingered.

“Supreme Leader. A word in another matter, if you’ll allow.”

The Supreme Leader did not look to be much inclined to bestow any favours on Kylo Ren after what had happened between him and Hux, but indulged him nonetheless after the other two officers had left.

“I was wondering what you meant when you inspected my apprentice the other day,” Kylo Ren continued. “Something about a lost daughter?”

“Do not let that concern you right now.” Evidently, the Supreme Leader was not in the mood to share. “I may discuss her background with you at a later point, but currently it is not of importance for your objective. How is your progress?”

“She cooperates reasonably well. But disappointingly during the incident, even in acute danger, she did not tap into that dark side potential I have witnessed firsthand.” Kylo Ren did not waste time pretending that Snoke did not know exactly what had happened, and why. “It may take a while to undo Skywalker’s influence. Even after having broken the Jedi code, she seems to have decided to stick to the light even more rigidly.”

“Don’t delude yourself, Kylo Ren Just because she failed the Jedi code does not mean she automatically swore off light side principles,” Snoke reminded him. “In history, there are a number of individuals aligned with the light, while not being Jedi. And they can prove to be even harder to corrupt. Your own mother, for instance, would be a prime example.”

He had touched a sore point with Kylo Ren.

“My mother was and remains a fool not to pursue her heritage. The daughter of Darth Vader, leaving all that potential lie barren. It’s an insult, just as my uncle’s treason,” Kylo Ren almost growled. “Anyway, I’m only getting started with this girl. I’ll put her to work on a saberstaff next.”

“Very well. Have you considered making another lightsaber of your own?”

Kylo Ren unhooked the Skywalker saber from his belt and weighed it in his hand.

“This, my grandfather’s lightsaber, shall be the blade that brings about Darth Vader’s legacy. Only when that is accomplished will I forge another one of my own as a symbol of a promise fulfilled.”

The Supreme Leader seemed very pleased at this. “Carry on, Kylo Ren.”

~o0o~

The girl jumped up expectantly when Kylo Ren entered. Evidently she had been awake for some time, and had cleaned herself up after yesterday’s beating. Now, only a few cuts and bruised remained, but her strength in the force would allow for these to heal quickly. Aside from these, she looked quite recovered - how curious, Kylo Ren thought, considering she had fainted in the face of yesterday’s slaughter. Under that irritating lightside weakness and her propensity to cry and faint, there appeared to be an unbending, unbreakable core, that allowed her to spring back from all her trauma with hardly a dent. And the more she learned about the force, the stronger and harder it seemed to become.

But then, as he had said, he was only getting started.

“Bring your saberstaff parts. I’m taking you to the workshop,” he announced. “I would appreciate it if you managed to walk there on your own for once, I cannot always carry you around.”

Rey flushed half in anger, half in embarrassment. “I could do that - if you can keep yourself from slaughtering everyone in your path or from knocking me out.” Somewhat impertinently she added “So - did you get into trouble with your boss for killing your own soldiers?”

“They were not my soldiers. I have command, but I am not part of the military,” he said, and Rey looked a little surprised for a moment before deciding - no, she really did not care about the inner structure of this bloodthirsty organisation.

“The incident served as lesson to you as well as my adversary. In the future he will know better than to touch things that are mine,” Kylo Ren added.

Rey frowned at being referred to as a ‘thing that was his’, but decided to let it pass as she followed him outside. The stormtrooper in front of her door stepped smartly aside for them.

“Can’t imagine why you would have an enemy, with your charming personality,” she mumbled.

“Quiet,” he ordered. Evidently, he did not appreciate cheekiness where other people could overhear it.

 _Oh dear, I undermined his authority in front of some bucketheads_ , Rey thought sarcastically, but had obviously not cloaked her thoughts as well as she should have, and found herself slammed against the steel walls of the corridor by just one arm of his.

“I will have the respect that is due to me,” he said coldly, and through the force added, _You don’t constantly oppose me, and I don’t punish you for it, remember?_

Rey looked into the dark slits of his mask and for a moment was surprised at herself. Just a short while ago, she had been terrified of him. He had quite literally haunted her nightmares, hunted, harassed, hurt her. The man who had murdered Han Solo and held her Master’s life in the palm of his hand - but cruel though he may be, she found she was not afraid of him anymore. _I have seen him._

He abruptly let go and continued to walk ahead.

“You’re the boss,” Rey murmured, and followed behind. She had an objective of her own, and until she had fulfilled it, it did not pay to antagonize him without reason.

~o0o~

A few minutes later, Rey found herself in a veritable tinkerer’s paradise. Endless rows of tools, technical parts and materials, neatly ordered, stretched along the walls of the huge workshop. At the long benches, people were busy working on many different kinds of gadgets and machinery. A bit further away, several aircraft stood in various states of dismantlement. The busy atmosphere reminded Rey of the scrap market on Jakku, especially so since these workmen were not wearing military uniforms. Some worked on their projects in teams, talking, shouting and joking to one another.

Rey’s eyes lit up when she realised that here, she was truly in her element. Here, she would start gathering information. Anything, everything could be an important lead for hers and Luke’s escape from the _Finalizer_.

“Who is in charge down here?” Kylo Ren asked, his mask amplifying and distorting his voice so that it reverberated through the big room. All work stopped immediately, and the workmen and engineers looked at the Master of the Knights of Ren in surprise and fear. Here, too, the story of the cargo hangar massacre had been exchanged up and down the workbenches.

An ageing man moved over to the pair reluctantly, nervously. “Sir, I am the chief engineer on duty. How can I be of service?”

“These schematics are for a saberstaff.” Kylo Ren pulled a bundle of papers out from under his black tunic. “You are to help my apprentice with this project. Help her find any tools or material she needs.”

Then he turned to Rey. “I cannot be expected to babysit you all day, and I can hardly take you along on my duties. So I will leave you to it for the next few hours. Stay here until I come get you again, and don’t think about running off. I will know.”

Kylo Ren stalked off without much ceremony, evidently in a hurry to be somewhere. Rey shook her head - for somebody having been so singularly obsessed with capturing her and taking her on as his apprentice, Kylo Ren kept leaving her alone for long periods of time. This was a good thing, of course. Happy to be rid of him for the time being, Rey looked around.

The engineer had watched the exchange and shot her a sidelong, curious glance. He had been wondering how this nice-looking young woman had ended up a companion of the fearsome Kylo Ren, but now that he had seen she was a prisoner on a perhaps slightly longer leash than usual, the world made sense again.

“Name’s Guyes,” he introduced himself. “You want to build a lightsaber? Quite the unusual project. You’re one of those force-users then?”

“Yeah - sorry - I’m Rey.” Rey smiled at the man, genuinely pleased to meet someone on this ship who did not appear to be out to menace her. Guyes appeared to be in his late forties, she estimated, with greying black hair and striking green eyes. His arms, and his blue workman’s suit were covered in oil.

“Apprentice to Kylo Ren, huh?” He stated with an arched eyebrow as he led her to an empty workbench.

Rey shrugged a little sheepishly. “Long story.”

“Well, I sure as hell hope the Commander won’t rub off on you too much, or else I’ll have to fear for my life around you.” Guyes winked at her, and Rey smiled in half-amusement, half-surprise at such an unguarded and honest statement from someone who, at the end of the day, was a member of the First Order. “Well - I’ll leave you to it, young lady. If you need anything, just ask me.”

Rey thanked him and then studied the schematics Kylo Ren had left her with. They looked old, and whoever had drawn this specification must have been a Sith - the final sketch showed a metallic-black saberstaff with two fiery-red blades on each end. Luke had explained to her that the Sith used to use synthetic crystals that took on a red hue. Rey shuddered a little, wondering what colour her blade would turn out to be. Perhaps by the time she was done, hers, too, would erupt in fiery, corrupted red.

_No. That will not happen. You have a plan. Stick to it._

Pouring over the schematics for a while trying to make sense of them, Rey decided she would not follow them exactly. First and foremost, she did not want to copy some Sith, and secondly, she wanted to make sure to include the parts she had collected on Ahch-To already. Where the schematics really came in handy was in the description of the power grid’s setup - without them, Rey would not even have had a clue where to begin.

After wandering around the hall, picking up some tools and materials and relying on Guyes to help her find certain more specific items, Rey got to work and after a short while completely slipped into her own little world. She was so engrossed that she almost forgot being a prisoner on a First Order ship - but she still made sure to slip useful tools and materials into the folds of her clothes wherever she felt no one was watching her.

It was only hours later, when the hall grew quiet and the overhead light was dimmed, that Rey looked up and frowned. She appeared to be almost alone in the huge hall.

“Hey, Rey.” Guyes had appeared behind her once more. “Aren’t you getting tired? The soldiers do shifts around the clock, but us civilians keep to the day and night schedule. Want to join me and the guys in the Toolbox?”

“Toolbox?” Rey blinked, slowly coming back to the real world.

“The canteen, just downstairs. You don’t have to, of course; it just seems cruel to let you work all night, all on your own, without food and drink.”

Rey was a little confused. “Are you saying that if you go off work now, noone but me will be around?” _I’ll be alone with all these tools and materials and even some ships - and no one to supervise me?_

Guyes looked a little uncomfortable. “Well, essentially. We’re all off now. I heard you’re supposed to stay in this room, so if you prefer to do that, I could get you some grub at least?”

 _Bless this man_ , Rey thought. He was concerned for her wellbeing rather than about her destroying the whole workshop in an act of sabotage. That would be a possibility, of course, but it’d be silly and put Luke at risk pointlessly. Also, she had already hidden as many useful tools on her person as she dared steal for one day - any more, and she would risk Kylo Ren finding them on her. All in all, it was probably a lot smarter to try and gather some more intangible resources instead. She flashed Guyes the brightest smile she was capable of and put down her project.

“If it’s all the same to you, I’d love to come!”

“Sure thing. We’ll be working together for a while, won’t we? I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

~o0o~

Kylo Ren stalked along the _Finalizer_ ’s corridors, annoyed at having been delayed for so long. Snoke may have given him the girl as an apprentice including all the responsibility that entailed, but he had not deigned to lower his usual assignments. He could not drop the High Command meetings, either - there was the risk of being gradually sidelined and outmanoeuvred by General Hux.

And to make a long day even more irritating, of course the girl was not in the workshop anymore when he arrived there. Well, as it were, his instructions had been more of a test of obedience, to see how much leeway he could afford to allow her in good faith. Evidently, it was not much. She was still on the ship, though, not too far away - that much he could tell through the force.

His gaze, flitting over her workbench, caught on an experimental model of a saberstaff hilt - crude, but the girl clearly understood what she was about.

_Not bad for one day. Now, return to the workshop, and we will say no more about it._

There was no reply. Irritatedly, Kylo Ren felt for her in the force. She was not far away, and her presence felt - strange. He could not quite put a finger on it, but her emotions were running higher than usual, and her thoughts were moving more slowly. She seemed-- quite happy, actually.

 _Return to the workshop, girl._ Kylo Ren demanded, and was ignored once more. Or perhaps she genuinely didn’t hear him.

 _Where are you? Answer me._ He reached for her, tried to catch more glimpses of what she was experiencing, but it was like walking into a wall of fog. Her mind was addled. Had she been drugged?

He was beginning to get a bad feeling about this.

~o0o~

Canteen 14, just down the stairs and to the right of the workshop, was mostly frequented by engineers and technicians and therefore unofficially - and rather self-deprecatingly - called the ‘Toolbox’. The soldiers’ canteens tended to be somewhat stiff and gloomy even in the evenings, but in the Toolbox, with its mostly civilian patrons, a visitor might almost forget they were currently on a Star Destroyer, and instead fancy themselves in a pub on some peaceful planet. Rey, having been under a lot of stress and fear for her and Luke’s life during the last days, could hardly believe the change as soon as she stepped through the door.

“Lads, this is Rey, our new resident Jedi,” Guyes introduced her to the table around which his friends were seated - Lonny, Ern, Ted and Tilda. Rey, though startled by being introduced in such a way, was greeted with a warm enough welcome - mostly, at least. Ted seemed not too happy to have her around.

“Guyes, are you mad?” he whispered urgently, but still loud enough for Rey to hear. “They say she was there during the cargo hangar incident! She’s with _Kylo Ren_.”

“ _You don’t need to worry about Kylo Ren_ ,” Rey was quick to say, lacing this rather outrageous statement with the force for good measure. “I’ll be staying on this ship for a while. Nice to meet you all.”

And just like that, Rey was included at the table and had food set down before her, as well as a large glass of ale. It had only been once or twice that she ever had tried any alcohol at all - she had found a few bottles of strong liquor in starships once or twice, but it had been much more profitable to pawn them off for food. Thirsty as she was, therefore, Rey was too quick to finish her first glass, and not quite prepared for the effect it had on her. The alcohol spread through her like a warm glow. Only now that she felt herself relax, Rey realised how very much on edge she had continually been over the last few days.

 _Keep it together. You have an objective._ Rey admonished herself as she listened to the engineers’ animated talk, filtering it for useful information. One of the ‘lads’, Ern, was just a few years older than Rey, and judging by the way he made sure her glass was never empty, seemed determined to recommend himself to her.

“So, are you settling in well around here? The _Finalizer_ can be a bit overwhelming. I was just transferred here last week, as well. I get lost all the time.” He said, with an open, honest expression. “It’s such an amazing ship though, don’t you think?”

Rey privately felt a little alienated by Ern’s evident pride to be able to serve on the First Order’s flagship, but she jumped at the chance for find out more about the vessel she was being kept on.

“It really is!” She readily agreed. “It’s so hard to find your way around though. I was looking for sick bay yesterday, ended up lost somewhere in the stormtrooper barracks.”

“Oh, sick bay’s easy. Look, it’s right here!” Ern ducked slightly and pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket. Rey’s eyes widened when she saw it was a small, but detailed map of the _Finalizer_.

“I’m not supposed to have that, you know,” Ern added in a conspirative tone. “Won it off a senior officer.”

“Wow,” Rey breathed in a hushed tone, quickly looking around whether anyone else was paying attention to this particular exchange. “ _You want to give me that map._ ”

By the way Ern scrunched up his face, she knew her mind trick had failed. _Damn it_ , Rey cursed inwardly. The alcohol was blurring her senses, and though she had resolved to not have any more a while ago already, the effect of what she had already drunk seemed to gradually get worse still. Now that her abilities were diminished, Rey noticed to her own astonishment how much she had come to unconsciously rely on the force in recent weeks. In just this short while, this newfound, strange power had become second nature to her.

“Do I? You have a funny way of asking,” Ern said with a lopsided grin. “Well, I can’t really say no to a lady. Here you go. But--” He leaned in close. “It’ll be our secret, alright?”

“You can bet on that. Thank you, Ern.” Rey smiled conspiratorially as she let the map vanish in the folds of her tunic, and the young man actually blushed. It had honestly not even occurred to Rey to try and charm the map out of him, but - whatever worked.

“Ern, are you hitting on the new girl?” Tilda, a woman in her early 40s, butted in and smacked the young man over the head. “Don’t bite off more than you can chew. If she’s a Jedi, she can probably take your head clean off.”

“I’d never do that!” Rey protested.

“Hux’s boys beg to differ,” Guyes said lightly.

“Hux?” Rey asked. She could not remember hearing that name before.

“The General. Member of High Command, pretty much calls the shots on the _Finalizer_. Those were his cadets Kylo Ren slaughtered in the cargo hangar. Don’t tell me you don’t even know that?” Guyes asked incredulously.

 _You got caught up in a little feud I have going on with a fellow officer._ That had been all the explanation Kylo Ren had offered her.

“Ah,” Rey murmured. “Well, I’ve never met him, but it seems like he doesn’t like me much.”

“Maybe you accidentally kicked his cat,” Ern said jokingly, and laughter broke out around the table. Rey joined in freely, relieving herself of all the stress and sadness of the last few days. She could not remember when she had had reason to spontaneously burst out like that, and a part of her marvelled that now she was doing so in the presence of people who, for all intents and purposes, were her enemies. They were employees of the First Order, they worked to destroy her friends at the Resistance, were looking to conquer the galaxy. But they were normal people - nice people. And had not Finn, too, been a stormtrooper once? Now he was her best friend.

“This war is bloody stupid,” Rey murmured quietly to herself. She had not intended for anyone to hear her, but then, she had also not noticed how the Toolbox had fallen deathly quiet, and her companions were staring at something behind her in horror.

“That may be, but it is necessary nevertheless,” Kylo Ren said, looming directly behind her in full costume. Rey jerked in surprise, so much so she nearly fell off her chair. How could she not have felt him come? Had the alcohol clouded her abilities that badly?

“Who are you people?” Kylo Ren asked her companions, dangerously quiet. “Who authorised you to take my apprentice with you?”

“Turbolaser maintenance squad EN-12-A, sir. I’m chief engineer Guyes, we met this morning, sir.” Guyes stammered. “I took the liberty of asking Rey here if she wanted to come along for dinner. I really meant no disrespect, I did not realise--”

Rey could not believe it when Kylo Ren actually let his lightsaber flare up. The atmosphere was at breaking point; she did not need any force abilities to be able to tell as much. No one in the Toolbox dared make a move.

“Has the General put you up to this?” Kylo Ren inquired softly, “ _Do not lie to me._ ”

Guyes paled, and Rey had enough. “What is wrong with you?” She jumped up and planted herself between Kylo Ren and her companions, a little unsteadily. “These people did nothing bad! I just went to dinner with them! _Dinner._ It’s a thing. Look it up sometime.”

Rey was too angry to realise that perhaps she should choose her words more carefully and not pour oil onto the fire. But at least she had diverted his attention away from her companions. He looked straight at her now, or at least she thought he did - hard to tell under his mask.

“You did not reply to my summons,” he pointed out angrily.

“I did not hear any,” Rey snapped.

“Because your senses are diminished. I thought you had been drugged.”

“Yeah, well. I haven’t. I just had a little bit of ale,” she said vehemently, and Ern, who primarily had been pouring her all that ale, shrank back in his chair, probably wishing to drop into a hole. Kylo Ren took a general look around the Toolbox, and then settled on Rey’s companions.

“Let it be known,” he said. “That any attempt at fraternising with my apprentice, any conversation, any contact at all that is not strictly professional will be met with severe punishment. That goes for you as well, girl. I distinctly told you to stay in the workshop. I will have my orders followed.”

With that, he deactivated his lightsaber. Rey squared her jaw angrily, but stayed silent.

 _Come._ Maybe it was his proximity, maybe it was the fact that the sudden rush of adrenaline had made her to sober up quite a bit, but Rey caught that order through their force bond quite clearly. He whirled around, and Rey, shooting one last apologetic glance at her companions, silently followed. Once they were gone, the entire Toolbox breathed a collective sigh of relief.

“I told you this was a bad idea, Guyes,” Ted said, tonelessly.

~o0o~

Silence reigned as Kylo Ren stalked back to the officers’ quarters, with Rey trailing behind, trying to guard her thoughts. This evening had come dangerously close to a disaster, but it still had the potential to do so - that was, if Kylo Ren found the map on her, or the pieces of stolen tools and materials.

 _Don’t let him catch on._ She told herself, making sure to muddle her thoughts and drag her feet perhaps a little more than necessary to throw him off. It was not entirely an act, anyway, the alcohol was still affecting her.

“I thought Hux had sent someone after you again.”

Rey was so astonished at his unexpected words she stopped dead in her tracks. Was he trying to apologise for his extreme reaction? Or rather--

“You were worried?”

He turned around, the mask preventing her from reading any expression on his face.

“Does that really surprise you? Had I not found you in time yesterday, you might have been killed. It was not too much of a stretch to imagine--” He broke off, shaking his head slightly, and continued in a changed tone of voice.

“You’ll do well to remember that while you are my apprentice, you are also a prisoner. I am not so naive as to expect loyalty from you, and so I must limit your contact to the crew only to what is strictly necessary to prevent treachery and sabotage.”

Rey was silent, looking to the floor. He took a step towards her, and then it came, the inevitable suspicious inquiry.

“Tell me. What are you plotting? What did you hope to accomplish, befriending these people?”

“Finding company that isn’t out to hurt me.” It was not like she had to fake the exhaustion and loneliness in her voice. That, too, had been a genuine motivation after all.

He turned away, and even though the mask betrayed nothing and he did not say a word, Rey dimly perceived an array of conflicting emotions in him. They walked the rest of the way in silence.

“Starting tomorrow I will insist on morning as well as evening sparring every day. But it is late tonight as it is, and you are inebriated. Rest,” he ordered curtly, ushered her inside, activated the ray shield and locked the door.

Alone in her quarters, Rey breathed a sigh of relief. She had been agonising over how she was to keep her loot secret if he insisted on fighting. For whatever reason, in not further pressing into her motivations and in letting her rest, he had shown her compassion tonight. She suddenly was almost gripped by irrational guilt that she was abusing that compassion the way she did.

 _Stop._ Her rational thought chimed in. _You owe him nothing. You are under duress. Remember he would have murdered Luke right in front of you._

And that was it. She would be relentless in her resistance towards him, like General Organa was towards the First Order as a whole. Taking care not to get too excited and alert Kylo Ren to the change in her mood, Rey hurried over to the desk and pulled out the hidden tools and materials out from under various folds of her clothes, as well as today’s most important treasure - the map.

Heart beating, she smoothed it out on the desk, tracing her eyes along the rooms and corridors on the various decks, committing everything to memory.

_The sick bay - down there, in the bow section, near the Stormtrooper barracks. Hold on, Luke. Just a little bit longer now._

Then she laid out the equipment she had smuggled out, and got to work.

~o0o~

Ben Solo was seven years old again, and the whispers had come again in the dead of the night.

_Wake up. Rise._

“Who’s there?”

_They would have you deny the darkness inside you. They would have you renounce your heritage._

“Go away! I’m calling my dad!” The boy said, more forcefully.

_Han Solo? He can not help you. He does not understand you. Your own father thinks you are a freak, and your mother is afraid of you. They will break up because of you. Soon they will send you away. All because they fear what you are._

“Shut up, shut up!” Ben shouted. “They told me not to listen to you!”

_They can’t see how beautiful you are. How strong. I can see it, my child. Look into the mirror. Go on, look._

The boy switched on the light of his bedside lamp with a wave of his hand, and hesitantly climbed out of his bed. He walked over to his closet, one door of which was a mirror.

_Look at who you are. Who you were born to be._

Shaking slightly, the boy stepped closer towards the mirror. His mirror image showed himself, but the eyes-- the eyes! A blaze of yellow and red, like those of a Sith.

Ben Solo screamed, and Kylo Ren shot out of bed, drenched in sweat, a splitting headache torturing him. A dream. An old memory. Why?

_Why am I remembering these things now?_

  
[to be continued]


	16. What's In A Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Kylo Ren makes a tactical error, and Rey has a taste of freedom.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your reviews, everybody, they continue to make my day! x By the way, I'm sorry about the strange formatting whenever anything is in italics. I wrote the entire thing on google docs, and somehow the formatting does not transfer well. 
> 
> Oh, and - I know the tags have been promising smut since day 1, but it's still some time (uh, ten chapters) off. Give our brave heroes some time to really get desperate about each other. ;-)

**Part II, Chapter V: What’s In A Name** **  
** _[In which Kylo Ren makes a tactical error, and Rey has a taste of freedom.]_

~o0o~

The following days passed in a kind of stable routine that, had Rey ever spent a thought on it at all before, she would never have expected to have as an apprentice to Kylo Ren.

He would show up in her quarters at 0700 hours sharp and make her spar with him for roughly an hour - longer if there was time. At some point he had exasperatedly given up on making her fight with a sword, and had procured a simple wooden staff for her from somewhere. It struck Rey how purely technical these lessons were - this was training any martial artist would undergo, not even specifically geared towards force-sensitives.

“You said these were toys,” Rey said a little puzzled, indicating at her staff and his training sword. “Why are we not training with lightsabers?”

“Your raw power in the force masks the fact that your form is lacking,” he replied. “That is a weakness that could prove fatal down the line. You rely too much on your opponent underestimating you, but it is a trick that only works once. So I am not giving you a lightsaber until you have at least a semblance of a solid technical basis.”

It was eerie how this sounded almost exactly like something Luke had said before. It was true, Rey’s style was self-taught, had been forged in countless real-life confrontations. It relied on situational awareness, making her surroundings work for her and resorting to any means necessary, however desperate, however dirty. In this empty, bare-walled training room, facing a highly skilled opponent on whom underhanded feints just did not seem to work, Rey felt reduced to a complete novice.

She was strong, agile and learning fast, however, and though praise was sparely given, sometimes Rey thought she could see a gleam in his eyes and perceive a surge of excitement from him through their bond. He enjoyed this, she realised - not demonstrating his superiority, but teaching her and watching her apply it. Kylo Ren was a swordsman at the end of the day, but he made an effort to translate his moves to ones that she could execute with her staff - and as he taught her, Rey felt she gained a better understanding of the philosophy behind his style, which had seemed so erratic to her at first glance. It wasn’t, though. It was aggressive and somewhat reckless, but deliberate and efficient. It was a far cry from how she had seen him fight on Starkiller Base.

To her own private horror, Rey noticed that this, his aggressive style, came a lot more easily to her than the defensive Jedi philosophy of subduing an opponent’s aggression by deflecting and redirecting it. Even worse, whenever she did catch that gleam in his eyes or that surge of excitement from him, she caught herself feeling validated. It felt good, it was _flattering_ to receive this kind of recognition from someone so powerful, and Rey, angry at herself, stomped down on this vanity. Kylo Ren was not who she should seek validation from. _Luke is your teacher. Kylo Ren is an enemy. Don’t let him draw you in._

After morning sparring, Kylo Ren would take her to the workshop. He may have showed compassion for her longing for friendly company on this ship, but he would not allow her to have any - fraternising, any social contact between herself and the other workers would be punished. This he reconfirmed in a short general announcement to everyone in the workshop on the morning after her visit to the Toolbox.

To ensure these rules were followed, guards were now posted at every exit. They shadowed Rey even for toilet breaks - it was starting to get her down and made stealing things a lot harder. The presence of the troopers changed the light-hearted, bustling atmosphere in the workshop to a subdued gloom as the workers now not only kept well away from her, but also were a lot more stiff, preoccupied and watched what they said in general. Rey mouthed an apology to Guyes as he passed her, but he made no indication that he had seen it.

In the evenings, Kylo Ren would collect her and take her back to her quarters for another sparring session - if he could not make it before late at night, it meant she was to keep working until he did, watched by stormtroopers. Evening sparring was tricky because by then Rey had usually stuffed her clothes and boots with stolen tools and materials, and each night was a gamble to not allow him to find them on her. She circumvented the problem by taking a trip to the bathroom first thing after arriving at her quarters, and hiding her loot in the shower.

It was almost turning into a game. He might have the edge during training every morning and evening, but she continued to successfully outsmart him in regards to her secret project. In total, her stay on the _Finalizer_ now almost came up to two weeks, and determined as she was not to let it show, Rey grew more and more worried for Master Luke.

“I want to see Luke,” she said on the evening after a particularly long day in the workshop during which she had hardly seemed to make any progress and had managed to burn through three energy convertors. Kylo Ren had come back very late and was looking tired himself, but still was adamant about having their evening sparring session. Rey was irritated and worn out. As much as she loved building things, the exhausting schedule and the troopers shadowing her were taking their toll.

“I told you. Don’t beg, earn the privilege,” Kylo Ren replied as they circled each other.

“What do you want, another kiss?” She snapped, perhaps not the wisest allusion to make, but she was tired and irritable. Instantly she was thrown to the ground by the force and crushed, not as brutally as Snoke had done on their first meeting, but still highly uncomfortably.

“You know what you have to do,” Kylo Ren said calmly. She had gotten quite good at gauging when he was honestly calm, slightly-irritated-calm, and will-throw-tantrum-in-three-seconds-calm. This was his “slightly irritated” setting.

Rey groaned and called the force to herself, pushing off the pressure that bore her down and got to her feet, summoning her staff back into her hands. Kylo Ren looked on without hindering her and seemed satisfied that these movements were becoming second nature to her.

“Was that your full strength?” She asked, back to circling him.

“You have never seen my full strength,” he said flatly. “Anyway, ‘full strength’ is not even a concept for force users. I can’t believe Skywalker would let you harbor such an idea.”

It bothered Rey immensely that Kylo Ren kept dismissing Luke’s qualities as her teacher when he had been the one who had interrupted her brief time with Luke, but before she could call him out on it, he continued.

“Don’t think of the force as something that can be measured. Your mind is your only limit. The more you’re willing to open it, the more powerful you will be.”

“Show me, then,” she demanded. “How _open your mind_ is. Just so I know what I’m up against.”

He snorted lightly. “If you’re so curious - earn it. Make me use it _._ You won’t get far unless you open your mind to the dark side yourself, though.”

“You’re starting to piss me off,” Rey murmured.

“And you’re starting to bore me,” he retorted.

“Great. Let’s all go home,” Rey said, turning abruptly and walking away towards her living room. He did exactly what she had counted on.

_Don’t turn your back on me._

He was behind her lightning-quick, but she had already started moving as well, all the while keeping her mind completely blank. Her staff, which she had theatrically waved in the air just a moment ago, struck out backwards as she threw herself back without even turning around. She felt his breath knocked out of him as its tip caught him straight in the stomach. Without letting up for a second, Rey propelled herself around and hit him squarely under the chin with the strongest force punch she could muster. It was a credit to his force-powered reflexes that he was even able to deflect as much of it as he did, but it still hit him hard enough to send him stumbling backwards. Rey moved like a desert snake, using her entire body weight supported by the far more consequential impact of the force to slam him to the ground and bind him there in the tightest force grip she could muster, kneeling on his chest with the tip of her staff on his throat. Had she done it on her own to make a point, or had it been it his force hold that stopped her staff just inches away from his larynx? Had it been both, simultaneously? Rey could not say, but the fact was, she _had_ overpowered him.  

“There.” With a huff, but smirking triumphantly, she looked down on him. “What does that earn me, Plutt?”

“There can be no occasion for name-calling,” he said half surprised, half indignantly. Well, if anything she had unlocked another mood setting on the man, Rey noted drily.

She felt him slip out from under her hold and was flung off just an instant later, stopping in mid-air as he caught her in his own force grip. She immediately started to wind herself out of it, but before she had fully freed herself, he poked her lightly with his sword.

“There.” He threw her own words back at her. “I’d call this a tie. Well done hiding your true intentions from me, anyway. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“A tie? I took you down, fair and square. That was worth something. I want to see Luke, now!” Rey protested as he turned to the door. He was going to just leave like that?

_Like hell you are._

She rushed at his retreating back and realised her mistake even as she did. But it was too late already - eyes wide open, she walked right into her own trap. His wooden sword, snaking out backwards, caught her full in the stomach. Rey wheezed and, knowing what was likely coming now, pulled up a force barrier to protect her face. The punch still sent her flying backwards, and while she was still reeling, he was on top of her, bearing down on her with the force and locking her in another force grip.

Rey closed her eyes in frustration. She had been a complete idiot to walk into that one.

“Had you actually defended against this, I would have taken you to see Skywalker. As things _are,_ ” Kylo Ren pressed her wrists for good measure. “What you have earned today is your name.”

“Oh, thank you so very much,” she said through gritted teeth, finding herself unable to wind out from under the overwhelming pressure that kept her down. Still not Snoke-level bad, but damn it all--

“This your full strength then?” She managed to get out, trying to push against his force with hers. She couldn’t breathe anymore, but like _hell_ was she going to beg him--

“That’s for another day,” he said, abruptly lifting the pressure and getting off her. Rey huffed and, without thinking, took the hand he offered to pull her up. The gesture felt so natural she did not even realise what she had allowed herself to do until she was back on her feet. _Damn it._ Eyes widening slightly, she stepped back. He really _was_ drawing her in; she needed to be more careful.

If he took note of any significance of this - objectively speaking - tiny gesture, he did not show it. Instead, he turned to leave, for real this time. “See you tomorrow, Rey.”

Rey found herself strangely affected by hearing him speak her name for the first time. It suddenly made her realise that she, too, had been skirting this issue. She thought of him as ‘Kylo Ren’, used that name when speaking about him, but had not once _addressed_ him by that name. Instead, on two occasions she had called him Ben, once in anger, once in wonder.

But in truth, different from Luke, she had no idea who this ‘Ben’ had been once. To her, this man was Kylo Ren. A name she had learnt in a nightmare, the name of a faceless menace. It was the name of a concept, not of a person. It was easy to use in a curse, easy to speak of in anger, but could not easily be conjoined with something as casual, _normal_ as a “Good night”. How could this man be lodged in her mind so deeply, how could she instinctively take the hand he offered, and yet not even have a safe name for him?

Rey exhaled sharply, staring at the stars outside, and the utter strangeness of her relationship with this person hit her once more.

“Kylo Ren.” She murmured softly, trying the syllables out on her tongue and briefly wondered if he had as much trouble calling her ‘Rey’. She hoped he had. She hoped it made him cringe, to have to acknowledge her as her own person with a name and agency.

Well, whatever else he was, he was the one she needed to defeat to save her real Master.

When she was sure he was gone, Rey padded into the living room. Rummaging under the mattress in the alcove, she pulled out her secret project from underneath and laid it out onto her table, taking care to keep out of view from the guard outside. Then, she dipped into the bathroom and procured today’s loot from where she had hidden it before sparring. This was it - these last few additions would allow her to put together a blaster. A makeshift, shoddy one, but a blaster nonetheless - a blaster no one expected she had.

This was a gimmick at best though, a little thing to give her an edge. It would not help her defeat Kylo Ren, who she knew could stop blaster bolts with his saber and his bare hands if need be. And it certainly wasn’t a plan in itself. But still. She had learnt biding her time on Jakku.

_One step after another._

~o0o~

Kylo Ren rubbed his eyes a little despairingly as he entered his own quarters and wondered whether he had made a mistake, conceding her the right to be addressed by name. Why was that even such a big deal? It was just a name.

_Rey._

A name for that thorn in his side, for the memory deep within, that light, that taste, that feel, that longing. If he addressed her by her name, he addressed everything he associated her with, and all these aspects suddenly became a lot more real, almost tangible. Rey curled up against him, skin on skin in a dream. Rey smiling triumphantly down on him, face glowing, just now. Rey’s lips on his. All that power, and he was still weak towards her. This weakness had gotten Darth Vader killed.

_I’m going to have to kill her before she destroys me._

Nonsense. He was not that weak. He was still in control. He could concede calling her by his name once or twice a day instead of ‘girl’.

_Rey. Light. Taste. Feel._

With a frustrated yell, Kylo Ren threw over his table and slashed it to pieces with his lightsaber.

~o0o~

Rey lay in her bed, eyes wide in the darkness, clutching the blaster she had put together and hoping it would not fall apart at the first shot. She listened into the force. What she was about to attempt would surely not work while Kylo Ren was awake. But even he needed to sleep sometime.

Carefully, so as not to alert him, she touched their force bond. He was still awake, but only barely. Something was apparently troubling him, but she was not at leisure to find out, nor was she mad enough to poke.

“Finally,” she breathed when a change in the energy flow told her Kylo Ren had slipped off into sleep. She waited ten more minutes, then got up and padded to her door, pulling down the dark hood of her tunic to conceal her face. What had Luke said to her once during their short-lived training? _Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’._

She ducked, slipping past the first door into the airlock. The ray shield shone softly before her. Through the window to the outer door, she could see the stormtrooper that was guarding her in the dim light of the corridor. He was standing with his back to her - after what had happened with Hux’ cadets, he had probably been instructed to stop anyone attempting to get into her quarters, and was less expecting her to try and get out. Big mistake.

Rey took a deep breath. This was it. She had one shot at this. This either worked, or she’d be in big, big trouble.

She reached out with the force past the shield, to the door. _Do, or do not._

_Open._

The lock gave way, the hydraulic door pulled back, and the guard turned around in surprise, immediately lifting his weapon. Rey flung out both her arms and choked him. The stormtrooper froze without making a sound.

“ _You will disable the ray shield,_ ” she ordered, pressing into the guard’s mind. He was strong-willed, she could tell, had probably been picked as her guard for exactly that reason. Rey increased the pressure. ‘Do not’ was not an option now.

“ _You will. Disable. The ray shield,_ ” she repeated, and finally, she felt the man relent. She let the force grip drop, and watched him move towards the control panel. As the shield fell, Rey stepped into the corridor and drowned her hapless victim’s senses with the force, shutting his mind down like Kylo Ren had done to her on Takodana.

Allowing herself a triumphant smile, she caught him to prevent his armor from making any noise. Then she pulled him inside the airlock - hopefully, the absence of a trooper that should be there would not be as noticeable as a knocked-out one - and locked the outer door behind her.

Her heart was beating up to her throat as she listened into the force. She had used her powers quite excessively and felt as if she was humming with adrenaline - had Kylo Ren felt it, had he woken up? But all was silent, which meant the worst was over. If she didn’t screw this up now, she might get far tonight.

Clutching her blaster, Rey slipped through the corridors. It was too bad that a ship like this never really went to sleep. But at least here, in the officer’s part of the ship, nighttime was still somewhat of a concept, and the corridors were quieter.

Rey followed the guidance of Ern’s map, taking care to duck out of the way whenever she felt a life form approach. This was easier than she had thought. If she kept this up, she would reach the sick bay in no time. Tonight was reconnaissance, anyway, a test run. She was in no way ready to mount an actual escape.

The sick bay’s entrance lay down a long, wide corridor that bore no cover, and of course, there were two stormtroopers posted at the door - many more would await her inside, if Luke Skywalker really was somewhere beyond. That was what she had to find out.

Rey cowered in a reasonably safe corner, and glanced out into the corridor, watching the two figures from afar. She looked down at the blaster in her hands, set to stun, but never once fired - untested. Could she dare it? Even if she took out those two, what if more were alerted, what if an alarm was sounded? She’d never get back into her quarters undetected. No, the risk wasn’t worth it, she needed to find another way. She could wait for someone to leave sick bay and mind-trick the information out of them, for example. Yes, that would be a much smarter thing to do.

She had not finished the thought when an inconspicuous door suddenly slid open in the wall right opposite her, and a maintenance trolley was pushed out by a bored-looking man in an overall.

Rey did not even think, she simply reacted. Before the man could look down and notice the crouched figure right before him, she’d fired her blaster. _Stupid, stupid, stupid, why didn’t I just knock him out with the force?_ She cursed as the man keeled over and toppled over his cart with maximum noise. But the blaster had been ready at hand, and she had panicked.

Rey did not wait around to find out whether the two guards on the sickbay down the corridor would come over to investigate the commotion - they were certain to. She ducked and rushed away unseen, hastening back through nearly empty corridors to her room.

Her guard was still unconscious when she pulled him out of the double-door lock to her room - well, she had only been away for a quarter of an hour, tops. Hastily she pulled him up against the wall and whispered quickly and urgently: _“You don’t remember seeing me here. Nothing strange happened.”_

The man stirred, groaning softly, and Rey added hurriedly: _“You forgot to raise the ray shield._ ”

Then she slipped back inside her room, locked both doors behind her, stuffed her blaster back under the mattress and threw herself onto the bed just as a noise outside told her the stormtrooper had snapped out of his befuddlement and was really taking in his surroundings.

Bewildered, the trooper turned around to check on the door, only to find it locked securely. A glance through the window set him at ease: through the double doors in the dim light, he could clearly see the prisoner’s still figure lying peacefully in her bed. With some horror, however, the guard now realised that what was missing was the glow of the ray shield between the two doors.

“Shit.” He murmured, quickly punching in the code at the control panel to bring it back up. Thank heavens he had noticed his mistake now, and not in a few hours when Kylo Ren would appear again. His comrade was still suffering nightmares from how Kylo Ren had nearly killed him for allowing Hux’s cadets to take the prisoner away the other day.

Inside her bed, Rey calmed her frantically beating heart, quickly confirming Kylo Ren had not stirred throughout her entire expedition.

Win some, lose some - she was still not any closer to finding out where Luke was, but she knew now that she could get out of her quarters and move around the ship undetected, and no one had seen her even though she’d screwed up a little. A map of the ship, a secret blaster, a way to slip out. Slowly but surely, the tools for Luke’s rescue and their escape were coming together.

She allowed herself a proud little smile before dropping off to sleep.

 

[to be continued]


	17. Soresu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Kylo Ren crosses Rey's plans, and Rey earns another privilege.]

**Part II, Chapter VI - Soresu** **  
** _[In which Kylo Ren crosses Rey's plans, and Rey earns another privilege.]_

~o0o~

“Wake up.”

Rey opened her eyes blearily. She felt like she had only been asleep for five minutes. Maybe it had just been five minutes. Maybe Kylo Ren was on to her. What time was it? Why was it always so damn gloomy on this ship? She untangled herself from her bed and scrambled to her feet, blinking at him in confusion.

“Morning sparring,” he reminded her flatly.

“Yeah, sure,” Rey replied lamely, just to say something. Morning sparring. Right, that’s why he was here. She stumbled after him into her training room and grabbed her staff. He had no idea about her nightly foray. Everything was fine. Rey relaxed - too early, as it turned out.

“Do you know, the strangest thing happened last night,” Kylo Ren said conversationally as he took up position opposite of her, watching her expression. “It was just made known to me that a few hours ago, near sick bay, a maintenance worker was shot with a blaster. He’ll live, but he’s apparently rather badly wounded.”

As he spoke, they had fallen into an easy warm-up routine of back-and-forth swings.

“My condolences. When did _you_ start caring about anyone on this ship?” Rey said drily, keeping her mind carefully blank. It was better to be impertinent; if she acted meekly, it would surely make him more suspicious of her.

“Naturally the guards around sick bay are a little bit on edge, and don’t react well to anything strange happening near them, having to keep watch over a very particular guest,” he went on, still watching her closely as they continued to exchange blows. Rey did perk up at the mention of Luke, but then, that would have been natural in any situation. Well, she thought, in a roundabout way she had just fulfilled last night’s objective. Kylo Ren had pretty much just confirmed where Luke was held.

“Sounds like they were so much on edge they accidentally shot the poor guy,” Rey volunteered. “What, are they saying some mystery attacker did it?”

“No. They say they didn’t see anyone around at all. It really is a puzzle, isn’t it?” He pressed her, locking her in a defensive position and searched her face for the slightest movement. Rey answered his stare flatly, carefully guarding her thoughts. _There is no emotion._

“You know, I’m getting this odd feeling that you suspect I had something to do with this,” she said with a frown, pushing him back. “But I like to think that if it had been me, I wouldn’t have been so stupid to use a blaster on this man. I would have just used the force.”

“Yes, I also would like to give you _that_ much credit,” Kylo Ren replied. “So, just now I asked your guard outside if anything odd at all happened tonight. He swore on his life nothing happened except that he must have forgotten to raise the ray shield after I left last night, but that you were definitely asleep in here the entire time.”

Rey’s heart was pounding up to her throat but she took the greatest care not to move a muscle. “Well, there you have it,” she said.

Instantly Kylo Ren closed the distance between them, pressed her against the wall and stared into her eyes. She felt his temper bubble.

“I would kill the guard for such a mistake, if I did not distinctly remember that I raised the shield last night myself. So stop lying to me, and tell me. What did you do? _Show me._ ”

He let his left hand hover over her face, and Rey felt a familiar pressure flowing through their force bond and build up on the outer edges of her conscience like an army waiting to strike. Without thinking, her hand shot out, hovering in front of his face in turn.

“Don’t you dare pull that on me again,” she hissed. “Or I’ll turn your mind inside out. Aren’t you scared of what I might find?”

There was a flicker in his eyes. _I rather think_ you _should be._

There was a long pause during which they were locked in this position, minds pointed at each other like sharpened spears - until finally, Kylo Ren pulled back. Rey exhaled a shuddering breath.

“Deny all you want. I know you did this,” he said evenly. “Clearly I have underestimated all the ways in which you are already applying what I am teaching you. Opening locks, sneaking around, gathering resources, subjugating lesser minds. As your Master, I heartily applaud you. As your warden, it admittedly puts me in a difficult position.”

As he spoke, he turned to leave the training room. Anxiously, Rey peered around the corner to see what he was doing. He crossed her living room in measured steps, looking around. He stopped in front of her bed and, with one movement, lifted her covers and mattress to uncover her blaster.

“I had not expected you to hold the continued safety of your so-called ‘real teacher’ in such as low regard as to risk it over a toy like this.” He turned back to her, showing her his find.

“‘Surprise me, overpower me, defeat me.’ That’s what you said would earn me privileges,” Rey quoted at him, her eyes hardening at the threat against Luke. The game may be up, but she would not back down.

“A rather free interpretation, wouldn’t you say? Allow me to freely interpret the following then: ‘If you sabotage the First Order, you will be punished’,” he quoted back at her, a dangerous edge in his voice.

“Fine. But stunning a maintenance worker is not equivalent to executing the last Jedi.” Rey shot back, squaring her jaw and crossing her arms. “So dish out whatever punishment you deem necessary, but leave Luke out of it.”

“You drive a risky bargain, scavenger. Take care you do not overplay your hand. I hold all the aces.” Kylo Ren said darkly.

There was another pregnant pause as they looked silently at each other; Kylo Ren in evident irritation, Rey in defiance. She refused to be threatened, and in case he did decide to do something bad to her or Luke, she rejected the insinuation that it was her own fault. _It’s on you, Kylo Ren, all of it._ The terms of their agreement had been formed on the premise of her being his prisoner. That would never change. She could not, would never stop trying everything to get away.

Kylo Ren did not even have to read her mind to see her thoughts written all over her face, and Rey found herself -- surprised at his reaction. She picked up on his emotions clearly, and rather than anger or malice, what reigned supreme was frustration. Things were not going his way, and he did not know how make them to. It was a strange thing to feel for someone who proclaimed to ‘hold all the aces’.

But finally, he appeared to have reached a conclusion. “Obviously, you require an even closer watch. From now on, you will be staying with me in my quarters.”

Rey froze. “What?”

“You heard me. Believe me it gives me no pleasure to constantly have to look after you,” Kylo Ren said. “But you have made it obvious your word cannot be trusted. Perhaps I should not have expected honour among scavengers.”

Rey flushed angrily at the insult. How dare _this man_ talk to her about honour?

“Stop gaping at me and come on, we’re leaving.” Kylo Ren put on his helmet and motioned for her to hurry up, obviously impatient to get her to the workshop.

 _You are holding me prisoner. Stop turning the situation on its head._ Rey thought angrily, not caring whether or not he picked up on it as she trudged after him. She would now be watched 24/7 - in his quarters, in the workshop, in her very mind, even in her dreams - and the mere idea killed her inside. _Calm down. Focus. Keep going. You can do this._

She turned a corner that would lead them to the workshop, but Kylo Ren gripped her arm and pushed her down another corridor.

“Not today. I’ve thought of something better to teach you.” There was an edge of cruelty in his voice, and Rey’s heart sank. This could not be good.

Her anxiety heightened when she realised he was taking her deep into the belly of the _Finalizer_ once more, the way she had already gone before, when the cadets had taken her to their secret arena. Once more, they passed the stormtrooper’s barracks until finally, they reached the cargo deck. Rey did not dare to ask what he was planning, but she was sure now that her impending relocation was not the only punishment he had in mind.

“You remember this place,” he said sardonically as he opened the door to the very same hangar where he had slaughtered all the soldiers. Meekly, Rey stepped inside. The place had been scrubbed clean of any trace of what had taken place here, but she still shuddered a little. The hangar was completely empty, as were the shelves and the scaffolding.

“We’re down here because it is the most suitable place on this ship for today’s lesson,” Kylo Ren said. He calmly set down his mask aside once more and walked into the middle of the room. “Enough space, no cover.”

At his words Rey took a few steps back, assuming a defensive position and gathering the force around her, anticipating some kind of attack. What she did not expect was him throwing her a lightsaber - Luke’s lightsaber.

“Originally I was not going to go into lightsaber training until you had finished your own,” Kylo Ren said. “But this will serve both as a valuable lesson and punishment for your actions, if you fail it.”

He raised his arm, and Rey saw that he was holding the blaster she had built. Instinctively she threw herself to the ground as a beam shot past above, where her head had just been. Frantically she rolled around and got up just before another shot blackened the floor in front of her feet. As he had said, there was no cover here, nowhere to hide.

“Usually blaster deflection training is done with attack drones. But given the situation, I feel a more personal touch is appropriate.” He advanced, and Rey, poised to jump, backed away in a slow circle.

“What, is a drone not quite lethal enough?” She scoffed.

“Quite the opposite. A drone will not hesitate to kill you. I will merely hurt you, if you do not defend yourself. If you don’t want that, I suggest you activate that lightsaber.”

Kylo Ren pointed the blaster at her once more. He really meant business, Rey realised. The next shot went past her neck so close she could feel the heat on her skin, and she scrambled to ignite the green blade. His next shot hit the lightsaber cleanly - he had been aiming for it. The blade sizzled and spat sparks, but nullified the beam.

“As you know very well, this is a potentially deadly weapon. Han Solo prided himself on being a very good shot and insisted I train from a very early age instead of relying on my ‘mumbo jumbo’, as he put it,” Kylo Ren said conversationally, expertly twirling the blaster in his hand once, twice.

“Han Solo? Your loving father, whom you _murdered_?” She spat, hot anger flaring up despite her best attempts to control it. How dare he bring Han up so casually?

“It just goes to show how much of a fool he has always been,” Kylo Ren said, not missing a beat. “To a well-trained force user, a blaster poses little danger.”

Rey remembered how Kylo Ren had chased her through the forest on Takodana, easily defending against every single shot she fired at him. It had been a game to him then, but to her - blaster shots were way too fast to see coming, let alone to try and deflect them.

The next shot hit her left shoulder, and Rey went down instantly with a scream, dropping her saber. The shock of impact was bad, but the pain was worse.

“Quite a liberal definition of ‘stun setting’, wouldn’t you agree?” Kylo Ren said, pointing the blaster at her on the ground. “That’s what you shot that unfortunate maintenance worker with.”

“Again - since when do _you_ care?” Rey said through gritted teeth, summoning Luke’s saber back to her hand. Her left arm was hanging limply, hurting, the power of the blast having temporarily rendered it useless.

“I don’t. I just thought you might, what with all your lightside goodness.” He shrugged. “I have taken five shots at you now. How many do you think this thing can fire before it falls apart? I rather suggest you seriously start defending yourself. Use your feelings, not your eyes.”

He lifted the blaster once more, but this time Rey was ready.

 _Use your feelings._ Time seemed to slow to a crawl as she felt rather than watched his finger curl, felt the blast building up in the force, and moved her blade accordingly, just _so_. When time came flowing back, the blast sizzled out on her blade.

“Well done,” Kylo Ren said - and it sounded genuine; he was actually proud of her. Unfortunately, he had a rather cruel way of showing it. “Now that you’ve got the basics down, let’s step it up a bit.”

And he fired three more shots. The first Rey dodged, having predicted its trajectory, the second she deflected, but the third hit her in the right upper leg. With a cry, she went down once more. _That damned--_ This was not a lesson, this was punishment after all.

“Use the force to speed up your movements,” he told her. “Otherwise you won’t be able to keep up, even if you can see the blast coming.”

Rey struggled to get back up. Her dominant leg was hurting so badly, it was shaking uncontrollably. She bit down on her lips hard, trying to ignore the pain, and was surprised by the sudden presence of Kylo Ren, steadying her from behind. One arm snaked around her, securing her against him.

“When you have been hit by enemy fire, you have two choices,” he said, his breath ghosting down her neck, and she shuddered involuntarily. His hand was gliding down to her leg to where he had shot her, hovering over the wound. Rey gasped slightly when she felt his power flow over it. Whatever he was doing, it was dimming the pain.

“You can do it the Jedi way, as I’m sure my uncle has taught you to. Accept the pain, but do not let it rule your actions. Compartmentalise it, shut it away in your mind, somewhere where it does not impede you. Or--”

Hand curling into a fist, he punched the wound, and Rey could not help but scream out in agony. She would have collapsed, had he not held her up firmly.

“You can use it to your advantage. Embrace it, transform it into power, let it fuel you.”

Rey had a brief vision of him on Starkiller Base, a gaping wound in his side. He had been hitting his own wound before taking on Finn and herself, aggravating the injury to keep himself on his feet, to stay focused. Even then she had thought it was the most insane thing she had ever seen anyone do.

“Feel it. I know you can. No, don’t black out on me now.”

Rey felt a welcome darkness creep up on her through the intense pain, but there was something else. An even darker whisper tinted red, one she had heard several times now from the beast within herself. A promise of strength, if she embraced this pain, if she let go of the chain that held the beast.

_You’re holding a lightsaber. He is right behind you. Skewer that monster, make him bleed for what he is doing to you. Stab him like he stabbed Han. Hack him to pieces like all the people he has killed in this very room._

“That’s it,” he whispered right by her ear, and she felt darkness bleed from him through their bond, stirring her own. Anger flared up, red and hot, when Rey realised what he was doing. This was his goal. This was why he had brought up Han, why he had shot her. He was using their bond to flood her with his own darkness, to stoke her hatred. _How dare he, how dare he, this son of a--_

 _No. Don’t give in. Accept the pain, then shut it away. Put it aside, don’t let it rule your actions._ Luke had in fact not gotten around to teaching her any such lesson, but Kylo Ren’s words had sounded as if they had been Luke’s at one point.

Through sheer willpower, Rey calmed her breathing and the red-hot flames of hatred, instead envisioning the calm, bright ocean of power in her. Yes, her shoulder and - more so - her leg were intensely hurting. But if she strengthened them with the force, they could still serve her. With her free hand, she gripped his arm that was embracing her from behind and twisted in his grip to face him.

“I know what you’re doing, and now you’ll stop,” she said and swung her saber, but Kylo Ren had been ready for it and met the green blade with his blue one.

“All I am doing is trying to show you an incredible power.” He parried her attacks easily, while still holding on to the blaster with his other. “You’ll embrace it eventually.”

Jumping back, he fired another shot at her. It was from a much closer distance than before, but Rey still managed to deflect it.

“Well done,” he said again. “Now I suggest you try and get this blaster out of my hands, because I’ve just changed the setting from what you called ‘stun’ to ‘kill’. You probably don’t want to find out what that one does to you if it hits. We don’t want another mess in here, do we?”

Rey felt the change of power in the next shot she deflected.

“I thought you were not supposed to kill me,” she said through gritted teeth.

“I’ll try my best not to,” he replied lightly. For a short while, they silently moved around the hall, with Rey lunging at him, and him simply parrying, never attacking with his saber. His other arm was crossed across his chest defensively and only occasionally snaked forward to fire another shot with the blaster.

“Keep your movements minimal. Don’t spend so much energy on swinging your blade around, your lunging at me leaves you wide open. Has my uncle really not taught you anything about Form III stances?”

Rey had no idea what he was going on about but hated his belittling tone. “Maybe he simply did not get around to. I wonder why. Oh, wait, now I remember: his crazy nephew put him in a coma!”

Kylo Ren smiled faintly. “Point taken. But it’s just as well. He would not have been an ideal teacher for you anyway.”

“ _Master Luke_ never shot me and hit the open wound,” Rey said through gritted teeth. Sweat was running down her face now. Getting through this duel was already demanding, but moving her disabled arm and leg with the force for much longer was out of the question. She was nearing her limit.

“Exactly my point,” Kylo Ren said. “Look at yourself right now, fighting me with two debilitating injuries. If you were still on Ahch-To, training with my uncle, you would have started to cry and beg me to stop by now. No, you need a teacher who is ready to push you to your limit, not to replace the father you’re so desperately looking for.”

His words hit home. _Don’t let him get to you_ , Rey told herself even as her anger flared up once more.

“One day you’ll be very sorry you trained me,” she vowed.

“I cannot wait,” he said, smiling equally darkly, aiming the blaster at her yet again.

Lightning-quick, Rey’s arm shot out and caught his wrist. Ducking slightly and sliding her own blade along his to get in close, she then swung it upwards in an arc, cutting through the blaster in one clean strike. Had she hit one centimeter closer to the hilt, she might have taken his index finger clean off.

“Got you,” she breathed triumphantly.

For a second, he looked down at her in an expression she could only interpret as amazement. That was when she realised a hardness on her stomach. Kylo Ren was pressing the handle of his saber into her - he was one flick of a button away from skewering her like he had skewered Han Solo. Rey’s eyes widened at the realisation, paralysed for a moment.

But then he took a step back, and discarded the destroyed blaster.

“Very well done, Rey,” he said. “Though now that you’ve destroyed your own blaster, we’re going to have to put off the lesson on how to stop a shot with your bare hands.”

Rey swallowed hard, absentmindedly rubbing her stomach where his saber had almost gutted her. Now that their duel had ended, or at least reached some kind of conclusion, all power ebbed away from her. Her left arm that had just held his wrist in an iron grip fell uselessly to her side, and her right leg broke out from under her. Kylo Ren raised his eyebrows.

“Kindly do remember what I told you about carrying you around this ship.”

“I don’t need to be carried, I just need a break.” Rey mumbled, dragging herself to the nearest wall and slumping against it. “And if you really think I did well, you’ll let me see Luke now.”

“Fair enough,” he conceded. “Looks like you need to make a trip to sick bay anyway.”

 _Thank you for that._ Rey glowered at him. Then the pain she had successfully shut out from her consciousness came flowing back, all at once, and she blacked out, sliding down the wall to the floor without another word.

 _Lightside weakness._ Kylo Ren sighed softly.

It was true, she was learning exceptionally fast, but her refusal to implement anything he told her about the dark side was beginning to frustrate him. Still, he could feel the darkness flare up in her occasionally through their bond, as it had done earlier. If only she embraced it! If this continued, he’d have to be careful not to accidentally kill her while trying to push her towards it.

Gathering her up, he turned to leave. Yes, it was frustrating, but he was not quite at the end of his line yet.

 

[to be continued]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANs: Pet peeve! It might have been different in the 70s/80s, but from today’s point of view, the absence of security cameras on a ship like the Finalizer or a base like Starkiller is almost jarring. I’m sure we could suspend disbelief and say that a long time ago, in a galaxy far away, cameras simply weren’t a thing, but annoyingly, they do show up in the SW-verse whenever the plot needs them to - case in point, Rey saving Finn from the rahtar, or Obi-Wan stumbling across a super convenient ‘security hologram’ specifically of Anakin slaughtering the younglings and pledging allegiance to Palps right after. And you never get the feeling that surveillance is collectively frowned upon in the galaxy, or that the right to privacy is a sacred cow, either. Yet when our heroes sneak around in enemy territory, cameras hardly ever seem to be an issue. Which is it, canon?
> 
> Why am I ranting about this? Because the “Kylo suspects Rey” part at the beginning of the chapter could have been easily resolved with a security camera recording, and I changed that scene countless times because I could not decide on whether or not to include one. I went with “mutually assured mind destruction” in the end, because camera surveillance is distant and clinical, and Kylo’s and Rey’s conflict is a close-up and personal one that gets more interesting the more intimate it is. After all, we’re not here for a 1984 dystopia, but for more Reylo drama.
> 
> Tl;dr: Please suspend your disbelief regarding the prevalence of cameras some more. ;-)


	18. Close Quarters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey engages in navel-gazing, and Kylo Ren follows the Jedi Code.]

**Part II, Chapter VII - Close Quarters** **  
** _[In which Rey engages in navel-gazing, and Kylo Ren follows the Jedi Code.]_

~o0o~

_‘Feel it. I know you can. No, don’t black out on me now.’_

_His breath tickled her as he held her, so close she felt the energy dancing between them. His hand slid down to her leg, but instead of punching cruelly, this time it kept roaming, caressing, teasing. He buried his face between her neck and shoulder, nipping and kissing her lightly, pushing down her collar for easier access. She whimpered softly. It felt amazing. He felt amazing. He was cupping one of her breasts now, massaging it through the rough fabric, and she felt it stiffen, sending little jolts of pleasure to a point between her legs._

_She moaned, dropped her saber and turned around in his embrace, running her hands through his jet-black hair. His dark eyes were watching her with an expression that made her tingle with excitement. Pulling his face down to hers, she moved in to--_

Rey’s eyes flew open and jolted upright with a small gasp of shock. Her heart was hammering, but if she had felt any bewilderment about that dream just now, they were immediately overruled in priority by the sight of at least six blasters that were swinging around to aim at her, and the equal number of stormtroopers posted all around her bed. She was in sick bay, she realised; the wounds on her shoulder and leg had been covered with a bacta patch each.

The stormtroopers crowding around her were in themselves an unsettling sight, but she also realised someone had put her into a hospital gown - underneath she was stark naked. _That someone had better have been a medic droid._

All these considerations were once more overruled in priority when Rey really understood where she was. Sick bay, which meant - _Luke!_

“You will lower your weapons and allow me to leave the room,” Rey said firmly to her guards. The stormtroopers, however, remained regretfully unimpressed by her attempt at coercion - there were too many at once.

“Let her pass.” Kylo Ren’s amplified voice sounded from the corridor outside, and the stormtroopers lowered their blasters. Gingerly, Rey wrapped the blanket around her and slipped off the bed, padding past the troopers. She stepped out into the corridor and found Kylo Ren standing at a large window to a room opposite hers, looking at its occupant. Rey followed his gaze.

And there, past the window, was Luke, just like she had seen him in a force vision on her first night on the Finalizer: ghostly pale and unmoving in that pod that resembled a coffin, hooked on life support systems and being infused with some kind of sedative.

A heavy lump formed in Rey’s throat at the sight. Wordlessly, she rushed towards the door to his room, but as if he had known what she would do, Kylo Ren’s arm shot out and caught her in mid-step. Rey winced - he was holding her by her injured left arm.

“Not so fast. I promised to keep him alive, and I promised that you could see him if you earned it. As you can see, I have kept my word.”

 _Master Luke! Can you hear me?_ Rey closed her eyes and called out intently to him in the force like she had attempted many times before, each time to no avail. He was right over there. He must hear her, no matter how incapacitated he was, surely through the force, through his mind--

“Give it up. He is in a coma,” Kylo Ren said impatiently. “He would have died on Ahch-To if not for our medical attention.”

“ _Your_ attention? You nearly killed him in the first place,” Rey retorted angrily..

“And his continued survival depends solely on your behaviour. Consider that next time you feel the need to engage in subversive activities.”

Rey glowered at him, but her anger was lost on the impassiveness of his mask.

“You obviously feel better, so we’re going back. My quarters.”

Rey groaned inwardly. She had almost forgotten about that part - she was to stay with him from now on. She pulled the blanket around herself a little more tightly. “I want my clothes back first.”

“I have ordered new ones to be brought up. Your old ones had blaster holes burnt in them,” Kylo Ren stated and, sensing her jolt of discomfort, added. “No one touched you but medical personnel.”

Rey quickly shut away the memory of her earlier dream, before the images could seep through her force bond to him. Good grief. She needed to have her head examined if her subconsciousness supplied her with such disturbing fantasies.

Kylo Ren was already walking down towards the exit, expecting her to follow. With one final glance at the still form of her teacher and a silent promise to try harder to save him, Rey did, deciding that if she was required to take a stroll through the _Finalizer_ in a flimsy hospital gown, she would at least hold on to her blanket.

As they walked, she gazed thoughtfully at Kylo Ren’s back. She was not completely naive. She had known for weeks there was something between them - not the force bond, something else - aside from everything else that was going on such as them being enemies, him keeping her here against her will, and everything he had done to her and her friends. She had known it ever since that moment in the eye of the storm of That Dream. Since that kiss.

How much did his fixation on her play a part in him wanting her as his apprentice? Would it not be easiest for the First Order to simply have Luke and herself be killed? Was Kylo Ren’s strange affection a blessing or a curse - something that would save or perhaps had already saved her life, or was it something that endangered her even more? Between duty and private feelings, how were his motivations truly weighed?

It wasn’t just Kylo Ren, though, there was another player on the board: Snoke. Rey had even been present when that decrepit creature had given his disciple the order to train her. What was _his_ stake in all of this? _Snoke will want you for the dark side_ , Luke had theorised once. But the more Rey thought about it, the stranger it was - for goodness’ sake, if she was the leader of a military dictatorship bent on subjugating the galaxy, she would not have somebody like Kylo Ren waste his time on taking on an unwilling apprentice in the middle of a war. And she would certainly not keep a legend like Luke Skywalker alive to be a potential threat, just to make that unwilling apprentice cooperate. So why did Snoke?

Either her strength in the force really was so extraordinary to warrant all this effort - and how could she really be a judge of that, what with Luke, Kylo Ren and Snoke that much stronger and no one else around to compare herself to? Or-- something else was at play here, something she had not yet considered.

Snoke was the real mystery here. What Kylo Ren wanted was almost painfully obvious in comparison. She had _seen_ him, and if she allowed herself to remember it for more than a brief second, she might even say she knew him better than he himself did.

Rey wished that the memory of that kiss, of connecting with his soul was not wrapped up in such a brutal, traumatising experience as it was - but then again, he was still everything he had always been, a patricidal, mercurial, violent darkside user. Just today he had shot her with her own blaster, and struck her wound to increase the pain.

But he was also that tiny light. That kiss, that gentleness, that longing. That was why, despite everything, she was not afraid of him. She was not even sure she hated him, though he certainly had made an effort earlier in the cargo hangar.

 _That’s good, isn’t it? You feel no fear or hatred for him. That means he’s doing a piss-poor job of turning you to the darkside_ , she tried cheering herself - but it was still odd, all things considered.

Perhaps it was her who was changing. Perhaps he had already begun turning her to the dark side, and she did not even notice. Perhaps dreaming about Kylo Ren in a way such as she had earlier had been a coded warning, a kind of twisted force vision telling her he was getting to her, slowly but surely.

_No. I know what the darkside feels like. This isn’t it._

Lost in thoughts, she almost did not notice when he stopped - they had arrived at Kylo Ren’s quarters. A single door, no ray shield, Rey noted, and of course there was no guard here, either. He unlocked the door and wordlessly motioned for her to go in ahead.

Perhaps not surprisingly on a ship like the _Finalizer,_ his rooms had the exact same layout as her own erstwhile quarters. There was not much of a personal touch here that would allow conclusions regarding his personal interests. Some few discarded clothes, a computer terminal at his desk - at first glance, perhaps the most unexpected thing was a big crate collecting dust in a corner of his room.

“I would let you have the bed,” Kylo Ren said, pulling back his hood, setting down his helmet and slipped off one of his gloves to enter a few commands into the terminal at the desk. _Access is bio-locked to him_ , Rey’s ever-watchful lizard brain noted.

“Unfortunately, that would put you right next to the door. So you’ll be staying in the training room at night,” Kylo Ren went on. “I will have some more blankets brought up.”

 _Fine with me_ , Rey thought, even though that meant her next attempt at getting out would mean having to get right past her personal watchdog. But she would cross that bridge when she got to it.

Just in this moment, there was a beeping sound at the door of a service droid bringing another set of clothes for her, as well as some food for them both.

“Get changed. When you’re done, we’ll stop by the workshop. I wish to inspect your progress.”

Rey clutched the new set of clothes, suddenly timid, tongue-tied. Her unease must have been strong enough for him to pick up on through their connection.

_I told you I am not going to attack you._

Rey merely pretended to not have picked up on this statement, and almost fled into the other room, quickly slipping into her clothes. It was that dream she had had, which had her so confused. Really now, why _would_ she dream about something like that? It was not like she had any experience with these… things; her life on Jakku had not exactly provided the opportunity to explore what she had overheard people vaguely whisper and cackle about.

Perhaps she was developing some kind of dependency syndrome towards her captor. Perhaps in order to deal with the helplessness of her situation, her brain was twisting it in such a way, making it appear as if she had a choice, real agency, making it all more bearable. Yes, that dream had to have been a protection mechanism of sorts, to preserve her sanity.

 _I can take whatever I want._ His hands on her, his lips on her neck. Little sparks of pure energy dancing on her skin.

 _Alright, stop it_. Rey mentally put her foot down. On top of everything else, she could not allow for her own mind to deceive her - she wasn’t completely helpless, she still had some options, something to work with. Today she had found out how and where Luke was being kept. Her blaster project may have been a failure, and Kylo Ren was now quite literally directly between her and the way to freedom, but she still had a mission. She had made a decision on her first night here: she would get her Master and herself safely off this ship.

If not for her own sake, she damn well owed it to Luke.

~o0o~

In the workshop, gloomy during night setting and with just her workbench lamp shedding light her progress, Kylo Ren took the hilt she had been working on for the last few days and balanced it on his hand. Rey had poured her heart and soul into it - and it was nearly finished.

“I only need to install the energy converter, then that’s as far as I can go without a force crystal. Should take me about half a day longer,” Rey said.

“Very well. It means we can get started on the crystal soon. Has my uncle told you how to prepare them?” He asked.

Rey was stumped. Luke had never got that deeply into the matter. They had only talked about going to D’Qar to gather materials, to see her friends… all that seemed like a faraway dream now.

“You need to temper it before putting it in place. That means infusing it with the force for several days, without interruptions,” Kylo Ren explained. “If you’re not used to meditating that long, it can be quite the ordeal.”

“Several days?” Rey stared at him. The longest Luke had managed to make her meditate had been about five hours, and she had been exhausted after.

“The difficult part is achieving a state of deep meditation. From there it gets easier. I can help you get there.”

Rey’s first reaction was to recoil from the offer. She did not want him in her mind and her thoughts any more than he already was through the bond they shared. On the other hand - without Luke and no real experience with such deeply spiritual matters of her own, she needed all the help she could get. She would simply have to watch her step and remember that he was not teaching her out of the goodness of his heart.

 _I can handle Kylo Ren. I have to._ Shooting him a glance, Rey nodded.

“Then I’ll take you back here tomorrow, and we’ll start on the kyber crystal in the evening,” Kylo Ren announced. “For now, it’s back to my quarters.”

But just as he had said this, the lights flickered back on in the great hall and a stormtrooper approached.

“Kylo Ren, sir - you are requested to join an extraordinary High Command meeting at the central meeting chamber. The enemy is on the move.”

Rey’s heart fluttered - apparently, something had happened. To her great frustration, Kylo Ren took her back to his quarters and locked her into his training room, telling her only that he would know if she tried to escape again before heading off. Watching the stars zip by as the Finalizer hurtled through hyperspace, Rey anxiously thought of Finn, Chewie, General Organa, everyone at the Resistance.

_Please be safe._

~o0o~

It was just Snoke waiting for him in the hologram chamber when he arrived. This irked Kylo Ren, because it meant the other staff were already busy carrying out a strategy, while he didn’t even know yet what had happened.

“Kylo Ren. I have not seen you all day.” The Supreme Leader rebuked him and Kylo Ren realised that due to the impromptu blaster deflection lesson for Rey that morning, he had missed a scheduled meeting. That had probably been when the news had come up that had moved the _Finalizer_ onto a new course of action.

“I apologize, Supreme Leader, I was caught up in teaching a lesson,” Kylo Ren admitted. “I will make sure it does not happen again. What is the occasion for our departure?”

“The General’s spies have information that a fleet of surviving New Republic ships has rallied near the former Hosnian system. It seems they mean to officially join the Resistance. Of course, we must not let this happen - the General means to waylay and destroy them.”

Kylo Ren nodded. Though Starkiller Base had wiped out the entire Hosnian system, a reasonable number of ships had been deployed at the time of the attack. The First Order could not allow them to bolster the Resistance fleet.

“What do you wish me to do during this mission?” He asked.

“Nothing,” Snoke said and nipped Kylo Ren’s protest in the bud by immediately adding: “This maneuver will entail no ground operation. It is up to the General, the strategists and the pilots to bring us victory in this particular battle. Your skills are better applied in other situations.”

Appeasing though Snoke may have intended these words to sound, Kylo Ren still bristled with fury at being excluded from such a major operation. Taking down opposition, continuing Vader’s legacy was his objective, and he did not like to be sidelined by the likes of Hux.

Snoke seemed to know exactly what was going on his his mind, however.

_Calm yourself, Kylo Ren. You are, and continue to be my central asset in this struggle. If Hux and all his fellow officers did not return from battle - it would hurt, but the First Order would recover. You, however, can never be replaced, not even by your own apprentice who I notice is steadily growing stronger in the force under your tutelage. She is certainly valuable, but you, Kylo Ren, you are invaluable to me._

Kylo Ren closed his eyes and breathed out slowly. He had not realised how much he had needed to hear these words from Snoke.

“You are keeping Skywalker on board the _Finalizer_ , so she will not directly engage the enemy but serve as base and rallying point for our wings,” Snoke continued. “On the off-chance that this vessel is attacked, or even boarded by the enemy, I can rest assured knowing you close by to deal with the situation.”

“I will not disappoint you,” Kylo Ren replied.

~o0o~

_Flushed, hair undone, she writhed under him as he let his hands and his lips run across her face, her neckline, her bare breasts. She was beautiful, and she was all his. She wasn’t fighting him, wasn’t afraid, she was leaning in, arching into his touch, meeting his kisses, making tantalising little noises._

_Mine, mine, mine, she’s_ mine _._

_Her force flowed into his, so bright and eager, she called for him and he buried himself in her body, in her energy, soothed her as she tensed around him, clung to her as the sensation took him-- her light drowned him, overwhelmed him, seared him---_

Once more, Kylo Ren shot up from his bed with a gasp. His room was quiet and dark, and a quick reaching out into the force told her that the girl was still sleeping in the next room. She had not stirred, had not seen this. Thank the stars.

His heart was racing, he was drenched in sweat, and with a groan, Kylo Ren realised that he was helpless against these torturous dreams. That part within him that called for her was only growing stronger, the more he ignored it.

 _Control yourself. Concentrate. Let go of that longing._ Long forgotten tenets came to his mind unbidden. Control was the core virtue of the Jedi, actually, a cornerstone of the light side. But it was the light itself that was calling him, through her. Following Jedi teachings to refuse the light, how did that make sense?

 _Passion makes you strong. Do not deny yourself what you desire, take it. She is right there._ That was what the dark side whispered, and he found himself recoil. It was bad enough he had let himself be carried away once, had given in to the darkness in a way that had shocked himself.

That wasn’t what he really wanted, anyway. He wanted her to respond to him, to want him in return - foolish to believe that this was going to happen anytime soon.

It all hinged on whether or not he succeeded in turning her to the dark side. And he would, eventually. Once her staff was ready, once they could really delve into lightsaber combat training, he would mold her into the fiercest warrior in the galaxy, only second to himself. In time, she would realise how feeble her bonds were to her previous allegiances, and turn fully to him. In time, she would embrace the darkside. In time, he might yet have her _that_ way, too.

Until then, in a bizarre twist of fate, he would need to employ everything his uncle had taught him about being a true Jedi.

[to be continued]


	19. The Scapegoat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which General Hux makes a mistake, and Kylo Ren’s mask suffers cracks.]

**Part II, Chapter VIII - The Scapegoat** **  
** _ [In which General Hux makes a mistake, and Kylo Ren’s mask suffers cracks.] _

~o0o~

Rey was disappointed, but not surprised that Kylo Ren would not tell her what had occasioned the sudden movement of the  _ Finalizer _ the night before and why they had now stopped again. Even from the training room, Rey could feel that the atmosphere on board was both tense and busy - the First Order was preparing for battle. But when asked about it, Kylo Ren told her in no uncertain terms that it was not her business, and that he required her to concentrate on her training, and on her saberstaff.

The bacta patches on her wounds had worked wonders, but her arm and leg still felt weak and smarted when she had to move them. Even Rey thought her movements were sloppy this morning, but Kylo Ren hardly seemed to take note - whatever mission the First Order was about to undertake had him distracted. 

“We’ll keep it short this morning, then I’ll drop you off at the workshop. I expect you to finish the hilt today.”

But then the day decided to veer into a completely different direction.

They had just started with some basic Form VI stances when the ships appeared. Rey noticed them only after Kylo Ren’s head suddenly whipped around into the direction of the window. There had been an unusual high amount of TIE fighters leaving the  _ Finalizer _ all morning, but never would she have suspected that there was a battle underway somewhere close by already, if it hadn’t been for the enemy ships that were now closing in on the  _ Finalizer  _ like flies on a bantha. Rey did not recognise their make or origin from the distance and with the speed they were flying at, but people who attacked the First Order could only mean one thing:  _ friends. _ A wailing sound went up as a siren alerted all hands to assume battle stations.

“Stay put. If you try anything during this, I promise you it will go bad for both you and Skywalker.”

Having said that, Kylo Ren did not waste any more time. He locked the door to the training room behind him, secured it from the outside and double-locked and sealed the entrance door to his quarters before storming off, donning helmet and hood on the way. Rey, heart beating through her chest, had to stay in the training room and contend herself with watching the action from the window.

_ General Organa? Are you out there somewhere? I’m here. So is Luke. Please answer. _

But she had not known the General long enough, or well enough, to be able to say for sure whether or not she was out there somewhere.

The ships were coming closer now, and Rey realised that they were chasing a few remaining TIE fighters seeking refuge in the shadow of the gigantic Star Destroyer. The  _ Finalizer _ ’s cannons were coming to life now, firing at the attackers who were sweeping down on the huge ship, firing relentlessly in turn.

But as elated and hopeful as Rey was watching the brave pilots in their tiny vessels take on the behemoth that was the  _ Finalizer _ , she knew this could not be a serious attempt at taking it down. There were not enough attackers, in any case. It rather seemed the main battle had already been decided elsewhere, and the fact that these ships had chased the TIE fighters this far back to the  _ Finalizer  _ suggested that it had not exactly been a great victory for the First Order.

And true enough, after the  _ Finalizer  _ had opened fire on the enemy vessels and taken down a number of them, the rest decided to call off their attack. Rey, at her window, sagged glumly as she saw the ships jump away into hyperspace one by one. But still, this event gave her hope - allies were still out there, fighting the First Order, and perhaps looking for her and Luke.

~o0o~

“Report.” Kylo Ren said curtly to a nearby operator as he entered the main bridge where Hux and his team of officers had assembled. 

“Sir, our fighters were ambushed in a joint trap laid by the surviving Republic fleet and Resistance forces. We lost around 90% of the six squadrons deployed in this morning’s operation.”

Kylo Ren’s eyes immediately darted towards the General standing at the center of command. His rival was white-faced with anger, and though clearly the operation had not gone in the First Order’s favour, Kylo Ren could not help but smirk a little smugly under his mask.  _ Well now. Let’s see him worm his way out of that one. _

“General, the enemy has fled. Are we to launch another squad and pursue?” Another operator called to Hux. The general was leaning over the command console, tense, fists curled. 

“No. The Supreme Leader has ordered not to take the  _ Finalizer  _ into battle while that old Jedi is being kept on board.” Scowling, Hux turned away and muttered, more quietly. “A Star Destroyer that is not allowed to engage the enemy. How are we to win any battles with such a limitation? - Disengage battle mode and move us back to First Order territory!”

At Hux’ last order, uttered more loudly again, the alarm was disabled and the few remaining TIE fighters were called back. Soon after, the Finalizer took off into hyperspace once more.

“Has your operation not gone well?” Kylo Ren asked casually, drawing up next to the man.

“No, Ren,” Hux growled. “It hasn’t. And I have an idea as to why. The Supreme Leader has called a meeting. I want you there as well.”

Kylo Ren crossed his arms, torn between annoyance at the manner by which he was being addressed, and glee at seeing Hux in trouble.

“I would not miss it for the world, General.”

As Kylo Ren had foreseen, when the senior staff had assembled in the hologram chamber, and Hux had finished giving his report, the Supreme Leader was very displeased with his General indeed.   


“How was it possible for us to fall into such a trap?” Snoke asked. Hux appeared to have been waiting for exactly this question.

“Our intelligence was sound. This operation should have been a decisive First Order victory. I suspect for the Resistance to show up when it did, they had a spy right amongst us who alerted them to our movements.”

Snoke leaned forward. “Would you care to elaborate on your suspicions, General?”

“Supreme Leader, right now on this ship we are keeping two sworn enemies of the First Order. One is sedated and kept imprisoned in sick bay, I do not see danger from him at this time. But another, while nominally a prisoner, moves in the highest-ranking circles in relative freedom. I have had my own reservations about this for a while, but now I feel I must openly ask the question whether this does not endanger the safety of our operations.”

Hux had not seen Kylo Ren move, but suddenly the man was there behind him, circling him until he was standing right between himself and Snoke, bearing down on him.

“General. Are you insinuating that information about this morning’s operation was leaked from my quarters?”

Hux found himself assailed by a wave of coldness that seemed to physically emanate from the man opposite him. He knew first-hand what Kylo Ren was capable of as a force user, but he also knew that if the man decided to use his powers on him, it would disqualify him utterly in the Supreme Leader’s eyes. Snoke encouraged healthy rivalry, but did not tolerate open confrontation amongst his subordinates.

“That is exactly what I am insinuating, Ren,” he said firmly, not blinking as he stared into the dark slit of the man’s mask. Kylo Ren stepped closer yet.

“I know what this is about,” he said, so softly that no one but Hux could hear. “You walked into a trap like a fool after your spies were fed false information, and now you’re looking for a scapegoat. So with no better target in sight, and in an attempt to get back at me, you are going after my apprentice. But let me tell you this: You will not lay your hands on what is mine again.”

“Listen to yourself,” Hux sneered, but equally quiet so that only Kylo Ren could hear. “Here’s another truth for you: Everyone can see how smitten you are with your pretty little Jedi pet. I’m hearing she even stays in your quarters now, keeping you warm at night. And now here you are, protecting her. I warned you about not letting your personal interests interfere with our mission before, and I’ll do it again. Your preference is endangering the security of this vessel!”

His last two sentences had been increasingly louder, and now he turned around to address Snoke. 

“Supreme Leader, I may not be force-sensitive, but I have reason to suspect that I see the situation more clearly as other people, whose opinion may rely too much on personal sentiment. Who is to say that the girl is not in contact with the Resistance, feeding them vital information about the  _ Finalizer _ ? By way of the force, or by way of sheer ingenuity? She has been seen in the engineering workshop for some weeks now, working comparatively unobserved with access to all our resources. She might have built a communication device.”

Kylo Ren was left dumbfounded by the General’ words for a moment, never having been more relieved to wear a mask.  _ Hux knew of his weakness to the light! _ But - no. Hux had taken a stab in the dark, a low blow insinuating he had taken her to his quarters simply for physical pleasure. Let the man think whatever he wanted - Snoke, at least, understood why it was necessary to keep her close by.

Anyway, he was positive that Rey was not in contact with the Resistance. There was no other force-sensitive to even stay in contact with except for---

… well. His own mother, of course.

_ That can’t be.  _ Or could it? Was it really that impossible? And even if they were not communing via the force - Hux had a point. Rey might in fact secretly have built a communication device, and may have allowed him to find her badly-hidden blaster just to throw him off her trail. All communication leaving the ship was being meticulously monitored, but if her messages were encrypted, perhaps even in their own code…? Perhaps she had mind-tricked it out of a hapless operator during her nightly foray, and the commotion near sickbay, too, had just been a smokescreen. He had threatened to mind-probe her about what exactly she had done that night, but after having found her blaster, he had let the matter rest in the end. He knew she was resourceful, but could she have been  _ that  _ cunning?

No, if he was honest, Hux’ suspicions were actually not all that impossible. And so it was that, mind racing, counting down and dismissing the possibilities, Kylo Ren was not able to state his conclusion as authoritatively as would have been necessary to bury the suspicion against Rey.

“Supreme Leader. To my knowledge, the girl has not been in contact with the Resistance ever since she went to train with Skywalker, and certainly not now.”

“To your knowledge!” Hux snorted. “I propose the girl is brought in for questioning. I have an idea as to why Kylo Ren is so squeamish about interrogating her, but I can have other specialists extract the information out of her the old-fashioned way, just as well.”

Kylo Ren’s fuse, unstable at the best of times, blew. He lifted his arm, putting the General in a force grip.

“Allow me to demonstrate to you exactly how squeamish I am, General,” he growled.

“ _ Kylo Ren. _ You will leave the General be.” So cold, so cutting was Snoke’s remark, so full of threat that Kylo Ren flinched reflexively and let go of Hux, who straightened his collar with a furious glare. Kylo Ren, in an immense effort, calmed himself down to a point where he could speak evenly.

“I apologize, General. I have acted out of turn. Supreme Leader, if you do wish it, I will bring the girl here. If you order it, I will get the information out of her myself - though I do not enjoy to invalidate my own progress. Torture is not conductive to a productive relationship between master and apprentice.”

“Productive relationship.” Hux sneered in derision under his breath, and Kylo Ren found his hand twitch to his saber, wishing to slash open the man’s face.  _ One day. One day. _

The Supreme Leader looked at the two men in front of him for a long moment.

“General. Let it be known that the decision to place the girl in Kylo Ren’s personal care was mine, for reasons which do not concern you. As I have stated often, both of you have their own areas of expertise and the First Order is served best if one does not interfere with the affairs of the other.”

Kylo Ren relaxed at these words. Perhaps now they could get back to the original topic of this meeting - he would have a private word with Hux later on.

“However,” Snoke continued. “I feel there is a necessity to make sure without a doubt that the General’s suspicions against the girl are unfounded. Bring your apprentice here, Kylo Ren. I want her questioned.”

Kylo Ren’s head shot up at that.  _ Master. I must protest against indulging the General in his attempt to deflect the blame for his failure onto a third party. _

_ I sense conflict within you, Kylo Ren. You yourself are not entirely convinced that what Hux has said can not be true. And you are showing open sentiment at the idea of her being questioned. A man less convinced of your dedication than I am might start to worry about your integrity. Let us put those worries to rest. _

“You want me to extract information from her, then? It will be done if you demand it,” Kylo Ren said curtly, for everyone present to hear.

“No, Kylo Ren. The General here is worried about you being partial towards your apprentice. That is why I will be the one to extract the information myself - if there is any to extract. Bring her to me.”

~o0o~

Rey was still watching the stars streak past the training room’s window as the  _ Finalizer  _ went through hyperspace, when she heard noises outside the room. She was surprised that Kylo Ren was back so early. He opened the door, mask in place, and his body language suggested distance, coldness.

“With me,” he ordered.

“What happened to--”

_ Now. _

She was beginning to get quite good at gauging his mood even when he had his mask on, and there was something in his demeanor that told her he had zero patience for discussions right now. So she followed him, a little curious where he was leading her. It wasn’t to the workshop, that much was obvious from the route they took.

“Your presence has been demanded at a senior strategy meeting,” he said, hurrying her along the corridor. “General Hux has made allegations that you are the one responsible for destroying his moment of victory today.”

Rey blinked in genuine confusion. “I am responsible for what now?”

“Now listen well, girl.  _ Rey _ ,” Kylo Ren said impatiently, stopping. “You are suspected of being in contact with the Resistance, feeding them information about our movements.”

“I wish I was!” Rey blurted out, astonished. “But I’m not.”

“Nevertheless, the allegations have been made, and I suggest you make a more convincing case for yourself when you are questioned. Because if you don’t, you will be tortured. And it will be bad. You can trust me on that.”

Rey’s face went white, her lips thin. In a rush, her thoughts went back to the Ahch-To lookout, to Luke’s burnt and bleeding body, to Kylo Ren about to execute him, and to her decision then.  _ I knew it then. I knew what the First Order is. _

She had temporarily allowed herself to forget it, had been caught up in a kind of - yes, a  _ game  _ of power and wits with Kylo Ren, had been lulled in by their deceptively non-belligerent ‘working relationship’, had been distracted with honing her own abilities, by making secret plans and building her own saberstaff. But she had never been out of danger, this kind of danger. There were other players on the board aside from Kylo Ren, she reminded herself. Aside from Snoke, whose motivations remained a complete mystery to her, there was this General Hux, who clearly had it in for her since the moment she had set foot on this ship.

She took Kylo Ren’s hand and lifted it to the side of her head.

“Look into my mind. I won’t fight you. You will see that I’m telling the truth. I’m not in contact with the Resistance.”

His hand lingered on the side of her face and she could sense his surprise. But after a moment of hesitation, he let it drop back down.

“It has been decided that the Supreme Leader will question you himself.”

Rey choked out a laugh as terror climbed up her throat. Snoke. The creature who had nearly killed her for asking a question upon their first meeting.

“What, is your word not good enough?”

_ Not when it comes to you, it seems. _ Kylo Ren grew angry at the thought. If he was losing his professional integrity over her, if even the likes of Hux dared to openly question his loyalty, he would need to do a better job of hiding his weakness, stomping down on it, making a show of how little he cared whether she lived or died.

Horrible things were very likely about to happen to his apprentice. But if he kept defending her, Hux and perhaps even Snoke would not chalk it down not to his disinterested opinion that they were unnecessary and uncalled for. They would think he was acting out of compassion, affection - out of weakness. 

“I suggest you prepare yourself best you can.”

He knew he would have to, as well.

~o0o~

Rey’s thoughts were racing as Kylo Ren led her along the corridor. His grip on her arm was unforgiving, but she could feel he was not particularly happy about any of this, either.

Perhaps it would be easier if she really had something to protect. If she could cling to a goal, it would be easier to bear whatever would be thrown at her. But she had nothing - nothing to keep secret, no vital information to offer that would make Snoke stop.

_ Luke. Help me. What do I do?  _ She futilely called out, once more to no avail.

And suddenly her mind flickered back to Kylo Ren’s words on the morning of the previous day, in the cargo hangar. 

_ Accept the pain, but do not let it rule your actions. Compartmentalise it, shut it away in your mind, somewhere where it does not impede you. _

Accept the pain, shut it away. When she had fought Kylo Ren with two cruel blaster wounds, she had managed to pull off just that - because he had pushed her there. Rey’s eyes flitted up to Kylo Ren, pulling her along in grim silence. Perhaps it was time to really think of him as someone who could make her stronger. Her teacher.

If she got through today alive, perhaps she would.

But for now, the doors to the gloomy hologram chamber opened before them, and she was brought before Snoke once more. There were other people here this time, a huge stormtrooper in silver armor, and a few other, serious-looking officers. One among them seemed to be particularly eager to see her - a tall man in black with impeccably-styled red hair, smiling in sinister anticipation as Kylo Ren pushed her into the middle of the room.

“Welcome, Resistance scum.”

“Stay out of this, Hux,” Kylo Ren growled before she could say anything. “Supreme Leader, I have brought the girl as requested.”

Rey shot a brief glance at the red-head glaring daggers at Kylo Ren and herself. So this was Hux, the man behind the cargo hangar incident. ‘Member of High Command, pretty much calls the shots on the Finalizer’, Guyes had said. Rey had never even met this man before, but once more he appeared to be the driving force behind getting her into a tight spot. What was his issue with her?

“Thank you, Kylo Ren. Step aside.”

Kylo Ren retreated to the shadows in the back, and Rey fought the urge to turn around to him. She suddenly found herself wishing he hadn’t left her side.  _ The devil you know. _

The hologram filled her entire vision as Snoke leaned forward. Rey trembled, feeling his awful force engulf her.  _ There is no emotion, there is only peace. There is no death, there is the Force.  _ But even the Jedi Code sounded empty when being faced with this creature.

“Girl. It has been insinuated that you have been delivering vital information about the First Order to the Resistance. Is this true?”

Rey wrapped the force around herself like a piece of protective gear and, taking a deep breath, prepared for what was to come. _ Accept the pain. Shut it away. _

“No.”

But when it came, all preparation was in vain.

~o0o~

Kylo Ren saw a few lower-ranked officers flinch as the girl screamed. Like many people, they were happy to accept the fruits of torture, but squeamish to witness it in application. He himself was not that weak, however. He was an interrogator himself, and a very efficient one. So why was it so hard to keep his eyes on her?

_ Help me. Help me. I can’t stop it. I can’t shut it away. _

He heard her plea in his mind through her screams, incoherent, near-mad. He felt her consciousness scratch at his own through their bond, like fingernails on the other side of a closed door. Try as he might to shut her out, her agony was starting to seep through their connection and it made him even more irate. 

“So sorry you have to witness this, Ren. I hope she’s not too broken by the end of the day. I would hate to have been responsible for destroying your little toy.” Hux, standing next to him, was watching the scene with entirely too much glee for his taste. Kylo Ren found his hand twitching towards his saber once more.

“You quite misunderstand, General, if you think I am affected by the display,” Kylo Ren said. “I simply do not appreciate the needless destruction of my assets.”

“Neither do I,” Hux agreed. “And I seem to remember you did slaughter a whole hangar full of my men.”

Kylo Ren snorted briefly. At least as long as they spoke privately, Hux dropped the pretense and admitted that all this was nothing more than a personal vendetta against him. He had expected no less from Hux - but why was the Supreme Leader taking part in this charade?

Rey’s screams had ceased for now as Snoke conceded her a small break. She was lying curled up on the ground, sobbing quietly.

“Girl. Have you used First Order resources to build instruments of treason and sabotage? A communicator perhaps?”

Snoke did not even give her time to process the question - Rey writhed and screamed anew when the Supreme Leader’s dark force hit her. Kylo Ren was not sure what he was even doing to cause such agony, but he felt the echoes of it though their bond. It made him sick.

_ Help me. Please. Please. _

_ She built a blaster. I found it. It has since been destroyed _ , Kylo Ren volunteered, aiming the thought at Snoke, desperately trying to shut out her pleas and her clawing at his mind.

_ I’m not a fool, Kylo Ren. I know fully well she is innocent of the questions I am asking, I can plainly see it in her mind. Don’t you see? We both know of your susceptibility, your compassion towards her, not because you are disloyal, but because you are affected by that bond you share. Somebody like Hux can not understand your struggle, but I do. I am trying to help you, Kylo Ren. Observe. _

Another jolt of pain seemed to shoot through Rey. She clenched her teeth groaning, and like an echo Kylo Ren could hear her mantra through their bond:  _ Accept the pain, shut it away. Accept the pain, shut it away. _

_ Can you see it?  _ That was Snoke again.  _ She is trying to shield herself in the Jedi way. When I first saw her, she did not know how to do that - so she must have learnt it since then. Curious, don’t you think? Were you not supposed to instruct her in the ways of the dark side? _

Kylo Ren did not flinch.

_ I am currently showing her all the tools that are at her disposal, light side and dark. It must be up to her; it must be her own decision to take up the superior ones. We both know which tools these are. And she will come to see it, too, in time. I know, because I have come to see it. When she joins us, she will be that much stronger for having made her own decision. _

Snoke appeared to consider this.

_ Your words are not unwise, but you forget that unlike your grandfather, unlike yourself, and even unlike your do-good uncle, she is a creature naturally and firmly inclined to the light. She will not readily pick up what you call the ‘tools of the dark side’. So I have decided to help your objective along. _

Snoke moved his hand once more, and Rey was lifted up like a rag doll. Then another burst of dark energy seemed to hit her.

_ Help me Ben help me Ben help me--- _

Kylo Ren curled his hands into fists as she turned to him, reached for him-- and then a huge wave of energy crashed into him, knocking him over.

The world went dark.

 

[to be continued]


	20. Netherworld

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Snoke encourages critical discussion, and Kylo Ren responds to a cry for help.]

**Part II, Chapter IX - Netherworld** **  
** _ [In which Snoke encourages critical discussion, and Kylo Ren responds to a cry for help.] _

~o0o~

Kylo Ren looked down at his hands, and then further down to his own body lying collapsed on the floor like a distant, separate thing.

_ What is happening? _

Other officers were moving towards his body on the ground. He reached out with his hand to Captain Phasma who was turning him over, but it went through her without her reacting in any way. Whatever was happening in the meeting chamber, he himself seemed to have no part in it anymore. Everything there was distant, monochromatic, all movement was slowed and blurry. There was not a sound to be heard.

_ Is this… death? _

He looked around, and that was when he saw Rey, a pale shade of herself like him, standing a few steps away from her own, equally lifeless body. But she looked wrong somehow - an alien darkness seemed to cling to her and drag her down. She was doubled over as if still in pain. And now her head jerked up and she was looking straight at him -  _ him _ , not his body. 

“What have you done?” Kylo Ren whispered. The last thing he remembered was an awful surge of power tearing through their bond into his very mind as if she had forcibly broken down the door he had closed on her.

“I needed your help, Ben. I needed shelter,” she rasped in reply. “You shut me out. You let him do this to me, you monster.”

There was a feverish gleam in her eyes, something dark and unhinged. It shook Kylo Ren to the core, so profoundly he did not even react to being addressed by his birth name. This was not right. This was not her. This was not Rey.

The creature before him jerked suddenly, and when she pulled herself back up, the girl he knew was back, crying softly and wrapping her arms around herself.

“Luke. Help me. I can’t do this alone. I thought I could, but I can’t. He did something. Please, Luke, answer me.”

Meanwhile in the meeting chamber, in the real world, Snoke was pointing to the door, giving some kind of order. Phasma lifted Kylo Ren’s body up all on her own without apparent effort and went ahead, followed by Hux and two of his officers, carrying Rey.

Dazed, the shade of Rey stumbled after the small group, and Kylo Ren fell in with her.

“They are taking us to sick bay,” he realised. “Rey. Can you undo what you did?”

The girl did not reply, just kept lurching on and staring into the distance.

“Rey.” Kylo Ren found it easier to say her name here. “Are you... alright?”

Her head snapped around to him and the darkness was back.

“How can I be alright, after what your Master did to me! Don’t pretend to give a damn! Kylo Ren, or Ben, or whichever it is - you’re just as much of a monster, and one day I will put you down for all that you did to me. And I will enjoy it, oh yes. I will make you bleed, tear you limb from limb,” she hissed. She lurched towards him as if to attack, but in mid-motion, she doubled over and fell to her knees with another sob.

_ Luke _ , Rey cried out into the force.  _ Luke, help me. _

Compassion was a weakness, and yet Kylo Ren could not help but feel his insides twist into a knot at the sight of her. In this place, with just the two of them, things were looking so much clearer. He was sorry to have let any of this happen. He should have tried harder to prevent it. The girl in front of him, with Snoke’s power oozing through her, was a twisted, corrupted shadow of herself. That was not the way to turn her to their cause. That was not what he wanted.

All of a sudden, Rey got to her feet and stumbled forward with surprising speed. Kylo Ren cursed under his breath as she passed the small procession that was carrying their bodies. He still had no idea what it really was that they were experiencing, but it was probably a good idea to stick close to the person who had caused it.

So he followed. As he had suspected, Rey’s goal, too, was the sick bay. Unseen, she slipped past the stormtroopers and rushed down the corridor towards the room that held his uncle. There, unimpeded by any of the guards in this shadowy world, Rey stepped towards the sarcophagus-like pod.

“Master Luke. Are you there? Please answer me.”

But wherever his uncle’s consciousness resided at the moment, it was not in this strange netherworld. For all Rey’s pleading, Luke Skywalker still would not reply.

Kylo Ren turned around as behind him, his and Rey’s bodies were being carried into the room opposite, causing a silent commotion among the guards around them. He stepped out of Skywalker’s room briefly to observe the situation, and watched as their bodies were being hooked onto life sign monitors. As far as he could tell, the readings were stable - outwardly, there was nothing wrong with either of them, though Rey’s body, having had to endure torture, was overflowing with adrenaline and other symptoms of extreme physical stress.

He looked at himself, lying pale and still on the bed. Somebody had removed his helmet, made him look vulnerable.

_ This is wrong. I need to wake up.  _

Presently, a medic droid was bringing in a defibrillator set, and Hux motioned for him to bring it to Kylo Ren’s body. Apparently, the plan was to try and shock them back into conscience - he could only hope that worked, since he had a feeling Rey could not be persuaded to undo what she had done. She was not entirely there, not entirely herself, and even if she was - what possible reason could she have to go back to the world where more of Snoke’s torture awaited her?

When Kylo Ren stepped back into his uncle’s room to check on Rey, she was still hovering at Luke’s side. With her head slumped against the pod’s lid, she was a picture of despair.

“Master Luke. You were right, all along. I should have simply let you go. I should never have struck a deal with them. Now they’ll turn me into a monster, too.”

But then, inexplicably, something roused Rey from her outpouring of grief. She shifted her attention to the opposite side of the bed where Kylo Ren now could perceive-- another white shade. It seemed to flicker before his eyes; he could not make it out clearly.

“Who are you?” Rey asked breathlessly, and the shade moved slightly. Kylo Ren could not hear anything, but apparently Rey could, because now she gasped. “What?”

Her own anguish momentarily forgotten, she looked between himself, the unmoving body of Luke, and the blurry shade on the other side of the bed.

“Who is there? Is it you, Skywalker?” Kylo Ren said, narrowing his eyes at the flickering space ahead.

“It is  _ a  _ Skywalker,” Rey said slowly. “Can’t you see him? He is right there.”

Kylo Ren blinked and strained his vision. And then, only for a brief moment, the shade swam into focus. It was the face of the young Jedi who occasionally appeared in his dreams, urgently reaching out and saying something Kylo Ren could never hear.

“He says his name is Anakin.”

Kylo Ren’s eyes widened in disbelief. 

“He’s telling you that you are--”

And that was when a lightning bolt seemed to tear the world apart. Once more, everything went black.

~o0o~

But Rey would not wake up.

Immediately after having his consciousness jolted back into his body in this rather unpleasant manner, Kylo Ren had jumped from his bed and administered the same treatment to the girl, but to no avail. He had reached out to her with the force, through their bond, with all his power - into a dark and silent void that only held a faint trace of her force signature, like an echo. She had left her still-living body behind like a shell.

Hours had passed with no change to her state, and now it had been days.

Kylo Ren occasionally visited her, sent the guards out and sat at her bedside. Perhaps she simply refused to come back. It would make sense - there was nothing waiting for her here than more suffering and torture. Perhaps she had found his uncle in the strange shadow-world after all, and they were communing where he could not reach them. Perhaps it was not even his uncle she was speaking with, but--

_ Anakin Skywalker.  _ That was simply not possible. The young Jedi that was haunting him, who he had occasionally seen in his dreams, who kept calling out to him - could it really be his grandfather? If so, why could he not hear him? Or rather - was he not speaking to him already, albeit rarely? Now, more often than before, he headed to the small sanctuary where Vader’s helmet was kept.  _ Speak to me. Tell me. Show me. What is it that you demand? _

But all remained silent.

Kylo Ren had given a full report to Snoke as he always did, but the part about briefly seeing a presence in the force claiming to be Anakin Skywalker, he had withheld. It was too absurd, too unsettling, and anyway - he felt in his soul it was not something he was meant to share. Had it even really happened? Perhaps he had been fantasizing. Perhaps the girl had lied to him.

But there was no fooling his Master’s insight.

“You will not succeed with this technique if your mind is preoccupied or if your conviction is wavering even just the slightest bit,” Snoke remarked on the sixth day. Having no longer his own apprentice to train, Kylo Ren had gone back to studying advanced dark force techniques once more with the Supreme Leader. Presently, he was sitting on the floor of the hologram chamber  _ \- just where Rey had writhed and screamed and begged for his help -  _ and once more tried to channel and compress force lightning around his fingers. It was a skill that still eluded him, however much he trained.

“The experience is still haunting you.” Snoke stated.

Kylo Ren was reluctant to speak, feeling a deep-seated aversion to challenge the Supreme Leader’s wisdom. Doing that would shake the foundations of everything he believed in, everything he had shed so much blood for. For a second he thought he felt the ghost of a touch on his cheek.  _ Han Solo. _

“Speak your mind, Kylo Ren,” Snoke said, not unkindly. “Do not let your trust, your confidence in me waver. Have I not always been there to help you whenever you struggle?”

Kylo Ren took a deep breath. “I know you intended to assist me in my task, Supreme Leader. But the way your power affected my apprentice - it was not what I had hoped to turn her into.”

Snoke looked at him. “You object to what I did,” he paraphrased.

“I would not presume to go so far,” Kylo Ren murmured deferentially.

“You act as though you are afraid of me, Kylo Ren. It is insulting. If you object to my actions, state it freely. I am confident I can convince you of their wisdom and their necessity. Or is it that you are afraid not of me, but of yourself? Afraid that your own reasons for objecting do not withstand questioning in return?”

Kylo Ren was silent.

“Let me put my thoughts before you, then, and disprove them if you can, my disciple. Only in such a way can true wisdom be attained,” Snoke continued. “What I did served several purposes. For one, no one who has witnessed the scene can accuse you of being partial or weak towards the girl any longer. The General is appeased, and I will have him punished if he interferes with your project again. Be warned, Kylo Ren.” Here, Snoke’s voice took on a sharp edge. “Do not think about taking vengeance into your own hands. I still require the General’s service, and I will not tolerate open war amongst my subordinates.”

Kylo Ren resented this order, but an order it was. Snoke continued in a more level voice.

“But back to what I did to the girl and why: The other objective was to infuse her mind with pure dark side power. In doing so, I have planted a seed of corruption in her, something which you were unwilling to do for fear of destroying your master-apprentice relationship.” Snoke paused. “I heard her cry for your help throughout it all. Your help, not Skywalker’s. I am impressed that her bond to you runs that deep already.”

Kylo Ren shifted uncomfortably, though he could not say why. This had been the objective, had it not? Binding her to him to ensure her loyalty to the First Order? Snoke actively approved of this, so why did he feel so anxious?

_ She cried for your help and you let her suffer.  _ No wonder the last thing he had seen her do was cling to his uncle instead. No wonder she still considered Skywalker to be her real teacher. Being a teacher was more than pushing his student to greater strength. It was about trust, about having a responsibility for her safety.

_ She is mine. Snoke must stay away from her.  _ The thought rose up in him, and was stomped down upon immediately before it could spawn more treachery. Instead, anger welled up in Kylo Ren.  _ No. The Supreme Leader is wise. He must be my guide on this way. _

This was too confusing. He felt like screaming and smashing something.

“She did not cry for my help, but for Ben Solo. She still thinks she can manipulate my weakness. I was right not to help her. I will not be disloyal to you, Supreme Leader,” he managed to say.

“I did not say you were. Your task is a difficult one, one that demands a lot of you, and you’re doing it well.” Snoke said mildly. “I am in fact astonished by your progress, and by the depth of her trust in you. Playing on her loneliness and her need for connection, you have made yourself the first person she turns to now. A masterful application of what I told you about finding leverage.”

Snoke was praising him! Kylo Ren was so confused he did not know what to say. He did not feel like he should be praised.  _ I let her down. I let her suffer. _ His hand twitched to his saber, and he fantasized about smashing the entire room to pieces - but in front of the Supreme Leader, he dared not display such a loss of control.

“Anyway, you see now why I did what I did: All this helped you in turning her to our cause and binding her more closely to you. She will eventually wake up, and when you continue your training, all her lingering resentment will be focused on me rather than on you. But this, too, shall pass. Watch her. You will find that she will be much more ready to pick up the ‘tools of the dark side’, as you put it, now that she has this little thorn of darkness wedged inside her very soul.”

Snoke steepled his fingers together as he often did when arriving at the end of a long-winded conclusion. Kylo Ren stared at him, his mind a jumble of conflicting emotions. Snoke’s reasoning sounded so very sensible, so very conductive to their goal. He was the Supreme Leader, ancient, well-learned, nothing he did was by accident. He was brilliant. He was wise.

But still, as he left the hologram chamber after their training session, the memory of Rey cursing him with that alien, debilitating darkness in her eyes flashed torturously before Kylo Ren’s eyes.

_ It is not right _ , a thought in his mind insisted. He could not even explain why what Snoke had done was so different than what he had been doing for weeks now. Yes, he had pushed Rey, cornered her, eliminated all her other options, had even let his own dark side power tease and rouse hers through their bond. But even during the one time he had succeeded, it had been her who had grasped and wielded the darkness as a weapon, and she had shone like an invincible dark star. Snoke’s way was different. His power was infecting her, weakening her like a virus.

Fists curled, he stomped towards sick bay, daring some poor fool to cross his path so he could cut them down. Those he met on the way hurriedly made space for the oncoming storm of murderous intent, and so did the guards in sick bay as the dark, menacing phantom advanced on the room where the girl was sleeping.

Kylo Ren’s eyes flitted briefly to the room opposite, where Skywalker was being held, and he thought he could hear his uncle laugh at him. Turning away, his hand clenched around his saber, he stalked into Rey’s room.

“No one is to enter this room on pain of death.” He growled at the guards as he slammed the door shut behind him. The stormtroopers flinched as they listened to the sound of mayhem, destruction and near-inhuman howls of rage.

~o0o~

The room was a warzone. The floor and the walls were a mess of slashed, molten steel, every piece of equipment was destroyed. Only its center remained completely untouched; the bed on which Rey was sleeping had not suffered so much as a scratch. Kylo Ren, having torn off his helmet, had slumped down on its side, breathing hard.

Having found a release in anger, he was now trying to center himself again. But there were too many voices telling him too many conflicting things. It all built up to an incoherent whisper that seemed to drown out any other sound.

He looked at the girl’s sleeping form, remembered the twisted version of her he had seen in the shadowy world. Was that ‘maximising the profit of his endeavour’ like Snoke had told him to? No. The best thing for the First Order, for him, and for herself was if she joined him freely and embraced her own dark power. Snoke had given her to him and told him to make her his masterpiece. And he was going to. By the stars - this was going to go his way, or not at all.

_ Rey. _

There was no reply.

Once more Kylo Ren closed his eyes and felt into the force, looking for the bond they shared, and only feeling the vast, dark emptiness where her conscience used to be. It felt like he himself was standing at the edge of a great precipice.

_ What was done to you was not right. It went against our agreement. I asked you to see me as your teacher, and as a teacher I let you down. For that I apologize. _

The abyss stretch out endlessly. What would happen if he took one step forward?

_ Help me, Ben. _

“My name is not Ben,” he growled softly, and took the plunge.

~o0o~

The sun was setting over the Jakku desert. The last rays of sunlight were fading over the dunes, and Rey kicked her speeder in frustration.

“Damn it,” she cursed. The wind was picking up, there was a storm in the air. If she was still stranded out here when it hit - well, she’d better not be stranded out here. That’s when she suddenly noticed the figure behind her.

“Who are you? Where did you come from?” Jakku did not breed people who were much disposed to greet strangers friendly, especially when they happened upon them in the middle of nowhere. Rey’s hand moved to her staff.

Dark hair, dark eyes, dark robes, very tall. The man looked familiar somehow, but she couldn’t place him. Perhaps someone she had met in passing on the streets of Niima Outpost.

“Having trouble?” He asked, nodding at her speeder. He was carrying no weapons, made no aggressive move. Rey relaxed slightly.

“It just stopped working all of a sudden. Something’s jamming it, but I can’t figure out what. And I built this thing with my own hands.”

“I can’t really help you there, I’m afraid,” the man said. “I’m no good with machinery.”

Rey made a noncommittal noise. “Well, mister, you should get out of here quickly, the way you came. There’s a storm coming. Big one.”

They both looked at the horizon. What was building up there was not a storm, it was a wall of darkness.

“What about you? If you stay out here, you’ll die,” the stranger said.

“Hm. Perhaps I will die. Wouldn’t be so bad. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m… really tired.” And as Rey said it, she realised she was. So tired. Exhausted. She did not really care that there was a storm coming. She did not feel like fighting anymore, not with that heavy darkness weighing her down. Death would be a relief.

But the stranger wasn’t having it. “Fix it,” he said. “You’re good at this, aren’t you? Han Solo was impressed with you. He offered you a job. Do you remember any of that, at least?”

Rey smiled wistfully. Han Solo. Good times. How long ago was that now? No matter. She was so tired. She wanted to sleep. There was a faint trace of regret, however, for all the missed opportunities.

“I remember I really wanted to take Luke to D’Qar. I was going to reunite him with his sister. We were going to get parts for my saberstaff. He was going to teach me to be a Jedi. I was going to go on adventures, see the galaxy. Me! A scrapyard orphan. Can you believe it?”

She laughed sadly as if it had all been a big joke. The man looked at her silently, with an unreadable expression.

“But I’m not going to, am I?” Rey said. “Something bad is coming for me.” A rumble echoed on the horizon. The storm was drawing closer.

“Not if you fix it,” the man said. “That speeder. Go on. Figure out what’s wrong with it.”

“Why do you care, anyway? Nobody does,” Rey murmured. The stranger was at her side all of a sudden, gripping her by her arms, looking at her urgently. In his eyes, there seemed to be a flicker of light calling to her.

Rey’s heart sped up. She had seen that flicker of light before. When had that been? This light, this man, they were really familiar, but-- Rey strained to remember.

“Fix it. I can’t help you do this. You have to do it by yourself.”

Rey looked at the speeder again. The man released his grip, and she turned to dismantle the chassis on the side to have a closer look at the turbojet engines, salvaged from a wrecked cargo-holder. This speeder was her pride and joy. She knew every part of it, every screw. Hesitantly, she stretched out her hand.

“That’s right,” the stranger whispered. “Locate what doesn’t belong, what isn’t part of you. Get rid of it.”

Rey gasped. At her touch, the turbines suddenly exploded into warm, pitch-black goo, like pus from a festering wound. It flowed over her hands, crept up her arms. Rey screamed in horror as the memory flowed back. There had been pain, unimaginable pain. Snoke had flooded her with pure darkness, had set her entire nervous system on fire. She had screamed for help, desperate. Luke was gone. Ben had not helped her. That tiny flicker of light she had turned to in sheer desperation, the one aspect of Kylo Ren she knew genuinely cared for her - it had let her down.

“I’m trying to help you now. Reject this darkness. It is not part of you.” Kylo Ren was holding her now as she flailed wildly trying to get the goo off her arms. The blackness was on her chest now, creeping up her neck. Rey started to hyperventilate. It was going to overwhelm her.

“There is serenity. There is peace.” There was no time now to remark on the absurdity of hearing Kylo Ren speak the words he had renounced long ago. “Remember. You carry that peace in you, I’ve seen it.”

_ There is peace. There is knowledge. There is the Force. See it for what it is. _

And then the sandstorm was gone, and Jakku was gone, and she and Kylo Ren were standing in a light-filled emptiness. Rey looked down. A black, evil-looking dagger was sticking in her stomach like a huge claw, oozing darkness.

“Good. You’ve focussed it,” Kylo Ren murmured, not taking his eyes off it. “Now, pull it out. Carefully. Don’t let your grip slip on it now.”

With shaking hands, Rey gripped the handle. She felt so weak. Pain was coursing through her.

“I can’t,” she whispered, white-faced. 

“It has to be you. Come on. You’ve almost got it.”

Rey took a deep breath, collected her strength, and pulled---

~o0o~

\--- and opened her eyes on the  _ Finalizer _ . The weight of the darkness was gone, but there was different weight on her now. Kylo Ren had collapsed on top of her on her bed, his long limbs dangling precariously over the sides, one hand still on her face. He was out cold.

Rey closed her eyes again for a long moment. She felt too dazed, too weak to move or do anything, much less push his weight off herself. Exhausted though she was, her mind was clear once more. Snoke had poisoned her mind, had filled her up to the brim with darkside power. There had been such pain. What had happened then? There had been a black-and-white world. Luke’s bedside. A strange young Jedi. Then, jumbled dreams. Memories. Darkness surrounding her, closing in. A sandstorm on Jakku. And then Kylo Ren had come back. Had helped her focus the dark power that was eating away at her, had talked her through removing it. He had helped her undo what his master had done.

Rey opened her eyes again and let her head roll to the side, watching his still face below hers. Her eyes traced the scar she had put across his face.

“Why?” She murmured. Quiet as the sound had been, it made him stir. There was a moment of recognition when their eyes locked, then his defenses went up and he pulled away from her. Rey took a deep breath.

“Well done.” He said curtly. He had stood up and was absentmindedly gathering up his helmet from where it had fallen to the ground. “You expelled the dark force that you’ve been injected with. Just in time. It had already spread far.” 

“You helped me.” Rey said in wonder.

“I couldn’t have. You had to do it by yourself,” he said. “Can you move?”

Rey gingerly peeled off the patches that were monitoring her life signs. Once again somebody had put her in a hospital gown, but this time, when she moved to slip her legs over the edge of the bed, they felt like she hadn’t used them in a long time.

There was a hot, smoldering weld in the floor right under her bare feet - cutting marks of a lightsaber. Taking a sharp breath, Rey pulled her feet back up and looked around the room properly for the first time since she had woken up.

“What happened here?” She gasped, taking in the scene of near-complete destruction. There was no reply from Kylo Ren, and since he had put his helmet back on, she could not tell anything from his expression. Instead, he walked over - his boots protected his feet from the ragged hot marks on the floor - unceremoniously gathered her up and set her down on an undestroyed spot near the door. Her weakened legs giving out under her briefly, Rey slumped against the door frame, actively suppressing the urge to hold on to him.

He may have helped expel Snoke’s darkness, yes. But she would not even be here if it was not for him. This -- thing that had happened, it changed nothing about their basic situation. If she let herself believe that for just a minute, she would be lost.

“How long have I been out?” she asked weakly.

“Almost seven days,” Kylo Ren replied with a look at the timekeeper.

“Will I be--” Rey began and faltered. Surely, now that she was awake, Snoke would continue his questioning.

“Tortured again? No. The matter has been laid to rest.” Kylo Ren stated curtly. He turned to leave, putting on his helmet. “Come. My quarters.”

In truth, Rey felt to weak to walk anywhere, but she would not be caught whining. Using the force to strengthen her weakened limbs, she followed.

[to be continued]

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to illustrate a kind of twisted Socratic debate between Snoke and Kylo Ren - Snoke pretending to encourage an open, critical dialogue between teacher and pupil, but really using his position of power to make Kylo feel inferior, twist his mind and bring him to heel like he has always done since Ben was very young.
> 
> I sometimes worry that I’m writing Snoke too kind and not violent and scary enough - but I see his cruelty towards Kylo as much more effective in subtlety. Because really, I imagine Kylo is so conditioned to believe everything Snoke says, so invested and immersed in his world view, he could never win in any kind of debate with him. He has had this bastard whisper to him since childhood, and is constantly being turned against his own interests. Snoke has him going against his family and against a person he has fallen deeply in love with, and it tears Kylo apart, and on top of it he is being made to feel as if that was because of his own shortcomings and his weakness.
> 
> And this is just one reason this fic is tagged with "Snoke is a creep". ;-)


	21. Tit for Tat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey and Kylo Ren talk politics.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter transitionary chapter with just a promise of the plot picking up at the end. Please bear with me, and thanks for all your comments so far! I’m trying to be more diligent about replying properly - I don’t want you to think they are not appreciated, because they really are. x

**Part II, Chapter X - Tit for Tat** **  
** _ [In which Rey and Kylo Ren talk politics.] _

~o0o~

There had been a shower, food and a set of fresh clothes, all of which restored much of Rey’s spirits. Not that it made much of a difference on this ship, but since the timer claimed it was 9 o’clock in the evening, Rey would have liked nothing more than to curl up in her corner of the training room and go to sleep - whatever state she had been in for the last week, it had not been a restful one, and she was still exhausted. Surely, what with everything, even Kylo Ren could be persuaded to skip evening sparring just this once, right?

Wrong, it turned out - he insisted on picking up their schedule where they had left it. Rey gritted her teeth in frustration, but then, on Jakku she had been forced to go out and scavenge for food whatever condition she was in, even that one time a cut had become infected and she had been plagued by fever for two weeks. And so it was that Kylo Ren and herself were circling each other once more, quarterstaff against training sword.

“A week of inactivity is unacceptable,” he informed her, frowning at her sluggish movements. “You need this workout to get back to your old strength. I will not have you slack off.”

“ _ Slack off _ ? I did not asked to be tortured into a coma.” Rey asked, already getting furious at him once more, and reminded herself not to draw her power from a place of anger. He was baiting her, she was sure of it. One moment he helped her expel his Master’s darkness, the next he tried to stir it - keeping up with him was quite a challenge. More calmly, she continued.

“What did you mean, earlier, that the matter has been laid to rest? Have the charges against me been dropped, just like that?”

“Don’t let it concern you further. No one ever really suspected you. It was all more… political.”

Rey shook her head. She had been tortured, had almost died, for something vague as that? 

Kylo Ren could see that this explanation did not satisfy her at all, so he added: “The General was just diverting attention away from his strategic blunder and getting revenge for what happened in the hangar.”

“That man is really out to get me,” murmured Rey.

“His issue is with me. He is jealous of my position,” Kylo Ren explained. “But he is not a warrior, just a jumped-up son of an Imperial officer. He enjoys intrigue and underhanded manoeuvres rather than facing me one-on-one.”

Rey felt her anger well up anew, resenting to be caught up in this ridiculous power struggle between two rivalling First Order officers. She was not some kind of pawn.

“If he comes after me again, I’ll kill him,” she mumbled through gritted teeth.

“Be my guest. You are powerful enough to snap his neck from a distance within a few seconds,” Kylo Ren said casually. “For your sake though, I advise you not to do so. The Supreme Leader would punish you severely.”

“But  _ you  _ would really enjoy it if I killed the General, wouldn’t you? Even though you are supposedly allies.” Rey said, staring at him. Yet another oddity. “What is your game? I don’t understand you.”

“There is no game. You are my apprentice. I am your teacher. I am showing you the ways of the force.” He suddenly struck out lightning-quick, and Rey blocked the attack without even taking off her eyes off his face. “And look how far you’ve come.”

For a split second, Kylo Ren smirked proudly - genuinely, slightly mischievously and so much like Han Solo, Rey’s heart twisted. This was not fair. Han’s killer should be allowed to look so much like him. No son who murdered his father should.

Kylo Ren did not appear to have noticed what anguish this brief smile had occasioned in Rey; he simply continued to execute a flurry of swings. “All I want is for you to realise your full potential. You told me you did not want to be forced into the dark side, and your latest experience has shown that would be a fool’s errand, anyway. You will be much stronger if you make this choice on your own.”

Almost glad to be torn away from her earlier painful thoughts, Rey laughed in disbelief, trying to land a kick on the joint of his dominant leg while fending off his blows. “Choice? You have attacked me relentlessly. You are holding me prisoner. You are threatening Luke’s life. What is that if not forcing me?”

“What the Supreme Leader did was forcing you. I want you to embrace the dark side on your own volition. You have the potential, we both know it.”

Rey searched his face. Yes, she had had a taste of the dark side, enough to know that she did not want any part of it. She was not going to join him willingly in any form or fashion. Never. Why did he refuse to see that? Could he really be that insane, that deluded?

“Okay. But. See. I don’t  _ want  _ to embrace the dark side,” Rey said, slowly and deliberately as if talking to a particularly difficult child. “What are you going to do about it? How far will you go?”

If her tone annoyed him, he did not show it. “I don’t expect you to see it right here and now. But soon your saberstaff will be finished, and then we can really gauge the difference between your power and mine. It will open your eyes. I know you’ll see it, because I know you are not a fool. Just misguided.”

“I might say the same thing to you!” Rey retorted.

“If you think so, let us see which of us is right about the other in a trial of strength,” he shrugged.

“Do you always measure the validity of an argument by the strength of its proponent? Don’t you think that is a little unfair, with you being like--?” Rey measured the towering form of Kylo Ren from head to toe in a frustrated gesture. This debate was ridiculous and if it was up to her, she would not even bother. But she felt that if she really wanted to defeat this man, she needed to find out what made him tick.

He paused, irritated. “Do not misunderstand me on purpose, Rey, you’re smarter than this. Obviously I’m physically stronger than you - but I am talking about the force. In that regard, you are more than my equal. I know your strength; it would be foolish and dangerous for me to belittle you or hold back out of some misguided chivalrous notion.”

Rey’s eyes flitted to the scar on his face, and for a moment, their duel on Starkiller Base was back in both their minds.

“So, this trial of strength you’re proposing,” she said carefully. “When will that be?”

“How about when you have finished your saberstaff? I promise you right here and now: if you manage to beat me without tapping into the dark side, you are free to go. If not, my point remains. And you are free to challenge me again anytime.”

Rey paused, once more somewhat taken aback. “Are you even in a position to offer me something like that? What about Snoke?”

“It doesn’t matter either way,” Kylo Ren replied calmly. “Because in order for you to defeat me, you will have to kill me.”

“You are very sure of yourself, considering I have defeated you twice,” Rey said. 

“And are you not forgetting something crucial about these two instances?” He asked pointedly.

The cold hiss, the red mist, the storm of power, the rage of the beast - so dark and cruel it chilled her to the bone. How could she possibly forget? It was true: each time she had had Kylo Ren at her mercy, she had tapped into the dark side. Rey shuddered involuntarily.

“Alright. Let’s assume for one moment I do willingly choose the dark side. Then what?”

“You will help me and the Supreme Leader bring order back to the galaxy, just as had been Vader’s goal.”

“Really not that interested in the galaxy,” Rey replied, realising the truth of it as she said it. She had grown up all alone on a planet where people did not care if she lived or died. She was not the type to have idealistic goals, or profound political convictions. 

“You say that, yet you would actively support the anarchists of the Resistance, purely out of personal affiliation,” Kylo Ren pointed out. “Ties to other people are all that drives you. Do not deny it.”

“At least the Resistance are not raiding villages and killing innocent people. Or blowing up entire planetary systems,” Rey shot back sharply.

“Yet they support a system where settlements, planets, individual systems raid and slaughter each other on a daily basis. The New Republic is - was - a pathetic joke. The senate would watch the galaxy descend into civil war once more. Having no formal education, perhaps you can not be expected to understand this, but sometimes, a hard approach is needed to restore order. To be cruel to prevent greater cruelty. To end a conflict, one party must be prepared to do what is necessary. Our world is too large, too complex, our weapons too powerful. If order is not imposed from the top down, the galaxy will sink into chaos and death. History has shown us this, countless times.”

Rey realised then they had long stopped exchanging blows - they had crossed straight into a full-blown ideological discussion. He was right though, in this she was way out of her waters. She did not know much about history, about politics. But she was familiar with bullies.

“Peace through oppression?” She said doubtfully. “I’m sure that’s not what your mother taught you.”

“My mother,” he snorted disdainfully. “The daughter of Darth Vader, born with an immense force potential. If she had wanted to, she could have brought the peace and order to the galaxy that she so desperately longs for. But instead, she chose to aid chaos by clinging to a spineless, useless senate. No, Rey. If you are born with power such as yours or mine, you have a responsibility to use it for good. I will make you see that. I will make you see that ultimately, we both want the same thing.”

“You will make me?” Rey repeated. “So there we are again: You are threatening me and forcing me, after all.”

They looked at each other, and their respective frustration with the other was almost palpable.

“You’re young, Rey. Naive,” Kylo Ren eventually added softly. “So much so you can’t see the benefit of all I am trying to teach you.”

“You’re not that much older.” Rey remarked. How old was he anyway? With him, it was really hard to tell. Especially right now that he wasn’t snarling or frowning, his face looked soft and youthful.

Kylo Ren appeared tired of the debate and, putting away the sword for today, changed the topic.

“I have wanted to ask you something.”

Rey looked up in surprise at Kylo Ren’s oddly earnest announcement.

“When you caused that odd phenomenon during the Supreme Leader’s questioning, you were claiming that you could see my grandfather. You heard him say something. What was it?”

Rey opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again. She did remember, through a haze. That Jedi by Luke’s bedside. Young, handsome. Hard to imagine him being anyone’s grandfather. Hard to imagine him being one of the greatest Sith to menace the galaxy. He had told her his name. Had told her to tell Ben--

_ You are being deceived. You must finish what I started. _

“Tit for tat, Kylo Ren,” Rey said, not stopping to wonder about those cryptic words. “I know something about your family, you know something about mine.”

“Very well,” Kylo Ren conceded. “I was ready to tell you weeks ago, anyway. The name you gave me, of the man who claimed to be your father - it’s a common false name used by Divinator agents. I did not know what it meant at the time, but nowadays I do. The Divinators are the First Order’s secret service.”

“Divinators? The ones who my mother said were watching the school?” Rey said in astonishment, remembering the memory Kylo Ren had shared with her back on Ahch-To. “So my father was from the First Order?”

“It seems too much of a coincidence for him not to be,” Kylo Ren shrugged.

“But Luke said he had no reason to believe the man was not my father. Why would a First Order agent bring me to a Jedi?”

“No idea. I promised you back then I would look into it, and I requested these from our archives,” Kylo Ren motioned her to follow. He led her back to the main room, to the corner in which the crate with the data cubes was slowly collecting dust.

Rey looked up to him, visibly excited. “What are those?”

“Divinator records from around fifteen years ago. You are free to search them yourself, but” - he caught her arm when she had already started to rush towards the pile of documents - “tit for tat, as you put it, scavenger.”

“‘You are being deceived. You must finish what I started’,” Rey said. “That’s what Anakin Skywalker said to tell you.”

Kylo Ren frowned at her. “That is all? What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t exactly in a clear state of mind. I only saw him that one time.”

If Kylo Ren was frustrated, he did not show it. Instead he turned away, frowning some more, and Rey took that as a sign that she was free to dig into the data. Finally, obviously distracted, Kylo Ren turned to leave his quarters.

“I have somewhere to be. Stay in this room.” 

Rey just made a noncommittal noise in reply. She was already busy reading.

~o0o~

Kylo Ren turned the molten helmet over and over in his hands.

_ Grandfather. What do you mean? I am finishing what you started. I have never done anything but. _

‘You are being deceived’. Kylo Ren was not a fool. The only person that could refer to was the Supreme Leader - but such words from Darth Vader? Who had just recently told him to trust in his mentor, to look to him for guidance? That was a contradiction. Something else must be at play.

Snoke had always been completely open with him about his goals, even when his plans and visions had initially shaken Kylo Ren in their unapologetic ruthlessness. He was old, experienced, incredibly powerful; Kylo Ren had never caught him lie or cheat.

The Supreme Leader had always laid out all his options before him, had shown him all the possible outcomes, had let him make his own conclusions. Or so Kylo Ren had always perceived it, always, even when he had been much younger. If Snoke was deceiving him - in what regard, and to what end?

His father’s face flickered before his inner vision.

_ Snoke’s using you for your power, manipulating your abilities. When he’s gotten everything he wants out of you, he’ll crush you. Toss you aside. _

Yes, of course Han Solo would say that. But the Supreme Leader had never made a secret out of why he wanted Kylo Ren around. He was Darth Vader’s grandson, born with a huge force potential - a “perfect focal point between the dark side and the light”, Snoke had once said. No, there was nothing to be deceived about in that regard, either.

Could the girl simply have lied to him, to shake him in his conviction? That, too, was impossible. They shared a force bond, by now he could tell when she was lying even without having to probe into her mind.

“Talk to me, grandfather. Show me. Guide me.”

But once again, all remained silent.

 

[to be continued]

 


	22. Born and Bred in Bright Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey puts a name to her weakness, and Kylo Ren succumbs to his.]

**Part II, Chapter XI: Born and Bred in Bright Space** **  
** _ [In which Rey puts a name to her weakness, and Kylo Ren succumbs to his.] _

~o0o~

Sitting cross-legged on the floor in Kylo Ren’s quarters, Rey had stacked the Divinator data cubes around her like a fortress and was skimming through them one by one, feverishly looking for information relating to herself. But it was a huge mass of data, and she was growing more and more distracted and disgusted with what they held.

There were a thousands stories here, a thousands injustices, a thousand tragedies. Mission reports in which children were torn from their parents’ arms and taken away as their family were killed. Interrogation logs in which prisoners were forced to reveal instances of force-sensitivity in their families. Hundreds of raids, murders, kidnappings.

_ Why? _ Rey thought, tearing up at the horror of it all.  _ They were not Jedi, just born force-sensitive. Not Resistance, just people going on about their lives. Why did these ‘Divinators’ hunt them down? _

And to such an organisation, Kylo Ren expected her to lend her power. He really thought she was going to have some kind of mystical ‘awakening’ after which she would see the light - or the dark, as it were. In fact, Rey did feel a darkness well up in her, looking at all the cruelty and suffering neatly documented in these records. And perhaps for the first time, a deeply-felt personal conviction built up in her: The First Order was not just some circumstantial enemy of hers. It was vile, it was evil. It needed to be taken down.

_ And I am somehow tied up in all this. Was my father really a Divinator? Was he complicit in all these deeds? Was my mother running from them? Perhaps even from my father? _

Rey was still reading when Kylo Ren returned hours later, looking distraught and very tired. She looked up as he set down his helmet, her own face pale with red-rimmed eyes. Their glances crossed briefly, clearly neither being much in a mood to talk.

“I’m going to sleep. Take the cubes to your room, if you must,” he said in a disgruntled tone of voice.

Unceremoniously, he slipped out of hood, robe, tunic and shirt, revealing his lean, athletic body. Rey looked away, somewhat embarrassed, and gathered up a random selection of cubes. Flustered she might be, but the awful things she had read about all evening still prevailed in her mind. So she walked up to him, cubes in hand, and stared at him hard. She needed an outlet.

“You said the Divinators were an intelligence service? How about kidnappers, torturers and executioners? They steal children and murder innocents. Did you know? Do you care? You said to stop a war it needed a party that is prepared to do what is necessary - so tell me, what was necessary about any of  _ this _ ?”

Choking with disgust, she shoved a cube with particularly horrifying data at his bare chest accusingly. Kylo Ren frowned and pinched his nose between the eyes as if in pain. Rey could only hope he was.

“Not now. Off you go.”

“You’re right. It is way too late,” Rey murmured icily and turned away.  _ For you. _

Having shut the door to the training room behind her perhaps a little more loudly than necessary, she dropped down on the blankets in her little corner and kept on reading for some time. She could feel through their force bond that despite saying he wanted to sleep, Kylo Ren appeared to have trouble doing so, but she could not bring herself to care about whatever was eating at him right now.

The file she was currently skimming over was an interrogation report. The interrogator, marked as XTR-2630, had apparently hunted down and captured a man - and what was odd was the other man’s name was given as XPK-5682, another Divinator denomination, whereas in other reports of such nature, the victims were referred to by their real names or a differently-coded prisoner number. A snippet read:

_ XPK-5682 has lasted through stage three and four levels of interrogation. He still refuses to give up the location of subject FH-46+++ who went missing from the XXXXXX four years ago, though he freely admits to having helped her escape, and appears to be proud of his treachery. _

Wherever it was that this FH-46 had escaped from had been blacked out. Rey’s eyes flitted over the rest of the gruesome record, describing horrible torture in clinical language and was about to discard it disgustedly like the rest, until she caught something that made her breathe in sharply. 

_ Questioned about the girl he delivered to Skywalker, he refused to answer even under level six duress, which in itself supports our suspicions that the girl is indeed subject’s FH-46’s daughter. _

This was it. This was a fragment of her own story. XPK-5682 was Sorus Ghan, the Divinator who had brought her to Luke. He had been caught by his colleagues right after! Rey’s eyes raced through the report, which ended without conclusion - the subject, in stress and pain, had fallen unconscious without giving up any information. The report ended with a note that the subject was to be “transferred to the Fortress” for further interrogation - wherever that was.

Rey jumped up as if electrified, threw open the door and stormed back into the living room towards the crate of cubes. She got exactly three steps before a force punch propelled her forward and slammed her face-front into the wall. Kylo Ren was upon her instantly.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Rey cursed, working on the force grip he held her in but finding it rather hard to do while he was pushing her face into the wall and holding her arms on her back.

“Just looking for-- damn it, let me go! I just want the sequel to this report!” 

He did let her go at that. From the annoyed look on his face it seemed that he had just managed to fall asleep when she had barged in. 

“You do realise I will wake you at 0700 hours sharp for morning sparring. That is in three and a half hours.”

“So we will both be tired, big deal,” Rey said dismissively, rummaging through the cubes and studying their markings. “I found a report about the Divinator who brought me to Luke’s school. Also, there’s a mention of somebody referred to as FH-46, with three plusses tacked on. Probably my mother.”

“Two letters, two numbers, three plusses?” Kylo Ren could not recall ever having heard such an odd prisoner denomination.

“Can you find out what it means? She escaped from somewhere classified, four years before this report was written. That would have been just around the time I was born. Perhaps there are more records about her,” Rey said a little breathlessly. 

Kylo Ren stared at her somewhat exasperatedly. “Tomorrow. Maybe. If you earn it.”

Rey did not give him time to catch on to her intentions through their force bond; she was already propelling herself at him as she called the lightsaber that he was wearing on his belt - really, even in bed? - to her hand. Instantly reacting, he managed to touch it just barely with his fingertips as it came to meet her, changing its trajectory in the process and sending it flying uselessly into a corner of the room as she barrelled into him full-force, toppling them both over. Her attempt to grab his lightsaber having failed, Rey held down his arms instead and bent all her mind, all her force on holding him down.

“There. Earned it,” she said, pressing the words through her teeth clenched in concentration. Still he slipped out like a cat from under her force grip. Rey cursed as he slowly broke her hold on him, pulling himself up with superior physical strength - and proceeded to flip her over on her back in turn. Then, in the same fluid motion, he kissed her, hungrily, passionately. Rey’s mind went completely blank.

“Damn you,” he whispered without much conviction, eyes closed, his face still so close to her face she could feel his breath. There it was again, that tingle, that flicker of the force dancing on her skin where he touched her. For a long moment, they remained this way, each feeling the other’s breath, warmth, energy.

Strangely enough though, though he had overpowered her, Rey felt no terror of him. She could feel his emotions through their bond. There was no malice there, no ill intent, no plan to destroy her peace and send her into the dark side, not this time. There was passion, excitement, affection and - this was an unexplored feeling for Rey - something like a great urge, no,  _ lust _ . Perhaps it should terrify her, but it didn’t. He had overstepped their unspoken boundaries in a spur of the moment, and now he was caught mid-step, could not go back, would not go on.

_ And what now? _ Rey found herself thinking, watching him wide-eyed.  _ What will you do? _

What was  _ she  _ going to do, for that matter? That dream she had had about him after the blaster deflection lesson was back in her mind instantly. She was not immune to him, far from it - even now, as they hung in the balance, his proximity overwhelmed her. He was calling to her, urgently, insistently, and no matter how hard she tried to ignore it, she felt herself react despite herself.

But she would not move forward, either, and so it was for him to pull back slightly, letting go of her arms. He looked down on her with an unreadable expression, and Rey might have slapped him for what he said next.

“Still trying to turn me, I see.”

“I’m not trying anything,” Rey replied hotly. “It’s all you.  _ You  _ keep doing this, you to me, not the other way around. Get that into your head for once, and see things for what they are.”

There was a flicker in his eyes, betraying that her words had hit home. Rey scrambled to her feet, shaking with overcharged emotions. He did not stop her, instead stretched out his hand to call his lightsaber back to him. In the same graceful motion he pulled himself up before her. She instinctively drew back, and so did he when he saw her doing so.

“Good night,” he said, hooking the lightsaber back on his belt as if nothing had happened just now.

As if released from a spell, Rey hurried back into the training room, data cubes and FH-46+++ entirely forgotten. She huddled under her blanket, her heart still beating up to her throat.  _ He  _ had kissed  _ her _ , on two occasions now,  _ he  _ held  _ her  _ prisoner, and yet he still harboured that idea of  _ her  _ trying to seduce  _ him _ . How deep in denial was this man, and how dare he put the blame for his bad impulse control on her!

He was a horrible, violent person, serving a horrible, violent organisation. So what was wrong with her that she had felt such a tingle, such excitement at his kiss? What was wrong with her that she would dream about him as she had?

_ It’s because he wants you. Nobody has ever wanted you. You crave it. You’re desperate to feel wanted.  _ A treacherous voice within her supplied. It did not help that he was an attractive man - Rey had not had much occasion to explore her preference, but having trained close up and personally with him for weeks, a part of her had always secretly admired his strong arms and his dark hair and eyes, and the way he always seemed to be on the prowl wherever he went or whatever he did. Especially this should  _ not  _ appeal to her, given their history, but it did. He was powerful, dangerous and commanded respect - and her own appraisal of who and what he was made his desire of her even more alluring. 

Groaning, Rey buried her face in the palms of her hands. That was it, the long and short of it - this was her own, base weakness, and denying it would make her look just as foolish as Kylo Ren, who so desperately tried to deny his.

Since he got progressively worse at hiding his attraction to her, it did not pay any longer for Rey to ignore her knowledge of it. They shared a force bond; she knew exactly how genuine his feelings towards her were - pure, even, which was almost jarring coming from someone like him, but there it was. They stemmed from this little flicker of light she knew was still there inside him.

But of course, with him being who he was, things were not this nice and simple. He was not a blushing teenager with a crush, he was dangerous and unstable. With his poor self-control, his affection was not an impulse that would protect her if push came to shove, but rather put her in more danger. Clearly, Kylo Ren had a way of spreading his own internal anguish around with a big shovel and hurting those closest to his heart in his neverending quest to make himself more miserable.

Rey knew all this, and by rights it should terrify her, and yet, what she felt first and foremost was a deep compassion. However much it was engulfed in a mercurial, self-destructive mess, his genuine yearning for her from the bottom of his heart could not leave her own soul untouched.

And Rey found to her surprise - it made her angry. If he felt all that for her, how dare he put her through such an ordeal? How dare he give her up to Snoke’s torture and stand by doing nothing? How dare he make her feel so strongly for him in return? She was not going to stand for it. And she certainly would not let herself become a victim of his self-destructive tendencies.

If it was just the two of them, perhaps she might have been moved to try and do more, to reach out more confidently to that little flicker of light in his soul. But her far greater responsibility was to saving Luke - Rey had got her Master into this mess, she needed to get him out of it again.

Kylo Ren, and whatever she might feel for him, would have to take a back seat.

~o0o~

_ There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no emotion, there is peace. No emotion, no passion. _

Kylo Ren’s headache increased as he repeated the Jedi mantra over and over again in his mind. She was right. She was right, all this was on him - they both knew it.  _ See things for what they are, not how you want them to be. _ What did he want, anyway? Her - mind, soul and body. That was the truth. What other truths were there?

His head ached as if it was about to split apart. He thought he could hear that whispering again.  _ See things for what they are. _

For the first time, Kylo Ren considered the possibility that what she kept claiming was true. That she would not resort to the dark side, not ever. What then? He would report his failure to Snoke. Snoke had said he could find another use for her, whatever that meant. He’d take her away, remove this torture from him.

It would be no salvation, however. He was bound to this girl through the force, no matter where they were in the galaxy. All he ever needed to do was reach out and haunt her dreams. She could not be separated from him, and he could not resist her.

_ Kill her, or you’ll be lost. _ The darkness whispered.  _ Remove your weakness for her like you removed your weakness for Han Solo. _

_ You yourself dragged her into all this in the first place,  _ another voice supplied, cold and clear and unforgiving, a voice he had almost forgotten was there. _ She just wants to be left alone, she can’t be blamed for your weakness and your sick obsession. If you kill her, it will just show how weak, how afraid of her you truly are. _

His head was really, really hurting now, so intensely he felt like he was going to be sick. 

No. No, he could not kill her. There was still time. He could still succeed. There really was no alternative to succeeding. She needed to choose the dark side, he  _ had  _ to make her his, or he would slowly go insane. What was this intense pain in his head? This was not normal. Something was wrong.

Kylo Ren stumbled from his bed and dragged himself to the bathroom, where he reached the toilet just in time to empty the contents of his stomach.

_ What is wrong with me?  _ He threw the thought into the force like a cry to the heavens, before blacking out.

~o0o~

Rey opened her eyes. This was a child’s bedroom, lovingly furnished, but full of darkness and whispers. A dark-haired young boy cowered on the floor in front of the mirror on his closet door.

The whispers were rising.

_ My poor child. I tried to warn you. I told you your parents would split up. They are always fighting because of you. I told you they would abandon you, and now it has begun. Soon now, you will be sent away. Why did you hurt that other boy? _

“I just--- I got so angry, I--” Choking on sobs, the boy curled his bruised fists.

_ And they blamed you, didn’t they. They always do. They can see your powers, and they fear it. They tell you to keep the anger in, to let it eat you up instead of them, so they can safely keep sneering at you behind your back. Will you let them? _

“Mum said I must be calm like uncle Luke.”

_ Your uncle! Even he fears your darkness. He would have you deny your heritage, deny your very nature. You have seen it in the mirror, haven’t you? What you are meant to be. _

“I didn’t want to hurt him so badly. I just got so-- so angry. The dark side is evil. I’m a monster. I was born wrong.” The boy was crying now, racked by desperate sobs.

_ What causes you such pain is these lies they fill you with. Oh, my beautiful, precious boy. You were not born wrong. You are not a monster. You have been chosen to continue a great legacy. _

“What is this?” Rey whispered. And against all reason, the boy in front of the mirror jumped and turned around, looked straight at her. Rey knew these eyes, knew this soul.

“Ben?”

And suddenly the child’s bedroom was gone, and Rey was back on Ahch-To with Luke on her first evening, sitting by the fire inside her cottage.

“He is not ‘poor Ben’. He made his choice,” Rey said, angrily. Luke sighed.

“Don’t be so quick to condemn those who have fallen. Those raised in the light can not always understand the struggles of those raised in the shadows.”

“I was not raised in the light!” Rey insisted hotly.

Arms were wrapped around her from behind, Kylo Ren’s presence engulfed her.

“But it is in you, it has always been there. The light. It’s calling me. You are calling me, constantly, every waking hour and even now. Why are you torturing me like this?” Kylo Ren held on to her desperately, almost crushed her. With some effort, Rey turned around in his arms.

“I’m not doing anything. You’re torturing yourself. Yourself, and everybody around you. What happened to you to make you this way?”

He had no words, but the expression in his face was so full of anguish and his loneliness so overwhelming it almost broke Rey. Here was a kindred soul, so utterly different and yet the same. He leaned down to her, his lips hovering over hers.

“Let me,” he whispered almost feverishly. “Please. Only here. It’s just a dream.”

She met him halfway, and the kiss nearly took her breath away, sent a tingle through every nerve of her body. His hunger, his desire nearly drowned her.

“Let me go,” she whispered between kisses. “Let me leave. If you continue to keep me here, it will end badly. You know that, don’t you?”

“It’s too late.”  _ I’m never letting you go. Never. _

That way was darkness. He was pulling her in, drowning her, devouring her, his hands were gripping her too tightly.

“Stop. Stop!” She urged, for a split second terrified he wouldn’t listen. But he did, was once more frozen in mid-step, could not go back, would not go on, looking at her with a pained expression. Rey stared back, her heart beating up to her throat.

“I wanted to see if you would,” she said softly. This, too, was power, she realised. Not physical, not the force - something else. She had power over him.

“What is that, if not torture?” He asked accusingly. “You’re playing with me. Have a care. You are a weakness. Remember what I do to people that make me weak.”

Rey narrowed her eyes at the threat. “The crucial difference between Han Solo and me is, I don’t love you, and I will not hesitate to kill you before you kill me. So why don’t  _ you  _ have a care,  _ Kylo Ren _ ?“

She pushed him back, and he stumbled. The expression on his face was all the reward she wanted for her boldness. Astonishment, fury and - bizarrely - shuddering arousal all flickered across his face at her words. He groaned angrily, pulled her towards him and captured her mouth with his own once more, and she bit him so hard on the lip she drew blood.

_ You are driving me insane. _

Rey gasped--

~o0o~

\-- and awoke in the training room, heart hammering, drenched in sweat, the taste of his blood still on her lips. All her nerves were on fire, her body was humming like a string that was responding to a sound at just the right frequency. 

“Damn you,” she whispered, trying to calm her breathing. How could she have let herself be carried away like this when she had just decided not to let his obsession distract her from her objective?

It was half past ten, a quick glance to the timer on one of the data cubes told her, way past when he had intended to wake her for morning sparring. 

What had this dream been? Not like any other they had shared so far, that was certain. They had met somewhere in the middle, had exchanged a jumble of memories, emotions, thoughts and actions neither of them had been prepared to share in the real world. When she saw Kylo Ren next, she would pretend to remember nothing about it. That was safest for them both.

For now, she desperately needed a shower.

Rey carefully edged out of the training room, expecting him to have gone off somewhere to avoid her. Instead - Rey took a sharp breath in surprise - she found Kylo Ren out cold, lying face-down half in the living room, half in the bathroom, blanket torn from his bed. Clearly, he had had an even worse night than her.

He was lying perfectly still in his awkward position, so still that if she did not feel his life signs in the force, Rey might have thought he was dead. He was still just wearing his dark trousers, and half-buried below him on his belt was the Skywalker lightsaber.

Rey dared not breathe. She reached out hesitantly and called to it, and with only just a little persuasion it slipped out from under him and snapped into her hand. The cool metal was suddenly clammy in her hand. She heard the blood rush through her ears, frozen in the moment. He had not stirred, and she was standing over him with a lightsaber in her hands.

Rey suddenly felt as if two paths stretched out before her.

_ Have a care. He is not ‘poor Ben’. _

There was the path where she stabbed him to death, ran outside, hacked and slashed and force-punched her way to sick bay, grabbed Luke and got the hell off this ship. With a lightsaber at her disposal, and the only other force-user on board dead, it would be well worth a try. Anyway, even if she failed she would be doing the whole galaxy a favour by just taking Kylo Ren out of it and making a heroic last stand on the  _ Finalizer _ , taking as many First Order goons out as she could.

_Do not hesitate. This may be your only chance. If you do not take it now, everything bad that happens to you or Luke after this will be on you._ _After everything he has done to you, you do not owe Kylo Ren anything except a stab right through the heart._ This was the red-tinted whisper of the beast, and it spoke truth. Rey’s hand gripped the saber so tightly her knuckles went white.

And then there was the other path. The one Luke would take.  _ Have compassion for those raised in the shadows. _

She looked at Kylo Ren’s still form for a long moment, at his presence in the force, at the light that was there beneath all his darkness. She had connected with him on a profound level, and despite everything he kept putting her through, she did not hate or fear him. It was hard to be afraid of somebody who looked at her the way he did.

Rey groaned inwardly at herself. Stupid, stupid - she must be completely mad. But the truth was--

“Screw you, Kylo Ren. You’re not going to turn me into a cold-blooded murderer.”

Stuffing the lightsaber into her belt and crouching down, she reached out to turn him on his back, using a little bit of the force to help her lift his heavy weight. She could not help but take note of how his chest was covered with old scars, and how touching his bare skin sent the same tingle through her as it did whenever he touched her. Rey tried her best to ignore it. 

She made doubly sure that he was breathing before bodily dragging him away from the bathroom door and made a face as she flushed away the bile in the toilet. Then she returned to his side and put her hands to the side of his face, closed her eyes and stretched out her mind to him.

_ Kylo Ren.  _ She called out carefully, because that was the name she knew him by. She had resorted to ‘Ben’ three times, and only ever in the most extreme of circumstances. It was not a name to be used lightly, not by her, anyway.

_ Kylo Ren.  _ But here and now, reaching out to his mind carefully, his chosen name suddenly felt fake and hollow.

_ Ben. Ben Solo. That is your name.  _ Rey reached for that little flicker of light, felt it respond, embrace her and cling to her almost gratefully.

“Wake up,” she whispered. And as she did, she felt him stir, felt his consciousness flow back from whichever corner of his soul it had curled up in. 

Kylo Ren did not jolt in anger or surprise at finding her so close, but was nevertheless quick to sit up. Rey drew back, unsure what kind of reaction to expect. He looked at her wordlessly, evidently still trying to get his bearings, and suddenly Rey knew what to do to truly bring home this strangest of little victories.

“Here.” She pulled the Skywalker saber out of her belt, and held it out to him. “I thought you might want that back.”

However bold and mad it was - it was just the logical follow of the decision she had already made earlier. And just like in their earlier dream, the expression on his face was almost reward enough. He was utterly aghast, simply kept staring.

When he wouldn’t take the saber for a long moment, Rey set it down in front of her and moved to get up from her crouching position. But then his hand shot out and caught her wrist.

“I thought I told you not to toy with me,” he said, lips pressed thin. “This is not a game. Do not forget your situation, do not forget where you and I stand. Do not believe this changes anything. Do not expect mercy from me when it comes down to that.”

“I don’t expect mercy from a murderer and a torturer.” Rey said, wrenching her hand out of his grip and standing up. “I’m simply not like you. That’s the  _ point _ .”

“Careful with that arrogance, Jedi.” He stood up likewise to look down on her, the expression on his face taking on a darker tint. “One day soon, you may regret your choice.”

He took a step towards her threateningly, but Rey held her ground, crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. She could see right through him - he was angry and conflicted because she had won this round in a way he did not know how to respond to, and now he was trying to scare her to put the world back into its rightful order.  _ Well, tough. You don’t. _

“Regretting it already,” she said drily. “Look, I want to finish my saberstaff hilt, and you look like crap. Can we skip morning sparring today?”

“Absolutely not,” he clipped.

Judging from the way he pushed, pressed and generally wiped the floor with her during this morning’s sparring session, it seemed he was adamant to remind her who was in charge. But if he hoped for her to beg him to go easier, Rey thought, she was not going to give him the satisfaction.

_ Power,  _ she thought smugly even as she got back up smarting from a particularly nasty blow. _ I have power over him. _

 

  
[to be continued]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a throwback to the first chapter! The whole concept of ‘having been raised in the light/shadows’ and ‘not being so quick to judge the fallen’ was inspired by the opening poem of “The Jew’s Beech” by Annette von Droste-Hülshoff:
> 
> Where is the hand so gentle, that, unerring,  
> but of a dull brain’s confusion  
> so steady, that without trembling,  
> it can hurl the stone at some **poor stunted being**?  
>  Who dares to measure vain blood’s urge,  
> to weigh each word that, unforgotten,  
>  **into a young breast the tough roots did send**  
>  **of prejudice’s secret thief of souls?**  
>  Thou **happy one, born and bred**  
>  **in bright space** , cared for by a pious hand:  
>  **Put down the scales, to thee never allowed!**  
>  Let lie the stone – it strikes thine own head!
> 
> Yeah, I’m quoting long-dead German novelists to make it seem as if this fic was anything but pure, unadulterated Reylo trash… sad, I know.
> 
> So, obviously you have Kylo the 'poor stunted being' who has been surrounded by shadows from earliest memory. It's too easy to dismiss him as some spoiled brat - darkness can take many forms, and Kylo’s struggle is valid and should absolutely not be dismissed in comparison to Rey’s hardships.
> 
> Putting Rey down as the ‘happy one, born and bred in bright space’ seems rather counter-intuitive at first. But really, that is the fascinating thing about her character: even though she has been dealt the shittiest hand, she has retained her good heart and her sense of hope, wonder and optimism. That’s how strong her inner light is. During TFA Maz remarks on it, everybody feels it and loves her for it, and - as we all boldly assume from Adam Driver’s performance - Kylo is completely and utterly floored by it. Rey is basically Jane Eyre. (Incidentally, has somebody already written that Jane Eyre AU or is it still up for grabs? Because the idea of Snoke as the madwoman in the attic makes me laugh.)
> 
> And that concludes today’s literary pretentiousness. Coming soon - cheap erotica!


	23. Across the Universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey goes on a journey, and Kylo Ren grows suspicious of Snoke.]

**Part II, Chapter XII - Across the Universe** **  
** _ [In which Rey goes on a journey, and Kylo Ren grows suspicious of Snoke.] _

~o0o~

In the end, though it took an extreme effort, Kylo Ren managed to shift the axis of his world back into its rightful place. He had re-established his routine and the boundaries of what he called their ‘working relationship’ by putting her through quite the unforgiving sparring regimen, and then had dropped her off in the workshop for what hopefully was the last time.

His mind was a jumble, however. A lot of things had happened in the last 24 hours - his student waking up from her week-long coma, his grandfather’s confusing message, his own blackout last night, and the girl’s unaccountable actions - and he had yet to give a report to the Supreme Leader. Should he report any of it, anyway? Was any of it report-worthy, except for his own confusion? If he communicated the extent of it, the Supreme Leader might decide to remove Rey from him prematurely.

_ No. It’s too soon. I can still succeed. I’m not done yet. _

He was simply under stress, that was what it was. It was this headache that was the problem, for sure, he could hardly think straight. He would have some painkillers brought up to his quarters later. Or perhaps Snoke knew what to do about it. Snoke always knew the answer to everything. Snoke would understand.

_ You are being deceived. _

That thought, too, he pushed aside. He did not intend to keep secrets, but as long as he did not know what it all meant, he would not bother the Supreme Leader with this particular puzzle.

“You do not look well, my disciple.” The Supreme Leader remarked when he appeared before his hologram. “Are you not happy to have your apprentice back? It appears she has managed to rid herself of the seed of dark force I planted.”

“Yes. I helped her do it,” Kylo Ren admitted freely. “I appreciate you were trying to assist me, but I made a different call. I will succeed my way or not at all.”

“Very well.” The Supreme Leader sounded doubtful, but not angry. “I will not interfere with your angle again, though I strongly caution you to remain on your guard. Rest assured I will not count it as weakness if you want to step down from your task.”

_ By rights, I should. I should have her removed now, while I still have a shred of sanity left. _

“I do feel her influence weighing on my mind. I will not deny it. But I am not ready to give up yet,” Kylo Ren said. “She is very close to completing her saberstaff. Barring interference, we can start preparing a force crystal tonight, and when it is finished, I will show her the dark side like you have shown me.”

“Proceed, then. In another matter, I have called a High Command meeting later today. There is intelligence that the Resistance is seeking to attack the  _ Finalizer  _ and launch an attempt to rescue Skywalker.”

Kylo Ren was glad for this change of topic. An upcoming Resistance skirmish, thank the Force. It would help him focus on what was important, and put the girl’s torment and his grandfather’s strange message out of his mind.

“A reckless effort, with the old fleet they have at their disposal. But it might be an opportunity to lure them into a trap in return this time,” he mused. 

“I’m not taking risks with the  _ Finalizer  _ while Skywalker is on board,” Snoke said. “In fact, that is why I have been thinking about having him moved to the Fortress, where he can be better guarded than in a Star Destroyer’s sick bay.”

“That would be prudent,” Kylo Ren agreed. The Fortress was the biggest, most secure prison the First Order had. Though he had only been there a few times personally, he knew putting Skywalker there was the most sensible choice they could make. Even without taking the  _ Finalizer  _ into battle, it was not wise to keep his uncle under such comparatively low security measures for a prolonged time. Rey would protest the removal, but she would have to accept it. He had never promised that Skywalker would always be kept near her - just that he would be kept alive.

“I await your orders on that end.” Kylo Ren paused for a moment, deliberating whether or not he should ask the Supreme Leader about another thing that had been nagging at him since yesterday.

_ You are being deceived. _

No, he was not. His relationship with the Supreme Leader was based on trust and truth. If he could not ask a simple question such as this, where did that leave them?

“In an unrelated matter, Supreme Leader, I have been wondering about the Divinators. I have recently learnt they are very much involved with field operations to hunt down force-sensitives. I was under the impression that was my job.”

Snoke did genuinely not seem to have expected this question.

“What an odd thing to worry about, Kylo Ren. It is both your job and theirs. Surely you know that the Divinators are my agents, my special clarks, who only report to me. Among other things they do the legwork for you, the tedious spying, the undercover missions in disguise - which, quite frankly, you do not particularly excel at. And whenever they report to me with information about anything related to the Jedi or their heritage, I dispatch you to wipe it out. Does that answer your question?”

_ They are kidnappers, torturers and executioners. They steal children and murder innocents. _ Rey’s angry accusation rang in his mind, but this, too, Kylo Ren pushed aside. She was simply too soft-hearted still to understand the effort and the sacrifices that were necessary to bring peace and stability to the galaxy. Whatever reports she had been reading, surely there was a good reason each time, and even if there was not - sometimes innocents got caught up in First Order operations. The galaxy was at war. It was part of the trade. It was a price that needed to be paid.

But however much Kylo Ren tried to rationalise the matter, he could not shake the feeling there was more to it all. The Divinators. What were they, at their core? They had been always around, and the Supreme Leader relied on them so intimately, but he, Snoke’s right-hand man, had never spent more than one thought on them. That was odd.

_ You are being deceived. _

Kylo Ren had many more questions, but suddenly found himself tongue-tied. So he merely said, “I was simply not aware of how extensive their activities really are. Thank you, Supreme Leader.”

The hologram winked out, and Kylo Ren, deep in thoughts, turned to leave. For the first time he felt the Supreme Leader was deliberately concealing something important from him. If he wanted to find out more about this mysterious FH-46+++ like he had promised his student, he would have to do a little bit of independent digging.

~o0o~

“Done!” Rey said smugly, turning around from her workbench, showing off her completed saberstaff handle. Kylo Ren took it from her outstretched hands. It was well-balanced - perhaps a little light for his own taste, but sturdy, and it fit its owner just right.

“Good work.” That was an understatement if there ever had been one. His own lightsaber had been a disgrace to workmanship in comparison. If the crystal turned out well-tempered, this staff would be a weapon fit for a Jedi Master. “I’ll hold on to it for now.”

“Why can’t I keep it?” Rey protested. She had put a lot of work into this staff, loved the feel of it in her hands already. It was comforting. “It’s not like it can do much harm without a crystal.”

“You do realise that I will hold on to it even after you finish it, don’t you? I’m not letting you run around this ship armed, let alone with such a fine weapon.”

Rey had realised that, of course. “So what now?” She asked a little sulkily.

 

“Back to my quarters.” Kylo Ren gathered up the schematics Rey had used as base and turned to leave. Rey gave her colleagues a last smile and a secret wave before following him - they all pointedly looked another way for fear of being caught ‘fraternizing’, but Rey caught at least Guyes wink back at her briefly. 

In his quarters, Kylo Ren surprised Rey by stepping towards a seemingly bare piece of wall, pressing his hands against it and making a panel slide back to reveal a safe behind. A quick glance told Rey that the safe held Luke’s own lightsaber - useful to know, she had been wondering where he kept it. What Kylo Ren took out, however, was a small dark satin satchel. Unsurprisingly, it held the kyber crystals that had been hidden down in the underwater Jedi temple on Ahch-To.

“When Jedi apprentices went to harvest their own crystals back in the day, they would let themselves be guided by the force to the crystal that fit them best,” Kylo Ren explained. “We don’t have that luxury now, so take whichever you like.”

Rey remembered that one of these crystals had stood out to her for some reason, while it had still been secure behind its glass window. Even though they were all jumbled in a pile now, she had no difficulty locating that very crystal again.

“This one,” she said in a decisive tone. It felt heavier in her hand than she had expected for its size. “And now?”

“You have to temper it. Infuse it with the force, for as long as you can, with the fewest possible interruptions. A force crystal has to be able to withstand and conduct an immense amount of power. If it is not tempered well, it can crack or even explode. You don’t want that to happen.”

Rey suddenly remembered Kylo Ren’s cross-guard saber and how unstable it had been as opposed to the other two she had seen. “So your red saber--”, she began.

“A story for another time,” he said impatiently, and Rey was suddenly gripped with an urge to heckle him for it. But he continued, evidently keen on moving on. “As I told you before, you will have to go into deep meditation. Do not stop for food, sleep, not even drink. Three days are generally thought to suffice. It is the longest a human can reasonably manage, anyway.”

Food and water won’t be an issue, Rey thought, thinking back to the many days she had been forced to go hungry on Jakku, and to its general scarcity of water. But channelling the force for three days straight with virtually no rest?

“It gets easier past a certain point. I told you before I can help you get there,” he said, motioning for her to follow him to the training room. “Come on.”

“Wait, you want me to do this right now? I wanted to look through the Divinator data some more,” Rey said, a little taken aback. But Kylo Ren shook his head.

“No. Your mind must be clear. Reading more of this will distract you and disrupt your task. Do it afterwards.”

He had a point, Rey figured - she just needed to think of what she had found out already to grow upset once more. She was dying to find out more about her origins, but she was just as eager to finally finish her saberstaff. It was going to be her very own weapon, and she would desperately need it if she hoped to get off this ship at some point.

“Don’t forget,” Rey warned. “You promised me information about FH-46. I  _ earned  _ that.”

“Different from you, I tend to keep my word,” Kylo Ren replied, arching an eyebrow. “I will have something for you when you are done.”

“Fine.” Letting the insult slide, Rey stretched out her hand towards him. When he looked at her quizzically, she added. “The handle?”

“You won’t need it until right at the end. I’ll give it back to you when it’s time.” He took it off his back and locked it in the safe. “Now come on.”

Rey was ushered into the training room, where, a little reluctantly, she settled down on the ground in the middle of the room, with the window in her back. Kylo Ren sat down opposite.

“Now. Relax your breathing.”

Rey closed her eyes. It was not like she was meditating for the first time. Luke had taught her the basics - much of it during her swimming lessons, in fact - and after trying some time on her own, she had successfully applied them. She had no idea what ‘deep meditation’ was supposed to feel like though. And around Kylo Ren, Rey found it incredibly hard to relax at all. Like always when he was near, a small part of her was tense and wound up tightly, ready to fight or flee at a moment’s notice. Meditating with him just an arm’s length away? Impossible.

“Relax.” He insisted softly, clearly noticing her distraction.

“I can’t.” Rey said through gritted teeth, eyes still closed. “Maybe you should leave. I’ll figure this out on my own.”

“No. You will need someone to keep you grounded. This may be… rather more intense than what you may have experienced up until now.”

Rey called herself to order. She needed to get this done. She’d have to accept his presence as necessity.

“Match your breathing with mine, if it helps,” he suggested, and Rey, despite herself, reluctantly reached out to him, felt his heartbeat, felt his breath.  _ Just focus, _ she told herself,  _ focus on the goal. _ She matched her breath to his, and, exhaling alongside him, looked for the calm, the place without fear.

_ A part of you is still afraid.  _ Kylo Ren’s voice in her mind was full of wonder.  _ I had not realised that. I thought you had lost your fear of me long ago. _

_ It’s not fear, it’s caution. You yourself told me to have a care. I can’t trust you. _

_ Right now, you must. _

_ You’re asking for a lot. _

“Rey.” He spoke, and Rey briefly opened her eyes. He was looking at her very seriously, steadily holding her gaze. “Right here and now, for the duration of your meditation, I will not do you harm, or will let harm come to you. Look at me, and know it to be the truth.”

He had said to ‘look’, but Rey knew what he really meant. He had completely opened his mind to her, and she could feel all of him, all his darkness and all his light, as well as the sincerity of his promise. Rey met his gaze and briefly contemplated the complex oddity that was Kylo Ren, but then she closed her eyes and finally allowed herself to really let all her guards down.

For long minutes, that was how they remained, opposite each other, eyes closed, slowly emptying their minds of any distraction until it was just them and the force.

“This is as far as I’ll go.” Kylo Ren said. “Go on. What can you see?”

Rey opened her eyes once more, and when she did, it was as if a second sense of vision had awakened at the same time, allowing her to see so much more. Once more, the star chart of life forces around her spread out before her, superimposed on her real surroundings. Kylo Ren was right there opposite, but at the same time she saw his presence, the dark supernova, so close and powerful - full of life and  _ beautiful _ \- it threatened to draw her in. With some effort, she pulled back a little, and turned her attention on the crystal in her hands.

“Your saberstaff will serve as an extension of yourself,” Kylo Ren now said. “This crystal is your conduit, the bridge between the force and the physical world. Let the force flow through it. Infuse it with your essence.”

As Rey concentrated on the crystal, feeling it resonate, the field of vision of her second sight expanded further. Now it was not just life forces she saw, but artificial energy fields, too - the  _ Finalizer  _ itself, its engines and weapons, humming with power. She had overheard the engineers on her night out mentioning that the First Order’s most advanced vessels boasted a new kind of turbolaser powered by kyber crystals. The  _ Finalizer  _ was obviously one such ship - Rey could see those crystals now for the first time, pulsing with an almost organic power. Further out, space expanded. 

“Wow.” She whispered.

What looked empty, dead and barren to the naked eye was really an intricate flow, a network of silvery energy in the midst of which planets and stars shone. It went on forever, all linked, all connected. With her mind she reached out to pull on one such strings around her, and watched the effect ripple down its many links and connections, her very own little signal floating out into space. On and on she followed the ripples with her mind, further out, further away. It was incredible. She had never seen anything so amazing. Her heart swelled, and she rushed ahead. She could go anywhere. Anywhere in the universe. She was free.

“No, don’t go too far. Don’t get lost. Stay focussed on your objective,” Kylo Ren’s voice said urgently, somewhere very far away. Rey had some trouble bending her mind back on the  _ Finalizer _ , on the crystal - to imprisonment - while the vastness of space beckoned.

“It’s tempting, I know. Especially for you, because you feel trapped here. But your sense of time is off in this state. If you stay out there for too long, your body will die.”

At the edge of her consciousness, Rey felt that he had placed his hands on her shoulders. The sensation was like a beacon, and she homed in on it.

“If you do get lost, call for me. I’ll come find you.”

Kylo Ren saw her focus and shift her attention back on the crystal. Withdrawing his hands, he softly exhaled a breath he had not known he had been holding in. From his own experience he knew that for her, between when they had started and now, only a few minutes would have passed. For him, it had already been two hours. And she had almost been led astray, lost herself along the network of force bonds across the galaxy. It was probably not the worst way to die, but death nonetheless.

Perhaps it was too early, too risky to let someone who was so untrained in meditation techniques do something like this, he knew. But she had stabilised now. The force was calmly coursing through her body, in and out the crystal she held. He could risk leaving her to it now.

Locking both doors securely behind him, he went off to fulfill his part of their deal.

~o0o~

XPL-2342, representative of the Divinators on the  _ Finalizer _ , was not happy to see Kylo Ren show up again, bypassing the droid at the reception desk straight away and bearing down on him. He was even less happy when he had processed the Commander’s request, and realised he would have to disappoint the fearsome man.

“I am sorry, sir,” he quavered. “I cannot give you anything on subject FH-46. Those files have the highest level of clearance.”

“I am Kylo Ren,” Kylo Ren informed the agent menacingly - as if there was any chance that the man had forgotten that for a moment. “How high do  _ you  _ think my clearance is?”

“I really am so sorry.” XPL-2342 was almost grovelling now. “The records you are seeking are only cleared for the Supreme Leader himself.”

Kylo Ren was completely taken aback. So, Snoke was keeping at least one secret from him.

_ You are being deceived. _

No, he wasn’t. There was a perfectly sensible explanation: the records he was asking about were almost 20 years old. He had been just a boy then. Kylo Ren had not existed, therefore he could not be cleared for access to these files. That made sense. Clearance was really just a formality.

“ _ You will hand over to me any and all material related to subject FH-46 _ ,” Kylo Ren told XPL-2342, voice so much laden with the force that the man would rather gnaw his own arm off than to think of not obeying.

The more surprising it was to watch XPL-2342’s eyes cross. He froze completely.

“ _ You will hand over to me any and all material related to subject FH-46 _ ,” Kylo Ren repeated impatiently, pressing into the man’s mind even more strongly. He blinked as he felt XPL-2342’s mind shatter like a fine glass bulb. With a small gurgle, the man keeled over and died without much further ceremony.

Bewildered, Kylo Ren looked across the counter to the dead man on the floor. He had not really intended for that to happen. He must accidentally have crushed the man’s mind between a rock and a hard place - XPL-2342 must have been under an equally strong, or perhaps even stronger command to never reveal this information to another force-user, not even on pain of death. Which meant that his clearance had not been a mere formality. Snoke had shut him out very intentionally.

_ You are being deceived. _

Kylo Ren curled his hands into fists. Something was going on here, and he would find out what it was.

~o0o~

“Rey. It’s good to see you.”

Completely taken by surprise, Rey opened her eyes. Opposite her--

“Master Luke?”

Luke smiled at her. He could not reasonably be there, Rey knew, but she saw and felt him nevertheless as if he was really sitting right opposite her in Kylo Ren’s training room.

“You’re in very deep meditation,” he explained. “I could not hope to talk to you otherwise. I don’t know for how long I can manage. I’m very weak.”

“I tried so hard to reach you, every day,” Rey whispered, still in disbelief.

“How are you holding up, my Padawan?” Luke said. “Ben is teaching you now, isn’t he?”

Rey nodded. A part of her wanted to break down and cry with relief at finally, finally speaking to Luke. She had missed him so much, had so desperately needed him during her time on this ship. But she had to focus. She had to see this through. It was up to her now to save them both.

“It’s not so bad. I’m plodding through.” She smiled. “Your nephew is a piece of work though.”

Luke laughed. “That’s my Padawan.” A little more seriously he added. “You have seen him, haven’t you? You have noticed it. He’s slowly cracking. I am weakened, but even I can tell. Hold on for a little while longer, and look after yourself. When he breaks down, it will not be pretty.”

“He told me to have a care. He said I was a weakness to him. And he’s still going on about me seducing him to the light side.”

Luke’s shoulders sagged in exasperation. “That boy can’t deal with what he’s feeling for you. It invalidates his entire self-image. One might almost feel sorry for him - but you are in a dangerous position. Stay away from him as far as you can, Rey, your priority is to keep yourself safe. I don’t want you to end up like Han did. He is not your responsibility, he must face his demons on his own. The time is near now.”

“I’m sorry, Master,” Rey said suddenly, burning to say something she had wanted to say for a long time. “I’ve been so selfish, back on Ahch-To. I couldn’t allow them to kill you, and pawned off both of us. I’m sorry I can’t be a true Jedi.”

“Let’s not worry about that now, shall we? You know how I think, but I will not criticise you for your decision. Only, please - when you have a chance to get away, don’t waste it to try and save me.” Luke winked. “I’m quite capable of looking after myself, Padawan.”

Rey burst into half a laugh, half a sob, smiling at where Luke had sat just a second ago. She had not realised how much she had needed to talk to him - her real teacher.

_ I can do this. Just for a little longer. _

~o0o~

“You are picking up a bad habit of missing appointments, Kylo Ren,” the Supreme Leader noted with disapproval when Kylo Ren entered the hologram chamber just as everybody else was about to leave it.

Hux shot him a superior smile as he walked past Kylo Ren out the door, followed by his entourage of cadets. He hardly took note of it, too distracted he was by what had happened with the Divinator representative.

_ The Supreme Leader is intentionally keeping a secret from me, and it has to do with Rey’s origins.  _ That much he knew. All his life, he had been completely open with Snoke, had trusted him with all his secrets. To find out that his trust was not being reciprocated, no, was being actively withdrawn, hurt. As did his head. Again.

_ You are being deceived.  _

“I do apologize, Supreme Leader. I was delayed on some personal business,” Kylo Ren managed to say.

“It has been decided that we will make a stop at the Fortress. There, you will personally oversee Skywalker’s relocation and imprisonment. Afterwards, we will leak information to the Resistance about the  _ Finalizer’ _ s movements - we will lure them back to Ahch-To and crush them there in a trap. The General has taken this matter into his own hands. He is very eager to make the Resistance pay for their trap last week.”

“Understood.” Kylo Ren said. He knew the trip to the Fortress would take them only a few hours from their current location, and this way, Rey would still be in meditation when he took Skywalker off the  _ Finalizer _ . She was sure to view it as a betrayal - but she also needed to remember that however sincerely he viewed her as his student, she was a prisoner of the First Order at the end of the day. That had not changed. Nothing had changed.

“Was there anything else, Kylo Ren?” Snoke asked.

There was. There were many things. But Kylo Ren found himself as tongue-tied as earlier.

“No, Supreme Leader. I will await your further instructions regarding the trap the General means to lay for the Resistance.”

“Very well. Do try to be on time for the next meeting. Your obvious devotion to your own private project is once more causing comment amongst the jealous-minded. At the moment, you do not seem to me like somebody who is on top of all his obligations, Kylo Ren.”

Kylo Ren knew a warning from his Master when he heard it.

The hologram flickered out, and he returned to his quarters. Rey was still where he had left her, a still picture of unwavering power, perfectly serene, perfectly in control. He reached out to her with the force, lightly tracing her presence with his own power in quiet admiration, not expecting her to notice in the state she was in.

_ I can’t concentrate if you do that. _

She had opened her eyes, though her gaze seemed to go through him.

_ My apologies. I meant just to check on you,  _ he replied. But who was he kidding, really? She was a bright sun in the force, burning him, blinding him, and still he was unable to look away.

_ Kill her now, or you’ll be lost. _ The dark side seemed to whisper to him once more. His head was hurting again.

_ The crucial difference between Han Solo and me is, I don’t love you, and I will not hesitate to kill you before you kill me.  _ He remembered her cutting, bold words. No, she would not sacrifice herself like his father had, she would not go down without a fight - and what a fight that would be. A part of him treacherously wished that if it ever came to that, she would put him out of his misery for good.

“I have been sent on a mission,” he announced. “I will put guards and a ray shield at the door, so don’t try anything funny while I am gone.”

_ Remember you promised to not let any harm come to me.  _ Rey reminded him somewhat accusingly, and suddenly Kylo Ren had a flurry of visions - her getting lost in the universe of the force and never finding her way back; Hux attempting to get into his quarters, to  _ her _ , Snoke ordering that she be taken away in his absence.

_ I’ll put the fear of death into the guards. I’ll bio-lock the shield to only myself. No one will go near her. _ If Kylo Ren was prone to much introspection, he might have noticed how absurd it was - that he was worried for his captive, that he suspected his own allies of trying to do her harm, all the while he was about to betray an unspoken part of their agreement by taking Luke Skywalker off the ship.

He clenched his fists. His head was hurting again.

“You will be safe for the duration of your meditation. This I promised. This you will be.”

There was no reply.

[to be continued]


	24. FH-46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which uncle and nephew have a talk, and Snoke reveals Plan B.]

**Part II, Chapter XIII - FH-46**   
_ [In which uncle and nephew have a talk, and Snoke reveals Plan B.] _

~o0o~

The transport pod that conveyed the last Jedi deep into the catacombs of the Fortress was followed by a veritable procession of guards, armed to the teeth. All this effort was almost laughable for one unconscious old man, Kylo Ren thought, or so it would have been if the unconscious old man had been anyone but Luke Skywalker. Noone here had forgotten the devastating battle on Ahch-To, and it did not pay to take any chances - the possibilities for rescue attempts were always highest during prisoner transfers. 

But it appeared that the Resistance had not caught on to any plans regarding Skywalker’s removal from the  _ Finalizer _ . No X-wings swooped down from the sky to attack the transport, and no rag-tag rescue squad jumped out from behind a conveniently placed stack of crates to ambush them.

The Fortress was located on an otherwise uninhabited and inhospitable planet far in the Unknown Regions. From the outside, it did not look particularly large or impressive: a circular building surrounded by outer fortifications and a ramp leading up to a heavily fortified gate. The real beauty of the Fortress lay below ground - it held seemingly endless levels of cells for various species-specific needs, even ones more than capable of permanently holding a Jedi Master like Luke Skywalker.

Led by the warden, their procession descended deeper and deeper, past countless heavy doors, energy shields and gates, and finally Skywalker was taken out of his pod and placed inside the deepest, most secure cell of the Fortress. The door was shut, locked and sealed behind him by several layers of ray shields. Out of this cell, out of this prison, there could be no escape.

Kylo Ren sent the guards and the warden ahead and lingered, watching his uncle on the stretcher of his cell through the big window of reinforced glass. It took a while for the old man to stir, but finally, he did.

“Ben.” Luke’s voice was quiet, and his eyes were closed. He did not need them to know his nephew was right outside.

“When will you stop calling me that?” Kylo Ren asked.

“I have not once thought of you as Kylo Ren. I’m not going to disassociate you from this persona you have built for yourself. You are my nephew Ben Solo, named after an old friend and a great man, and you will never be anybody else to me.”

Kylo Ren curled his hands into fists at his uncle’s words. Luke let his head drop to the side to look at the man outside his window. The Jedi’s strength was returning as the drugs’ effect receded, but only bit by bit. “Anyway, I am glad for this chance to talk to you, at least.”

“There is nothing for us to talk about.”

“If you believed that, then why did you wait around for me to wake up?”

That was true. Why had he? Kylo Ren did feel restless and full of doubts, but it was not like he was here for Skywalker’s advice. That way lay treachery. Abruptly he turned away and started walking down the corridor towards the exit. But Luke reached out after him, using an old force bond fallen in so much disuse Kylo Ren had almost forgotten it was there.

_ It is true you have caused me much suffering. Perhaps I deserved it. I let you down in a time of your life when you needed me most, when I should have protected you from the likes of Snoke. For that, I apologize. By now, you yourself must have realised that taking on a student means taking on an awful lot of responsibility. Isn’t that right? _

Kylo Ren whirled around and stalked back into view in front of the window.

“If you hope to affect me with your sanctimonious speech, uncle, then you are weighing the blood of your old friend too lightly.”

“Han’s blood, yes. A part of you is still screaming. I can hear it,” Luke said. He was sitting on the stretcher with his back to the wall now, watching his nephew with an unreadable expression in his eyes. “I think Rey can hear it, too. She’s quite extraordinary, isn’t she?”

“She is my student now. You wasted your time filling her head with all your Jedi sermons. In time she will be my creature.”

Luke seemed to consider this. “Hmm. I wonder. To me she seems as strong in the light as ever - stronger even, despite you teaching her. Or is it because you taught her? Funny how these things turn out, isn’t it?”

“She is not your concern anymore!” Kylo Ren growled irritably. But Luke’s almost serene expression had grown more serious.

“I am concerned. Concerned you will end up harming her. I can tell you are fraying at the seams; your doubts and your regrets are eating you up. Please, Ben - when you come undone, don’t turn your own agony on her. When you despair, don’t do yet another thing you will regret. You hold a grudge against me, against your mother and against Han. But Rey - she is innocent. For goodness’ sake, Ben, let her go. You have traumatised her enough already, wouldn’t you agree?”

His uncle’s voice took on an unusual sharpness, and Kylo Ren turned away briefly, knowing fully well what he was referring to.

“You are delusional,” he scoffed then. “That epiphany you think I’m going to have - it’s a fantasy. You cling to it because after all these years you still cannot process that your life and your ideals are over, destroyed, gone. Even your last student is with me now, and with me she’ll stay.”

“I wonder which of us is deluded,” Luke said simply.

“Goodbye, uncle. Rot down here for all I care.”

_ I’ll be seeing you soon, Ben. _

Luke’s words stayed with him, long after Kylo Ren had left the Fortress behind.

There was one more thing now, one stop to make. He knew what he was about to do was dangerously near treachery, but the headache was getting worse. He could not confide in Snoke anymore, and his grandfather remained silent. There was no one else to turn to for guidance, and fact was, he had promised Rey information when she woke up. He  _ would  _ keep that promise. Somehow it was important to him that she knew she could rely on him. He needed her to trust his word, as far as he was able to give it.

_ I may discuss her background with you at a later point, but currently it is not of importance for your task.  _ Those had been Snoke’s words when Kylo Ren had first asked him about the girl’s parentage. How evasive he had been even then.  _ The Supreme Leader is wise. Trust your mentor.  _ Vader’s words which had guided him for most of his adult life suddenly sounded hollow. 

His command shuttle was drawing up to the  _ Finalizer _ , and his pilot was just requesting entry to Bay 4 when Kylo Ren stopped him.

“Cancel that, Bay security. We will be making a detour.”

~o0o~

The detour had been relatively short, coming up to just a little more than a standard day in total.

In the cargo delivery log files, Kylo Ren had retraced the origin of the shuttle that had brought the Divinator data cubes to him several weeks ago. It had led him back to a First Order archive branch on a nondescript base in the Unknown Regions, happily not too far away from the Fortress _.  _ There, Kylo Ren had bullied and force-compelled his own way to the information he was seeking: the classified Divinator records regarding FH-46. It had turned out to be just one single data cube.

_ I hope it was worth it.  _ Kylo Ren turned the cube over in his hands, reclining on a seat as his escort took him back to the  _ Finalizer _ . Three more Divinator agents had caved under the pressure of his mind probe until he had been able to obtain this cube - but he found he did not care. Whether or not he left dead bodies in his wake, the Supreme Leader would eventually be informed of his disciple’s little field trip, and he would not be pleased with him. Depending on what this cube held, he might turn out to be very displeased indeed.

Not daring to look into it while confined on this shuttle, Kylo Ren dropped off into a restless sleep.

_ And here was Han Solo again, impaled on his saber, touching his cheek one last time before falling, and there was Anakin Skywalker, standing close, pleading intently. ‘You are being deceived.’ Now he found himself strapped down in his own interrogation chair, with Rey before him, blazing with anger, brandishing her completed saberstaff. ‘Why don’t  _ you  _ have a care, Kylo Ren? One day you will regret having trained me.’ With a yell of pain and anger, she swung it, and buried it in his heart in an almost graceful movement. ‘I forgive you.’ Her soft lips on his own. _

“Commander. We have arrived on the  _ Finalizer _ .”

Kylo Ren was jolted out of his jumbled, incoherent dreams by the voice of his pilot as they entered Shuttle Bay 4. It seemed like the headache would be his constant companion now, a dull, throbbing, ever-present pain.

He felt into the force immediately, and with some amount of relief at feeling Rey close by, he made his way back to his quarters to check on her. She was in the training room just like he had left her, sitting still like a statue - no one had broken in to harm her, no one had taken her away. Her force presence was bright and active and the crystal in her hand shone softly.

Rey did not look good, though. Her face was gaunt, and her lips were chapped.

He filled a glass of water, and carefully brought it up to her lips. She stirred only the slightest bit, but he managed to make her swallow a few sips. Next to losing oneself in the sheer vastness of the force, dehydration was always the biggest danger during these deep meditation sessions.

_ Thank you. _ The thought was faint, but it was there.

“Not for this,” he murmured, gently pushing a few loose strands of hair out of her face before remembering himself.

Time to find out what information the data cube held.

Sitting down opposite her, Kylo Ren activated the cube, and a hologram with various data spread out before him. The contents were disappointingly meagre at first glance. There were just a few files: some digitally handwritten notes, some medical charts and perhaps most curiously, a chart not unlike a family tree. Only where one would usually find names, there were those odd prisoner codes again, with a varying number of pluses tacked onto the end. On the very bottom of the chart, subject FH-46+++ had been encircled with a marker, and a faint line below connected her to FH-72+++. Both these names had been marked as “missing”.

Rey suspected FH-46 had been her mother. In that case it was not an outrageous suspicion to assume that FH-72 might be Rey herself. Going by this logic, her father had really been a man noted on the family tree simply as MH-30++. His name had been marked with a little cross to the left, indicating he was deceased. The Divinator agent who had brought her to Luke had not been Rey’s biological father, then - this story was becoming more and more confusing.

Kylo Ren stared at the cube, wishing he could just mind-probe it to make sense of this information, when a holographic note attached to the family tree caught his attention.

“FH-46 escaped the  _ Respite  _ while pregnant with FH-72. Suspected to have had help from agent XPK-5682. All three are currently on the run.”

So Rey’s mother had left the father of her child behind and had escaped the First Order with the help of a Divinator, XPK-5682. That very man had been captured and interrogated by his former colleagues four years later, right after he had brought Rey to Luke’s school.

Odd story, but it fit the facts they had uncovered. Kylo Ren flipped the strange family tree over in his hands. He felt he was holding the crucial piece of the puzzle right here in his hand, but did not know how to fit it into the whole picture.

What was he really looking at here? Of course the First Order had prisoner colonies and bases. He assumed that, despite rigid separation of sexes, pregnancies occasionally occurred in those prisons. What was odd was that somebody would go through the trouble of making a chart of family connections, apparently over two generations of prisoners, a time span of 40 years back at the very least. The First Order had not even existed for that long. And then, of course, there was the fact that these files came from the Divinator archives. For the longest time he had thought they were simply the First Order’s secret service, but clearly that was not the whole story - they predated the entire organisation. The Divinators, so Snoke had said, reported to him, and  _ only  _ him.

Could it be possible… Kylo Ren tensed. An image, a suspicion formed in his head, but he dared not follow it to a conclusion.

There was no more deliberating, no more skirting the issue. At this point, he had to confront the Supreme Leader.

~o0o~

Snoke’s hologram was already waiting for him, even though Kylo Ren showed up in the meeting chamber unannounced. Perhaps it was not surprising. Information about his trip to the archive base must have reached the Supreme Leader by now. He was expected.

Silence reigned between master and apprentice as the door fell shut behind Kylo Ren. Snoke regarded his disciple for a long moment.

“I am hearing about you raiding one of our own bases on a very singular business,” he eventually said. “What has occasioned this erratic behaviour in you, Kylo Ren? Have you lost your trust in me, to go behind my back like that?”

“Supreme Leader, with all due respect - is it not I who should ask you this question?” Kylo Ren said, carefully. “I have always been loyal to you, completely open in all my thoughts and worries. I naturally assumed that this entitled me to the highest level of clearance on anything a branch like the Divinators might be up to. I did not think that their activities were something you would intentionally keep secret from me, your right-hand man.”

There was another moment of silence.

“What do you surmise from the information you have found?” Snoke asked levelly. It was something he had done often when Kylo Ren, when Ben Solo had been young - instead of giving him information outright, Snoke would throw him bits and pieces, and allow him to arrive at a conclusion on his own. But tonight, Kylo Ren was not in the mood.

“I have an idea. But I’d much rather hear it in your own words.” Kylo Ren had dropped the respectful niceties he usually employed when talking with Snoke. It was a level of familiarity they did not often enter in, nowadays, but right now it seemed appropriate.

“I suppose I can no longer keep this from you. Very well,” Snoke said, steepling his fingers together. “Our relationship has always been built on trust and honesty, so I am trusting you now with the whole truth. I hope you will do me the same favour, and listen to me without prejudice.”

Kylo Ren indicated a nod.

“As you know, I have lived for a very long time. And being so long-lived, I tend to look upon a human’s life span with slightly different eyes than humans themselves would,” Snoke said. “I have lived through the Clone Wars, the Empire, I saw your grandfather’s rise and fall. I’ve watched Darth Vader’s children grow old. With Luke Skywalker remaining childless, you are the last heir to that glorious line of Anakin Skywalker. I have been waiting for you since before you were born. And from the moment your potential revealed itself, for years and years I bent all my effort towards turning you to the First Order, to me. I led you by the hand down this path.”

Kylo Ren frowned slightly. Of course this was not news to him, but he disliked the way the Supreme Leader described how they had ended up at this point. Yes, he had known Snoke for a long time, longer than before he had known who this man really was. Snoke had been the only person who had understood him. The only one who instinctively understood his deepest, most intimate fears. The one who knew how to silence the whispers, how to make the pain stop, how to gain true strength. But if asked, Kylo Ren would not have said that he had been ‘led by the hand’. He had made a chain of independent decisions. Hadn’t he?

“My efforts were not in vain.” Snoke continued, “You are marvellous, Kylo Ren, you are the perfect warrior. How I wish you could remain by my side for as long as I live. But at the end of the day, you, too, are just human. Even if you were not following the dangerous path of a warrior, inevitably I will see you come and go, just like your grandfather. Put yourself in my shoes, therefore: To establish the supremacy of the First Order long-term - my definition of long-term - I must ensure that the right tools continue to be at my disposal. I must ensure that my closest followers are aware of the force and have the power to establish and maintain our goals. Otherwise, our shared concept of what it means to be a force user cannot take root permanently.”

Kylo Ren nodded carefully once more. Though he did not like to dwell much on his own mortality, that, too, made sense.

“To that end, long ago, I dabbled both in cloning and in Sith alchemy, hoping to produce powerful force-users that would serve this purpose. But somehow, the force does not readily manifest in clones. Like a proud goddess, she will not let herself be manipulated in such a way. The creation of life, just like the force itself, is a mystery which I have studied long, and yet its ultimate secret eludes me. Who can say how and where the force chooses to manifest itself most potently? Is it chance? Fate? Genetics? In your case, anyway, there could be no doubt you would be strong with the force, like all Skywalkers since Darth Vader.”

Snoke looked off into the distance for a moment.

“It is one of my goals in life to get to the bottom of these mysteries, and that is where an old interest of mine came into play - my force lineage studies. You see, even before the rise of the Empire, I was secretly keeping track of the lineages of force sensitives and studying the prevalence of the force in their families. With the execution of Order 66, the work of decades went up in smoke and blood. I was devastated. Subsequently, I vowed to not conduct my studies through observation alone, to not allow cruel strokes of fate cross my work again, especially not during the heavy-handed rule of the Empire. The Sith rule was a dangerous time for a quiet scholar of the dark side like myself. So instead of watching from afar, I decided to gather promising high-potentials - to keep them close, keep them secret - and rebuild what was lost.”

And now they were nearing the truth of the matter. Kylo Ren was not a fool, he immediately understood what Snoke was suggesting. But its monstrosity did not allow for it to be a real possibility in his mind.

“There is a station I had built, under the auspices of the Divinators. The  _ Respite _ , it is called informally. There, I keep those with the highest force potential to produce equally talented offspring.”

“You are breeding humans for force-sensitivity,” Kylo Ren paraphrased.

“Not just humans - there are other species,” Snoke said idly. “Humans are merely what I have had most success with, and, of course, my ultimate objective makes me place rather more importance on your species.”

_ Ultimate objective. Your species.  _ A chill spread slowly through Kylo Ren. Even his thoughts had ground to a halt as if they refused to follow the path to a conclusion.

“You appear upset, Kylo Ren,” Snoke noted. “The inhabitants of the  _ Respite  _ are well cared for, they are not mistreated aside from having their freedom restricted. But it seems to be human nature to feel instinctively revolted. Suicide rates are abnormally high on the  _ Respite _ , especially among the females. Regrettably, I have lost many a promising candidate that way.”

“You are creating an army then. Of force-users,” Kylo Ren concluded, trying to process all this.

“Oh no. I told you, the force is capricious and chaotic. The number of my specimen is too small and my successes too modest to even consider creating an entire army. No, I am not going for quantity, but for quality. Which is where you come in.”

“Is that what I am to you? A collector’s item?”

“I do not care your tone, Kylo Ren,” the Supreme Leader rebuked him. “You do not seem to appreciate the singularity of your family, its incredible strength with the force and the fact that it manifested so potently in your grandfather, mother, uncle and yourself - every family member across three generations! That is a rare predictability. How strong, then, would your children be? And how much stronger would they be if your partner were force-sensitive herself? I am on the verge of unravelling fundamental mysteries. Soon, the secrets of the force will be known to me, through you, with your help. This is why you are so much more important to me than anyone in this whole tiresome, nonsensical ‘First Order’.”

The disdainful sneer at what he had always thought was Snoke’s dearest project shocked Kylo Ren. “Nonsensical? You think Darth Vader’s legacy is  _ nonsensical _ ?”

“Forgive me.” Snoke had settled down somewhat after his rather emotional speech. “I chose my words improperly. The galaxy must be ours of course, and it will be. But I am a scholar, not a general. My passion is for the mystical, not the political. It is yet another notion we share, you and I. It is so important to me you are by my side when I discover the true secrets of the force. Empires rise and fall, but the force-- the force is eternal.”

“What exactly do you need me for in this?” Kylo Ren asked mechanically, though he knew.

“You, Kylo Ren, your family, is the cornerstone around which my entire project was built. Even as I was watching you from afar, I was already intending to cross you with another high-potential from the  _ Respite _ . A product of two generations’ careful selection and breeding. She turned out magnificent. Even yet unborn I could tell her force potential was just as promising as yours.”

“Rey,” Kylo Ren breathed, though that, too, he had already known.

“If you prefer calling her that - her real name is FH-72. I made her specifically for you. Imagine my frustration when she was stolen from me along with her mother, just before she was due to be born. Stolen away by a traitor from the ranks of my very own Divinators! Since then, no other candidate as promising as that girl was born on the  _ Respite _ . It has been a matter of great vexation to me. But here we are: after all that has happened since, the very girl I intended for you has found her way back here. Truly, the force moves in mysterious ways.”

Kylo Ren was silent for a long moment. He knew creatures as old as Snoke tended to have a rather more distanced view on human lives, but he had not realised that Snoke looked at him the same way. Like cattle. Like livestock.

“I can tell the concept distresses you, Kylo Ren. I would not want you to think that I do not trust you, or that I see you as anything less than what you are. But humans tend to react badly to my project, and this is exactly why I wanted, if possible, to keep the  _ Respite  _ a secret from both you and the girl. Ideally, just exposing you to one another long enough would have resulted in a positive outcome of my long-term investment. I know of your attraction to her, at least.”

“So you had me spend that much time and effort on her just for that reason. It was never about turning her to the dark side?” Kylo Ren’s mind was reeling, shifting around all the memories of the last few weeks, looking at them with this new information in place.

Certain things made more sense now. Snoke all-out encouraging him to take her on as student, even after Kylo Ren had wavered in confidence. Snoke being so very interested and regularly inquiring about his progress and his relationship with her. Snoke tolerating his independent decision to help remove the thorn of darkness he had planted in her. Snoke being so strangely pleased when he had realised how deeply the bond between them ran. This was what the Supreme Leader had wanted all along.

“Of course it was about turning her to the dark side. What have I taught you at great length? That a wise strategist always seeks to maximise the profit of his endeavour, that he always prepares for different scenarios. Ideally, you would have succeeded in your task without either of you being the wiser about my hopes for you. I would have gained a formidable asset in the girl as a darkside enforcer, and down the line the two of you would have produced the offspring I so very much desire. But I see now that this was perhaps too much to hope for. Being near her, being exposed to her lightside influence is taking too much of a toll on you. I put too much of a strain on you, my disciple, without telling you the full extent of my plans. It was remiss of me. You deserved better for your loyalty and your immense sacrifices.”

“You did not trust me.” Kylo Ren said hoarsely.

“On the contrary! You resent me now for not telling you everything, but can you not see the huge amount of trust I have placed in you, by putting you to such a test? I might have lost you, to her, to the light. But I knew I would not. Your loyalty, your conviction is what I rate most highly about you. And why am I so sure? Because your father’s blood is still warm on your hands.”

Snoke paused for Kylo Ren to react in some way. But the man opposite was perfectly quiet. So he continued:

“Whether or not you succeed in turning the girl to our cause has since become a secondary objective to me. As long as you remain loyal, her allegiance does not matter. I place a much higher priority on ensuring the continuity of your family line. If you fail the plan to turn her to our cause, the secondary scenario is to have her relocated to the  _ Respite _ where she can serve her purpose of carrying your offspring. We will devise a way of destroying or at least subduing that force bond you share, and you will never have to worry about her influence on you ever again.”

“No.” The word was out before Kylo Ren’s brain had even caught up with all the new information. 

“If your compassion for her plagues you, you need not worry.” Snoke sighed. “Physical contact is not necessarily required. The  _ Respite  _ has all the medical facilities to--”

“No.” Kylo Ren repeated.

“Weakness!” The Supreme Leader’s tone changed all of a sudden, and his face was a mask of anger. His hands were clawing into the armrests on his seat. “Don’t you see, Kylo Ren? This is your light speaking once more, your weakness. You are letting it get the better of you.”

Kylo Ren flinched and closed his eyes. Snoke, settling down, adopted a softer tone once more.

“My disciple. Search my words, consider what I have told you, and you will realise that my plans are not so outrageous from an objective perspective. It is your instinct to recoil, but it is human morality, sentiment, weakness that compels you. Look to the greater goal, the future of the First Order. Think about the Skywalker line. Don’t make me breed the girl with your uncle instead. He is old; his offspring might not carry as much potential as yours.”

It was all Kylo Ren could do not to gag.

“You are right. I am not thinking clearly at the moment. Allow me some time to consider what you have told me,” he said, feeling light-headed.

“Of course,” the Supreme Leader conceded. “It pains me to see how much this affects you. This is always such a difficult topic for humans to accept, but I trust your loyalty. Think of the sacrifices you have already made. Do not waver. I am depending on you more than I myself feel comfortable - the least I can do is offer you the same courtesy. Come to me anytime you have further questions or need for discussion.”

~o0o~

Kylo Ren walked back to his quarters as if he was in a dream. The part of him that had always trusted the Supreme Leader was droning on constantly - how, though unapologetically radical as usual, Snoke’s plans made sense from an objective viewpoint; what was it that was so different from all the other reprehensible things the First Order did for the greater good anyway; how Snoke was right - if he felt disgusted, it was because of his moral reflexes as a human, irrational reflexes that needed to be overcome. After all, he had already stained his hands with the vilest of deeds - how much difference did this make now? The Supreme Leader depended on him. He relied on him. He rated his loyalty above all else. Loyalty was important. It was a soldier’s first virtue.

All that was increasingly being tuned out by a rushing noise in his head. His ever-present headache was only increasing.

_ When he’s gotten everything he wants out of you, he’ll crush you. You know it’s true. _

Kylo Ren stumbled into his quarters and headed for the training room. Rey’s posture had changed. She had set down the crystal before her - it was glowing strongly. Her right arm was stretched out towards him, palm up. Her eyes were open, but unseeing, staring a hole into the universe. 

_ Handle. _ Her demand rang in his head.

Kylo Ren found himself wishing he had never returned to his quarters. He desperately needed to clear his head, and seeing Rey only made matters worse. He could not tell her about any of this. Not about her parents, and even less about herself. He would have to break his promise.

_ Give me the handle now, _ she repeated more urgently.

With an exasperated groan, he whirled around, opened his safe and collected the handle that he had stored within. Then he placed it in her outstretched hand.

Rey closed her eyes in concentration. The handle began to hover, and its constituent parts drifted apart to make room for the crystal in the floating ensemble. For a long moment, all the parts hovered over the palm of her hand, shifting ever so slightly according to Rey’s will.

Then, as if sucked together by a vacuum, the handle snapped back into one, crystals in place. Rey gripped it, and with a humming sound, her saberstaff came to life, light shooting out to the left and right in a brilliant blue.

“I did it!” She cried out, voice croaking, launching herself up in excitement. But days of sitting still in intense meditation had taken their toll on her both mentally and physically, and she faltered. Kylo Ren just about managed to catch her as she folded up.

“You’re dehydrated. Take it easy.”

But Rey was already out. And as Kylo Ren forced down some more sips of water between her parched lips, he hoped she would sleep for a long time, until he had figured out what to do.

 

[to be continued]

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said at the beginning this fic was not particularly original - you can cross “Snoke wants force babies” off your Reylo bingo cards now. ;-) But, since TFA turned up the space nazi references up to eleven, I decided to kick it up yet another notch and throw a little dash of creepy “Lebensborn meets Mengele” vibes into the mix.  
> So yeah, because canon Snoke clearly wasn’t creepy and horrible enough already, in this fic he has a station where women undergo forced pregnancies, and he has already set up happy breeding schedules for Ben when he was just a little boy. He genuinely does not think that he is doing something bad, though. He’s a scholar of the force; he wants to know, he needs to understand it. His hubris lies in the complete confidence he has in his own hold on Kylo Ren. Let’s see how long that lasts.
> 
> Spoiler: Rey will not be happy with any of this. Once she finds out. Kylo, listen to your father’s wise words: “Women always figure out the truth. Always.”


	25. The Duel That Wasn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Kylo Ren makes a last effort, and Rey nearly slips.]

**Part II, Chapter XIV: The Duel That Wasn’t**   
_ [In which Kylo Ren makes a last effort, and Rey nearly slips.] _

~o0o~

When Rey woke up the next morning, thirsty and famished, Kylo Ren was not around. She was glad for that in itself, but also somewhat annoyed - of course he had taken away her saberstaff. It had felt good in her hands. For the brief moment she had held it - brilliant blue, not red - she had felt powerful, invincible.

She did find plenty of water and synthsust on the table, which she devoured hungrily. Then, she paced the room.

Meditating had helped her focus on her situation, to really look at what was happening. With the completion of her saberstaff, she felt her stay on the  _ Finalizer  _ was nearing a conclusion, though what it was, she could not guess. At the heart of it, she knew, was Kylo Ren. She had felt it for a while - he was slipping, and the more cracks he showed, the more strongly Rey felt drawn to him, becoming more and more entangled herself. ‘The time is near now’, Luke had said, and Rey knew it was true. But what exactly  _ was  _ going to happen?

Her saberstaff was finished. That meant they were soon going to have that ‘trial of strength’ he had been going on about a few days ago.  _ I promise you right here and now: if you manage to beat me without tapping into the dark side, you are free to go. _ Those had been his words.

Apparently he thought that if she could still not beat him at her full strength, with her own chosen weapon, she would just shrug and join him and Snoke’s organisation of kidnappers, torturers and murderers. Rey exhaled frustratedly. Kylo Ren was mad. Completely in denial and deluded in every way.

So what was her own plan? Save Luke, get off this ship. That still had not changed. Yet now there was another thing - she was so close,  _ this  _ close to finding out where she came from. FH-46+++. The code that was the key to everything. The First Order held the secret.

Rey stopped in front of the piece of wall behind which she knew was Kylo Ren’s safe. Luke’s lightsaber was in there, and most likely her own weapon, too. She placed her hand on the wall and tried to recreate the movement Kylo Ren had made to make the panel slide back. Unsurprisingly, nothing happened.

_ Smash it with the force. Take the weapons and go. Now is as good a time as it’ll ever be. _

She gathered the force experimentally in her hands, feeling the power well up within her. She was strong, she knew. And she had only gotten stronger these last few weeks. It was only because Kylo Ren kept her in check that she could not go on a rampage through this ship. Well, he wasn’t here now, was he?

“Don’t even think about it,” Kylo Ren warned her, entering his room and reading her intentions all in one go. Mask and hood firmly in place, he seemed-- distant somehow. More distant than he had been in weeks. And he had her saberstaff slung across his back, Rey noticed frustratedly. Wonderful.

“Follow me,” he ordered. Rey frowned. No inquiry, no taking off the mask-- just, nothing. That was not like him. Or at least not like he had been before she had gone into meditation.

But Kylo Ren being somewhat moody was nothing new, really. He was probably merely having second thoughts about what would happen when they had a serious confrontation with real lightsabers, and regretting offering her something like this in the first place. Was that it? Rey tugged at their bond to gauge his emotions and frustratingly felt-- nothing. He had drawn up all of his defenses; she could not read him.

“I seem to remember you promised me some information for when I woke up,” Rey reminded him. Kylo Ren did not reply, just waited by the door for her to follow. Rey did, irritated by his silence.

They walked without speaking. Rey was sure of it now - something had definitely changed in Kylo Ren in between the last few days. When usually his very presence would bear down on her, hovering close, now he was withdrawn. Closed off. Was he  _ that  _ anxious about their duel? Why? He had been the one proposing it in the first place.

They descended into the bowels of the Finalizer once more, but this time, instead of to the cargo hangars, Kylo Ren took her through the stormtrooper barracks, straight on to a large training complex. It was packed. An entire stormtrooper platoon was currently present in the gym, in full armor, busy with strength training, hand-to-hand combat, and individual duels.

“Captain,” Kylo Ren called. “My apprentice wishes to join training.”

He had not shouted, but his voice-altering mask made his statement carry through the whole, noisy room. Every last stormtrooper halted in whatever they were doing, staring at the tall, menacing figure and the young woman beside it. Rey’s eyes now fell on a special stormtrooper, the huge silver one she had seen once before when Kylo Ren had taken her to Snoke for interrogation. As the silver trooper approached, Kylo Ren took the saberstaff off his back and pushed it at Rey, who gripped it reflexively.

“Ren.” Rey was startled to hear a female voice from under the helmet. She was truly a giant, even taller than Kylo Ren. “I’m not raising elite squads of stormtroopers to satiate your thirst for blood. We all heard about the cargo hangar incident.”

Rey, too, looked uneasily at the assembled crowd. Yes, stormtroopers were her enemies, legendary killing machines. But Finn, too, had once been under such a helmet. Another Finn might be here right now. What was Kylo Ren planning, having her join their training?

Meanwhile, Kylo Ren and the Captain were locked in a staring contest through their respective masks.

“I understand your reserve, Captain. However, my apprentice here is a stubborn adherent of the light side of the force. Surely she will try to cause as little harm to your men as possible,” Kylo Ren finally said. The silver stormtrooper now looked at Rey, sizing her up. Well - down, as it were.

“I think we can all agree that would be very boring,” Kylo Ren went on. “And that is precisely why, Captain Phasma, as your Commander, I hereby order your troops to execute my apprentice.”

Rey’s head whipped around in disbelief. Both her and Phasma stared at him in shock.

“You know very well my rank allows for this, Captain,” Kylo Ren said smoothly. “Go on. Give the order to your troops.”

His last words were laced with the force to make the Captain comply, and it spoke for Phasma’s strength of will that she only made a small sound before clenching her teeth.

Rey had heard enough. With one fluid movement she ignited her saberstaff and struck out at Kylo Ren. He parried with the Skywalker lightsaber, up and active in his hand instantly.

“Stop it. Didn’t you say we were going to have a duel? If anything, the first blood this staff draws will be yours,” she vowed darkly. She could feel a wave of the force surge through him as if her words excited him, but his mask remained ever-unmoving. What was going on with him? This was not how he had acted, what he had promised before she had gone into meditation. Something was wrong.

“Let’s see about that, shall we?” He replied. “Captain.  _ Do as I told you. _ ”

That did it. Captain Phasma turned round to her troops who had followed the exchange with much unease.

“Troopers. You are to execute Kylo Ren’s apprentice.”

Distracted and upset as she was, Rey did not register Kylo Ren’s oncoming force punch that hurled her forward several meters, sending her skidding into the middle of the hall directly among the assembled troopers.

However many Finns might secretly be hiding under those uniform helmets, these troopers were elite and trained to do one thing - to obey. Rey felt the first blaster shot coming before she had gotten fully to her feet yet. She immediately fell into the Form III stances Kylo Ren had taught her, keeping her staff close and fending off the increasing rain of blaster shots aimed at her with small, quick movements.

_ You’re unbelievable.  _ She angrily shoved this thought at him. This was no joke - she would have to fight for her life against people who did not even have a personal investment in killing her. And she could not stay on the defensive forever. At some point, she would have to attack in return.

That point came sooner than she had hoped. The nearest troopers had begun to strike out at her with electrically-charged truncheons and though that stopped the other troopers from shooting their blasters for fear of hitting their comrades, now she had to fend off an increasing number of very well-trained combattants.

This was not going to go like with the soldiers in the hangar, Rey vowed. A roundhouse force punch, hard and decisively and supported with a swipe of her staff sent the closest troopers around her flying. This time, her hands were free, and she had a weapon, and she was  _ angry _ . Lightning-quick, Rey broke out of the ring around her, launching herself back at where Kylo Ren and Phasma stood.

“Captain,” Kylo Ren simply said, and as Rey was rushing towards her self-styled teacher, the huge silver stormtrooper stepped in and blocked Rey’s attack with her baton.

“You coward!” Rey screamed furiously at Kylo Ren. One hit of Phasma’s baton, and Rey felt the impact vibrating down to her bones. Phasma was a machine - she did not need the force, she was a force of her own.

“If you cannot handle her, don’t even dream about ever beating me,” Kylo Ren simply stated. He had even hooked his lightsaber back on his belt - that was how little he expected her to even reach him.

Furiously, Rey threw all the force she could muster at Phasma. At least all those sparring sessions and facing off against Kylo Ren so many times paid off - Phasma was far bigger and stronger than Rey, but against a force grip there was little she could do. Rey bore down on her, ripped off her helmet - straight-up destroying its air-pressure locks in the process - and planted her hand on the woman’s forehead, shutting down her consciousness with the force.

Rey had no time to revel in her victory and move on to Kylo Ren, however, because the troopers, seeing their Captain in trouble, now came down on her like one man. Rey reached out to the weights that the troopers had been using for strength training and hurled them into the crowd, punched them back, threw soldiers across the room with the force. But they kept coming, viciously, deadly. There was nothing for it, Rey realised. She could not knock out or force-command all of them individually to stop - she had to go all out, or she would end up dead. She would have to kill.

Her saberstaff drew a blue arc into the air as it whirled around, cleaving through armor, searing flesh. The ring of troopers stumbled back as two men slumped to the floor, gurgling.

“ _ Stand down! _ ” Rey thundered, but there was no hope to successfully force-compel so many people at once.

_ I thought the first blood on your saber was supposed to be mine.  _ Kylo Ren’s voice cut in. It was level, malicious.  _ Instead, it’s that of some stormtrooper whose name you don’t even know. Tell me, how do you feel, cutting down the weak in your path? Does it excite you, deep down? Can you feel how the life you take adds to your own strength? Use it. Embrace it. _

“Shut up!” Rey whirled around and sent a powerful blow his way. Even across this distance, it was strong enough to stagger him. But she had to fight another battle - the other stormtroopers, now facing death themselves, were throwing all they had at her.

Rey lost all sense of control as she fought to stay alive. All coordinated moves that she had ever been taught by either Luke or Kylo Ren went out of the window as her survival instincts took the helm. Bolstered by the force, that instinct raged among the stormtroopers like a storm - Rey punched, kicked, hacked and slashed without discrimination or mercy. Dimly, she heard the roar of the beast within her, raising its ugly head, begging to be let off the chain. Blood had been drawn, and the darkness wanted more.

_ Control it. Control it. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no emotion, there is peace. _ A part of Rey’s mind intoned, trying to yank back the monster’s chain, and another, more passionate one:  _ This is what he wants. Don’t let him win. Don’t give him the satisfaction.  _ And finally Luke’s voice:  _ He is cracking. Hold on just for a little while longer. _

Rey stopped her staff just one inch away from the stormtrooper’s helmet on whose chest she was kneeling. She had not even realised the man was unarmed, raising his hands, whimpering. She pulled away from him, and he scampered away backwards, staring between Rey and Kylo Ren, the latter of which had assumed a pose like a great black cat poised to jump.

“You’re magnificent, Rey. I must admit, I was just about to lose hope. But look at you now. From the moment we first duelled I knew what you could be.”

Rey was standing among a pile of bodies. Not many stormtroopers were left alive, and those few that were had withdrawn to the far end of the hall, clutching their blasters in terror. One of them fired a final shot at Rey from behind as she stared at Kylo Ren. She deflected it with her staff without even looking around. All that death, all that blood on her hands. She felt physically sick.

_ Look what he made you do. Look what he has turned you into.  _ The beast within Rey screamed, out for Kylo Ren’s blood. She fought it down with all her might, fought down the bile, the anger. Now that she was off-kilter, shaken, angry, he was just waiting for her to attack, she knew that - he wanted her to give in to that rage, to the darkness.

Rey disabled the saberstaff, slung it onto her back, and turned her unwilling feet around to walk towards the exit on the opposite side of the room, anywhere, just away from him.

_ I told you before not to turn your back on me. _

Rey briefly considered to test her hypothesis - to simply not parry, let him strike her unprotected back to see if he would really do it. But Luke had warned her that Kylo Ren was fraying at the seams, that her first priority was to protect herself. So when he struck out, her saberstaff had come back to life in her hands. The weapons locked.

“Fight me,” he hissed. “Embrace the darkness.  _ Do it. _ ”

“You don’t even really want to kill me,” Rey said coldly. “You know it. I know it. You know I know. That’s why you sacrificed all these people to try and do your dirty work for you. And  _ now  _ you want to fight? Forget it.”

She was thrown back as he hit her with the force.

“Everybody out,” Kylo Ren shouted - ‘everybody’ at this point meaning only a handful of Phasma’s surviving platoon, who were happy to oblige.

Rey had fallen to face the still body of a stormtrooper before her. He might have been like Finn. A child stolen from his parents, molded into a soldier, some poor guy who had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Kylo Ren may have forced her hand, but she, Rey, had killed him. She reached out and undid the clasp of his helmet to look at his still face.

_ I’m so sorry. _

“Oh, please. Like these were the first people you’ve killed.” Kylo Ren snorted. “You shot stormtroopers on Takodana. You would have shot me. You certainly tried.”

Rey drew herself to her feet and picked up her staff, tired of explaining basic humanity to Kylo Ren.

“Who was my mother? What was her story?” She said quietly. “You promised to find out days ago.”

He was silent.

“What is going on with you? What happened? Answer me! You have been acting strange ever since I finished the staff, and all this--- this is the act of somebody desperate. You won’t even show me your face!”

He would still not reply, and Rey was certainly not going to challenge him for the information in another fight. Especially not amidst this scene of pointless death.

“So much for your word, then,” she said through gritted teeth.

The rift between them had not been this gaping and unforgiving in many days.

“Back to my quarters,” Kylo Ren stated, deceptively calm. Rey could feel the edge, less in his voice but in his mind. His hand clasped around her staff to take it off her. Rey knew that since she had decided not to fight him it was an illogical way to act, but she found she did not want to let go.

“Are you going to fight me, or are you not?” He said. Rey stared into the dark slit of his mask and suddenly had a vision of them facing off, right here and now. It was a battle she would not win, either way. It was a battle in which she would lose herself. Or a battle in which he would snap and kill her once and for all.  _ You are in a dangerous position. Stay away from him as far as you can. _

Not now. This was not the moment. She let go of her staff, and he extinguished it before slinging it on his back once more.

They walked back in silence, through ghostly empty corridors noticeably devoid of any stormtroopers at all. Here was another cargo hangar incident, Rey thought, but this time the death toll was to be laid at her feet. She briefly wondered how Kylo Ren got away with it all. His position in the First Order must be a special one, indeed.

~o0o~

Back at his quarters, Kylo Ren locked her in, and went off somewhere without another word. Rey was glad for it. She could smell the stink of death on herself, so she slipped out of her clothes and took another shower, taking the opportunity to cry out her tension and disgust. Perhaps it wasn’t a heroic thing to do, but it helped ease her mind a little bit. The anger ebbed away, and was replaced by sadness and fatigue.

Stepping out of the shower, she picked up her clothes and only now realised how badly they were torn and spattered with sweat and blood. There was no way she could - rather, would - wear those again. She had seen Kylo Ren use his computer terminal occasionally to summon a droid to bring food, fresh clothes or whatever else he needed, but it was bio-locked to him and would not respond to her. So she opened the small closet built into the wall next to his bed, and indeed found one of his tunics which, though hopelessly too big for her, would serve her well enough until something better could be acquired. 

Rey then turned back to digging through the Divinator records - she had not gone through them all before going into meditation, after all - but found she could not really concentrate.

She had been so very near the dark side today again. Once more, he had pushed her there, had made her fight for her life, had made her kill all these people. But once more, she had resisted - battered, but not broken. Once more, she had refused. How long could she keep going like this? How long until she slipped?

This was all because of Kylo Ren. What had happened to him? Something must have happened with him while she had been meditating. Something which had shaken him, unhinged him even more. He was avoiding her, would once more not face her without his mask. He was acting volatile, unpredictable, had gone back on his word to her.  _ He is cracking _ , and  _ when he breaks down, it will not be pretty _ , Luke had said. Something hung in the air, something big, like a storm building up in the desert.

Shuddering a little, Rey idly picked up another data cube from the pile before her and activated it. Her eyes bugged. It was titled “Ben Solo observation report, week 237”.

_ The target’s movements remain erratic. He often argues with his uncle and gets into fights with his fellow students. He is highly skilled, but does not appear to have any close friends among his peers. Other, more serious signs of rebellion, I can not attest to at this point. He appears devoted to Jedi training. Stronger incentive, stronger coercion may be necessary. _

Remembering the dream she had seen about the little boy and the whispers at night, Rey finally understood. Ben Solo had been the First Order’s long-term target all along. That was why the Divinators had been watching Luke’s school from a distance all these years - primarily because of Ben. Truly, the man she knew as Kylo Ren had been raised surrounded by shadows from all sides.

Rey swiped through the data, finding young Ben’s life picked apart, dissected and meticulously described. Was Kylo Ren aware of how tightly the ring of spies had been drawn around him even then? Rey shook her head. How smart, how cunning Snoke’s spies and Snoke himself must have been, to evade even Luke’s detection.

And then she found it. The bit relating to herself, a note attached to weekly report 246 on Ben Solo.

_ Tonight, the girl suspected of being the missing FH-72+++ was taken away from the school by a woman. Suspecting her to be her fugitive mother FH-46+++ I spontaneously abandoned my post and followed the ship to the planet Jakku. Briefly lost the trail around Niima Outpost, but took up pursuit once more without firing, as per instructions. The fugitive noticed my ship and tried to lose me flying low over the planet’s surface, then crashed into a large piece of debris. All on board presumed dead. I managed to recover parts of human remains and shall take them back to the XXXXXX for identification. _

It was telling that the following week’s “Ben Solo observation report” had apparently been written by a different Divinator agent. Someone at the top clearly had not been pleased with how the previous one had handled this particular situation.

But Rey took hardly any notice of that. She stared at the holographic writing. This was it. The other puzzle piece. She now had a report of how XPK-5682 had been caught by his former colleagues after taking her to Luke. And here was a report mentioning a little girl being taken to Jakku by FH-46, her mother.

Rey took her eyes off the file and stared into nothing. The story had come together. Both her mother, as well as herself had been First Order prisoners. XPK-5682 had betrayed his own organisation to break them out and escape. For four years, they managed to evade the Divinator hunters. Then, perhaps to keep her safe, her parents had decided to give their daughter into the care of a Jedi, not knowing that his school was already being watched by the very people they were running from. Her father had been captured. Her mother then had tried to hide with her in obscurity on Jakku instead. And then she had taken Rey’s secret to her grave. Her grave  _ on Jakku _ .

All these years, and Rey had never known. She might have ridden past the remains of her mother’s ill-fated ship on her speeder. Might have rifled through the wreckage looking for useful parts.

Rey felt hot tears form in her eyes, and wiped them away furiously. Yes, this was part of the story. The tragic end, but not the whole of it. Why had her mother been a prisoner of the First Order in the first place? Why had she been so relentlessly pursued? Who had she been beyond the code name FH-46?

One thing was for sure: Kylo Ren appeared to know something he was not telling her. Rey’s hand clenched around the cube angrily. Throwing all caution to the wind, disregarding all of Luke’s warnings - she would get it out of him.

 

[to be continued]


	26. Wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey and Kylo Ren share time in the eye of the storm.]

**Part II, Chapter XV - Wanted** **  
** _ [In which Rey and Kylo Ren share time in the eye of the storm.] _

~o0o~

Kylo Ren was stalking the  _ Finalizer _ ’s corridors like a restless phantom, uprooted and aggressive, not even noticing how at his sight, terrified soldiers turned sharp corners to evade him. And well it was that they did - as so very often, Kylo Ren’s surplus of feeling manifested in an urge to destroy something. His apprentice having refused to fight him, he was itching for just about any opportunity to blow off some steam.

Watching Rey kill had set him on edge, badly. A part of him had been excited, had itched to cross blades with her - a darker urge had wanted to kiss, subdue, ravage, own her. Another part had been horrified, feeling each cut in the force as if it had been on his own body, had revolted against the lives being extinguished around him, had urged him to put a stop to it. How was this possible? He had seen worse, had done worse. Death should not upset him. Taking lives made him strong.

The rushing noise in his mind, the ever-present headache-- if he stopped for just one moment, his doubts, the noise, the pain would catch up with him. This, he could not allow.

Kylo Ren was on the run.

“Help me, grandfather. Help me,” he whispered softly, once more pleading to Darth Vader’s helmet. “What is it that I should be doing? What is it that you truly want of me?”

But his grandfather continued to remain silent - instead, the whispering, the radio static that was filling his head grew worse. It was catching up. He had to keep going. To keep busy.

Hunted as he felt, he was almost glad when the Supreme Leader called him to the extraordinary staff meeting he had been dreading. Captain Phasma was present, radiating cold anger, and of course General Hux was there as well, because that man never missed an opportunity to make Kylo Ren’s life just that little bit more miserable. And so the dressing down for what on the  _ Finalizer  _ was now called the ‘gym incident’ begun.

Neither the General nor the Captain would stand for this ongoing drain on the First Order’s resources and manpower any longer, and Snoke would not allow open hostility among his subordinates. To prevent distrust and mutiny spreading among the ranks, Phasma was to make a statement to the entire crew that such incidents were unfortunate aberrations, and that the parties involved would be severely punished. Hux had even slyly suggested they execute the girl in front of the assembled crew to prove that statement true, but that notion had been quickly shut down by the Supreme Leader.

Kylo Ren stood silent through it all, his eyes closed under the mask, envisioning driving his saber through Hux and shutting him up forever. To his surprise, he noticed that though he had been reluctant to face Snoke again, it helped being near him. The doubts that were hounding him could not catch him here, not in his Master’s presence, and Snoke’s dark, heavy voice helped drown out the whispering noise.

Finally, Snoke told his triumvirate that whoever made the next move in this ridiculous feud, or even just thought about getting revenge, would pay for it dearly, then he dismissed Hux and Phasma to have a private word with his wayward disciple. The Supreme Leader looked at the man before him, and sighed.

“Kylo Ren. The turmoil within you has grown even worse. I can see it plainly.”

“I feel the pull of the light. It is getting stronger and stronger. Forgive me.” Kylo Ren pinched the bridge of his nose between the eyes. He had taken off his helmet now that Phasma and Hux had gone. Its weight had seemed to increase his headache. “But I know how to make it stop - she, my apprentice, she just needs to embrace the dark side; then this torture will be over. I can still succeed. I had her on the edge today. I was so very close. I am sorry if my method to achieve this was a little reckless.”

“I can see now that I have asked too many things of you at once,” Snoke said. “I told you that turning that girl to the darkside is not my highest priority anymore. You know what is more important to me, though it still appears to pain you. Is it the implication of your own mortality which makes my plans so difficult to accept?”

“I am not afraid of death,” Kylo Ren said agitatedly. “I simply cannot discuss the topic of offspring with the distance you require of me.”

Inexplicably, he saw his own father before him. Han, touching the side of his face gently even as he was running him through with his saber. Han falling to his death with an expression of forgiveness. 

That was what being a father meant. Sentiment, weakness, death. Darth Vader, too, had died like that. Kylo Ren could not stand the idea of one day discovering the same weakness in himself, looking into eyes like his own but with Rey’s light behind them, or worse yet, looking into eyes like Rey’s, filled with his own darkness. Had removing exactly this weakness not been the whole point of killing Han Solo? Was this not why the dark side kept whispering to him to kill his own apprentice?

Stars, if only he had never laid eyes on her. If only they had never crossed paths. She would still be safe.  _ He  _ would still be safe.

With a near-animalistic howl of frustration, Kylo Ren ignited the Skywalker saber and smashed the nearest chairs to pieces. There was no pretending to feel any less any more, not even in front of his Master.

“ _ Kylo Ren. _ ” The Supreme Leader thundered, half-rising from his seat, and an awful pressure bore down on the knight. The sensation triggered an old, familiar dread in him, down to his very bones. He knew this rage, intimately knew what it could do. “ _ Control yourself this instant, or you will face punishment. _ ”

Kylo Ren had frozen completely, staring at the ground, and for a long moment both master and apprentice remained motionless. Finally, Kylo Ren’s shoulders sagged as he extinguished his lightsaber, and the Supreme Leader settled down again.

“You know me, Supreme Leader, better than anyone,” Kylo Ren muttered softly. “Better than I know myself. You know I still struggle with the light. Please do not ask of me to partake in this project of yours. I cannot afford to have any more distractions. Temptations. Weaknesses.”

“You need not see your children if you do not wish to, not ever. You need not even know whether or not they exist,” Snoke said emphatically. “And even if you do face them at some point, if by chance they inherit the treachery of their mother - would it not be the perfect opportunity for you to prove, by disposing of them, that you have surpassed Vader in every regard?”

But that was not how these things ever worked, was it? Facing their own child had not worked for Vader, it had not worked for Han, and it would not work for him.

Why could he see this child Snoke spoke of so clearly before his eyes; not so much in form, but in spirit, in the very force around him? This child - now, it was just a hypothesis, a suggestion, a potential. But if brought into the world, it would inevitably be the downfall of ‘Kylo Ren’. He realised this, all of a sudden, with a clarity he had rarely ever experienced in his life.

And even more strangely, this clarity, the inevitability of what would happen brought a feeling of great security and peace.  _ Come then, child. Deliver me. _ Gazing at the floor, Kylo Ren eyes widened at the realisation of what he was truly wishing for, and for a second there, he almost smiled.

But this was not about himself, was it?

This child that he secretly hoped would bring him salvation, it had not even been conceived yet.

Kylo Ren’s strangely comforting vision of being struck down by his own vengeful child at some point was only eclipsed by one other consideration. Rey - bright and powerful and full of life - turned into a coded number, into just another prisoner, into a vessel to bring that child into the world, robbed of all her choices, of all her incredible potential. That was a nightmare. Killing her would be a mercy in comparison.

_ So kill her. Make it quick and painless. Kill her, along with the potential of any child of yours and hers, and you will never waver again. End the torture and continue your path into darkness alone - powerful. Safe. Free. _ That was the dark side whispering to him again.

_ She is innocent. For goodness’ sake, Ben, let her go. Don’t turn your own agony on her.  _ Luke’s voice cut through that whisper, sharp and accusingly.

_ Let me leave. If you continue to keep me here, it will end badly. You know it, don’t you?  _ That was Rey, imploring him between kisses, in that dream that had been a little more than just that. Kylo Ren closed his eyes and for a second he thought he could feel her lips on his own again.

_ Force, preserve us both. _

So here was Kylo Ren, standing in front of his Master, and the whispering doubts had caught up with him, and they were gripping him tightly. He threw a glance of utter helplessness at the Supreme Leader, and Snoke, as always, appeared to read his mind like an open book.

“It is still compassion for  _ her _ , then, that lets you waver. What is she to you? To you! Who has fought so hard to bury any and all sentiment. Who destroyed his own school. Who killed so many. Who murdered his own father. You have made so many sacrifices already, why would you invalidate them like this? Do not stray, do not waver now. Consider my plans again. Realise their necessity.”

“Your project is not necessary. I will continue to serve you loyally. You do not need her, or any child of mine, for the First Order.” Kylo Ren said slowly, almost mechanically.

Snoke shot up from his seat, his withered face contorting into an even uglier grimace, and a tendril of his force hit Kylo Ren in the face like a slap.

“You say you’ll continue to serve me? Then follow my orders! You swore an oath of loyalty and obedience, and that is all you need to remember now! All you need to think of now! You went after that rogue stormtrooper with such vengeance, telling me you hated treachery more than anything. Standing before me with that look, refusing my orders - are you telling me you are no better than that worm? That you are not worthy of wielding Darth Vader’s saber, let alone of continuing his legacy after all? You, Vader’s grandson?”

Once more, Kylo Ren froze, the weight of his conflict nearly choking him. It was not until a long moment had passed in this way that the Supreme Leader slowly sat down in his seat again.

“I do not enjoy rebuking you like an unruly child, my disciple.” Snoke continued more calmly. “Our relationship is built on more than that. I know that you would not act this way, had I not placed such a burden on you in the first place, and so I am disposed to forgive you. Take your time to find your center. I propose that until you calm your mind, you abstain from all your duties to the First Order.”

“That will look like punishment,” Kylo Ren said, a little sourly.

“An added bonus. I am allowing you much leeway, Kylo Ren. It breeds jealousy in those less integral to my plans, less important to me. This disciplinary measure shall quieten the waves you caused with this ridiculous ‘gym incident’. But really, think of it as a gesture of consideration for you.”

“You are very kind,” Kylo Ren replied hoarsely.

~o0o~

_ He is back.  _

Rey lay curled up, facing the wall, eyes wide open in the gloom of Kylo Ren’s training room, when she heard the entrance door open. She heard the heavy sound of his helmet being set down, heard clothes rustle, the safe door - he was probably locking up her saberstaff - then another door, then the sound of the shower. She bid her time impatiently. For this to work, he needed to be asleep.

But when Kylo Ren finally exited the bathroom, his feet did not take him to his own bed, but in her direction. Rey quickly closed her eyes and lay completely still. He sat down behind her, and for a moment there was silence. Rey’s heart beat faster.

“I can tell you are awake, you know,” he stated. Sighing, Rey opened her eyes again, turned to face him and propped herself up.

“What is it?” She asked. He simply looked at her. In the dim starlight that entered through the big window, she could see that he was once again only wearing the trousers he wore to bed, lightsaber hooked to his belt securely. But more importantly, she finally saw his face again. He looked like an absolute mess - gaunt, tired, haunted.

“You took my tunic,” he noted, looking her up and down.

“I don’t like having blood on me,” Rey said a little defensively. But she could tell he was not in a belligerent mood anymore. He seemed to seek only company.

“Who does?” He whispered. Proud and violent from one moment, pitiful and lonely in the next, that was what he was. But at least Rey understood a few things about being lonely.

He sat back, evidently struggling with something. This open display of - yes - vulnerability confused Rey; she did not know what to make of it after the events of today. But it stirred something in her. She felt for him through their force bond and perceived his tiredness, his dull headache, how very lost he felt. Swallowing down her anger at what he had made her do today, she decided to take a proverbial step towards him.

“Are you alright?” She asked carefully. “You have been acting very… off. Won’t you tell me what happened?”

She thought he would not, at first, but finally he spoke. “You were right, Rey. I know where you come from. I know who your parents were.”

Rey could not believe it. Here she had been lying in wait to set a trap for him, and now he was volunteering information. However, her hopes of learning more were quickly dashed with his next words.

“I cannot tell you. But I am trying to spare you a bad fate, so please. Consider all I have told you, all I have taught you, and just-- join me. Embrace the dark side and stay with me. Believe me, it is your best option.”

Completely bewildered, Rey sat up fully now and looked at him. This was the least hostile she had ever seen him this side of unconscious. She could feel his genuine emotion through their bond - he truly believed in what he was saying, that he was trying to help her avoid something terrible. Even while he was the one keeping her imprisoned here!

Instead of reacting to his strange appeal, she said: “I found another file tonight. I found out what happened to my mother.”

“You did?” Though hardly visible in the darkness, his gaze flickered briefly.

“After taking me out of the school, my mother was pursued by a Divinator. She fled to Jakku, left me with Unkar Plutt, then tried to shake off the pursuit. She probably always meant to come back for me. But she crashed her ship somewhere in the starship graveyard and died.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. Rey could tell it was genuinely felt, but also that he was strangely relieved. Probably because she hadn’t found out the whole story.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Rey asked. “I’m not going to work for the organisation that is responsible for my parents’ deaths. Never.”

“If you don’t, you’ll share their fate.”

“I told you, you will not find me easy to kill.”

_ Death is not what I meant. _

_ Then what do you mean? _

In lieu of a reply, Kylo Ren reached for her, very slowly, giving her time to draw back. He let his hand run down her face, caressing it, revelling in the sensation. Rey, far from flinching back, found herself lean in instinctively, and through their bond, his intense desire washed over her. Sure enough, there it was again, that tingle, running up and down her skin.

She loved being wanted by him, thrived on it like a desert plant on water. Nevermind who and what he was, his touch, when her life had not exactly been marked by tenderness or displays of affection, was too much to resist. Starved as she was of affectionate human contact, she was yearning for something that, coming from  _ him _ , she should by all rights reject. But - that was her weakness, and after so many weeks, she was so very tired of fighting, tired of resisting, tired of denying. She just wanted to enjoy this soothing, delirious feeling he seemed to conjure up in her so effortlessly.

_ Don’t say anything. Don’t destroy this moment. _ But she had to ask.

“Why do I have to join you? Why can’t you join me?” Rey almost expected him to fly off into a rage at this, just like the time when he had kissed her and she had called him Ben. But he didn’t. He just kept caressing her face, watching her, lost in thoughts.

“Because I have crossed a line, with open eyes and full intent. Because I have done things so terrible they can not be forgiven. Not ever. Because if I turn back now, all that bloodshed, all these sacrifices will have been utterly in vain.”

“So you feel it all,” Rey said, breathlessly. “You know exactly what you’re doing is wrong. Why won’t you just stop? Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“Someone has to do what is necessary. Someone has to fulfill my grandfather’s legacy.”

“I don’t remember it all that well, but your grandfather didn’t sound too happy about you when I saw him.”

Kylo Ren remained silent for a long minute.

“I cannot join you. I cannot let you leave. It’s much too late for that,” he said then, and there was such emotion in his voice it nearly overwhelmed Rey.  _ He is cracking.  _ She had never seriously considered it, never seriously thought that  _ she  _ might be the one to succeed where Han Solo had failed - in steering Kylo Ren off his path and back towards the light. Kylo Ren himself had first accused her of this weeks ago, but she had always dismissed the very idea, and certainly never consciously made such an attempt.

But right here, right now, despite his words stating the contrary, she felt that little flicker of light in him glowing brightly, calling out to her as if asking her to guide it.

“I’m sorry it has to be this way,” Kylo Ren continued. “But if you won’t join me, this is probably the last time we can speak like this.”

“Why? What is going to happen?” Rey asked, a little anxiously.

“Something bad,” he merely said.

“Snoke is going to infect me with darkside power again?”

“No.”

“Snoke has ordered you to kill Luke and me.” That made sense, that had to be it. After today, Snoke must have lost his patience, and wanted her dead. She knew by now that at no point in their acquaintance, Kylo Ren had seriously wanted to kill her, not even in their fiercest duel - and now he was being ordered to do so. It would explain his tortured behaviour. 

_ No. Worse.  _ He replied.

Rey’s heart clenched. She could not imagine what could possibly be worse than either of these things.

“Just tell me!” She demanded, shaking a little. “If it’s going to happen and you can’t or won’t stop it, at least tell me. You don’t get to sit here and be so gentle and yet be so--”

Rey broke off when, instead of a reply, he moved closer and took her face in both hands. He searched her face as if seeking permission, as if waiting for a violent reaction. When none came, he leant in and kissed her carefully. Rey not only allowed it, but answered it - timidly at first, but growing increasingly confident. Their energies were melting into one once more, running up and down between them, drawing them together. He shuddered, pulled her closer. Rey gasped into his hungry kiss, overwhelmed by the sensation. 

_ I want you. _ It was a statement and a question rolled into one.

_ I know _ . It was all Rey could consciously reply, but he felt her emotions as keenly as she felt his - and she was humming with excitement, curiosity and a certain eagerness.

He pushed the tunic down her shoulders, kissing her neck, and Rey let her hands run through his dark hair, still damp from the shower. She was in free-fall, had no idea where this was going, or at which point she should stop this. There were a thousand reasons as to why this -  _ this _ \- was a bad idea. But what was also true was that she craved it, wanted it as badly as he wanted her.

“How far?” Was his next, murmured question, tensely clipped and broken down to the essential.  _ How far will you let me go? _

Here was another eye of the storm. There were bad things behind them, and bad things ahead, but this moment belonged just to them. As he nipped her skin teasingly, Rey’s breath caught in her throat, and the command for him to stop, which had been just on the tip of her tongue, evaporated. This felt good. This felt right. For once, she did not want to think about anything else than this right here and now.

When no answer came, Kylo Ren slid his hands up her leg, pushing the tunic up slowly. “Tell me to stop and I will.”

Then he pulled the tunic off her head with one swift motion. Rey flinched reflexively, she hadn’t been wearing anything underneath - the wardrobe had not yielded much in the way of underwear. She had never been naked in front of another person, and her instinct was to curl up, especially under his intense stare. But she had been in too many, more life-threatening staring contests with him now to back out of this strange, scary-exciting one.

Rey squared her shoulders. She was more nervous than she cared to admit to herself, but she met his gaze resolutely and then let it wander down his body, letting her fingertips ghost down his chest and stomach admiringly. In the next moment, he pulled her towards him onto his lap with her legs around him, almost crushing her against his bare chest. 

He let his mouth run down her neck towards her chest, and Rey moaned softly as he kissed her breasts. She had her legs wrapped around his back now, and keenly felt him harden under the cloth of his trousers. She knew the rough theory of how this worked, but was somewhat hazy on the details - instinct could only get her so far.

“You have not done this before.” Kylo Ren said, more a statement than a question. Her nervousness, her hesitation must have been too evident. He let his hand run down to the small of her back, and guided her to grind her hips across his lap. The sensation made them both shudder.

“No.” Rey murmured and, hating that there was yet another thing he was more experienced in, she shot back. “Have you?”

“Not with another force-sensitive,” he said.

“Does that make a difference?” Rey asked confusedly.

“Let’s find out,” he said with the faintest of smiles. “Don’t be afraid. I’ll show you. I’ll teach you.”

“I’m not afraid of you,” Rey reminded him, heart beating fast despite herself, but not caring for his condescending tone.

“Good.”

He held her closer and, unfolding his legs, got up. Still carrying her wrapped around his midriff, he moved towards his bed. Dimly Rey noticed he was fumbling with his belt with one hand, and finally let it slip to the ground, lightsaber still hooked to it. They locked eyes at the sound of belt and saber clattering to the floor, both understanding what it meant: this moment, this truce went for as long as the lightsaber stayed exactly where it was on the ground.

Rey almost hated how her lizard brain, the part of her that had kept her alive out in the wild all these years, still locked onto the saber’s exact location as potentially life-saving information for later. Once more, Kylo Ren seemed to know her thoughts exactly.

_ We can’t help what we are, scavenger. But if it is up to me, neither of us will need that saber tonight. _

“Show me, then,” Rey replied a little breathlessly, almost afraid of her own courage, and he immediately complied. Slipping out of his own trousers, he laid her down on his bed and climbed atop her. Rey’s breath sped up as his hands explored and caressed her body, and tensed as one came to rest between her legs. 

“Relax,” he murmured, rubbing her sensitive folds carefully. Rey felt him draw on the force and for a second tensed, thinking he was going for some kind of attack-- but it was just a tiny bit of energy gathering on his fingertips, and now he was sending it through her, straight to that sensitive spot between her legs. Rey gasped, taken aback by the intensity of the sensation, and curled her hands into the blanket. Her entire body was tingling, once more humming like a string.

“Share this with me. I’ll be able to guide it better,” Kylo Ren said, and Rey could tell from the excitement in his voice that he was making this up as he went along. She felt him tug at their force bond to listen in on her sensations as he sent a second jolt through her. 

“Stars!” Rey could not help but gasp. She felt his energy on the tip of her every nerve, flickering like a low electrical charge. She had not known it was possible to feel this way. Just like when she had awoken to the force, now it felt like she was waking up to a whole array of new physical sensations. 

“There’s more than that. Much more,” Kylo Ren said, breath catching in his throat now. The pleasure he picked up from her was affecting him, too, Rey realised. They were quickly entering a kind of loop through their bond; she felt what he felt what she felt. It was almost too much, too overwhelming, too--

“You’re right. It’s distracting.” She felt Kylo Ren pull back a little, subduing their connection as far as was possible. But Rey soon had no further leisure for such observations, because he was now focussed completely on pleasuring her. Rey clenched her teeth, but her breath escaped in a hiss as he sent jolt after jolt up her body, massaging her entrance.

“Are you allowed to use the force for something like that?” She asked between gasps.

“‘Allowed’? As far as I’m concerned, I can do whatever I want with the force,” he said with an amused smirk and - suns and moons - Rey’s heart lurched, once more seeing too much of Han Solo in his expression.

But that had no place here. Here, he had no name, and neither had she, and they did not have the history they had. Here and now it was just him, and her, and  _ this _ .

“First lesson of yours that doesn’t suck,” she said, and she felt his lips curl into a smile as he kissed her breasts.

“It’s not exactly part of the traditional curriculum,” he replied, and Rey couldn’t help but burst into a bubbly, excited chuckle.

Kylo Ren briefly looked up to catch a glimpse of her unreservedly happy expression, so very much like a sunrise in itself, and a part of him nearly broke down at the sight. She was made to smile and laugh. He could barely stand the thought of how soon that expression would be wiped away.

But he, too, had thrown all considerations aside that related to anything outside their bubble. That was then, and now was now. Right here and now, he could draw out her happiness, could turn it into ecstasy.

Meanwhile, Rey had reached out into their bond to get an idea of what he was feeling. Kylo Ren was on fire - there was a kind of hunger - no, lust - barely restrained tension, a desire to pounce her immediately, but also tenderness, affection, eagerness to please her. She let her own energy wander around his body now, following the flow of his own, felt how his desire was pooling between his legs, and reached out to it with her hand and the force, doing to him what he was doing to her. He actually groaned.

“You learn fast, as always,” he said, and this time her lips curled into a grin. Emboldened, she closed her hand around his member and stroked him carefully, picking up just enough of a reaction from him through their bond to realise that, rather than the little jolts he was sending into her, he enjoyed quick strokes and a certain pressure.

Kylo Ren nearly broke down over her and was just able to catch himself on his elbows when Rey wrapped the force around his hard member and squeezed, supporting the stroking motion of her hands.

“Who taught you to do that?” He stared at her through half-lidded eyes, shuddering slightly.

“The force grip? You, I think.” Rey said, really enjoying herself now.

“Slow down.” Kylo Ren disengaged her hand. “I’m done with you yet.”

And he sent more force jolts to the apex of her legs, making little sparks dance through her entire body. Even if Rey had tried to keep her grip on him, she would have lost it at this point. Overwhelmed by intense pleasure, she dug her hands and feet into the bed and hardly noticed when he slipped a finger inside her, then two. Rey did not know anymore what was a purely physical sensation and what was helped along by with the force - anyway, she didn’t care. The little shocks came faster now, building up to one big wave of pleasure.

When it came, she clung to him helplessly, crying out with a sob. He felt her orgasm through their bond as she clenched around his fingers, and it nearly drove him mad. Fighting for restraint, he held her as she trembled under him, shaking, gasping as if she had nearly drowned. 

Kylo Ren did not think he could handle this much longer. A part of his brain was screaming at him from a far, far away distance, asking him if he was mad, if he really wanted to do this knowing what he knew about Snoke’s plans for Rey. But he couldn’t think of that now. The much larger part of him had selfishly built a wall around this moment, around Rey and himself. She was his. He was going to make her his. Everything else be damned for the moment.

“What is it?”

Only now that she spoke, Kylo Ren became aware of Rey looking at him. Even in her post-orgasmic haze she had noticed his wavering, his hesitation. Now she put her arms on his, her energy flowed around him gently as if to unclench the turmoil within him.

Rey could feel he was at breaking point. And a part of her mind, too, was up in arms, screaming at her to stop this, repeating Luke’s words to her about staying far away from Kylo Ren, about keeping herself safe. But it was a faint echo against the overwhelming feeling of their merged energies and the tremors that had just rolled through her. She pushed at Kylo Ren through their bond, at the part of him that was tensely holding back.

_ It’s just us now. Only here, only now. No one else, nothing else. _

It was almost unfair how convenient that reassurance was. How easy she made it for him to pretend this was a night without a morning.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“This might hurt,” he warned, moving closer and spreading her legs apart.

“Oh, really. With you, when does it ever not?” Rey replied dryly, trying to mask her nervousness. He lowered his face closely down to hers, and raised up her lower body against his with one arm. 

_ Share it with me _ , she felt him say in her mind, and she reached out to him in return. As she joined her consciousness with his, he entered her in one swift motion. They both gasped in pain and pleasure at the sensation, half from their own, half from the other’s. Though it nearly destroyed him, Kylo Ren forced himself to hold completely still as she gritted her teeth and shifted around him, allowing her to get used to him and take him into herself more deeply until they were fully joined, mind, body and soul.

_ Stars. You have no idea for how long I’ve wanted you like this. _

And then she moved against him, and her energy bled into his through their bond. It ghosted across the part of him that was holding himself back, pulling it loose as if she was undoing a force grip.

_ Then go ahead. _

Kylo Ren lost it at that. Restraint undone, he pinned her arms down over her head and bore down on her, driving himself into her again and again. If he was her first, this must hurt - no, he knew for sure it did, because she was flooding him with everything she felt and oh stars-- it was something between pain and pleasure, exquisite and excruciating.

Kylo Ren took it with gritted teeth, but refused to share what he felt in return - he could not let her see  _ this _ . So many times they had fought and he had defeated her, and each time a part of him had dreamt of doing this, overwhelm and dominate her with his superior power, do whatever he wanted to her. And most of all he loved how she bore it stubbornly, refusing to ask him to stop or go easier; she was strong and proud and she could take this, could take him. She was his, all his, the only person in the galaxy who could match him. It drove him even more mad for her, made him want to take her even harder.

Those were dark dreams, dark pleasures; they were not for her. She was too good for this. Too good and pure, and he was not. That was the whole  _ point _ .

_ You’re mine, mine, mine. _

It was futile, though, to hide such thoughts from her when he was letting her feel them in every single of his thrusts. It was futile because this, being joined like this, was not a one-way-street. As Kylo Ren took her, he felt like he was reaching out an energy core, a star that destroyed and burned away every inch of skin on his body. Her nails dug into his back as if to pay him back for the pain he was causing her, and she clenched under him, arched into him, determined to match every single of his movements, and as her energy engulfed him like a solar storm he knew he was completely out of his depth. She was searing him, marking him as hers, bringing him to his knees.

“You’re mine just as well.” Rey said through gritted teeth. Drawing on the force, she wrenched his arms off her and flipped them over, which resulted in them both falling off his bed down to the floor.

Sitting up against the alcove, Kylo Ren feverishly drew her back on top his lap and joined them together once more. But no matter how much he tried to control her movements with his hands on her hips, Rey had taken over the rhythm, gyrating on his lap slowly, tantalizingly, bucking her hips torturously - no, not torturously, she had no idea what she was doing to him, she was too lost in her own pleasure. He pulled her closer, taking one of her nipples into his mouth, and blindly sent another set of force jolts up to the hypersensitive bundle of nerves between her legs. 

Rey cried out incoherently, almost sobbing with pleasure, and collapsed onto his shoulders as another orgasm took her. She rode it out on him passionately until it ebbed off, and feeling her hazy bliss through their bond, Kylo Ren, too, almost lost it. While she was still reeling, he flipped her over once more and drove into her in long, deep strokes, accelerating. Rey was exhausted and overcharged, he knew, but even now she opened herself further for him, answered his movements and tensed her muscles around him, daring him to go all out. And he did. There was no room for coherent thought, no place for guilt or regret as his own orgasm took him. He emptied himself inside her with a long groan, nearly blinded by the sensation.

Utterly spent, Kylo Ren collapsed on top of her, and so they remained for a precious long moment on the floor, joined as one, their hearts beating against each other. He was hyperaware of her, savoured the feel of her legs twitching against him weakly, the glow and the sheen of sweat on her skin, her hitched breath and her heartbeat, listening to both slowing down as she returned from their shared paradise of bliss to the real world.

It could not last, but at this moment Kylo Ren would have given everything to stop time. He was in no position to face the doom that lay ahead. He was not ready for the look on her face that would inevitably come when she learned the truth. He was not ready to inflict that immense of a betrayal.

_ You already betrayed her. You slept with her. Knowing what the Supreme Leader wants, however much the thought makes you sick, you slept with her _ , a part of his brain supplied, writing the accusation in fiery letters across his mind, and he had to take care to guard his thoughts so she would not pick up on them.

_ No. I’m not letting her go. I won’t have her taken to the  _ Respite _. She’s mine now, she’ll stay now, with me, she’ll join me. I’ll convince Snoke to let me keep her. She doesn’t ever have to find out about his project. _

But who was he kidding? The instant they woke up tomorrow, the wheels would start turning once more. And Rey would still do everything to resist and fight the First Order, and he would still have to hold her prisoner, and Snoke would still want to put her into his program. They were headed for a catastrophe. 

His head, which had for a blissful short moment been free of pain, was beginning to hurt anew. That meant he, too, had finished his descent from the paradise of bliss. 

Suddenly, Kylo Ren felt Rey’s hand reach up to his face and found his gaze guided to hers. Once more they were staring to the bottom of the other’s soul.

“Thank you for sharing this with me,” she said quietly, and the guilty part of him winced in anguish at these words. Like once before, he found himself unable to hold her gaze, and she, too, looked away as the walls came back up between them, knowing this moment was now well and truly over now. Reality was quickly flowing back into their suspended time bubble.

Rey moved under him, indicating she wanted to get up - and weak as she felt, she even allowed him to help her. Only now did he realise that the insides of her legs were full of blood. No, he should not have been so rough, solely because he knew she could take it. He had a responsibility. At least until morning. At least until Snoke took her from him.

“Stay with me,” he said, nodding at the bed, a mixture of an order and a plea. She nodded silently, but, after a trip to the bathroom, went to retrieve her - his - tunic from the training room before returning to his side.

“I don’t feel comfortable sleeping naked,” she mumbled as she slipped into the tunic and curled up against him. Kylo Ren did not care, the important thing was to hold her in his arms, a final privilege of this singular night before morning came. Listening to her breath, her heartbeat, and feeling her warmth in his arms he slipped off into sleep.

~o0o~

Rey felt him fall asleep, and only then allowed herself to really process what she had just experienced, what she had just shared with the man who had, for the last months, made her life a complete misery and would continue to do so tomorrow.

She had never experienced anything so intense, now would she have ever dreamt that feeling like this was even possible. All the cautions and regrets that she had ignored when she had agreed to this now came back and were lining up to speak, at the front of it all Luke, who had told her to stay away as far as possible from Kylo Ren, to keep herself safe.

But it was no use listening to any of this now. She had made this decision and did not regret it for a minute - not with the comforting glow in her body and the strangely satisfying soreness of her legs, and his warm, strong arms around her as he slept.

Even now it was hard for her to admit how she felt about him - more than she would admit to herself, it would appear. In any case, it was complicated, ranging from anger and resentment to a thrill, fascination and deeply-felt compassion.

‘I don’t love you’, she had told him and that was true. Love was too grand a word to use in regards a broken person such as he was, and it was too pure a word to describe the reaction his desire elicited in her.

Anyway, she did not regret this experience. What she did regret was the necessity of what she would have to do from here on. Because Kylo Ren had yet to tell her about her mother, and - by the force - she would make him talk.

 

[to be continued]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I finally delivered the smut I‘ve been promising for 25 damn chapters, and instead of being climactic it is wrapped up in potential heartbreak and tragedy because Kylo Ren continues to be a complete idiot. I’m sorry, I hope it was at least a little bit hot, and not too overshadowed by Kylo’s selfish ‘I’ll sleep with her knowing Snoke actually wants me to impregnate her, I’m sure if I simply ignore this fact and don’t tell her, everything will be fine’ dumbassery. ;-)
> 
> The next chapter will be the Part II finale, called ‘Meltdown’. This should tell you everything.


	27. Meltdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which the beast is let off the chain.]

**Part II, Chapter XVI - Meltdown** **  
** _ [In which the beast is let off the chain.] _

~o0o~

“So. You won’t even wait until morning.” Kylo Ren said upon opening his eyes. Once more, they were in the interrogation room of Starkiller Base, opposite each other. But there was one fundamental difference to the scenario as they both remembered it: here, Kylo Ren was the one strapped to the chair, and Rey was sitting opposite, waiting for him to wake up.

“Why would I? I know I’ll have even less of a chance to get answers from you then,” Rey said.

He met her gaze calmly. “Are you sure you’re up to this, though? It’s been weeks since we did this last time.”

“I am much stronger now, in no small part thanks to you,” Rey stated equally calmly. “And I know exactly what I want.”

She got up and walked over to him. “Somehow, my parents’ full background is directly connected to this ‘bad fate’ that is waiting for me. And now you will tell me what it is.”

As before, he remained completely silent when questioned about this topic, but he made no move to break out of his restraints, either. Maybe he was curious how far she would be willing to go - and Rey would not leave him in any doubt as to that.

“You know how this goes. You can tell me now, or I’ll take the information from you,” she said aggressively.

“You will find out soon enough.” He didn’t sound malicious, merely resigned, distant. Rey found herself becoming angry.

“Don’t pretend to be so uninvolved in whatever is going to happen. Don’t pretend to be sorry. If you truly were sorry, you would just let me go. But you aren’t going to, are you? That makes you complicit. Whatever is coming for me, you are going to let it happen. Aren’t you?”

At that, he raised his head and met her gaze, his eyes suddenly taking on a wild glint.

“Yes, in fact I am. You should have realised as much when you struck your deal with me on Ahch-To. When you watched me murder my father. Do not expect mercy from the monster,  _ scavenger _ . Don’t rely on it. I taught you better than that.”

Rey felt a knot form in her stomach at his cruel words full of darkness and self-loathing. But she was done feeling sorry for him. She had to look out for herself.

“You did teach me well. You taught me to take what I need instead of asking nicely for it,” she hissed. “And I will.”

Her hand shot out as she threw her mind at him like a pointed spear, and his defenses went up immediately. Kylo Ren gasped, clearly in pain, but Rey, too, gritted her teeth. Even though they already shared a bond, breaking further into Kylo Ren’s mind was like trying to worm her way through barbed wire, his mind cutting into hers as she delved into his. It was dangerous. Luke had warned her about never doing this.

Rey had penetrated the uppermost layers of his mind now, and there was -- herself, primarily, from his point of view. Images and scenes she remembered, experiences they had shared. Their most recent passionate encounter reigned prominent, and to Rey they suddenly seemed like images from somebody else’s life.

That had been then, and now was now. They were back to being at war.

Rey gritted her teeth and pressed on. Kylo Ren was straining against the chair now, seeking to break her control over the dream with an onslaught of pure force, but Rey held on to it with an iron will. Bouquets of images opened all around her; his thoughts, emotions, it was all there. And from amongst them, one unexpected memory sprang out on her as if he had wanted her to see it: Luke in his pod, surrounded by guards, being taken off the  _ Finalizer  _ and locked up somewhere far away. Him waking up, talking to Kylo Ren.

Rey gasped and pulled back from his mind in shock. This was a recent memory.

“You took him away while I was meditating,” she growled furiously.

Kylo Ren was hanging limply in the chair without looking at her, breathing deep, laboured breaths. But then his head snapped up, a tint of redness in his dark, strangely shiny eyes, and his voice took on a decidedly malicious, cruel tone.

“That’s right. He’s gone. You can’t save him, he can’t save you. You’re on your own. So stop fighting. It is useless now. The Supreme Leader has already made the decision.”

_ On my own. _ His words had meant to demoralise her, but suddenly, to Rey, they sounded almost liberating. Yes, she was on her own. But hadn’t she always been? 

“ _ What decision? _ ” She growled, and plunged into his mind once more. He actually screamed out this time, pushed back hard. Rey felt his and her own pain course through her, but she didn’t mind anymore. Pain was a kind of power, too, Kylo Ren himself had taught her that.

_ You can use it to your advantage. Embrace it, transform it into power, let it fuel you. _

She took the sensation of agony, twisted it around, and added it to her assault. He groaned through clenched teeth, but if he thought she would show mercy here, now, he was dead wrong.

Old images surfaced now. There was one of Chewbacca carrying a very young, dark-haired boy on his shoulders. Ben Solo, training as Padawan under Luke. Light tunic, thoughtful expression on his youthful face, perhaps slightly brooding. Meditating. Whispers in the dark. Snoke.

“Get out,” he groaned, pushing her back forcefully.

“Tell me.” Rey demanded. “Tell me the truth, and I will.”

He did not reply, and for the first time Rey wondered if he  _ wanted  _ her to hurt him. Perhaps whatever secret he held was so bad that he wanted her to claw it out of his mind in the most agonising way possible.

But Rey was out of patience with Kylo Ren’s games. Though her heart clenched anxiously, she pressed on, knowing she was on the right path. There were many memories of Snoke, years and years of them, and they were mixed up with a whole array of emotions: awe and fear, trust and complete confidence, and most recently, doubt and confusion.

“There,” she whispered, increasing the pressure, aiming for the most recent ones.

“Damn you,” he whispered hoarsely, pushing back, trying to tear the memory from her grasp.

And then she saw it - the entire exchange.

_ You are the last heir to that glorious line -- I have been waiting for you since before you were born -- a secret station I had built, the Respite -- You’re breeding humans for force-sensitivity -- I was already intending to cross you with another high-potential -- I made her specifically for you -- have her relocated to the Respite where she can serve her purpose of carrying your offspring -- Think about the Skywalker line. Don’t make me breed the girl with your uncle instead. _

Rey gasped as she both retreated and was expelled from his mind at the same time.

“You--” She cried, but broke off as pain wrecked her head. He, too, was in agony, but was now throwing all his power against her hold on this scenario. The interrogation chamber fell away as Rey focussed all her control on holding him down, simultaneously trying to process what she had just learned.

She was a product of an experiment on her mother. Of a schedule to produce a candidate that would one day be crossed with the Skywalker line. And this was what both her her parents had been victims of, too - a programme in which humans were kept like livestock.

Rey’s head whipped around, slowly advancing on his struggling form.

“That was your goal all along? Just now, when we--” Her voice broke, horrified at the implication.

She had opened herself to him because she had assumed he had had no ulterior motives other than loneliness, longing and desire - just like herself. But that wasn’t true, was it? He had already known about Snoke’s plan for them both. No, more than that - he had specifically set out to do his master’s bidding; to get her pregnant, to turn her into human cattle. His deceptive gentleness, his asking for permission every step of the way, a means to an end. He had deceived her in the worst possible way.

But she had ceded to him the power to hurt her like this in the first place, hadn’t she? If she had not given in to her own weakness, he could never have done  _ this  _ to her, a betrayal worse than if he had simply shipped her off to that ghastly station without warning or explanation. No, he had wanted to  _ humiliate  _ her before doing so. This was  _ Kylo Ren _ . And she had let him get to her. She had invited him in. What had she expected, really?

Something in Rey broke.

_ Make him pay _ , something in her whispered.  _ For everything. _

Her saberstaff was in her hands now. In her state of agitation, Rey’s control over the dream was slipping fast, allowing Kylo Ren to break out of his chair. She felt another stab of pain at him throwing his entire weight against her control, but she didn’t care anymore. All she cared about was ending him.

Blind with rage and with a feral cry, she launched herself at him as he was still struggling to get up. He managed to deflect it just barely, so that instead of being stabbed through the heart, the staff went through his left shoulder.

Rey heard the beast scream within her, raging against the chains that held it down, but she did not try and control it anymore. The force rushed through her like a maelstrom, her own anger searing her from within, and she gripped Kylo Ren with the force, overwhelmed him, crushed him, punched him again and again.

He was still Kylo Ren however, an opponent to be reckoned with. Even after this, with his horrible wound, he pushed back at her, managed to get back up and, as Rey’s control over the dream was slipping into a storm of blind rage, summoned his lightsaber to meet hers.

“I never wanted what the Supreme Leader wants for you,” he shouted through his pain, just barely deflecting her brutal blows. Were those actual  _ tears  _ in his eyes?

“Don’t give me that!” She screamed. “You just told me you will let it happen! To not expect mercy! Waxing on about how it’s all for some kind of greater good, you were going to give me up to something like that! Admit to what you are doing, at least! What you are! Monster!”

Each sentence had been another strike until, with a sizzle, their weapons locked.

“Yes! I am a monster!” He was yelling back at her now, radiating rage, loathing and pure darkness. “Your first assessment of me was correct. How many times must you see it until you believe it? I told you, time and again, not to rely on my weakness, to not expect mercy, and now you act surprised? Did you really think you,  _ you  _ could turn me back to the light? Stupid little girl! You’re nothing-- nothing but a good fuck!”

Tears were now freely running from Kylo Ren’s face, but Rey was too furious to see, or care about them. She howled in wordless rage, and her next blow ripped his saber out of his hands. He lunged for her staff, and they grappled for it until Rey head-butted him straight in the face and kicked him in the chest as he doubled over. Dropping her saber, she grabbed him by the collar and punched, with her bare, bruised fists and the force, again and again, overcome by a rage she had never known she was even capable of feeling.

Kylo Ren, face full of tears and blood, looking at her through swollen eyes, smiled.

“Look at you. Where is your code now,  _ Jedi _ ?”

Her face still contorted into a mask of fury, her knuckles bloodied, Rey paused and looked down at Kylo Ren who had slumped onto his knees before her.

He had hunted, haunted and hurt her. Had kidnapped and threatened her. Had trained her, taught her and pushed her forward, had made her stronger. Had sent her to the darkside, and pulled her back from it. Had nearly killed her on several occasions, and had saved her life on others. She had seen all of him, the worst of his darkness as well as that tiny flicker of light that kept calling to her forlornly. Finally, he had kissed her, touched her like no other person ever had, had made her feel wanted. And then he had betrayed her.

Rey pulled his unresisting body close to her face, and put her lips close to his ear.

“Light side or the dark, I don’t care anymore. I will destroy the First Order. I will destroy  _ you _ .”

_ I will put you down for all that you did to me. And I will enjoy it, oh yes. I will make you bleed, tear you limb from limb. _

The beast within her raged and howled and threw itself against its restraints, and Rey, staring deep into his eyes, let go off the chain.

Kylo Ren closed his eyes.

_ Come, Rey. Deliver me. _

~o0o~

The shockwaves rippled through the network of force, along its many links and bonds throughout the galaxy. Light years away from the  _ Finalizer _ , they trickled down onto a planet, down into a secret base, down to a particular cell.

Luke Skywalker sat bold upright.

“Oh, no,” he whispered.

~o0o~

On D’Qar, General Organa started. Her head whipped around towards the ceiling, looking towards something unseen, far away.

“Ben.”

 

 

**[End of Part II]**

[to be continued]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part II, done! I’m going to take a very very small break of just a very few days at this point - the earlier chapters of Part III still need more work. Even this short, last chapter of Part II is too rushed and unpolished, but I'm tired and drunk and my English is too herp-derp right now to make it any better. orz
> 
> Looking at the last two chapters strategically, I realised this plot sort of tells us “the maiden fell to darkness the moment she gave up her virginity to the bad wolf”, supporting the “sex is bad” trope, which was not my intention at all. I know, I know - don’t explain it afterwards, make it evident in the damn story. But I’m not good enough a writer, so have an explanation:
> 
> In this fic, Rey is not as perfectly self-aware and impermeable to Kylo’s bullshit as she likes to think she is. The whole “I do not expect anything from a murderer and torturer” bit for example in chapter 2-11 for example: despite her claims, and despite his own warnings not to do so, she does end up investing emotionally in Kylo. It’d be unfair to judge her, because she can see straight into Kylo’s mind - she KNOWS his feelings for her are 100% genuine, and that they come from his hopeful little flicker of light. She simply underestimates how broken he truly is, despite all evidence, his own words, and her own experience. So she chooses to trust him so far as to make herself vulnerable to him, and this is what ultimately sends her to the dark side. Her strength - believing in the light in him - becomes her tragic flaw.
> 
> As for Kylo, it was almost painful to write him in this chapter - malicious, sad, selfish, resigned and mad all rolled into one. Oh, and very suicidal. This Kylo is utterly at his end, and for all intents and purposes, he dies with this chapter. Stay tuned to see how and why he puts himself back together.
> 
> Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for your feedback. You’re making this all worth it. I'm starting to develop a serious sleep deficit, but I have not had this much fun in fandom in years, and that is thanks to you! x


	28. The Last Voyage of the Finalizer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey and Kylo Ren are seen through the eyes of others.]

~o0o~

 **Part III: Closure** ****  
**Chapter I: The Last Voyage of the** **_Finalizer_ ** **  
** _[In which Rey and Kylo Ren are seen through the eyes of others.]_

~o0o~

When Finn swerved his power chair into the Resistance’s command centre, the mission was already in full swing. All around him, people were in a tense bustle.

“What’s the status, Kaydel?” He asked the operator closest to him.

“Finn, good to see you. Poe has managed to get together a squad of 23 for this mission. They are due to arrive on Ahch-To in about ten minutes,” Kaydel replied.

“23? No, no, that’s nowhere near enough! We’re talking about the _Finalizer_ here. What about the survivors of the Republican fleet? I saw their ships on the airfield outside, why are they not helping?”

Kaydel shook her head with a pained expression. “Admiral Wells says if General Organa wants to risk the survival of the Resistance on a suicide mission to pursue her personal interests, his pilots will not have any part in it. I think some of his pilots really wanted to join us, but they dare not go against his authority.”

Finn sighed in frustration. “I should be out there. I should be helping.”

“Right. Because you’re such an amazing pilot.” Kaydel said with a grin.

“I’m trying, alright?” Finn protested, flustered. “I’m working hard with the simulators, and as soon as I am out of this chair, Poe will--”

“Concentration, everyone, please.” General Organa, standing nearby, demanded. She looked worried, and evidently had no patience for idle chatter right now.

“Yes, Ma’am.” Finn and Kaydel intoned.

Since the devastating attack on the Hosnian system, the Resistance had emerged as the rallying point for anyone willing to fight back against the menace of the First Order. Their ranks, though still meagre, were steadily growing. It was a blessing and a curse at the same time, because Leia Organa’s band of close-knitted, like-minded friends and allies had been enlarged by factions with their own agendas and opinions. The General was still the undisputed leader, but her position now was not one that allowed her to go through with just any reckless mission anymore.

Two weeks ago, the surviving New Republic fleet had, with the help of the Resistance, laid a trap for the First Order which had resulted in a decisive victory. It had been a great surprise to everyone to find that the large swarm of TIE fighters they had destroyed had been deployed by none other than the First Order’s flagship, the _Finalizer_ herself. And what had been even stranger was that the mighty vessel had hung back, had not joined the battle, and instead had been quick to pull out.

For General Organa, this strange behaviour had confirmed her suspicions that her brother and Rey were still being held on that very ship. It had been the first sighting of the _Finalizer_ , the first lead on the missing Jedi in several months full of heart-clenching anxiety.

Since then, the General had bent all her efforts on tracking the elusive _Finalizer_ , and finally, a few days ago, C-3PO’s droid spy network had picked up information that the ship was about to make her way back to Luke Skywalker’s erstwhile hideout. The reason for this was not entirely clear, but a popular theory among the General’s allies was that Luke Skywalker himself had convinced the enemy to return to Ahch-To under some kind of pretense, thus giving the Resistance a chance to strike.

Which led them to today’s mission: an attempt to rescue Luke Skywalker and his apprentice, organised by General Organa, but not supported by every of the newer factions within the Resistance. The death of her husband had made the General act irrational, it was muttered among the newly-joined; she was led by personal interest, bent on saving her brother no matter the cost - a man who had previously outright refused to help the Resistance.

Finn shot a secret glance at the General. She must feel - or so he supposed - as if her foundation was crumbling under her feet. But even though Finn had known her for only a short while, he recognised a fighter when he saw one. Even now that she had lost Han, Leia Organa was a rock of strength and dedication. It was unthinkable for Finn to imagine how a maniac like _Kylo Ren_ could be her son.

The more upsetting it was for him to see the General suddenly freeze, gasp and stare off into the distance for a long moment, as if she was picking up on something so dreadful it robbed her of her usual countenance. This did not bode well.

“General? Is everything alright?” Finn asked, worry growing in him when he saw the General’s weathered face contort into a brief grimace of agony. Were those tears forming in her eyes?

~o0o~

“Ben.” Leia whispered under her breath, for a short moment forgetting where she was and who was around her.

Finn’s voice reached her only from far away, but it helped to snap her out of it. She could not allow herself to space out in the middle of the mission.

Leia nodded slowly in reply, not daring to put into words what she was feeling - a General’s glee, but primarily a mother’s anguish.

“Everything is just fine. We will proceed according to plan,” she managed to say.

_My son._

That something crucial should have happened to one of the highest-ranking Commanders of the First Order just when the Resistance was about to strike was too much of a coincidence. Perhaps all this really had been staged by Luke and Rey. Perhaps they had launched an attack on the inside, to leave the _Finalizer_ vulnerable and in disarray for the Resistance to strike down. Leia could not say for sure. But whatever it was that was going on, “Kylo Ren” was down for the count - she could feel it - and that was good for them. It was _good_. Leia’s heart clenched painfully, and she forced her thoughts away from her son.

This mission was a big risk, maybe too big. Leia had put her heart over her mind, and now she could only pray it paid off. If she failed today, the Resistance as she knew it would be at its end, and she could never hope to launch another rescue mission.

 _Your son is dying._ A treacherous voice supplied, and Leia clenched her hands until her knuckles were white. This was not the time to deal with this.

~o0o~

“Report.” General Hux was standing on the main bridge of the _Finalizer_ , staring out into the darkness of space. Below, the blue planet of Ahch-To shone. An almost poetically fitting place to finally crush the Resistance, on whose speedy arrival he depended.

Just on the other side of the planet, the _Anthelion_ and the _Nexus_ were lying in wait, two Imperial-class Star Destroyers - not as grand and modern as the _Finalizer_ , but still a force to be reckoned with for the motley fleet of starfighters they knew the Resistance had at their disposal.

“The Resistance fell for the trap. They have launched about two dozen X-Wings. We estimate their arrival in just a few minutes.”

“Have all cannons ready.” Hux ordered, calm on the outside but smiling inwardly in anticipation. Today would be a great day for the First Order, he was positive of that.

He had not quite finished the thought, however, when an alarm went off all around the ship. He frowned. Nothing was showing yet on the scanners, not one shot had been fired outside.

“What is it?” Hux shouted angrily. “Who sounded the alarm?”

“Sir!” A stormtrooper shouted, barging onto the bridge. “Kylo Ren’s apprentice has broken out. She is running amok on the upper decks. We can’t stop her!”

“What?” Hux barked. “What the hell is Ren doing? Get him to put a stop to it, now. We can not afford any interference this moment. Don’t stand there, get to it!”

The stormtrooper still hesitated.

“Sir, we-- we think Lord Ren may be-- may be dead.”

Hux stared at the man in utter disbelief. It was in this moment the first Resistance ships shot out of hyperspace around Ahch-To, and the _Finalizer_ immediately opened fire.

“Give the signal to the _Anthelion_ and the _Nexus_.” Hux growled. “And you, Captain Phasma, find out what has happened to Ren, and get together enough troops to take that girl out. Bury her under a pile of bodies if you must, but stop her!”

~o0o~

Chief engineer Guyes sighed as the alarm went off - it was about to start, then. He had never had training as a soldier, and even after many years of working for the First Order military, actual battle situations still made him uneasy.

Together with his colleagues, he was busy supervising the hundreds of kyber crystal-powered turbolasers of the _Finalizer_ \- it was new technology, and while powerful, the lasers’ power levels required constant watching and documentation, as sometimes they tended to fluctuate. Guyes had climbed down to a control station on this particular turbolaser, and was now looking further down the closest shaft to where the crystals were located. The readings on his datapad oscillated wildly, as if some nearby turbulence was affecting them.

“These crystals may be all the rage nowadays, but I prefer traditional turbolasers,” Lonny complained next to him. “The readings are all over the place today. If the cannons fail during battle, we’ll probably get all the blame.”

Guyes heard a soft thud behind him as someone jumped off the small ladder down to their little platform. Without looking up from his pad, he called out.

“Good timing, Ern. Go out onto the catwalk and check on the opposite shaft. Power is fluctuating like crazy in that one for some reason.”

He heard Ern walk away. A moment later his datapad told him that the power in the opposite shaft was doing anything but stabilising. In fact, it was steadily rising. Fast.

“Hey, it’s you! What are you--?” Guyes heard Lonny call out, which made him look up.

“Holy bantha shit!” He cursed. It was not Ern out on the catwalk, it was Rey, the girl from the workshop he had taken with him to the Toolbox on her first evening. She was wearing a dark robe that was too big for her, and - bizarrely - no shoes. In her hands was the staff she had been working on so industriously all this time, completed and glowing in a bright blue.

And as he was watching in disbelief, Rey brought it around in a lethal twirl and cut down Lonny in front of her. Guyes gasped in horror as he watched his friend collapse and slowly slide off the catwalk.

The ageing engineer was frozen to the spot, could not believe what he was witnessing. The likeable young girl who had worked, drunk and laughed with him and his team had killed Lonny in cold blood, and now she was doing-- something, he did not know what, but his datapad emitted a shrieking sound of alarm as the turbolasers’ energy levels approached a critical degree. He had to do something.

“Rey! What are you doing? Get down from there right now!” Edging out of the control station, a blaster trained on her, Guyes called out to the girl. Her head whipped around, the blaster was torn from his grip, and Guyes felt himself lifted into the air by invisible hands. He was choking, unable to move.

Rey had stretched out her weapon towards him in a commanding gesture, the other she was holding out over the shaft. Guyes did not need his tablet to know the crystals below were out of control. Damned he was if he knew how, but she was charging them somehow with her bare hands - overcharging them, coloring them in a dark red. They were going to blow; any second, they were going to blow.

Now Rey was looking directly at him. She was not all there, he could tell that much. Blood had flowed down her nose and her neck, smeared and dried red lines that gave her a spooky impression of having war paint on her face. But worst was her stare - cold, dark and utterly merciless. Even now, Guyes could not believe it.

 _I sure as hell hope the Commander won’t rub off on you too much, or else I’ll have to fear for my life around you._ He had been joking then. _She’s a Jedi. She could take your head clean off._ Tilda had said to Ern. They had all been joking.

“Please. Rey,” he croaked. “It’s me, Guyes. Remember? We went for drinks together. Please, you don’t have to--”

Her unmoving expression was the last thing Guyes saw before his neck broke with a crunch. He did not live to see himself being flung down the shaft towards the overcharged crystals sizzling with a dangerous red energy.

Then, the turbolaser went up in one big explosion.

~o0o~

Having delegated the order to go after the girl to her sergeants, Phasma got onto the other task Hux had given her: finding out what had happened to Kylo Ren. Soon she crossed the trail of death and destruction the girl had left in her wake and followed it going the other way. The rampage’s origin was the same as her goal - Kylo Ren’s quarters. That did not look good.

True enough, when Phasma arrived there, she found the place utterly wrecked. Two stormtrooper guards shuffled their feet nervously as she stepped through the broken door.

“Captain.” One of the guards saluted. “We left everything as we found it.”

Kylo Ren was lying motionless on his bed, apparently stark naked under his blanket. His face was full of blood that had seeped not only from his nose, but his tear ducts and his ears as well. What was disturbing was that his eyes were half open, and so was his mouth, drooling a little. He was breathing, even, and ever so slightly, his eyelids twitched. But aside from that, all life, all spirit seemed to have left him.

“What are you two doing? The Commander is obviously still alive. Get him to sick bay this instant,” Phasma ordered angrily. Kylo Ren reduced to this was an unsettling sight - he was not unconscious, he was catatonic. As if his brain had died and had left behind an empty shell of a body reduced to the most basic of functions.

Despite what had happened in the gym the other day, Phasma felt somewhat sorry for the man. More importantly, she knew that even in their current situation she needed to make the safety of Snoke’s disciple her top priority, or else the Supreme Leader would-- well. Phasma had seen what he had done to that girl during her interrogation. She would rather shoot herself with her own blaster than risk displeasing Snoke.

As the two stormtroopers busied themselves to pick up the empty shell of Kylo Ren, wrapped in his blanket for modesty, the Finalizer was suddenly racked with a series of explosions somewhere in its underbelly, the tremors of which Phasma could still feel up here, several decks higher.

“Captain!” The comlink in her helmet came to life; it was one of her sergeants. “The girl is blowing up the turbolasers one by one, and the engineering workshop is on fire. The blast doors in the entire sector are jammed and won’t close.”

“Pull back, then, contain the fire in a wider area. The blast doors can hardly all have been destroyed. Where is she?” Phasma answered.

“Still at large, ma’am. We lost her in the smoke,” her sergeant replied, sounding a little helpless. “Blaster fire does not seem to faze her. It’s like what you told us about the gym incident, but much worse.”

Phasma felt the little hairs on the back of her neck rise up as the seemingly invincible _Finalizer_ around her shuddered under an unseen onslaught and the fearsome Kylo Ren, bloodied and near-dead, was carried past her towards the corridor. This was bad. Very bad. Her gut feeling had never failed her.

“You two. Change of plans,” Phasma said, addressing the guards. “I will take the Commander to the _Anthelion_. Carry him to his command shuttle, it’s parked in Bay 4. I’ll notify the Supreme Leader.”

In a moment of farsightedness, Phasma looked around the room. Kylo Ren’s lightsaber was on the ground, and a part of the walls had been slashed open and torn down to reveal a safe. Presuming all this had been the girl’s work, she had not bothered to take everything with her - there was a second lightsaber, a data cube and a small satchel left. Along with the discarded saber on the floor, Phasma gathered the contents of the safe, stuffing everything into Kylo Ren’s horrible helmet. If the _Finalizer_ really was doomed - as her instinct persistently claimed, but her mind refused to acknowledge - then surely Kylo Ren would want these things later.

Presuming he ever recovered from the state he was in.

~o0o~

“Status,” General Organa requested clippedly. Judging from the faces of the operators around her, they did not have good news.

“The _Finalizer_ isn’t alone. There are two more Star Destroyers coming around Ahch-To now, Imperial-class ones.”

 _A trap, then._ Leia closed her eyes, indulging in a split second of despair. The First Order had turned their own feint back on the Resistance. That meant Luke and Rey were most likely not even on board anymore.

“Taking on the _Finalizer_ was already reckless, but two more Star Destroyers to take us into crossfire?” One of the officers who had joined more recently - she had forgotten his name - said breathlessly. “General, we need to call off this mission immediately.”

“We can’t give up now!” Poe Dameron’s voice rang through the communicator. “Something is happening on the _Finalizer_. The turbolasers are being blown up one by one, even with the shields still up. We have help on the inside!”

“What do you mean, being blown up?” Leia asked, astonished, but the pilots could not really offer more information than that.

“Oh my! That does sound like Master Luke,” C-3PO suggested excitedly to general cheering, but Leia privately begged to differ. If the First Order really had laid this trap for them, surely they would not be so mad as to keep Luke Skywalker on board. Was this Rey’s doing, then? Did it have to do with what she had felt about Ben earlier?

“I sure wish our secret helper did something about the _Finalizer’_ s shields while they’re at it,” Poe Dameron interjected through the comlink.

“Keep up the good work, everyone,” Leia said, steadying her voice. “Dodge the other two ships best you can and concentrate on taking down the _Finalizer_.”

_The ship that holds my son._

~o0o~

Fear and uncertainty began to spread through the _Finalizer_ ’s crew. The soldiers were trained for battle situations, but what did not particularly help morale along were rumours of a force wraith going around the ship, wreaking havoc on their battle stations. Kylo Ren was dead, it was said, killed by his own apprentice who was now satiating her thirst for blood on the crew. That fit with the gruesome stories about the two force-users that had been running around the ship for weeks now.

Captain Phasma hurried her steps towards Shuttle Bay 4 while coordinating her troopers’ hunt for the fugitive via comlink. She had only stopped to open a priority channel to the Supreme Leader and inform him about the state she had found Kylo Ren in, hurrying to say she was getting him to safety before Snoke could take out his anger on the messenger. And angry, the Supreme Leader certainly had been, especially at hearing the girl was on a rampage somewhere on the ship. But instead of wasting more time, Snoke had instructed Phasma to guard Kylo Ren’s life with her own, and had sent her on her way to the _Anthelion_.

According to her sergeants, the girl was working her way through the turbolasers on the upper decks of the _Finalizer_ now. Apparently, the greatest difficulty was locating her in the smoke-filled, chaotic corridors, in which too many troopers either fell to friendly fire or were struck down by her from the shadows. Phasma had to trust that her troops would eventually be able to subdue her, and she fully intended to come back and make sure of it after dropping Kylo Ren off on the _Anthelion_.

Bay 4 was comparatively deserted - it held the crafts for ground operations as well as the more specialised vessels, such as Kylo Ren’s personal Upsilon-class command shuttle. Phasma had caught up to the two guards who were just now loading the vegetative body of the Commander onto his ship. She was glad that only a few soldiers were witnessing this morale-destroying picture of the terrifying Kylo Ren brought low, wrapped into a blanket like into a funeral shroud, being carried off clandestinely. Phasma climbed in after them, and readied the shuttle for departure.

“Captain Phasma requesting clearance for the command shuttle from Bay 4. Shield our route to the _Anthelion_.”

“Phasma, what are you doing? What is the situation regarding the fugitive?” Hux’s voice hollered through her comlink.

“Special orders from the Supreme Leader. I am taking Kylo Ren to the _Anthelion_. I will be back as soon as--”

She stopped as she heard the commotion on the other end of the comlink. Hux was shouting something, there was the sound of blaster fire - and the unmistakable hum of a lightsaber just before the connection broke down.

“All hands to the main bridge.” Phasma hurriedly switched channels to alert her troopers. “The General is under attack. Do not let the assailants get at shield control.”

She had risen from her seat almost automatically, wanting nothing more than to turn back herself - but the Supreme Leader had given her very clear instructions as to how her priorities were ranked. With one disgruntled glance at the catatonic Kylo Ren in the back of the shuttle, Captain Phasma dropped back into her seat.

“Captain, you are cleared for takeoff,” Bay security informed her, and the command shuttle left the hangar and plunged into the warzone ahead.

~o0o~

The phantom was upon them, right there down the corridor. The troopers guarding the main bridge were raining a veritable barrage of blaster fire at the dark-clad figure, but the blue whirl of her staff deflected every single shot. More than enough shots were being thrown right back, in fact, hitting troopers, operators and valuable equipment on the bridge. It spoke for the discipline of the crew that not a single operator abandoned their post, but instead concentrated on the battle raging outside between the _Finalizer_ and the Resistance. Only the best of the best got to serve on the flagship.

“Close the blast doors!” Hux screamed angrily. Terror climbed up his throat, seeing the figure from afar. She was here for him, he suddenly realised, here for revenge, for what his men had done to her in the hangar, and the allegations he had made against her which had led to her torture. He thought he could feel her merciless stare even from this distance.

The heavy blast doors were slammed shut, and for a moment, breathless, relieved silence reigned on the bridge among the operators and the guards - until a blue point of light emerged on the door and slowly cut its way through the heavy steel. Terrified, but uselessly, the guards on the bridge opened fire once more.

White-faced, Hux retreated until his back was on the main command console, perhaps for the first time in his career wishing Kylo Ren was here with him. Hux was a General, he should not have to deal with these kriffing force-users on this kriffing ship in the first place. He clutched his small, elegant blaster and trained it on the spot where she would emerge, willing his hands not to shake.

The first thing to come through the opening the lightsaber had now finished cutting, however, was a mangled service droid that blew up as a barrage of blaster bolts hit it. Instantly, the bridge was filled with smoke, and the dark figure that slipped through the broken door next was only visible by the bright light of her saberstaff.

Hux yelled furiously and fired -- and found himself frozen to the spot, utterly helpless as the lethal shadow flitted across the room, cutting down operators and guards one by one. It was over so fast; screams and gurgles and pleads for mercy, and then silence.

And now she was before him, a barefooted, bloodied, messy-haired figure, slight and skinny and yet the most terrifying creature General Hux had ever come to face with in his career. He could not move, could hardly breathe or speak as she held him in an invisible grip.

“Jedi bitch,” he hissed defiantly. “If you think I’ll lower the _Finalizer_ ’s shields for you, you are sorely mistaken.”

“The shields?” The girl murmured, and for a moment she almost smiled in confusion. “Oh, right. The shields. I’ll come to that later.”

Hux eyes widened as, unceremoniously, she brought her staff around and cut off his right arm below the biceps. With a scream, he collapsed, and howled in hatred and fury at the girl standing over him.

“I’m going to let you live,” the girl said silkily. “Because I want you to go to your Supreme Leader and tell him that no matter where he tries to hide, I am coming for him.”

Hux wouldn’t stop screaming bloody murder, and so the girl bent down to him. “It hurts, doesn’t it?” She said softly, staring into his bloodshot eyes. “Believe me, this is nothing against what Snoke did to me, you son of a bitch. So, do you feel like giving me the code for the shields?”

“Go to hell, you stupid whore! Long live the First Order!” Hux screamed, his rage and pain instilling a death-defying bravery he himself had not thought he had in him.

The girl smiled humorlessly and lifted her hand to the side of his face. “I was hoping you would say that.”

~o0o~

“ _Finalizer_ shields are down!”

Shouts and cheers went up on the Resistance base as the pilots on the frontline announced the happy fact.

“Incredible!” - “They must have attacked the main bridge to do that!” - “Master Skywalker is a legend, even after all these years.”

Leia was surprised at herself over with how little cheer this development filled her. She felt a deep-seated unease - something was not right, not right at all. But she could not stop for gut feelings now.

_Ben. Luke. Rey. Please be safe._

“Alright. Resistance - bring her down!” She yelled amidst a roar of more cheers.

~o0o~

The lone TIE/sf fighter landed on the island where Luke Skywalker had lived for so many years. Its beautiful cliffside was ravaged, destroyed, deserted, and looked especially bleak in the drizzling rain under Ahch-To’s grey skies.

The pilot who was now exiting the craft did not register any of this. She took a few dreamlike steps before falling to her knees onto the muddy ground, exhausted.

Rey looked up to the overcast skies.

Miles away, way out over the ocean, a mountain was falling from the clouds. Rey watched the giant, smoldering shape of the _Finalizer_ hit the surface like a comet. Here was a giant tidal wave in the making, but it was far off still, and she was too high up on the cliff to be bothered by it.

She smiled grimly and new strength flooded through her as she watched the display of the First Order’s pride and joy, brought down, destroyed. _She_ had brought this about. This had been _her_ power. This was _her_ victory.

Rey got to her feet and raised her staff, raising a defiant, triumphant cry at the faraway wreckage, the symbol of every cruelty, every humiliation she had had to endure over the last weeks. The power that had fuelled her through it all was coursing through her body like dark, sweet syrup. Rey took a deep breath and shuddered, feeling her own pain and exhaustion transformed into more of that heavy, succulent power. It was an exhilarating, rushing feeling.

_The dark side. I see it now, Kylo Ren. In the end, you did open my eyes._

But he - he would not see it anymore. Rey had made sure of that, had shattered his mind, torn him to pieces like she had vowed. She could not feel his presence in her mind anymore. All that remained was a faint echo of where he had been, and a great, empty void.

Triumphantly, she watched the distant mountain sink further into its watery grave.

_Kylo Ren - down.  
_ _Hux - down.  
_ _Finalizer - down.  
_ _Watch out, Snoke. I am coming for you next._

[to be continued]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome back to Part III: “Closure”. I was and still am very stressed about this part, because with a dark Rey and a Kylo about to be reborn, I had to leave the established characters and dynamics of this pairing we know and love completely behind and strike out into unknown territory. Also, I could not rely on any of that delicious UST anymore to fuel the suspense (though I’m sure you won’t be surprised to hear there’ll be make-up sex at a later point to offset the heartbreak and the betrayal that their first encounter was wrapped up in).
> 
> Essentially, Part III has to stand entirely on its own, and it will be rather brutal at times - Rey is taking a walk through the dark side after all. If you still want to come along for the ride, I’d be most happy and try my best to keep you entertained. :-) x


	29. Anakin Skywalker's Legacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Kylo Ren is reborn.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys it is 3:30 am in germany and I am fucking drunk after a night out in cologne, but here's the promised chapter. I edited it this afternoon so hopefully it makes more sense than I am currently making. Thank you so much for your reviews, guys, you're fucking amazing is what you are. xxx

**Part III, Chapter II: Anakin Skywalker’s Legacy** **  
** _ [In which Kylo Ren is reborn.] _

~o0o~

_ No pain. _

That was what struck Kylo Ren first and foremost. The headache had stopped. For the first time in forever, the feeling of being torn apart had ceased.

It was peaceful here. It was finally over. Here, he could rest.

_ How dare you.  _ Rey was before him, her eyes full of rage and darkness.  _ Don’t think you get to sleep here. Don’t think I’ll ever let you have peace after what you have done. _

She swung her saberstaff and ran him through with it, and the peace shattered. Everything shattered.

He was falling, and the darkness in Rey’s eyes was all around him.

~o0o~

“Report, General.”

In the meeting room of the  _ Anthelion _ , Hux stood up straight as best he could. The hologram technology on this Star Destroyer was old as the ship itself - the Supreme Leader’s image was flickering and blurry, and the limited size of the room did not allow for Snoke to appear in his usually preferred, giant form. The ire the creature emanated, however, was as palpable and terrifying as it had ever been.

It was a punishment in itself that the Supreme Leader had demanded that Hux, personally and no one else, reported the events. In truth, Hux was not fit to report on anything. He had lost an arm - since his mechno-arm was not ready for attachment yet, his right sleeve hung empty by his side. He had been mind-probed to near-insanity until that little witch had ripped the code for the shields from his mind and he had passed out. That he was even able to stand was a miracle, in large parts due to having been pumped full with painkillers and other stabilizing drugs.

The Supreme Leader appeared not really all that interested in the report itself, anyway, he probably already knew everything that had happened through other sources. This was punishment, plain and simple.

“Supreme Leader, we lost the  _ Finalizer _ ,” Hux said, eyes closed in humiliation. “Along with approximately 40% of its crew. With the combined firepower of the  _ Anthelion  _ and the  _ Nexus _ , we managed to chase off the Resistance and take out a third of their---”

“What of Kylo Ren?” The Supreme Leader interrupted him.

“His condition is unchanged.”

“The girl?”

“Escaped.”

There was a long pause.

“General. Since the loss of Starkiller Base, you have presented me with nothing but failures. I need not tell you how much of a setback the loss of our flagship is. The  _ Anthelion  _ is to be our temporary flag ship until the construction of the  _ Incentive  _ has been completed.”

Hux nodded stiffly. The  _ Incentive  _ was another Resurgent-class Star Destroyer, the  _ Finalizer _ ’s sister ship, but still weeks away from completion.

“I expect you to handle the transfer of the crew. For tomorrow, I am calling all of High Command to a meeting. We must root out the Resistance before their ranks grow further. And that girl, I want her recaptured at all costs.”

“Recaptured?” Hux repeated in disbelief. “Supreme Leader, with all due respect, we should kill her on sight.”

Snoke’s hologram rose, furious. “Do not question my orders, General! Right now she is worth to me more than you are, especially now that Kylo Ren’s life hangs in the balance. She is not to be killed. I want her alive. Do you understand?”

“Understood, Supreme Leader.” Hux said, lips pressed together thinly. He had not thought it possible, but he hated the girl more now than he hated Kylo Ren, and Snoke’s orders put a damper on his plan to exact excruciating revenge, once they had her recaptured.

On the other hand, there were many stages between “alive” and “perfectly fine”, and Hux was planning on pushing the definition of “alive” to the limit.

~o0o~

Finn directed his power chair towards where the victorious starfighters were touching down outside the Resistance base, BB-8 trailing behind with excited little beeps. Poe Dameron had already climbed out of the cockpit of his X-wing and, when he saw the ex-stormtrooper, dropped to the ground to rush towards him, smiling happily. With careful movements, Finn lifted himself out of the chair and, holding on to it for support, straightened up to meet his friend.

“Finn! You’re up and about!” Poe exclaimed.

“Just in time to celebrate your big victory,” Finn said, grinning equally broadly. “I would have loved to be there with you.”

“Next time you will be. You’re making amazing progress with the simulators. Concentrate on getting back to your full strength, and I’ll be happy to show you some off-the-book moves.” Poe clapped his hands around the other man’s shoulder reassuringly, resting his hand there perhaps a little longer than strictly necessary.

“You actually took down the  _ Finalizer _ . The kriffing  _ Finalizer _ . I still can’t believe it. Do you realise what a blow that is for the entire First Order?” Finn shook his head, smiling. But then his expression changed into one of worry. “The General thinks that since it was a trap all along, neither Rey nor Skywalker were on the ship anymore when you got there. But someone had to have blown up all those turbolasers and disable the shields, right? Do you think...”

“Don’t worry. If it was either or both of them, and they managed to do all that, then they damn well got off the ship before it crashed.”

“There’s been no signal, though. No communication from whoever helped us back there. We don’t know where either Skywalker or Rey are. They could have been recaptured.”

BB-8 supplied a few beeps, and Poe smiled.

“He’s right. We’ll try again and again, until we get them back.”

Finn sighed. He longed to see Rey again - he had not woken up from his coma until after Ahch-To had been raided by the First Order, and she had been captured. To him, it felt she had been in captivity ever since the attack on Takodana so long ago, and worse - though rationally he knew it to be silly - it felt as if it was all his fault for being unable to protect her from his own former allies.

It had turned out Rey was a powerful force-sensitive, that much Finn had learnt from General Organa. That explained why Kylo Ren appeared to be so obsessed with capturing her. It made Finn sick to his stomach, imagining her being that man’s prisoner for such a long time. He was brutal. A sadist - Finn’s scars attested to that. It drove him mad to imagine what Rey must have been suffering all this time.

“Finn. You’re brooding again,” Poe said softly, flicking his forehead lightly.

This very moment, all of a sudden, BB-8 started to beep excitedly, and the distinctive high-pitched roar of a TIE fighter engine was audible in the skies above the Resistance base.

“Holy--” both Finn and Poe said simultaneously. There were cries and shouts along the airfield as pilots went for the nearest weapon to train it on the enemy craft that now came into view, touching down on a free patch on the airfield.

“Hold your fire!” The General’s voice yelled as she came rushing out of the base in a great hurry, followed by the giant figure of Chewbacca and a crowd of operators.

“No way.” Finn muttered under his breath as the hatch opened and a dark-robed, barefooted figure climbed out. There was no shock or hesitation in BB-8, however. Beeping wildly, he made a beeline towards his long-lost friend.

Finn was still rooted to the spot as Chewbacca stalked past him with long strides, picking up Rey into a huge embrace as if she weighed nothing.

“See?” Poe said, his infectious smile back in place. “Speak of the devil.”

~o0o~

How long had he been falling, now? How long had it been?

_ Ben. _

A face swam into focus before Kylo Ren, familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.

“Anakin Skywalker.”

_ You thought you were following my wishes. You weren’t. You were fed false visions, all these years. But you’ve know that for a while now, haven’t you? The whispers at night. The whispers from the helmet. _

“I was being deceived.”

_ I tried to reach out to you so many times. But the web of lies was too tight around you. You wouldn’t hear me. _

“And now I’m dying.” Kylo Ren was stating a fact, he knew. Death was coming for him. The great Beyond loomed, and it was not one of peaceful rest.  _ There is no death, there is the force _ … but not for people like him. Not after everything he had done.

_ You can’t die. You have to continue my legacy. _

“I have never done anything but.”

_ What do you think is my legacy? _

Anakin Skywalker’s face slipped away from him once more, no matter how much Kylo Ren tried to hold on to it. He was falling again now, the vision of his grandfather just a brief respite from a never-ending plunge into nothingness.

His mind was coming apart thread by thread, shard by shard. Occasionally he glimpsed pieces of memories, showing him images of other times, other places.

_ I told you you would face your demons eventually.  _ Luke said accusingly, in his cell.  _ And I did ask you not to hurt Rey any further than you already have. Did you even listen? _

“I was going to sacrifice her, too. I would have given her up.” Kylo Ren may be dying, but certain things were much clearer here. No more deceiving himself, no more denial. Here, the darkness was not whispering to him anymore. “How could I have considered it for a minute? I love her.”

_ The crucial difference between Han Solo and me is, I don’t love you, and I will not hesitate to kill you before you kill me. _

Kylo Ren chuckled briefly, almost fondly, and there was Rey now - his Rey, without that horrible darkness - looking at him incredulously, realisation dawning on her face.

_ You are afraid of me. _

“Yes,” he said, and she was so close now, all windswept hair and sun-kissed face, all loveliness. “Because sentiment means weakness. But that is not all.”

_ What else is there? _

“I tried so hard to make you embrace the darkness, because every time I look at you, I feel the call of the light. That last flicker in me that will never go away. The part that brought me to my knees after killing my father. The part that wants to take it all back.”

_ Why is that so scary? _

“Because what I have done can not be taken back. There are deeds so atrocious they cannot be undone. They cannot be atoned for. They can never be forgiven. Not in this lifetime. Not in any lifetime.”

He was now standing on the precarious catwalk once more, and there was his father before him, impaled on his red lightsaber, and before he fell, he touched his son’s face in a tender gesture.

_ Kid, the one person who has not forgiven you is yourself. _

Han Solo fell, and so did Kylo Ren, once more. Shadows flitted around him. There was blood and death and a burning temple. He had tortured, killed so many people.

“I do not deserve forgiveness.”

_ That is up for debate.  _ That was Luke again, in his cell.  _ You certainly do not deserve it if you keep pushing the responsibility for your own actions onto other people. You wanted Rey to kill you, didn’t you? You said all these things so she would destroy you. How selfish of you, nephew. You pushed her into the darkness, you destroyed what you loved because you were too weak to face up to your crimes. _

“I did not know what I was doing. I did not mean to hurt her.” Kylo Ren whispered.

_ Maybe you did not. But in the end, you took into account that it might happen, and you went ahead anyway. _ Luke said in an unforgiving tone.  _ Selfishly going ahead with what suits you best, with no regard to the repercussions or the implications... does that ring a bell in another department? That is exactly what I meant by turning your own agony on her. It seems your own self-hatred is even stronger than your love for her. _

Kylo Ren had no words.

_ You even tried pushing this responsibility onto us. _ Another voice said, a young voice he had never heard before. Breathlessly, Kylo Ren turned around and what he saw shook him profoundly. There was a small boy standing behind him, with black hair like him but looking at him with Rey’s hazel eyes, and a girl next to him of the same age, with eyes as dark as the night, but Rey’s delicate features.  _ We do not even exist, and already you were hoping we would kill you one day. You would burden your own children with something like this, instead of sorting yourself out on your own. _

Rey was there behind the twins now, embracing them protectively, silently shaking her head at him.

These three before him - they were a promise that hung in the air, one possibility of many, one possible outcome of the steps he had taken and might yet take. But if he died here, this scenario would never come to pass. He would be dead, Rey would be lost in the darkness, and these children would never be born.

But what did it matter? He had no claim to Rey. He did not deserve this promise, this outcome. He deserved the death that was coming for him, along with the eternal knowledge that his entire existence had brought nothing but pain and unhappiness to everyone unfortunate enough to cross his path.

And then his own mother’s voice reached him.

_ Children are not something you ‘deserve’. They come into your life, people in their own right, and as a parent you must try your best not to fail them. Some parents do better than others. _

He was ten years old again, and Leia Organa was sitting at her desk clad in elegant robes, writing something and not looking at him. The scratching of her pen was all he heard. She was always busy writing something, he remembered. Always so busy, working tirelessly, only to find her drafts repelled, her speeches ignored, her campaigns crushed. She worked so hard, and it never got her anywhere.

_Have you reconsidered what we’ve been fighting about?_ His mother asked. She was older now, wearing her Resistance uniform, and he was a grown-up in his mask and hood and red saber, on a mission to bring peace and order to the galaxy. And yet she still sat there, writing away and not looking at him.

_Peace through oppression?_ _I’m sure that’s not what your mother taught you._ Rey’s words back on the _Finalizer_ echoed in his mind. 

“It is what history taught me.” Kylo Ren said. “Her way does not work. Nothing ever gets done, all the while the galaxy is falling apart and into war. She has such power, why does she not use it? Why won’t she stop writing? Why won’t she look at me?”

He curled his hand around his lightsaber, getting more and more angry at his mother, who just kept on writing, completely ignorant of the red saber humming dangerously close to her.

“Look at me.” Kylo Ren hissed. “Stop writing your ridiculous drafts and appeals and your speeches and  _ look at me! _ ”

He gritted his teeth and held the lightsaber so close to her face that its red light reflected in her eyes. It was only then that Leia set down her pen very carefully, and finally turned towards her son. Her red-tinted gaze was piercing, and suddenly Ben was ten years old again, wincing under her stern glance.

_ Is that what this is about? Is that why you are doing all this, Ben? Is that why you keep hurting me? Because you think I love the Republic more than I love you? _

They were nearing the truth at the heart of the matter, and Kylo Ren’s voice broke. “You were afraid of me. You abandoned me. You sent me away to throw yourself into your work instead. And for what? If you had used the power given to you, you could have brought peace to the galaxy.”

_ Like you are?  _ Leia’s voice suddenly lost her gentleness, and her eyes grew cold.  _ You with your First Order, raiding villages and blowing up planets, slaughtering civilians and abducting children. And your horrible master, imprisoning humans and breeding them! I don’t know which I had rather have as the truth, Ben: that you are simply doing all these horrible things out of spite, to hurt your old mother, or that you actually believe they are preferable to my way of doing things. On what grounds can you possibly believe that, drenched in innocent blood as you are? Tell me, my son, which is it? What do you truly believe in? What is this greater good you claim to fight for? Do you even believe it really exists? _

Kylo Ren was at a loss.

“I don’t know. I thought I did, but I don’t know anymore.”

Mother and son were staring at each other for a moment.

_ Then know one thing, at least - I was never afraid of you. And no matter how much your father and I fought, I did not stop loving you for a minute. Not even in your darkest hour. Come home to me, Ben. Find your answers, and if you can, come home. I miss you so much. I am so sorry for all the ways in which I have failed you. As I said - some parents do better than others, and I have not done well by you, my son. _

The way her voice broke was too much to bear. With a choking sound in his throat, Kylo Ren reached out to her, but before he could touch her, the vision burst into a myriad of shards, and he was falling again.

~o0o~

This was ground zero. Nothing to fall from, nowhere to fall to. Death. Hell.

“So what do you think is my legacy?” His grandfather was back at his side, and he was not blurry, his voice was not muted, his presence was as real as that of any living person. Kylo Ren took a moment to look at the man in wonder. His form was young, but his eyes betrayed his true age.

This was the legendary Anakin Skywalker. Just a man. Just a human being, conflicted and flawed as any other. As himself.

His legacy - was it not bringing peace to the galaxy with an iron hand? Had Kylo Ren not always pledged all of his actions to this goal? From the moment he had embraced the dark side, maybe even before that, had that not always been his objective? How could he have been so mistaken?

“Who was Anakin Skywalker? Tell me about him.” The man next to him said.

“A prodigy. A genius,” Kylo Ren whispered. “Committed infamous acts upon his ascension to the dark side. Brought peace and order to the galaxy. Waded through seas of blood for the greater good.”

_ Waxing on about how it’s all for some kind of greater good! Admit to what you are, at least! Murderer! Monster! _ Rey was screaming at him.

_ Do you even believe it really exists? _ His mother asked.

“The greater good. Anakin did believe he was right, yes. But how much peace and order was there, in the end, and how much was propaganda? Is it worth it, destroying your own soul just to bring about a different kind of evil? Blood tends to stick to you, no matter how you might try to justify your actions,” the Jedi mused.

“So put aside what it was all for, and look at Anakin’s deeds. Did he deserve forgiveness from his son? One life saved - because of family bonds, basically out of selfishness - weighed against all his murders, all his atrocities. Did such a man  _ deserve  _ forgiveness, even just from a single person?”

“No. No, I don’t think so,” Kylo Ren whispered. 

Anakin smiled faintly. “Happily for us both, forgiveness is not about whether or not you deserve it. It is freely given.”

Rey was looking up to him, lying exhausted in his arms after what he had almost done to her in their ugliest dream encounter, and once more he cringed in shame.  _ I forgive you. _

“Just so,” Anakin said next to him. “I’m sure we both agree that you did not deserve forgiveness at the time, and yet, she gave it to you.”

The other Rey was standing behind him now, in the shadows, barefooted in his own ragged tunic, saberstaff at her side. There was blood on her hands up to her elbows, and darkness flowed all around her.

_ You turned me into this. I’ll make you pay. I’ll destroy you. _

Kylo Ren looked at her, at this twisted shadow of Rey, and regret nearly brought him to his knees. 

She had lost her tears, he realised. That was what was so wrong about this Rey. Until now, no matter how much he had bullied and pressured her - she would cry, and heal, and face him once more the next day even stronger, unbent and unbroken. But he had gone and replaced her tears with pure, burning hatred and anger.

Yes, he had done this to her, he had broken her. He would have sacrificed her to a fate worse than death, because he had believed himself too far gone to do the right thing.

“Rey does not believe I deserve forgiveness. Not anymore.”

“Perhaps in convincing her, you can convince yourself. In saving her, you can save yourself.” Anakin mused.

“How?” He whispered, never taking his eyes off the dark Rey.

“Work it out. Find a way. You can still atone for your sins. Unlike me, you still have time in this world.”

“You’re telling me to atone?”

“Yes. Primarily, atonement is for ourselves. Not for those we hurt. For us. To convince ourselves that we are deserving of the forgiveness others freely bestow.”

Kylo Ren was reeling.

“So your legacy was always…”

“Turn around while you can, set things right before it is too late. Accomplish what I could not. Clear our family’s name from my shame and yours.”

And now he was alone.

For a long time, there was nothing. Kylo Ren stood perfectly still as the force realigned around him. The pendulum, moored in the dark side for so long, was swinging back.

_ I am not Ben Solo. I am Kylo Ren. That is the name of the man who murdered his father, and it is the name of the man who will atone. It is the name of the man who will carry on Anakin Skywalker’s legacy. _

“Don’t be so dramatic about it, kid.”

Han Solo drew up behind him, a childhood smell of leather and machine oil.

“Glad you finally came to your senses. You got your stubbornness from your mother, that’s for sure.”

Kylo Ren breathed out. He did not turn around. He did not need to.

“Forgive me, father.”

There was really no more to say than that. There was a suggestion of a chuckle, and a slap on his back.

“You just watch yourself out there when you go after your girl, alright?”

And then he was gone.

Perhaps, one day, Kylo Ren might feel that he had earned the right to be called by the name “Solo” once more. But for now, he had other things to do.

 

[to be continued]


	30. Leia's Strength

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Kylo Ren is told to go to hell twice, and Rey discovers several rifts.]

**Part III, Chapter III: Leia’s Strength** **  
** _ [In which Kylo Ren is told to go to hell twice, and Rey discovers several rifts.] _

~o0o~

Rey had changed in the time Finn had not seen her. But perhaps that was to be expected. Even Poe had, in a quiet moment, admitted to Finn he still had the occasional nightmare about being interrogated by Kylo Ren - and Rey had been that man’s prisoner for months. Finn thought back to the reputation Kylo Ren had held among the ranks of the First Order: a madman, a torturer, a twisted, deeply unhinged person. No doubt Rey must have suffered a great deal at his hands.

But so far, she had not told him a word of what she had been through. In fact, they had not had a chance to really talk about anything at all.

Rey’s first trip - oddly, considering she did not appear to be hurt - had been to the medbay. Afterwards she had been holed up with just General Organa for several hours. But as soon as Rey left the General’s study, just about every other captain, strategist or pilot on the Resistance began to press her for details about the First Order, about the battle of Ahch-To and whether she knew what had happened to their greatest foes. 

From the distance, Finn watched her exchange brief words with the small crowd around her. She had changed into a more familiar set of clothes - Finn still thought that ghastly ragged robe she had arrived in rather looked like something Kylo Ren would wear - but he still could not help but notice how her entire demeanor differed from when he had seen her last. She was closed off. Her smile, which had been rare at the best of times but had always been warm and genuine, was now brittle, subdued and did not reach her eyes. Her entire air had changed, and though he did not really understand much about spiritual things, he thought he could see a shadow around her.

Finally, her eyes caught his across the room, and she left the group behind to walk over to him.

“Finn. It’s so good to see you again.” That sentiment, at least, was real, and there was a trace of the old Rey as she smiled at him. “How are you?”

_ What have they done to you?  _ He wanted to shout, but forced himself to instead say: “I’m good, thanks! Doctor says I’ll be able to walk again, just gonna have to be patient.”

“I never got to say thank you for what you did for me, on Starkiller Base,” Rey said. It sounded genuine enough, but she would not look into his eyes - as if she was afraid what he might see there. “Sorry for letting myself get captured again like an idiot, after all the trouble you went through for me. They even took Luke. It was my fault.”

Finn snorted. “Hey. Don’t talk like that. None of this is your fault, okay? Anyway - our pilots would never have taken down the  _ Finalizer _ without your help. You’re a hero, Rey! How did you do all of that anyway? How did you get past that” - here, Finn gesticulated at a loss for words, and finally imitated Kylo Ren’s snarl - “black-robed psychopath?”

Rey’s eyes flickered, and Finn instantly realised that he had carelessly taken the conversation to a dark place. Silent for a moment, Rey narrowed her eyes, and Finn’s heart skipped a beat. Her eyes were icy cold.

“I killed him, Finn. I tore him to pieces. He will never hurt you, or me, or anyone ever again.”

Finn stared at her, mouth open, until she turned her dark stare aside. A chill was crawling up his spine - there were so many other questions to follow this particular bit of information. But instead, realising he needed to switch subjects fast, Finn indicated at the staff handle Rey had slung across her back.

“What’s that? Don’t tell me - is that a lightsaber staff?”

Something of a proud smile stole across Rey’s face. She took it off, ignited it, and handed it to her friend. Finn whistled approvingly as he gave it an experimental twirl.

“That’s amazing, Rey. You built that yourself?” A thousand more questions blossomed in Finn’s mind as she nodded. Surely she had not constructed this sleek, beautiful weapon during a two weeks’ stay on a deserted island - she must have made it during her time with the First Order. What had been the nature of her arrangement with Kylo Ren that she, a prisoner, would be allowed to build a weapon such as this? Was it safe to ask?

He looked at her, and she looked back, and there was a chasm of unasked questions and untold stories between them, strongly felt by them both. Rey’s expression was back to looking haunted and closed off, and she extended her hands for her staff which he hastened to hand back to her.

“Sorry, Finn. Can we talk later? I’m really tired.”

She abruptly turned away and stalked off, and Finn could not help himself any longer.

“Rey. I don’t know about all this force stuff, but I know about the First Order better than anyone. I have an idea of what you have been through. I’m here for you, if you want to talk about it. You don’t have to suffer on your own.”

Rey stopped, head halfway turned. But then, with just a short, grateful nod of acknowledgement, she walked off swiftly.

~o0o~

Rey had restless dreams that night. She was back on the  _ Finalizer _ , in the gym, fighting Phasma’s troopers. She was cutting them down with her staff, one by one, but when she took off their helmets, there was Finn’s face under each of them.

Now she was standing over a turbolaser, charging its power to breaking point, and before her, lifted high into the air, Guyes begged for his life. She broke his neck with the force, and unlike that time in the cargo hangar, the feeling of snuffing out his life granted her a rush of power. Sweet, nourishing darkness that pulsed through her, took away her pain, gave her so much strength and security. She needed that rush, needed to feel it again.

And suddenly Kylo Ren was standing there, some distance away, just looking at her. The dream took on another atmosphere. It wasn’t a jumbled mess of a nightmare anymore. It had more purpose.

Rey crouched slightly and all but growled at him. That was impossible.  _ He  _ couldn’t be here. She had destroyed his mind. She had made sure he would be a vegetable for the rest of his miserable life.

“ _ You. _ Go to hell!” Advancing and raising her weapon, she snarled at the vision of him - and it flickered out.

Rey opened her eyes in the darkness of the room she had been assigned on the base, feeling into the force where her bond to Kylo Ren used to be. After all that had happened, would he still be there to haunt her dreams at night, like an echo?

There was… something. There was the slightest trace, the suggestion of his force signature. But it was not quite  _ him _ . It felt like an unfamiliar smell on a familiar person.

_ If you are still there, if you dare cross my path again, I will put you down for good.  _ Rey pushed this threat at their force bond for good measure, but there was no reply.

Realising sleep would not be her friend tonight, Rey sat up. BB-8, who apparently had decided to never leave her side again, beeped a question.

“I’m going for a walk - no. Alone.” She closed the door on his dejected little noises.

Rey stepped out into the cool night air of D’Qar, indicating a wave at the guards to put them at ease. That was when she realised General Organa was sitting on a bench not far away, looking at the sky, a sorrowful expression on her pale face. Hurriedly, Rey turned into another direction, but it was too late; she had been spotted.

“Rey,” the General called. “If you don’t mind, please come sit with me for a minute.”

Hesitantly, Rey turned towards her. Their earlier conversation had been awkward enough as it was, and it had been General Organa who, overcome with distress at what she had learnt from Rey about her son, had asked for a break and some time alone. Here and now, however, sitting in the cool night air, it seemed she had collected herself enough to continue their conversation.

Leia scooted over on the bench, and motioned for Rey to have a seat. Rey was flustered to see that the General’s eyes were reddened, as if she had been crying, and she quickly looked down at her own hands. 

Earlier, she had told the General the gist about her time spent with Kylo Ren - but not the whole thing, especially not the parts towards the end. That was too intimate, too personal. However, to explain what had triggered her rampage on the  _ Finalizer _ , she had told the General what she had found out about Snoke’s force-sensitive breeding programme, about her parents, and about what Snoke had intended for herself and Kylo Ren.

_ I killed her son.  _ Rey thought, sneaking a quick glance at General Organa. The force knew Kylo Ren had deserved it - but the General certainly had not.

“Rey, about what you said earlier. I don’t know if Ben is really gone - but even if he is, I want you to know I hold no grudge against you.”

Rey nodded slowly. Unsure how to react, she turned the conversation on Leia’s only other remaining family.

“My plan had always been to escape with Luke. I did not realise they would take him off the ship. I’m afraid after what I did, Snoke will execute him. I’m so sorry, General,” Rey said. But Leia suddenly gripped her hands, pressed them almost painfully.

“No, I’m sorry. I’ve figured it out. Why there is this darkness around you. Why you went to medbay first thing upon coming here. And then with what you told me about that ghastly programme. Ben, he--” Her voice broke, she could not bring herself to say it. “I have no words, Rey, for what my son has done to you.”

“What he has-- No!” Realising what the General meant, Rey jumped up from the bench, slipping her hands out of the Leia’s, heart clenching in embarrassment and confusion. How to put everything that had happened into words? “That’s not what-- he has not raped me.”

She couldn’t tell the General -  _ Kylo Ren’s mother, for crying out loud!  _ \- the whole story. This was already awkward enough as it was. She could not tell her how in her own foolish weakness, she had made herself vulnerable to him. How his betrayal had fuelled her rage, had made her unleash the darkness inside her. Had given her the power to do what everyone here lauded her as a great hero for. She hadn’t been heroic. Not in the least.

“He was going to put me into that programme though. He seemed disturbed by the concept himself, called it a ‘bad fate’, but he would have obeyed Snoke. That’s when I knew I had to escape at all costs.”

The two women sat next to each other in embarrassed silence for a moment. Rey fidgeted, unable to gauge what General Organa might know, or have sensed, and that alone signalled to Leia that there was a mountain of things Rey was not telling her and which, probably, she should not press into.

“Is it true you never pursued your heritage because you were afraid of falling to the dark side?” In truth, Rey had wanted to ask the General this for a long time, but now she blurted it out simply to say something, anything.

Leia frowned. “Is that what my son told you?”

In truth, it was a combination of what both Luke and Kylo Ren had said at some points, but mostly Rey’s own guesswork. Leia seemed to sense it, and continued.

“Rey. Darth Vader may have been my sire, but as far as I’m concerned, my real father was Bail Organa. A politician. A good man. His legacy is the one I’m pursuing. Peace is not self-evident, but hard work, and it certainly won’t be maintained by waving lightsabers around.”

Rey looked at the General in amazement, at the lines in her face that spoke of a lifetime of sleepless nights and grievous suffering. But the light in her eyes - it was something else. She had seen it before in Luke, whenever he spoke of his nephew. Never had Rey perceived the similarity between the twins as keenly as right now.

“My fight is different from yours or Luke’s,” the General went on. “It’s not about offensive strength, but unwavering endurance, about sticking to your guns even if everything around you crumbles. I was not able to impart these ideals onto my son, however. There is nothing of Bail Organa in him, and too much of Anakin Skywalker. It is why Snoke was able to get to Ben with the promise of a swift solution relying on aggressive power.”

“Peace through oppression.” Rey murmured, remembering her argument with Kylo Ren.

“It is my fault in the end.” Leia said softly. “I sent him away instead of keeping him close and trying to make him see things my way. And now I’ve lost my son, and my husband, and the galaxy is back at war. Everything I’ve ever worked for, it has all been for nothing.”

Rey was almost overpowered. The sight of Leia Organa, marked by grief and regret, brought out a surge of compassion in herself that nearly choked her and cleaved through the lingering darkness in her own mind. And yet, despite her words, despite everything, the light never left the General’s eyes. She sat up straight, determined.

“But I will keep going. This is a battle of convictions, and I will show Ben that ultimately my way is the right one.”

There was another long pause, but this time it was not awkward, but profound. Rey dared hardly breathe.  _ Such power.  _ She had seen it in Luke Skywalker, and now she was seeing it in Leia Organa, however much the woman proclaimed to abstain from her heritage - the force was in her, around her, shone like a star. For a moment, Rey was utterly mesmerised.

_ It is weakness.  _ The darkness inside her, sweet and heavy, whispered.  _ Look what she has suffered unnecessarily. All this grief, all this loss could have been prevented if she had embraced her power actively. But I can make it stop. I can make it right. I will destroy the person who caused all this. _

“It was never your fault. It was Snoke.” Rey muttered darkly.

“Snoke.” There was immeasurable sadness in Leia’s voice then. “That man stole my son. I knew from the beginning he was after Ben only because of who my father had been. I just can’t believe he would go so far as to create an entire laboratory around continuing my family line. How disgusting.”

Leia looked up into the night sky.

“I know I have no right to ask this of you, Rey. But please help me defeat Snoke. He is threatening the galaxy, but more than that, he has taken everything I hold dear from me. My son, my husband, and now he even has my brother.”

Rey’s eyes hardened. “You don’t have to beg me. I’ve already decided I will put an end to Snoke and his project. I will make sure Snoke is there to see it burn to the ground. And then I will put him down.”

There was such a coldness in her voice, it made the General look at her anxiously. 

“I’m not a Jedi, Rey,” she said carefully. “I made a conscious choice not to go down this path. But I know about the temptation of the dark side. Wherever he is, I know the last thing Luke wants for you is to lose yourself in revenge. I will need your help, yes. But I don’t want you to walk down a path of darkness.”

_ Too late for that _ , Rey thought absently. What once had filled her with horror was now just a matter of fact, really. Yes, she had seen the strength of the light in Leia and in Luke. Once, it had been hers, too, but not anymore. She had made a vow to destroy Snoke, and for that she needed a different power than the quiet martyrdom and melancholy endurance that marked the life of the Skywalker twins.

Anyway, it had turned out the dark side wasn’t so bad, after all. The First Order was evil, plain and simple, and she was using the dark side’s offensive power to take it down. That was a good thing, wasn’t it? Intentions were what counted. The dogmatic sticking to the light side had caused the Skywalker twins to lose everything they ever cared about, and Rey would not allow that to happen to her. She would make a difference. She would make things right.

Guyes’ eyes, pleading for mercy before she threw his body down the shaft on the  _ Finalizer _ , briefly flashed before her eyes. Yes, aside from being on the wrong side of this conflict, the man had been innocent. He had been kind to her. But to paraphrase - sometimes, extreme measures were required to accomplish great things. Who had said this? Ah, right. Kylo Ren.

A cruel smile curled around Rey’s lips, and she looked up into the night sky.

_ I wish you could see me now, Kylo Ren. I’m using all you have taught me to destroy your life’s work. I told you you would one day be sorry to have trained me. _

“Rey?” General Organa was looking at her worriedly.

“I’m sorry, you were saying?”

Leia sighed. “The Resistance is growing daily. That is good, of course. But I fear I am not at liberty to pursue my own, personal goals for much longer. That is why, even though you just escaped from great peril yourself, I must ask you for one more favour.”

“Saving Luke.” Rey nodded, understanding what the General was getting at. “I don’t know where he is though. I only saw flashes of how he was moved, but not where.”

“I would know if my brother had been killed. He is still alive,” Leia said confidently. “Most likely he is being held in the Fortress. We have intelligence that it is the largest, highest-security prison of the First Order, and that it is somewhere in the Unknown Regions. But that is all. We don’t even know if it’s a ship, a station, or a planet.”

Rey nodded. ”You want me to gather information. No problem. I have an idea where to start.”

Leia took her hands into hers once more and pressed them gratefully.

“I’ll get together a small team tomorrow morning who’ll be eager to help you. You know most of them. But let’s go and get some rest, first. It’s late.”

“Please do, General. If you don’t mind, I’ll stay out here for a little while longer,” Rey said.

_ I don’t want anyone with me _ , she thought as she looked after the General’s retreating back, and was surprised at herself for how strongly she felt it, considering how much she had always craved connections, friends, belonging. But now that she had returned here, she felt the gaping abyss that had opened between herself and her allies keenly, especially between herself and Finn.

Her friends would not understand. They would not understand her having chosen the darkside. They would not understand - and Force prevent anyone of them ever found out - exactly what had happened between her and Kylo Ren.

Rey was still going to save Luke, she owed him that much. But at the same time, she did not want to face him - he would be able to tell the change within her with just one glance. She had to be prepared for the inevitable look on his face. For what he would say.

But really, Luke had lost her the moment she had cut her deal with Kylo Ren on Ahch-To, hadn’t he? It was unfortunate, and she had fought hard - stupidly, if she thought about it now - but that was just the way things had turned out. It had been naive to think she could defeat Kylo Ren and the First Order and come out pristinely clean on the other side.

Rey sighed, and mentally said her goodbyes to Luke. She cared for him dearly, she would do everything to save him, but she could no longer call him her Master. The only consistent feeling now was a fire inside her, telling her to burn the First Order to the ground, destroy it all. 

And raiding the Fortress was a good start.

~o0o~

The sounds were different. The sounds of the doors, of distant steps on the ground, of the almost imperceivable hum of the hyperdrive, the rushing sound of the air circulation system. He was not on the  _ Finalizer _ . Kylo Ren figured as much even before opening his eyes. What would the world look like when he did? How did the world look after one had been reborn?

Much the same as it ever had, it turned out. A sick bay ceiling was the same anywhere.

He felt-- surprisingly good for someone who had just returned from the brink of death. Strong. Calm. Focused. The headache was gone. So was the feeling of being torn apart, which he had accepted for so long as a constant companion. 

Kylo Ren’s inner compass had realigned. He knew exactly what he needed to do. Now it was just a question of being smart about it.

Very collectedly, Kylo Ren sat up and looked around. A set of clothes had been put onto a chair next to his bed - a First Order commander’s uniform, much like Hux wore. For lack of a better option, he put it on. There was also his helmet. His saber. His uncle’s saber. All the things from his safe, in fact, even the incriminating Divinator data cube that had set the latest events into motion. Everything except for the saberstaff.  _ Rey. _

“What ship is this?” He inquired of the medic droid that presently came in to check on the patient. 

“You are on the Imperial-class Star Destroyer  _ Anthelion _ , sir.” The droid supplied. “I will inform the Supreme Leader of your waking up. You are to report to him immediately.”

Kylo Ren was not listening anymore. He had stepped out into the corridor and had located none other than General Hux in the room opposite. The General was sitting on a bed, naked from the waist up, his side heavily bandaged. An engineer and another droid were working on attaching a mechno-arm - Hux’s own right arm appeared to have been cut off below the biceps. The two men locked eyes, and a look of pure hatred seemed to emanate from Hux, too strong to wrap it up into a nice set of words. Kylo Ren met his gaze steadily.

“General,” he said by way of greeting. “What happened?”

“Your apprentice happened. The  _ Finalizer  _ is gone, destroyed by the Resistance over Ahch-To,” Hux sneered. “She has escaped since, it appears. I suggest you think of a good explanation for the Supreme Leader as to why you allowed any of this to happen.”

“I will take full responsibility for my apprentice,” Kylo Ren stated calmly.

“Will you now? How about I strike your kriffing arm off, then?” Hux spat. “The Supreme Leader wants her alive, but - mark my words - I’ll make your  _ apprentice  _ pay for what she has done.”

Kylo Ren was before him so fast, Hux had not even had time to blink.

“My apprentice, for some - frankly inexplicable - reason, chose to let you off easily. I promise you that I will not make that choice, should I find you harming even just one hair on her head.”

“You would not dare lay a hand on me. Remember the Supreme Leader has forbidden it.” Snoke said, meeting the other man’s stare without blinking.

“Just as he has forbidden you from harming her.” Kylo Ren said. “It appears it is best if both of us follow his wisdom to prevent any more… incidents.”

“How romantic. You’re not even trying to conceal how protective you are of her anymore,” Hux sneered. “Don’t act so damn unconcerned, Ren! You, personally, are in deep trouble. The Supreme Leader won’t forgive you just like that, not even you.”

“Let that be my own concern, General. In the meantime, a speedy recovery to you.”

“Go to hell, Ren,” Hux snarled, obviously done with concealing any of his hatred.

Unwilling to spend more time on Hux, Kylo Ren turned to leave, feeling into the force for Rey. 

There she was, just on the other side - asleep, dreaming. Her presence in the force was not serenely calm anymore, but tinted with an angry, restless pulse. For the briefest moment, Kylo Ren allowed himself a glimpse of what she was experiencing, and tapped into her dream - not to take over, simply to watch.

But as usual, whenever one stirred their bond too much, the other inevitably noticed. Kylo Ren felt Rey’s mind turn to him, felt her eyes single out his presence in her dream. She cursed and snarled, advancing on him, and he pulled back quickly, not wishing to escalate their encounter at this inopportune moment.

_ If you are still there, if you dare cross my path again, I will put you down for good.  _ Her enraged vow echoed in his mind.

Kylo Ren breathed out. It appeared he had a lot of work to do.

[to be continued]


	31. When She Was Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey goes on a recon mission and Kylo Ren receives a new order.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no Reylo reunion in this chapter, sorry - it's being set up for the next one.  
> Shoutout to those who can find the Buffy reference!

**Part III, Chapter IV: When She Was Bad** **  
** _ [In which Rey goes on a recon mission and Kylo Ren receives a new order.] _

~o0o~

Rey felt it just when she snuck back into her room to pick up her saberstaff - felt  _ him  _ flood back into her conscience, felt his presence fill the void on the other side of their force bond. She had suspected it before, but now it was unmistakeable.

_ So. You are alive. You should have stayed down. _

He must have heard her, but he would not reply. Rey gritted her teeth, anger spiking - it had been careless of her to assume that simply crushing his mind would be enough to permanently disable Kylo Ren. She herself had not been entirely there when she had woken up from their last shared dream on the  _ Finalizer _ , and looking at his drooling, bloodied, miserable form next to her had been enough of a triumph at the time. But it was as she had told him - if he dared cross her path again in any way, she would put him down for good.

General Organa’s anguished expression briefly flashed up in Rey’s mind, but she pushed it aside. This was a war. She was on a mission. As Rey gripped her satchel and her staff with a grim expression, BB-8 beeped a question.

“Stay here. I have somewhere to go,” Rey whispered quietly, and snuck outside once more. The day was growing from very late to very early; the first suggestion of sunlight was just tinting the sky.

Kylo Ren being back was another reason why she had to go alone. If they met again, and she had Chewie with her, or Finn, or anyone really - they would be a liability. He would use them against her like he had used Luke.

Rey climbed into her stolen TIE fighter and took off without much ceremony. She was already far from D’Qar, well on her way, when a timid beep behind her made her turn around. A small yellow-and-orange sphere peeked at her from behind a control panel.

“Beebee-Ate! How did you get in here? I thought I told you to stay behind.”

An almost defiant series of beeps told her that BB-8 was determined to follow her wherever she went.

“I don’t get it. Why?”

More beeping.

“I appreciate your concern, but I am just fine. Look, I can’t take you back now, so come along if you must. But you have to do exactly as I tell you, alright?”

BB-8 indicated he was happy with that deal, and so they continued their journey without further debate. At least, Rey supposed, if anyone had to come along, BB-8 was least likely of being used as leverage against her.

It was some time until she arrived in the Freestanding Subsectors, where Takodana was located. Having reached her destination, Rey decided to hide the TIE fighter a little way off in a forest clearing so as not to alarm anyone, and told BB-8 to keep watch, hoping that if the little droid had a task, he could be convinced to stay out of the way. Then she struck out into the forest, towards the big lake.

Maz Kanata’s cantina had changed since Rey had last been here - at the time it had been in the process of being levelled to the ground by First Order bombers. But now, life had sprung back up in the ruins. The rubble had been cleared aside, and a number of large tents had been built up around the remains of the castle. Inside, tavern business had picked up as if the events from a few months ago had been just a minor inconvenience. A band was playing, and a collection of the galaxies’ oddest species were enjoying a time-out from their travels and businesses. Maz and her cantina were, quite apparently, an institution. People would keep flocking to it no matter the state it was in. 

Rey slipped inside the biggest tent, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, eyes searching the room. There was a primitive bar in the middle, and tables with chairs all around. But before she knew it, Maz Kanata was already before her.

“Well, look who it is,” she crowed over the noise of the bar. “The Jedi girl, back from her trials.”

“What?” Rey replied in confusion. She was glad to see Maz again, but it did not exactly help her objective of reconnaissance to be singled out and announced like this.

“Teamwork, isolation, fear, anger, betrayal, focus, instinct, forgiveness, protection,” Maz recounted. “If you pass those trials, you get to call yourself a Jedi knight. Ah, but I see you didn’t bring my boyfriend. You’re still lacking teamwork, then.”

“I’m not here for any of that,” Rey said impatiently. “Look, you know your customers, don’t you? Anyone here currently who you suspect may be in the First Order’s pocket?”

The lines on Maz’s weathered face changed into an expression of distaste. “You think I would let any of those little snitches stick around after what happened here last time you visited?”

“I think you are a businesswoman, and you profit from information, all kinds of information being exchanged here,” Rey retorted. “And if I was you, I’d rather keep the spies I know close, than live in fear of spies I don’t know.”

A crooked little smile now spread over Maz’s features. “Well, aren’t you a sharp one, my child. Come. Let’s sit down like civilized people, and let’s have a drink.”

Maz led Rey to a small table in the corner of the tent, briefly vanished and returned with a couple of drinks as well as with a tray of bread, cheese and grapes. When she had been here last time, Rey had happily and gratefully devoured whatever was put in front of her. Now, she barely took notice of what Maz offered.

“To Han Solo,” Maz said softly, raising her glass. “I have seen many a man come and go, but that daft old scoundrel was a true legend.”

Rey raised her glass quickly and took a sip, feeling a stab of sadness at the memory of Han. Her history with Kylo Ren had only gotten more complicated since Han’s death, and for the first time she wondered if he would have been disappointed with how she had handled herself on the  _ Finalizer _ . If he would have blamed her or judged her. What would he have said? What would his advice have been?

Well, it had been mortifying enough to speak with General Organa about anything that had transpired between her and Kylo Ren. It would have been no less awkward with Han. Rey briefly shook her head and was glad when Maz picked up their original topic again.

“You were quite right, earlier. I do deal in information, and I like to keep my ears open in any direction. So I propose we do business. A while ago, rumour went that the First Order had captured the last two remaining Jedi, Luke Skywalker and some unnamed girl. More recently, I’m hearing where the young gentleman who called here so politely a few months ago got himself an apprentice, and she made quite a splash around the First Order. They say she was involved in some nasty massacres, and even had a hand in the destruction of the First Order’s flagship. Would you happen to know anything about that?”

“Rumour spreads fast,” Rey said evenly, trying to hide her surprise at how much Maz indeed knew.

“Like you wouldn’t believe. So now you show up here, all alone, cold and sharp as a knife, and ask me to point out the spies of the First Order to you. I sense a great change in you since you were here last. You have been hurt. There is such a darkness in your eyes now, child. Tell me, what should I make of all that?”

Rey kept her face carefully blank, but her gaze still flickered briefly under Maz’s inquisitive stare.

“I am here to take down the First Order,” she said eventually, her voice hard.

“All by yourself?” Maz asked. “What about that belonging you seek? That longing is still in your heart, but now you’re actively denying it.”

“I am strong enough on my own,” Rey said coldly.

“To defeat the darkness in front of you, maybe. But to defeat the darkness inside you?”

Rey was getting fed up with the topic, fast. “ _ You will tell me who in this room is a spy for the First Order, _ ” she demanded, pressing into Maz’s mind - and struck on a wall of pure diamond. Immoveable, unbendable.

“Oh, that was a bad move, my child,” Maz said quietly.

Frustratedly, Rey slammed down her hands on the table and got up abruptly. Her eyes scanned the room. A number of people had been alerted by the sound and her sudden movement, and some of them were staring particularly hard at her. Rey crossed eyes with a human woman at the bar who was suddenly very interested in her drink when she found herself under Rey’s scrutiny.

_ You. _

Rey advanced on her. Not bothering with tedious questions, she raised her arm. Probing into Kylo Ren’s mind had been like trying to reach through barbed wire, but this woman’s mind was soft as butter. Not even having expected such an attack, she was completely defenseless. Rey sifted through her memories, not caring about the impact it had. As she had expected, this woman worked for the First Order.

_ There. _

She found a memory of the woman taking in a prisoner, entering the Fortress’s location into her crafts’ autopilot. Rey committed the image to her own memory. But as she pulled back, another piece of information in the woman’s mind stood out to her - her name, Seras Ghan. _Ghan_. Surely that could not be a coincidence!

The woman groaned and gurgled as Rey closed in on the information mercilessly.

“You’re not just any First Order spy. You’re one of them,“ she whispered. “XJH-1145. A Divinator.”

Rage welled up in her. Kidnappers, murderers, the lot of them. They would breed humans like cattle.

“Tell me the location of the  _ Respite _ ,” Rey hissed, filing through her memories. The woman groaned again under the strain of the pressure on her mind. A hand now clapped on Rey’s shoulder - one of four hands, as it turned out. Maz’s bouncer, a huge and heavy-set Besalisk, had decided to step in.

“We do not tolerate unprovoked attacks on paying customers here, young lady,” he informed her. Rey’s head whipped around to him, eyes dark - and punched the huge bouncer with the force, so hard he flew several meters back into a crowded table full of drinks.

All hell broke loose around her, but Rey’s mind was bent on the woman before her.

“The  _ Respite _ . Tell me.  _ Show me. Do it now. _ ”

“I don’t know where it is. No one my rank would know something like that,” her victim sobbed. “Please-- I’ll tell you all I know, anything, but please stop.”

“Worthless,” Rey growled, and snuffed out her life. The woman keeled over with a final quiet gasp.

A chair came flying at her. Rey stopped it in mid-air and threw it back where it had come from. Fuelled by the force of the life she had just taken, she froze the first wave of her would-be attackers in their tracks with her raised hand.

“ _ Stand down or you will be sorry. _ ”

With her other hand she ignited her saberstaff and let its hum resound around the tent threateningly.

Noone made a move, Rey noted, satisfied with how she had managed to appease the situation. If she had tapped into this power back in the  _ Finalizer’ _ s cargo hangar or the gym, much bloodshed could have been prevented. But Rey found herself looking back to those incidents with a lot more distance now. The soldiers had all been part of the First Order. And she would bring the entire organisation down. Those in her way would perish. Every single one.

“My poor girl. What have you become?” A quiet voice asked behind her. Maz was looking at her with a pained, compassionate expression.

“I’ve become strong,” Rey said coldly.

And she stalked away towards the exit, leaving behind a terrified crowd. BB-8, having watched everything from the tent’s entrance, shrunk back when she passed, but followed her timidly, making nervous little beeps.

~o0o~

Light years away, Snoke reached out into the force almost admiringly, examining Rey’s presence as her power resounded across the many links and bonds across the galaxy like a dark pulse. He took a deep breath, excitedly. Kylo Ren had been right. This was so much better than any darkness he could have forcibly injected into the girl. This here, now, this was all herself. She emanated such power, such promise, he could almost forget having lost the  _ Finalizer  _ in her birth.

He turned his gaze on his disciple kneeling before him.

“You have failed me badly, Kylo Ren, in allowing her to escape and cause all this damage. We paid a high price, and for a time it looked as if she had managed to destroy my effort of thirty long years. But once more, with how things have turned out in regards to her, I am disposed to forgive you. Can you feel it - what she has become? Magnificent. This is the fruit of your effort.”

“She chose the dark side specifically for taking revenge,” Kylo Ren stated evenly. “Even if she is recaptured, you cannot hope to bend her to your cause after what happened.”

“Indeed, yes. A pity. She is a dangerous loose cannon now.” Snoke shot a glance at his disciple. ‘Your cause’, he had said.

“How are you feeling after your ordeal, Kylo Ren?”

“I am not confused anymore. My way is clear to me at last,” his knight replied, more calm than Snoke had seen him in a long time. “The girl has shown me.”

“Excellent. I am depending on you to bring her back in as soon as possible. The way she is now, it will be quite a test to your abilities. But first, there is the matter of your uncle.”

Kylo Ren inclined his head.

“I saw the necessity of keeping him alive as leverage while the girl trained under you. But with her escape, she has doomed him. Go to the Fortress and kill him.”

“Understood, Supreme Leader.”

Snoke had hoped for more of a reaction either way. Glee, perhaps, or even hesitation - despite everything he knew his disciple to have a lingering weak spot where his family was involved. But now Kylo Ren merely accepted the task calmly, focussed, there was no strong emotion from him one way or the other.

The Supreme Leader looked hard at his student. Kylo Ren had changed. Sure enough, he had had his mind torn apart, and had pieced it back together through his own effort; that was a good enough reason for this fundamental change. But there was also something else. Snoke could feel it, though he could not put a finger on it. 

“I am saddened to hear that Lord Vader’s helmet was lost in the  _ Finalizer _ ’s demise,” he said. “I understand it was an important memento to you.”

The old Kylo Ren would have been devastated to lose it, he knew. This Kylo Ren, however, reacted to being reminded of his loss with much the same indifference as before.

“It makes no matter. I do not need it to fulfill my grandfather’s legacy, not anymore. Do you require anything else of me at present, Supreme Leader?”

“No. Long live the First Order.”

“Long may it live,” Kylo Ren replied and turned on his heels, striding purposefully towards the exit.

 

[to be continued]


	32. Standoff at the Fortress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Kylo Ren visits a fellow traitor, and Rey proves to have terrible timing.]

**Part III, Chapter V: Standoff at the Fortress** **_  
_ ** _[In which Kylo Ren visits a fellow traitor, and Rey proves to have terrible timing.]_

~o0o~

Kylo Ren landed his command shuttle outside the Fortress and stepped out, looking much like he had when he had visited the prison last time - menacing mask, dark robes, purposeful stride. The gates opened before him, and the warden greeted him primly.

“Welcome back, sir. Are you here for Skywalker? You will find him in the highest security cell still.”

“I would hope so,” Kylo Ren said pointedly. “But another thing first. I need information on a Divinator agent with the identification XPK-5682. About 19 years ago he turned traitor by helping a First Order prisoner escape. He was captured and taken to this prison 15 years ago. I want to see any and all files or interrogation reports relating to him, if there are any left.”

“You are of course welcome to any records the prison has on him,” the warden said, a little surprised. “But - I don’t know if you are aware, sir - agent XPK-5682 is still our prisoner to this day. He holds the record. No other prisoner here has lasted as long as he has.”

Kylo Ren was completely taken aback, though he took great care not to show it. It had never occurred to him that the agent might still be alive - after so many years, he had assumed he had been executed, or had simply died in captivity. These were good news, however. He probably could spare some minutes for a small detour.

“Take me to him,” Kylo Ren demanded.

“Of course, sir. But do not expect too much from interrogating him. He has been kept in solitary all these years, and he is not all there. Doesn’t talk to anyone.”

“Everyone talks to me eventually,” Kylo Ren stated flatly and saw the warden flinch slightly.

Different from Skywalker, who had been locked up in the deepest, most secure cell as was appropriate for the amount of danger he posed, XPK-5682 had been put into a standard-issue cell just two storeys below ground level. Severe though the agent’s crimes had been in stealing Rey’s mother away from Snoke, he was obviously not considered a threat to anyone, not anymore. Kylo Ren was led along endless corridors with rows and rows of doors, until finally the warden stopped in front of one of them and opened it for him.

Kylo Ren stepped into a gloomy, bleak cell. An old man in ragged prison clothes cowered in a corner of the room, not reacting to his arrival. Curled up into himself both physically and mentally, he was filthy, unkempt, and stared into nothingness through half-lidded, unmoving eyes.

“What happened to him?” Kylo Ren inquired.

“I cannot say. He has been in the Fortress for longer than I have been stationed here,” the warden supplied. “But rumour goes he was interrogated by the Supreme Leader himself one time. Broke him. Frankly, executing him afterwards would have been more merciful. We’re all wondering how he keeps hanging on so stubbornly. May I ask, sir - what happened that anyone would inquire after him after all this time?”

“I do not believe that is any of your business. Leave us,” Kylo Ren ordered, and the warden quickly shut up and hurried away, realising she had dangerously overstepped her boundaries in speaking so familiarly to the Supreme Leader’s right-hand man.

When they were alone, Kylo Ren carefully took off his helmet and knelt down in front of the prisoner. He addressed him a few times, to no avail - it appeared he was too far gone to care about anything that happened in this world. Kylo Ren lifted his hand to the man’s head. As he touched him lightly with the force, XPK-5682’s eyes seemed to come into focus, and he whimpered pitifully, voice coarse.

“I am not here to hurt you. I am a friend of your daughter’s,” Kylo Ren said, knowing that was the grossest oversimplification bordering lie he could have come up with - he could neither call himself Rey’s friend, nor was Rey the man’s real daughter.

But even though Kylo Ren had not even begun to probe into the man’s mind, XPK-5682 grew increasingly agitated, whining in a high pitch and pushing at him with thin, weak arms. Kylo Ren sighed. Though he did not like to inflict further pain, he did not have time for this. Holding him in place with the force as gently as he could, he delved into his mind carefully, facing a gnarled and shattered mess of shadowy memories and haunting nightmares. This man’s mind was in tatters.

“Your daughter, remember? Not yours, perhaps. But you loved her as if she was your own”, Kylo Ren whispered, and in the jumbled mess, images of a small girl appeared, brown hair, bright smile, learning to walk, her first words. _Daddy_. Love, pride, but also apprehension. They were on the run, constantly, their little family was being hunted. But now the memory went back to torture and to Snoke, more enraged than Kylo Ren had ever seen him.

“Rey lives. She is doing fine,” Kylo Ren said - though that most definitely was a lie, all things considered. Anyway, XPK-5682 did not even seem to register his words. He was silently crying, lost in the torturous, neverending nightmare of his own mind.

_Kill me. Kill me._

Kylo Ren was at a loss. He had come here hoping to coax more substantial information about Rey’s family history out of the man. But XPK-5682 could not be talked to - he was too far gone, and his mind was merely hanging on by a thread. If Kylo Ren probed too deep for information, he would shatter his mind.

Perhaps it would be a mercy to put this man out of his misery. No one in this prison would bat an eye if he did. But he could not, not as long as there was a chance to reunite him with Rey at some point.

Kylo Ren put on his helmet again, and, ignoring the old man’s silent plea for release, locked the door behind him.

~o0o~

Using the TIE fighters’ high resolution camera, Rey zoomed in on the planet below. She could see the outer prison complex on the surface even from up here. It was circular, with a hexagonal outer wall lined with point-defense turrets - in fact, the complex looked much like the symbol of the First Order itself.

Surprisingly it did not look too big for the number of prisoners it supposedly held. That probably meant that the majority of the base was deep underground. And at the deepest bottom of it, surely, Luke would be held.

Rey stopped to think for a moment. She had only been able to take a few bits of information from the spy’s mind on Takodana, and added to the flashes of memory of Luke’s relocation she had taken from Kylo Ren, she had merely a rough idea of what really awaited her down there. Rey could only guess that probably there was a reason as to why the prison was called ‘The Fortress’. But it did not matter - she would not waver. She trusted in the power coursing through her. She was _itching_ to strike.

Behind her, BB-8 beeped nervously.

“You wanted to come, so deal with it. I’ll drop you off nearby. This could get dangerous,” Rey said, and took the TIE towards the planet.

~o0o~

And now another cell door opened, and Kylo Ren stepped towards Luke Skywalker.

“Ben,” said Luke, and seemed not surprised at all to see him. “Is it time?”

“The Supreme Leader has sent me to kill you,” Kylo Ren said.

“And are you going to?” His uncle inquired calmly.

There was a long pause, until Kylo Ren took off his helmet once more and set it down slowly on the stretcher next to them. For the first time in years they were face to face, and Luke, taking just one glance at the expression in his nephew’s eyes, saw it all in one go.

“I had asked you not to hurt Rey when you come to face your demons, Ben,” Luke said, and Kylo Ren turned away his gaze for a moment before meeting his uncle’s again. The imaginary Luke in his mind had said the exact same thing - but the man in front of him could have no idea how instrumental he had already been in rebuilding Kylo Ren from the ground up.

“I’m here to make it right,” he said hoarsely. He pulled Luke’s own lightsaber out from under his robes, and held it out to his uncle.

In that very moment a wailing alarm went off around the Fortress, and the two men whirled around as outside in the corridor several additional energy shields flared up, effectively trapping Kylo Ren in the cell along with his uncle.

“It’s Rey.” Kylo Ren murmured with certainty, looking at the ceiling. How had she found this place so quickly? But perhaps he should not be surprised. If anything, he knew her to be resourceful.

“Have you got a plan?” Luke asked as he took the saber.

“I’ll get you out the same way I brought you in,” Kylo Ren stated, putting his helmet back on. “If I want to transfer a prisoner, no one is going to stop me. Not even during an enemy attack.”

“I meant for Rey,” Luke said. “She is alone. Her power must have gone to her head if she thinks she can break in and out here all alone by brute force. She will get herself killed. Or lose herself further in the darkness.”

Kylo Ren’s thoughts were racing. His original plan had been simple enough: have Luke be carried to his shuttle under the pretense of another prisoner transfer, and be off. Snoke would have noticed his betrayal only after they were well away.

But now Rey’s reckless attack had triggered an alarm and put his clean getaway at risk. It wasn’t even that she was still hell-bent on killing him - the bigger problem was that any assault on the Fortress would immediately be reported to High Command including Snoke, and First Order ships would come in from all over to lend assistance - first and foremost the _Anthelion_ , which was closest. This way, Snoke would learn of his betrayal much earlier than he had intended, maybe even before he made it to his shuttle with Luke. No matter how strong Luke, Rey and himself were in the force, there was no deflecting heavy artillery with lightsabers. This could potentially mean the end of them.

“I’ll make things up as we go along,” he decided.

Luke smiled drily. “Your father would be so proud.”

~o0o~

As the alarm wailed on, the warden marched into the Fortress’s central command station. Countless video feeds ran on screens mounted all around the wall. A sizeable number of them were showing the clearly suicidal TIE fighter buzzing around the building and firing incessantly.

“It’s a single vessel out there. What madman would attack this place all on their own?” One of her colleagues asked, more bemused than worried. Yes, a number of their defence turrets had been taken out by the daring pilot already, but it was only a matter of time until this ship was shot down by the overwhelming flak. Whoever was out there was either crazy, or on a suicide mission.

“I have a bad feeling about this. It’s probably a diversion,” the warden said grimly. “Someone may be trying to escape while this is going on.”

“They picked the worst possible time to try, then.” Another guard almost laughed. “We have the Master of the Knights of Ren on visit.”

“Report, warden.”

The assembled guards, some of which had joined the chuckle at imagining what Kylo Ren would do to a prisoner stupid enough to choose this exact moment for an attempt to escape, collectively flinched when the holopad in the middle of the room activated, and Kylo Ren appeared amidst them as clearly as if he was present in the flesh.

“Sir.” The warden saluted. “We have a lone TIE fighter attacking the complex. It is nothing to worry about, but it may be the precursor to a larger-scale assault, or a planned break-out. The Fortress is on lockdown until further notice. Additional ray shields have been activated at every blast gate. I am sorry for any inconvenience this may cause, sir; I assure you it will only be temporarily.”

“Cancel lockdown. I require two squads to move Skywalker back to my shuttle at once,” Kylo Ren said smoothly. “I have already sedated him and put him into a transportation pod. I trust this... situation of yours is resolved until I come back up with the prisoner. I have no time and no patience for further delays.”

“Sir, I am really sorry. Regulations dictate that--”

“I dictate that you follow my orders, warden, or you will speedily find yourself in one of your own cells. Give me two squads, raise the shields, and open the gates for me,” Kylo Ren thundered menacingly.

“At once, sir.” The warden saluted sharply once more, not of a mind to debate any longer with the terrifying figure before her. The hologram flickered out, and the warden, after having given the necessary orders, turned her concentration back on the assailant outside the walls.

“We’ve hit them!” One guard shouted, and true enough, the TIE fighter swerved away, smoke billowing from one of its engines. It steered off in a wide curve and, turning around, got lower and lower until it was touching down back en route, skidding directly towards the Fortress’s mighty gates. The warden thought that for a second there, she saw a figure jump away from the approaching vessel in defiance of all laws of physics, but then, metal screeching and exploding, the TIE fighter hit the main gates in one big explosion.

“The shield generator at the main gate has been hit - gate’s been breached!”

“Send four squads to secure it, immediately,” the warden ordered. It was hard to see anything clearly in the fire and smoke on the screens that showed the live feed from the main gates, but she was not going to take any chances - if this pilot had indeed been on a suicide mission to open the Fortress’s gates for the main assault, then they were sure to soon get company.

~o0o~

_Rey. I have freed Luke. I’m bringing him up now. Get out of here for now._

For the first time since she had escaped from the _Finalizer_ , Kylo Ren tapped into his bond with Rey to try and talk to her directly as he walked along Luke’s transportation pod through the many underground levels of the Fortress towards the surface, together with the two squads he had requested. But even if she had heard him, she did not reply - she was fighting somewhere up there fuelled by mindless red rage. He felt her power flare up like a volcano. She had gotten closer now.

Kylo Ren knew for sure the situation had become more complicated when, just as their procession was turning towards the exit, a swarm of guards was rushing past him towards the courtyard, and the warden stepped out of the control room to meet him.

“Sir! You can not go out there. The enemy has breached the gates. We are in contact with the _Anthelion_ , General Hux is sending down reinforcements.”

 _Oh, wonderful._ Kylo Ren thought. Aloud he said, “That will not be necessary. I know who is out there. I will deal with her.”

He let his lightsaber flare up and indicated for his squad to follow.

~o0o~

Chaos reigned in the courtyard. The wreckage of Rey’s TIE fighter had broken through the gates and skidded halfway inside. Rey had come up behind in the fire and smoke like a creature from the underworld, taking on the guards that had been sent to the gate one by one. But Rey had a much harder time making her way forward than on the _Finalizer_. The courtyard was wide open and bore no cover. Not only did she have to deflect the countless laser bolts, the inner ring’s defense turrets, as well, had swung around and were firing at her. Rey danced around the courtyard, using guards as human shields and turning their weapons on each other as she slowly advanced on the main building, but she was struggling to make any real progress.

_Get back, Rey. Get to my command shuttle outside. I know what this looks like but I’m trying to save Luke._

Rey’s head whipped around, and there he was. Kylo Ren, saber drawn in full menacing regalia, had emerged from the main building into the _Fortress’s_ ravaged inner courtyard along with a dozen guards pushing along a sarcophagus of some kind.

_Rey, listen to me, if you will not listen to him. Ben is telling the truth. He has freed me. Stop fighting and we can all get to safety._

That was Luke, a part of Rey noted dimly, in some confusion. But the overwhelmingly bigger part of her mind simply locked on to Kylo Ren - and the beast stirred, the red mist rose once more. With an almost inhuman scream, she charged, not minding the blaster bolts that were being fired at her and which she deflected without even looking at them.

_I will kill you, kill you, kill you._

Kylo Ren drew up his saber and they clashed, the impact of their opposing forces so strong that the transport pod was toppled over. Not having been locked, the lid sprang open and Luke came to his feet, his saber in hand, surprisingly agile for a man his age.

If it had not before, all hell broke loose now. The guards opened fire on Luke immediately as Kylo Ren was busy blocking and parrying Rey’s attacks, overwhelmed for a minute by the force of her strikes before finding his footing again.

_Rey, stop! We need to go. Hux will be here any minute._

She punched him with the force so hard he flew backwards, and though he immediately caught himself, he briefly stumbled over the transportation pod’s lid under his feet. She jumped instantly at this slightest moment of imbalance, and would have surely run him through with her saberstaff, had Luke not jumped in to redirect her stab at the ground.

“Rey! Come to your senses! You’re lost in the darkness. This isn’t you!” Luke shouted, and his expression changed into one of shock and sadness as Rey snarled ferally, striking out at him with her staff.

Kylo Ren, meanwhile, had gotten back up to his feet, and found himself immediately obliged to stop a blaster bolt that had been aimed at Luke’s unprotected back by one of the guards around.

The guards, now utterly confused as to whom they should be attacking, stood back for a moment as the trio, for a second locked into an impasse, started to move again. Rey, punching at Luke with the force to get past him, launched herself at Kylo Ren once more, but found herself tripped up by Luke’s force grip snaking around her legs. Simultaneously the old Jedi whirled around to catch a blaster bolt aimed at Rey with his saber.

“Order from General Hux, highest priority. Take Skywalker out! Do not let him leave this complex!” The warden’s voice blared across the courtyard through the speakers, finally restoring clarity among the confused guards who had for the most part simply been watching the unexpected three-way-battle.

 _Get to my shuttle, uncle. I’ll be right behind you. I can protect Rey and myself when Hux gets here, but not you. We don’t have time._ Kylo Ren told Luke in between blocking Rey’s strikes.

 _Take care of Rey._ Luke, shooting an infinitely sad glance at the berserker that Rey had become, nodded at him and turned on the remaining guards.

“I’ll kill you! Liar! Murderer! Monster!” Rey screamed as she crossed blades with Kylo Ren once more, snarling, red-eyed, brimming with dark force.

 _I’m sorry, Rey._ Kylo Ren replied, gripped her staff with one arm, let go of his saber with the other, planted it onto her forehead - and pushed.

They both collapsed.

 

[to be continued]


	33. Reprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey and Kylo Ren re-negotiate terms, and Luke makes a final plea.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note - I'll be on a business trip till Friday. I'm taking a rather shitty old laptop so I can still get the next daily chapters out, but if none show up, then something will have gone wrong and I'll be back by the weekend.
> 
> This chapter is basically all Rey and Kylo arguing passionately and driving each other insane. Same old, same old. Enjoy. ;-)

**Part III, Chapter VI: Reprise** **  
** _ [In which Rey and Kylo Ren re-negotiate terms, and Luke makes a final plea.] _

~o0o~

Here they were again, in the interrogation room on Starkiller Base.

Kylo Ren knew that what he had done was risky - the last time they had shared a dream, she had torn his mind apart. But things were different now. He was different.

Rey was seething with quiet anger in her restraints, but at least she had stopped snarling like a wild animal. Kylo Ren took a deep breath, not quite knowing where to begin.  _ Find a way, _ his grandfather had instructed him.

“Rey. I know you hate me for what I have done. I’m not asking you for forgiveness. I’m just asking you to let me help you.”

She stared at him incredulously and then laughed, humorlessly and cold, and Kylo Ren painfully remembered the last time he had seen her laugh, unreservedly happy and excited.

“Help me! Oh, so now you regret it all, now that I’ve become powerful. Now you’re sorry!”

“I am. I am sorry.” He said, looking at her steadily. It seemed to enrage Rey even more.

“You’ve got to be kidding me! You know, I’ve reconsidered - I’m glad you crawled back to life. Now you actually get to watch me destroy your precious First Order and your precious Supreme Leader. I hope you’re paying really close attention,  _ Master _ , because I will do it with all the skills you taught me.”

Her unbridled loathing spilled over to Kylo Ren through their bond, and, mixing with his own gut-wrenching guilt, it made him almost equally irritated. Driven by impulse, he moved over to her and cradled her face imploringly.

“I could not care less about what happens to the First Order. I care about what happens to you. The dark side, Rey. I know how it feels. I know where you are now. I have been there. You so desperately believe that you have to do this, it is driving you mad, tearing you apart.” 

Perhaps it had not been very wise to touch her like this, Kylo Ren belatedly realised, and he fully expected her to lash out in anger; to hiss, spit or try to bite him. But Rey just blinked, startled by the contact and his heartfelt emotion, and Kylo Ren, encouraged by this, continued a little more softly.

“That pain you feel, and that relief when you kill and destroy, that is what the dark side does to you. They tell you at Jedi school, over and over, but you never truly understand it until you’ve experienced it. It’s like a rush, like a drug - but you’re overdosing. You are destroying yourself!”

Rey laughed again disdainfully, but with a tint of confusion this time. “Guess you’re the expert.”

“Yes,” Kylo Ren hissed, and an old glint that Rey remembered well was back in his eyes. “I am. But you are better than that. You’re better than me. Stars, Rey--”

He broke off, drew back and slumped onto the seat in front of the interrogation chair as if exhausted, clasping his hands into each other. Rey, picking up on his despair, tilted her head in curiosity and relaxed slightly in her restraints.

_ Is he actually serious? _

For a moment, neither spoke, and as Rey’s rage and bloodlust receded, her thoughts grew clear enough to process what had actually happened earlier, in the courtyard. Eventually she broke the silence.

“You really have turned against the First Order. You really did get Luke out,” she said reluctantly. “ _ Why? _ ”

Kylo Ren looked up and met her gaze.

“For you,” he said flatly, and found that this was true. Yes, he had a personal debt to pay to his uncle. But that had not been his main motivation. Truly, he was out of grand plans and convictions at the moment. He needed to pick himself up, piece by piece, and he was going to do it by saving Rey. For that, they both needed Luke. 

His thoughts must have been written all across his face, because Rey was looking at him with an unreadable expression, shaking her head slightly. 

“You really are unbelievable,” she then said. “After everything, you’re still trying to control me. Pushing me into a direction opposite the one I chose.”

“You did not choose this for yourself!” Kylo Ren insisted hotly. “I planted that hatred that is eating you up now. Without me, you would still be on Ahch-To with Luke, and you would be training to be a Jedi. What you really ought to be.”

“Stop deciding for me what I ought to be!” Rey was shouting now. “I finally found out the truth about my parents. About Snoke’s programme. Where I come from. What I was made for. I want revenge. And I will have it. If you want to help me like you claim, help me get to Snoke. If not, stay the hell out of my way and find some other project to redeem yourself through. Go apologise to your mother, to Chewie, to Luke - I don’t care!”

Each of her words hit home, painfully so.

“I will go to meet my family in due time.” Kylo Ren said softly. “For now, would you like to meet what remains of yours?”

“What?” Rey breathed.

“Your father. He is alive, here in the Fortress.”

That shut her up effectively.

“Of course, I mean the Divinator agent that saved your mother. I know he is not your biological sire, but perhaps the closest thing you ever had to a father, before Jakku. I can take you to him, if you like.”

Rey was looking away now, evidently in some amount of conflict. Kylo Ren carefully stepped closer again.

“If I release you, will you promise not to immediately attack me? Please?”

She looked up at that, and for a second her expression reflected a shimmer of the light mixed with regret, sadness, vulnerability - so much of the old Rey that Kylo Ren was filled with new hope. Meeting agent XPK-5682 might just be the catalyst for her to find her peace again.

Kylo Ren released her restraints and was glad to see her climb off the chair without attempting to rip him apart with her bare hands.

“You just committed treason, though,” Rey reminded him. “You freed Luke. We’ll be in a prison cell when we wake up.”

“I can still turn this around,” Kylo Ren said. “Trust me and play along.”

His father had been a master at talking his way out of difficult situations - or at least pretending to be one - and even Luke, for all his power, had always more often relied on diplomacy to get what he wanted. But Kylo Ren had never bothered with such skills. If there was something he wanted, he used to get it through sheer power, and if he found his power was not enough, he would rather try and bash his head through a thick wall rather than relying on persuasion or diplomacy. There was an element of deception in those arts he had always been proud to dislike. 

But in truth, had that pride not been simply to mask how very bad he was at these arts? And had he not been so bad at them because he had never had that inner peace of the Jedi, or his father’s cocky self-assurance? Whichever it was, now he would have to learn, and learn fast, if he wanted to protect Rey.

_ Trust you? After what you did to me? _ Kylo Ren caught Rey’s resentful gaze. But this issue, this-- thing that had happened between them was too big to discuss right here and now.

_ Look into my mind, and see that it is the truth _ , he said, before severing their connection.

~o0o~

When Kylo Ren opened his eyes again, he found that both Rey and himself were still lying in the war zone that was the Fortress’s inner courtyard. More guards were spilling out of the complex, surrounding them. As he got up, fighting down his nausea and collecting his saber and Rey’s staff from the ground, he saw Hux advance in purposeful strides, along with an entourage of his officers. His uncle was nowhere to be seen. The guards that had accompanied the transportation pod appeared to be dead, all of them - with luck, no one was left alive who would be able to give dangerous testimony.

“General,” Kylo Ren said, nodding at the approaching man. 

“What the hell happened here, Ren?” Hux sneered. “Skywalker got away in your own shuttle. Why did you take him out of his cell in the middle of an attack? In the midst of all  _ this _ !”

He gestured at the devastated main gates and courtyard with his mechno-arm.

“A necessity, I’m afraid,” Kylo Ren said cooly. On the ground, Rey was now shifting as she woke up, and he lifted her up roughly and clasped his hand tightly around her arm. “The Supreme Leader has told me he expected me to recapture the girl, and I have acted accordingly. I struck a deal. In exchange for Skywalker’s freedom, she’ll continue as my apprentice.”

Hux narrowed his eyes.

“The Supreme Leader told  _ me  _ he sent you here to carry out a very specific order. But not only have you failed to execute Skywalker, you allowed him to get away? Leader Snoke won’t stand for that, not this time, Ren. And” - Hux stepped closer menacingly - “you must be out of your mind if you think you’ll get to keep her as your apprentice after what happened on the  _ Finalizer _ . I’ll see to it your little pet is executed for what she did.”

He turned to Rey now, and Kylo Ren could feel the thoughts of hatred, cruelty and revenge emanate from the man in almost physical waves.

“So, we meet again, Jedi scum. Pray that I don’t catch you without your  _ Master  _ here to protect you.”

Feeling Rey’s anger through their bond on top of his own, and barely restraining the girl next to him to keep her from taking Hux’s head clean off, it was all Kylo Ren could do not to snap on the spot.

“Touch her, General, and you will lose another limb. Perhaps one that cannot be as easily replaced.” He growled, gripping Rey’s arm so tightly it must surely have hurt her, until he felt her anger abate and relax in his hold.

Hux took a step back, squaring his jaws. “The Supreme Leader will be with me on this, Ren. You better make a good argument for yourself and your  _ apprentice _ .”

With the way he said ‘apprentice’, he might as well have said ‘whore’.

“We’ll see about that, shall we? I rather think you do not know the Supreme Leader’s plans and motivations as intimately as I do.” Kylo Ren said, cutting the conversation short. “Now, if you’ll excuse me. I need to make another visit before returning her to the  _ Anthelion _ .”

In fact, Kylo Ren himself knew that there was a good chance he had overplayed his hand this time around. But if it was up to him, after having taken Rey to see agent XPK-5682, they would be off and never have to face Snoke at all.

~o0o~

The Fortress was still in some degree of uproar as Rey was pulled along the prison’s endless corridors by Kylo Ren. So far, his authority and identity as Snoke’s right-hand man had protected them both - dragged along by Kylo Ren, with him holding her weapon, Rey appeared to be counted officially as ‘captured’. Once more she marvelled at how he got away with his erratic actions. No one seemed to seriously suspect him of treachery, or if they did, they were too intimidated to openly accuse him.

Kylo Ren. A part of her still wanted to kill him.

But now he was helping her. He had freed Luke. Walking through the Fortress, taking in all the security gates, the ray shield generators, the weaponry, the guards, Rey realised that she would never even have got through to Luke on her own, much less got them both out alive.

She shot a thoughtful glance at Kylo Ren, tapped into their bond. There was something different about him, sure enough. What was his game this time around? Could she really trust him, or was all this once more some kind of extremely elaborate scheme on his part that she had not yet figured out?

But all these considerations were taking a back seat. The fire inside her was still burning, bent on destroying Snoke and taking out as much of the First Order as she could before burning out. If Kylo Ren was really messing with her in any way, he would regret it.

Right now, she was about to meet the man who had raised her for the first four years of her life, and who had brought her to Luke’s school so many years ago. Kylo Ren had warned her about the state he was in, and Rey tried to brace herself for it. But as it was, she had no memories of him. She had been looking for this man, waiting for him to come back for her all her life. But now she realised she felt… nothing.

“He was stationed on the  _ Respite _ . He will know where it is.” Rey murmured. 

“Probably. But his mind is too fragile. It will shatter if you push too hard,” Kylo Ren replied, equally softly.

He opened a cell door, and Rey stepped inside. Looking down on the catatonic, filthy shell of the man that had once been XPK-5682, Rey found herself at a loss for words. She did not even have a name - aside from the fake ‘Sorus Ghan’ and a Divinator denomination - to address him by. So she said nothing, knelt down slowly before him instead. He did not react.

“It’s me. Rey.”

She reached out to him as gently as she could with her hand and with the force, and felt - nothing, no revelation, no hidden memory, no emotion aside from pity at beholding the wasteland that was his psyche. The man stirred now, whimpering as he felt her probing.

“Careful now,” Kylo Ren cautioned.

But Rey did not know how to get anything out of this man other than through the force.  _ Talk to me. Look at me,  _ she half-implored, half-compelled him, and the man did look up at her now with his watery blue, beaded eyes. But as his gaze crossed hers, he recoiled, buried his face in his hands with a moan and tried to scoot away. Not only did he not recognise the little girl he had known, but whatever it was that he had seen in Rey’s eyes, he was afraid of it. Rey pulled back, affected for a moment, but then pressed into his mind further. The man was curling up, rocking slightly.

_ The  _ Respite _. What do you remember? _

“Rey,” Kylo Ren said softly. “What are you doing? You’ll break him.”

“I have to know,” Rey growled. “This man is dead already, his body just doesn’t know it yet.”

The prisoner’s mind came into focus, and Rey saw the mess of memories realign, nightmares separating from real experiences. She could see further back now. The Divinator XPK-5682 had been assigned to the  _ Respite _ as part of a very special, elite team tasked with guarding the top secret station and its inhabitants. There were flashes of daily life on the  _ Respite _ , bright, sterile corridors illuminated impossibly brightly. There was Rey’s mother, heavily pregnant. An image of MH-30++, Rey’s biological father, found dead in his cell after having hanged himself. Images of a young XPK-5682 sneaking her mother out, to freedom. And in between all, memories of horrible torture. An enraged Snoke, causing unspeakable pain. Like an echo, Rey felt what she had had to endure when she had been brought to Snoke for questioning.

“I’ll make Snoke pay for what he did to us, I promise. I’ll end his breeding program,” she whispered urgently. “But you have to help me. Tell me. Where is it? The  _ Respite _ ?”

She pushed on, and on - the information she was seeking was close, she knew it. The man groaned pitifully.

Kylo Ren clapped his hand on her shoulder. “Rey, he cared for you like a father. Any more and you will kill him. You can never take that back.”

Rey whirled around, lashing out at him, eyes dark. “Don’t you lecture me about fathers, Kylo Ren.”

As he withdrew as if he had been burned, she reached out one last time to XPK-5682’s memories, and as his feeble mind shattered under her probe, she saw it.

“It’s not located on any planet,” she whispered. “The  _ Respite _ is a mobile station. It’s where Snoke operates from. It’s where he really is, physically.”

With a last sigh - of relief? Of recognition? - XPK-5682 slumped.

“You killed him,” Kylo Ren said, putting aside what she had said for now, looking into her eyes and seeing the coldness there, the darkness. Where had her light gone, where was her compassion, where were her tears?

Rey looked back at him unfazed. “No. The First Order did. I merely put him out of his misery.”

Kylo Ren shook his head. “It’ll catch up with you, Rey. You have not realised it yet, but it will, believe me. I’ll take you to Luke. He can help you.”

Rey stood very still for a moment, looking at the ceiling. The  _ Respite  _ was a ship, then, so secret that not even Kylo Ren had known about its existence, much less its location. It had no definite coordinates that could be tortured out of anyone, it could be anywhere in the Unknown Regions, anywhere in the entire Galaxy, even.

And Snoke was very likely still on it, or close. The breeding program was his pet project, she knew, she had seen it in XPK-5682’s memories, and Snoke liked to keep it close, liked to inspect the results of his schedule first-hand. If she wanted to destroy it, face Snoke in the flesh, there was only one way.

“I want you to bring me in as your prisoner,” Rey demanded.

“Have you gone insane?” Kylo Ren asked exasperatedly.

“Before I escaped, Snoke was going to have me taken to the  _ Respite _ , wasn’t he?” Rey said. “Well then. He can have me.”

Kylo Ren became angry now. “You must be completely mad if you think you can take Snoke on on your own. Have you still no idea of how powerful he really is? No. We’re going to Luke.”

“Fine. Get out of here, then. I’ll turn myself in to Hux,” Rey said coldly.

“To Hux!” Kylo Ren thundered. “Have you not felt his thoughts when he looked at you? Do you not realise what he will do to you?”

“He will not kill me.” Rey said coldly. “He does not dare. He is a coward. If I need to go past him to get to Snoke, that is what I will do.”

Kylo Ren gripped her by the arms angrily. “You will fail, and you will end up as breeding cattle for Snoke, and all of this will have been pointless.”

“I’ll succeed or die trying,” Rey said nonchalantly. “Will you help me or not?”

She watched his face contort in agony.  _ He cares _ , a part of her noted. But she had known that. He cared so much he had been willing to leave aside all his convictions and become a traitor to the organisation he had murdered his father for. Suddenly the gravity of his latest actions hit her, and she moved her hand to rest on his own.

That spark was there again, their energies dancing around each other whenever they touched skin on skin. But whatever was between them could not faze her now. She needed to see this through.

“I don’t know what will happen if we return. If Snoke asks me to bring you in for questioning again, if he tortures you, I may not be able to protect you,” he warned, somewhat affected by their contact.

“If I can’t handle his hologram, I can’t hope to defeat the real deal now, can I?”

“You can’t. That is my point,” Kylo Ren said through gritted teeth. “You have felt his power before, and that was just indirectly, from a distance. Now imagine actually facing him.”

“We’ll see,” she said softly. “You taught me well, after all.”

~o0o~

And so it was that once more, Rey officially became a prisoner of the First Order. Under General Hux’s narrowed eyes, Kylo Ren made a show of leading Rey out the prison complex to a First Order shuttle parked outside, and soon they were headed for the  _ Anthelion _ . Rey watched down on the receding woodland area around the Fortress apologetically and hoped BB-8 had joined Luke on his escape, or that the little droid would eventually find some other safe passage off this planet. But she was not at leisure to worry about him now.

Given the changed circumstances of their arrangement, Kylo Ren would have been willing to give Rey her own quarters again. However, it turned out the  _ Anthelion  _ was already bursting at the seams trying to house the surviving crew of the much larger  _ Finalizer  _ on top of its original crew - the vessel had no more free quarters to spare near his own, and since Kylo Ren did not want to put Rey into a holding cell for fear of Hux getting to her, he convinced her to join him in his own quarters.

They were smaller, held no such luxuries such as a training room with a window to the stars. Rey could not call them cozier, either - if anything, due to Kylo Ren having stayed here only for a brief time, they were even more cold and impersonal. Aside from the bed there was a small sofa, however, on which Rey was happy to curl up as Kylo Ren left to give his report to Snoke.

He did not lock the doors behind him when he left, nor did he lock away her staff -  _ and why would he? _ Rey reminded herself. In a bizarre turnaround of their previous situation, she wanted to be here, and he did not.

Rey breathed out. There was one thing left to do before going through with her plan. One thing she did not look forward to. Sitting up cross-legged, she relaxed her breathing and focussed on the force, within herself and around her, just as Kylo Ren had taught her to when he had made her prepare the kyber crystal.

The force universe opened up before her once more. It was… different now. Before, she had looked at it through the lense of the light side. Now, as the dark side was running through her, the force around her had taken on a different aspect. Stronger, somehow more organic, pulsing links - not like the ethereal, shimmery network she had seen before.

It was still the same force, though, Rey reminded herself. Just a different facet of it. Had there ever been anyone who had seen both light and dark at the same time?

Rey suddenly remembered the symbols in the underwater Jedi temple on Ahch-To, how the two symbols of light and dark had pulsed and lit up one after the other, in a rhythm like a heartbeat. It had been this very same rhythm that she felt now in the dark side aspect around her.  _ How curious. _ The early Jedi might have been more in tune with the dark side than Luke may have suspected.

But Rey had no time for such observations now. It was Luke she needed to speak to, one last time. She send out her thoughts to him, into the universe, and there he was, his presence and his thoughts so close as if he was sitting next to her.

“Luke. Are you safe?”

“Rey, thank the stars. I am so glad you’re reaching out to me.”

Rey took a deep breath. “I have wanted to apologize. For earlier in the courtyard. For all I have put you through. For disappointing you.”

The expression on Luke’s face was so full of sorrow, Rey could hardly bear it.

“If you’re worried about me, if you feel like you have to apologize to me, it’s not too late, my Padawan,” Luke said. “You can still turn away from this path. It will only lead you to destruction.”

Rey closed her eyes.  _ I can’t be your Padawan anymore. _ Aloud she said:

“I don’t care about what happens to me any longer. All I care about is taking out Snoke and his disgusting program. The First Order is evil. Destroying it is worth dying for.”

“But it’s not worth going darkside for,” Luke said sharply. “Have you forgotten everything we talked about? Rey, there will always be another Snoke. There always is. And most likely, the way you are going, it will be you.”

“I could not care less about ruling the galaxy,” Rey hissed, angry at the accusation of being the next Dark Lord in the making.

“Perhaps now you can’t. Right now you only think you can use the dark side to accomplish something good. Foolish girl! Do you really think you are the first person to fall for this? Ben started out like this. The greatest Sith started out like this. How many! How many more of you does it take?”

Rey was dumbfounded. She had never seen Luke this angry, much less call her a ‘foolish girl’ before.

“The darkside is not simply power. It certainly isn’t neutral. And it can’t be used for good. It is fuelled by hatred, fear, pain, by subjugating and killing those in your path. It twists you, mind and soul, until it has turned you into the very thing you’re fighting against. You know this, Rey, you have always instinctively known this before you even fully awoke to the force. Because you are, at your core, naturally inclined to the light side. The fact that we are talking, that you reached out to me, it proves that a part of you is looking for my help. A part of you is still fighting the darkness. Listen to that impulse!”

Luke sounded almost plaintive now.

“Come back to me, together with Ben. I will do everything to help you restore your peace.  Remember how we talked about the light side and the dark on your very first night on Ahch-To. Remember how you felt then!”

Rey tried to, she really did. But it was all a haze now. It had been another life.

“I’m sorry, Luke. Goodbye and - thank you. For everything.”

“Rey--”

She breathed in sharply as her consciousness snapped back to her body in Kylo Ren’s quarters. Luke was gone. For good.

It was just her now. And she was going to see it through to the end.

[to be continued]


	34. It Is My Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey and Kylo Ren explore another aspect of their force bond.]

**Part III, Chapter VII: It Is My Choice** **  
** _ [In which Rey and Kylo Ren explore another aspect of their force bond.] _

~o0o~

Snoke, having listened to Kylo Ren’s report, looked at his knight from across his steepled fingers.

“So you were about to kill Skywalker when the girl attacked the Fortress, upon which you spontaneously decided to strike another deal,” he summed up.

He had no way of verifying the story - no one who had witnessed the encounter between Kylo Ren, Skywalker and FH-72 in the courtyard of the Fortress had survived, and the video feeds had been too full of smoke to see anything clearly.

“I took the liberty of anticipating your decision in the small window of opportunity,” Kylo Ren calmly stated. “I know how important she is to your plans, so I decided to secure her cooperation instead of dispatching of Skywalker. I do hope I did not misjudge your priorities.”

“You secured her cooperation? Are you telling me she agreed to this exchange, knowing what is expected of her from here on?”

“She is aware of the implication,” Kylo Ren said, his mask unmoving as ever.

“Most curious,” Snoke said. “Her behaviour perhaps less so - she has already sacrificed herself for Skywalker once before. But him, a Jedi, accepting this? He fled and left her in the hands of his enemy, just like that?”

“Skywalker is a coward,” Kylo Ren said coldly. “He ran when I chose the dark side, and he is running once more now that the girl has done the same. With her fall, and his abandoning her, he is no longer her Master and she is not longer his Padawan. You might say he has given her up to me.”

“Hmm. You might indeed,” Snoke mused. ‘Her fall’, Kylo Ren had said. Previously, he had spoken of the act of choosing the dark side as an ‘ascension’.

Once more, Snoke stretched out tendrils of the force towards his student. Kylo Ren’s mind was focussed, calm and had lost much of its tense volatility of old, which was a good thing for his purposes - but ever since the destruction of the  _ Finalizer _ , Snoke felt he was not as privy to everything that went on in Kylo Ren’s mind as he had been once.

From a young age, Ben Solo had told him all his fears and worries. For years, Snoke had groomed and guided the boy into becoming the fearsome Kylo Ren. He knew what was in the man’s heart better than he himself knew it.

Now however - was his creature still loyal?

Snoke had wondered about this before, a persistent suspicion nagging at him that Kylo Ren had come back from his ordeal a changed man. Unable to shake the feeling in his gut, he decided to put his knight’s loyalty and resolve to one more test.

“You made a sensible choice,” he said finally. “But after everything that has happened, however willingly she exchanged her freedom for Skywalker’s, there can be no doubt the girl will continue to work against us. As your apprentice, she would require your constant supervision, and I cannot afford to have your attention divided, or risk the  _ Anthelion  _ meeting the same fate as the  _ Finalizer _ . So I am declaring this experiment over for good.”

Snoke looked sharply at Kylo Ren, but the man gave no indication of protest or dejection.

“That is for the best,” he merely said.

“What remains is the plan I have already discussed with you at length. I will have the girl sent to the  _ Respite _ , where she will be kept in stasis for the rest of her fertile life. Get her with child, or send a sample of your seed along later, I do not care either way. Then, I will have you concentrate on the destruction of the Resistance. Its threat is steadily growing, and our continued losses are leaving us increasingly vulnerable.”

“Certainly, Supreme Leader.”

It was almost aggravating, Snoke thought, how Kylo Ren did not even flinch at his explicit order to do his part to continue the Skywalker family line. A request that had filled him with dread and turmoil before was now being accepted without much ceremony.

“I do not wish to see any more creative interpretation, spur-of-the-moment bargains, or independent decisions on your part this time. This order is to be followed,” Snoke said emphatically.

“You have made yourself very clear, Supreme Leader. Do you wish me to bring her to you myself?”

There was a pause.

“To me? Why would you think I am anywhere near the  _ Respite _ ?”

“Whenever we have met in person in the past, it was always on neutral ground. I figured you must have a home, a permanent base somewhere,” Kylo Ren said. “So when you told me about the  _ Respite _ , I naturally assumed that was it.”

“Astute as always, Kylo Ren.” Snoke took care to not let on that this answer did not entirely satisfy him. “Anyway, no. You are to remain behind on the  _ Anthelion _ . I will send an escort that will convey her here. You are simply to prepare and sedate her for transport. When you are ready, notify me.”

“Understood, Supreme Leader.”

The hologram winked out, and Snoke, in his study, unfolded from the large armchair from which he pulled the strings of his empire.

He had not survived for this long by being a fool. He could not prove that Kylo Ren was conspiring against him. But his gut feeling had never failed him. Time was of the essence now, if he wanted to retain control over the situation.

He pushed a button, and one of his Divinator guards appeared from the outside. Like all of the staff of the  _ Respite _ , he was dressed in a pristine white uniform, a half-helmet hiding most of his features. Nowadays, most of his guards had been born on the  _ Respite _ \- fruits of his schedule in which the force had regrettably failed to manifest. However, Snoke never threw away what might be of use to him one day. Most of these Divinators had never known anything but life on the  _ Respite _ , and all of them had undergone strict assessments and schooling to ensure they followed him diligently. Their loyalty, unlike Kylo Ren’s, was unquestionable.

“I want a retrieval squad to leave for the  _ Anthelion  _ within the hour.”

~o0o~

Rey woke from her restless sleep when she felt Kylo Ren sit down next to her on the sofa in the gloom of the room.

“How did it go?” She asked, rubbing her eyes. She could not see his expression in the twilight clearly, but she felt his exhaustion through their bond.

“He is not a fool, Rey. He suspects. But I have not openly rebelled, so he has no reason to openly confront me with his suspicion, either.”

He paused briefly. 

“Anyway, it seems you will get your wish. I am to let Snoke know when I have finished preparing you for transport. Then, he will send an escort to take you to the _Respite_.” He seemed visibly uncomfortable now. “I must ask you something. That evening before you escaped from the _Finalizer_ , you and I...”

“I’m not pregnant. Checked with medbay on D’Qar,” Rey said. Kylo Ren looked away and was silent for a moment. But she felt his relief flood through him, and realised he really never had wanted any part in Snoke’s plans - not only for her sake, but for his own as well. The very idea of being a father terrified him.

“I was not motivated by Snoke’s orders back then,” he said eventually. “Though I can’t blame you for supposing it. You must know, Rey, that all this--”

There were a thousand more things he wanted to say, but she stopped them dead in her tracks.

_ I know. We’re good.  _ Rey reached out to him almost shyly and let her hand run along his face. This time, it was Kylo Ren who inclined his head ever so slightly to lean into her touch, hesitantly, as if he was scared she’d draw back if he moved. 

And they really were, Rey thought to her own surprise - good, that is. A few hours ago, she would have been happy to kill this man, and now here they were: he wanted nothing more than to leave and take her to Luke, while she wanted nothing more than a shot at burying her saberstaff in Snoke’s decrepit body. Funny how these things worked out.

What was Kylo Ren to her, now? She felt all his emotions reserved for her, affection and longing, genuine as always and stronger than ever. As before, when he had been the one wrapped into a heavy coat of darkness, his feelings reached her at her core. But did any of it still matter at this point? She could not afford to indulge in any feelings for him she might harbour, not with the task ahead.

“What does Snoke mean, ‘preparing me for transport’?” she asked.

“It does not matter. We can still leave. You don’t have to do any of this.” 

Rey shook her head. “Snoke must die,” she said simply.

“You can’t win this, Rey. You will burn out in the attempt,” he said increasingly emphatically.

Instead of replying, Rey leaned in carefully and let her lips brush across his, savouring the sensation of him being so close.

_ Maybe. If so, let me feel you just one more time. _

She was crushed against him almost painfully as he pulled her towards him.

“This isn’t right,” he murmured, belying his hands running down her back.

“Not any more or less than last time,” she replied between kisses, feeling the tingling rush of his desire once more, awakening and mingling with hers.

There was no need to establish a truce this time. Rey did not stop to think about where her staff or his saber were located as he pulled off her shirt. A part of her wondered about herself - what was she doing? To go from wanting to kill Kylo Ren to wanting him as close to her as possible once more, within less than a day? Could their relationship be anything but utterly strange at any point?

She tapped into their bond and felt him, really concentrated on only him for the first time since they had met again under these changed circumstances. It was still  _ him _ , obviously - this overwhelmingly powerful presence in the force that drew her in as he had always done. But something fundamental about him had shifted. Where he had been volatile and high-strung, off-kilter, he was now centered, focussed, at peace on such a deep level his worried and anxious thoughts were just a superficial blots on a background of peace and confidence. And then she recognised it. What she saw there, what she felt at his core - that was what the little flicker inside him had become, a strong light offsetting his dark power. He was in perfect balance now, light side and dark.

While she was busy running her fingers through his hair, she did not even notice that Kylo Ren was studying her much as she was studying him, anxiously searching for her innate light in the heavy, powerful darkness he had brought out in her, the darkness that bent all her thoughts towards revenge and destruction. It was buried deep, but still there - he could feel it. He reached out to it, nourished it, strengthened it, all the while sending little jolts of the force through her body, to which she eagerly responded. The darkness receded a little as she allowed herself to be carried away by little shocks of pleasure, moaning softly and pressing herself against him. Her hand was rubbing him through the tissue of his trousers now, and, desperate to feel her touch, he briefly lifted her up to undo his belt. But then, with the memory of the twins’ accusing eyes in his mind, he paused.

“Rey, I’m sure neither of us want to--” Kylo Ren began, but she guided his fingertips to her lower left arm where he could feel a tiny object under her skin.

“Got an implant on D’Qar,” she said. “Seemed like a good idea, all things considered.”

“It won’t protect you on the  _ Respite _ ,” he could not help but say. “If that station is everything Snoke says it is, they’ll find and remove it.”

“It won’t come to that,” she said, equally serious. “You don’t want any part in this either, do you? The Skywalker family is what really matters to Snoke; he has no use for me without you. So it’s like I said. I will succeed or die trying.”

Kylo Ren nearly despaired. There were so many things wrong with this foolhardy plan of hers, how did she not see that?

“Don’t do this. Don’t destroy yourself. Please.”

_ Let’s not fight now. _ Rey said in his mind.  _ Let’s make one good memory. One single thing neither of us will regret. _

One good memory was not anywhere near enough, Kylo Ren thought. He was greedy like that. But if he dragged her away from her deadly mission forcibly, he would lose her. Once more, the choice had to be hers. How, then, could he change her mind?

“Bed,” Rey murmured, and perhaps - a wild hope sprang up in him - perhaps he could bind her to him this way, sway her like he had been swayed by touching her soul, her mind and body. Unlike before, this time he could fully bare his soul to her. There was no sickening secret plaguing him at the back of his mind anymore. Now there was just his honest wish to make her his, and be hers.

With renewed purpose, Kylo Ren carried her towards the bed much as he had done the first time, while she pulled off his tunic and let it fall to the floor where it was soon joined by his trousers. He set her down briefly to undo her own belt, but found himself distracted by her massaging his already hard member, teasingly sending little sparks of the force up and down his body.

“If you keep doing that, this’ll be over quickly,” he warned, finally discarding her last piece of garment and pulling her close once more. She flooded him with her own feelings of desire now, and he threw her down onto the bed roughly and pressed down on her with his entire weight, pushing her legs apart. But Rey wasn’t having it. Kylo Ren found himself picked up and turned on his back by the force, until she had inversed their positions and was now straddling him. Perhaps he could have fought it, but why on earth would he?

_ Self control is the starting point for all Jedi teachings _ . He had no idea why these words from his youth were entering his mind now, because self control was the last thing he was capable of as she left a trail of kisses on her way down his stomach towards his groin. If anything they made him realise that, whatever happened from here on, he could never take up Jedi training again. He could never swear off his feelings for her, or the pure thrill of something like this. Just a little bit lower, and her lips would be on his member - the thought drove him wild; it had been years since anybody had pleasured him that way. But surely, inexperienced in these matters as Rey was, she would never even consider--

He gasped helplessly, nearly lost it when she took him into her mouth, sucking and running her tongue along his length.

“Who taught you--” he said between gasps. How did she know  _ exactly  _ what to do?

_ In your mind. _ Rey replied by way of an explanation, and Kylo Ren felt her then, lightly touching his memories and following his reactions to every one of her movements. She was all around him, picking him apart like a machine and pushing all his buttons, taking the knowledge of how he like to be touched straight out of his head, and applying it to an almost devastating effect.

_ Scavenger. _ Kylo Ren thought helplessly, as she gripped and sucked him almost painfully, and white stars of pleasure formed in front of his inner vision.

“Hmm,” she said around him - he  _ felt  _ her smirk - and added,  _ I get your thing for dominance now _ . And like an echo, he picked up on her own private thoughts full of glee and triumph.  _ I’m destroying him. _

That did it. With a growl, Kylo Ren flipped them over once more and put her into an immoveable force hold.

“Nice as this is, you should know by know what I like best,” he said darkly. It was almost ridiculous how easily she brought this urge out in him. She was different now from when they had done this the first time, but she was still strong and proud and stubborn, still refusing any of his attempts to control her. It still drove him mad.

“Bring it.” Rey replied breathlessly, meeting his gaze unafraid, even with an excited little gleam in her eyes, and Kylo Ren might have taken her right then - but he just about managed to hold back.

“How about I teach you a thing or two about dominance instead?” he said. Without so much as touching her, he let the force build up and run through her, let her feel the tingle on the tip of her every nerve end. Wave after wave he sent through her like this, and Rey was once more lost in intense pleasure. She tried to reach for him, but he would not let her, and Rey gritted her teeth in frustration as he left her there, agonising one step off the edge. She groaned, and muttered a curse through a gasp.

“Excuse me?” Kylo Ren tilted his head in mock-deafness.

_ You know damn well what I want. _

“Tell me. Say it,” he demanded, sending more force shocks through her, keeping her just off the edge. Rey felt like punching him. Dimly remembering how he had taught her to transform pain into power, she attempted the same with the next wave of pleasure he sent through her, took it, twisted it, let it fuel her.

“You wish.” Her arm shot out, free from his hold, but he was ready for it, pushing her back down. He was not going to make it this easy for her.

“That thing you did earlier,” he said, panting slightly with the effort of holding her down. “Taking my knowledge and my experiences from my mind, and using them. Have you done it before?”

“Really, that’s what you want to talk about now?” Rey said through gritted teeth, and Kylo Ren grinned slightly at how much she wanted him and how stubbornly she refused to  _ beg _ . But she would get there - she would give in eventually. He sent another jolt of the force through her, and she shuddered.

“No, I think you haven’t, not consciously at least.” Ignoring her question, he answered his own. “But you’ve always learnt so fast.The techniques that took me years to master, the force skills I showed you only once or twice - I’ve always wondered about that.”

“Jealous?” Rey smirked insufferably, and hope welled up in Kylo Ren. She enjoyed this, this bantering, the playful teasing; anything that got her mind off her self-destructive purpose was good.

“Perhaps a little,” he admitted. It nearly took all this concentration, but he pushed her to the edge once more, only to leave her hanging, dangling one step off release. “But I figured it out now. It must have been the force bond that has unconsciously supplied you with all my knowledge and skills. And just now, you utilised it on purpose for the first time. You  _ stole  _ my experience.”

“Yeah, well. If your ship ever breaks down at an inopportune moment and you’re stuck on a forsaken planet without a manual, help yourself to my expertise.” Rey gasped, hoarsely, and actually kicked at him in her frustration.

“I’d rather help myself to this.” Kylo Ren wrapped his consciousness further around hers. This wasn’t like a probe - their consciousnesses were already entangled deeply, and now he used this intimate connection to sense her every desire. She wanted-- him, badly; that tingle, that feeling of being stretched and filled, she wanted his weight on her, and his passion. She loved what she called his ‘thing for dominance’; the fighting, the mutual struggle for power. She knew how strong he was, and meeting him on equal footing made  _ her  _ feel strong. Below this more carnal, base desire were her core feelings - the need for belonging, the wound of broken trust his earlier betrayal had ripped into her, her loneliness crying out to his own, and stars above, if she wasn’t the most perfect thing to have ever crossed his path.

_ Made for me _ , he thought and a brief bout of anger at Snoke flared up in him for having twisted the meaning of these powerful words as he had. Yes, Rey’s family history was sad and sickening, but she was not some robot whose character had been carefully planned on a drawing board. That they matched each other so well in mind and soul was not something Snoke could have planned for - it had been chance, a blessing, a beautiful, precious miracle. He had to make her see this. He had to make her see what he saw in her. If there was any hope of saving her, he needed to push back the darkness, call forth her light.

Rey groaned under him, evidently out of patience.

“I swear to the stars, if you don’t--” she started, but be cut her off with a kiss, sinking into her almost desperately. As he joined their bodies, he reached out into her mind through their bond, searching, grasping for the light he knew was there. Rey was not the first person he slept with, but she was the first who he was going to make love to.

Rey, having anticipated something more violent, was for a moment completely taken aback, overwhelmed by the onslaught not of his body, but his emotions this time. She had not been quite ready for this approach - slow, gentle, loving, worshipping her.

“Let go.” He whispered, slowly moving against her. “Just let go.”

Part of his mind stayed right where it was - deeply entangled with Rey’s emotions and sensations, allowing him direct insight into how she experienced his movements, and what exactly he had to do to make her melt under him.

Rey was completely lost. She had quite liked the wild, carnal nature of their previous encounter, but this was an entirely different experience, and no less enjoyable - a slow, gentle dance, every thrust, every touch deliberate and aimed to increase her pleasure. It stirred her, and for a moment she choked, tears burning in the corner of her eyes. It wasn’t fair of him, after everything, to do something like this to her. It was not fair to make her feel what she now felt.

Time stopped as they moved, and their mingled emotions and sensations slowly built up to a shared wave of pleasure, and at its crest, Kylo Ren found the core of Rey’s spirit, engulfed her, kissed her. She was wholly before him now, a creature of light and dark, like himself.

_ I am so sorry what I did to you. Please don’t do this to yourself. _

He felt her emotions for him wash over him - affection, longing, a bittersweet feeling of regret for everything that could have been, had they met in a different life under different stars.

_ You know I’ve forgiven you for everything. I’m not going after Snoke because of anything you did, but for myself. This is between me and him. Let me do this. Let me make my decision. It is my choice. _

And it was. Kylo Ren realised it now. He had no right to decide for her. Rey needed to face the creature who was responsible for everything bad in her life to find closure, or she would never find peace again.

Much like himself, really. Kylo Ren, too, would need to face his maker eventually. But he was not ready, he was not quite there yet. There were certain things he needed to work out first.

_ Then please promise me, Rey. Don’t throw your life away recklessly. Face him, but preserve yourself. _

She looked at him solemnly, and he knew then that she would make no such promise. She could not. If she swore off the darkness while facing Snoke, if she let the demons - her guilt, her horror - catch up with her, she would break down, and Snoke would crush her. Kylo Ren knew this, too, remembered feeling like this all too well. Did she suffer the headache he had had, did she hear the whispers he had heard towards the end?

Instead of pleading for her promise any longer, he gave her his own.

_ I’ll be right behind you. _

At that, finally, she smiled - a warm, genuine smile that was all his Rey, freckles and dimples and light.

_ I’m counting on it, Kylo. _

The wave of pleasure broke, and the two of them came crashing down, collapsing onto the bed, clinging to each other as if they were each other’s life savers.

“‘Kylo?’” He repeated, the peculiarity of what she had said only striking him belatedly. She had never called him just that, had never shortened his name, and certainly not spoken it in anything but fear or rage.

“You prefer Ben?” She murmured lazily, eyes closed and snuggling against him. “I don’t mind. But I get the feeling it makes you jumpy.”

If he was, then that was because Ben Solo had been a pitiful, unhappy, failed existence. Kylo Ren, in comparison, had been an angry, volatile, murderous one. Which was better? Which of these two names should he try and fill with new meaning?

“I’ll leave it up to you.” Kylo Ren said, wrapping his arms around her and the blanket around them both.

[to be continued]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing the ACTUAL PURPOSE of a force bond 34 chapters later into the story - and then it is in a surprise lemon. I'm sorry.
> 
> So yeah, force bonds are supposed to have a more practical use aside from being a neat spiritual communication / dream hijacking device. This little fact will be brought up later again in a less inappropriate context, promise. ;-)


	35. Guidance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey’s plan goes slightly awry, and Luke tells his nephew to listen to the dark side.]

**Part III, Chapter VIII: Guidance**   
_ [In which Rey’s plan goes slightly awry, and Luke tells his nephew to listen to the dark side.] _

~o0o~

Kylo Ren opened his eyes lazily. He felt profoundly at peace, perfectly quiet, perfectly calm. He was lying on his side, and curled into him snugly, skin on skin was Rey, fast asleep, breathing calmly. They were both stark naked. He had his arms around her, his face buried in her hair. She had her legs tangled in his. He could feel her slow, steady heartbeat pulse against his arm.

It was a perfect moment.

And he knew then that he had dreamt of this exact scene, months ago, when he had just captured Rey on Ahch-To. Not a dream then - a force vision. A promise of things to come, though he had not understood it at the time. Had he always been headed for this point, even then? Had the force led him here? Where was it leading him now? More importantly, where was it leading  _ her _ ?

Time flowed back. Someone was coming, he suddenly realised.

There was a noise at the door, and an instant later it opened - no surprise there, since he had not bothered to lock it. What was surprising was that anyone would be brazen enough to march into Kylo Ren’s quarters without knocking or waiting for permission.

It became a little less surprising when he realised it was General Hux, followed by a squad of guards all dressed in white, face obscured by masks and half-helmets. Divinators from the  _ Respite _ , Kylo Ren realised instantly, pushing himself up in his bed and instinctively laying one hand protectively on Rey’s shoulder. What were they doing here already?

“Ah. I can see you wasted no time in picking up your  _ lessons  _ with her right where you left off, Ren,” Hux said with an insufferable smirk at finding confirmed what he had long suspected. “Anyway, terribly sorry to interrupt, but an escort has arrived sent by the Supreme Leader to pick up your little toy, highest priority.”

He felt Rey’s anger rise, dark and hot, as she shrunk back against him under the blanket, and he hurriedly sought to calm her through their bond to avoid escalating the situation. But really, he was not faring much better at quelling his own fury.

“You will leave my quarters immediately and wait outside,” Kylo Ren both ordered and force-compelled the men. The General he hardly expected to comply - not only were they evenly ranked, but Hux had trained himself to withstand mind tricks. But to his great irritation, the squad of Divinators behind him made no move to obey, either.

“I gave you a distinct order, soldiers,” he growled, pressing down on the group with the force for good measure. But they would not budge, and Kylo Ren realised that they, too, must have been trained specifically to withstand force coercion. Trained by Snoke, most likely, which told him the Supreme Leader’s patience was well and truly up, as was his trust in his disciple when it came to Rey.

“We are under direct orders from the Supreme Leader himself,” the leading Divinator informed Kylo Ren. “We are to take the prisoner with us, immediately, no delays. The transport pod is waiting outside your quarters.”

Hux’s triumphant look at him and his unabashed stare at Rey was almost too much to bear. Scowling, Kylo Ren reached for his trousers next to the bed and slipped inside under the blanket. Rey, too, had gone for the nearest piece of clothing which happened to be his own black tunic.

_ This is it _ , he heard her think, and felt her anxiety spike, though she had probably not meant to communicate it.

_ Remember the force bond, what I told you earlier. If you find yourself overwhelmed, use my knowledge and my power on top of your own. I will do all I can to help.  _ Kylo Ren told her, increasingly growing nervous as their situation began to really sink in. Rey would be taken away, right now. No time to prepare her, to smuggle her saberstaff into the pod alongside her, to teach her how to lower her life signs to fake being sedated, no way to place a tracker on her for him to follow-- wait. He had a tracking device on hand, had he not?

In a moment of clarity, Kylo Ren reached for his own belt and, as Rey disentangled herself from the blanket and got up from the bed, handed it to her.

_ There’s a tracker inside. Put it on and don’t let anyone take it off. _

She met his gaze thin-lipped and wide-eyed, and took it silently. While she was still busy securing it on her, one of the Divinators stepped towards Rey and without further warning, jabbed a syringe into her neck. The last glance Rey threw Kylo Ren before her eyes rolled up back into her head was one of panic - this was not going as she had planned, they both knew it. Once sedated, there was no reason for Snoke to let her wake up ever again, and the First Order had quite the advanced knowledge on sedatives. Not even Luke Skywalker had been able to beat the drugs in his body during his imprisonment on the  _ Finalizer _ .

_ I’ll be fine. _ Her last clear thought reached him before she folded up - brave despite herself to the last minute. She was caught by two Divinators and carried outside.

Kylo Ren slipped into his boots and a shirt, grabbing his lightsaber. He needed to arm her somehow, unseen. He could not hope to smuggle her staff into the pod at this point, it was too big, too obvious. But the handle of the Skywalker saber was just slightly larger than the length of his hand.

_ Think. Find a way. _

The Divinators were just putting Rey into the pod outside Kylo Ren’s quarters when he emerged, with Hux looking on in satisfaction as Rey was strapped down with the pods’ restraints. Kylo Ren saw one of the guards put an IV needle inside her arm, securing it with medical tape.

“I told you you wouldn’t get to keep her, Ren. Your personal interests have jeopardised the supremacy of the First Order long enough,” Hux said smugly, but Kylo Ren ignored him. He put down a small, towel-wrapped bundle inside the pod.

“I believe the Supreme Leader also told you he required me to send along this sample,” he told the leader of the Divinators evenly.

“Ah, yes. We were just about to come to that. The Supreme Leader will be pleased to hear of your ready cooperation.”

Kylo Ren narrowed his eyes, and he let the force snake around the man’s throat. He would not be talked to like this, least of all by someone who was about to take Rey into the rancor’s den.

“You reek of insolence. Do not presume to reward me for good behaviour when I could crush you where you stand.”

The Divinator flinched visibly and gasped for air. Happily, the force still instilled the sense terror in the guards’ minds that Kylo Ren’s mere presence failed to, currently lacking mask and hood and having been caught in a rather embarrassing situation. No one, not even Hux, spent a thought on inspecting the package he had placed next to Rey while he emitted waves of pure murder.

Glaring menacingly for good measure, Kylo Ren let go of the man’s throat and stepped back. The pod’s lid closed on Rey. But just before it did, unseen, Kylo Ren reached out with the force and pulled the IV needle out of her arm again. Here was to hoping that the effects of the first injection would wear off during transport.

The Divinators saluted to both him and Hux, and then hurried off with their cargo down the corridor. Kylo Ren watched them go, careful to keep his face absolutely blank under Hux’ triumphant smile.

“Don’t pine after her too long, Ren, it was fun while it lasted, wasn’t it? There is a High Command meeting scheduled at 1400 hours. You’d best get your head straight until then.”

“Thank you for your concern, General. I will make sure to be prepared.”

Calmly, Kylo Ren turned back into his quarters. He got dressed fully - plain dark clothes instead of his usual robes - gathered Rey’s saberstaff, and finally placed his helmet, his outside face for many years, onto the desk in the middle of his room. He would not need it anymore from here on.

Then he made his way to the  _ Anthelion _ ’s Hangar Bay 3, where he knew Hux’ command shuttle was parked, ignoring the curious looks he earned from passing crew - curiosity that changed into astonishment and hurried disinterest in those that recognised him as Kylo Ren.

Sure enough, the shuttle’s records still held the frequency of the position sensor on his belt - Hux had used it to track and save him after he had nearly died on Starkiller Base, after all. Kylo Ren picked up a datapad, copied the tracker’s frequency and called a map of the galaxy onto its screen. The scanners did not pick up anything right now - also not surprising, since the  _ Respite  _ escort had most likely already gone into hyperspace. But he had a lead now, and as soon as the scanners did pick up a signal, he would be on his way.

Before that, though, he needed to make one other trip.

~o0o~

The Resistance Base on D’Qar had seen quite a busy couple of weeks. Only a short while ago, the Resistance had gained an unexpected victory over the _Finalizer_ during the battle of Ahch-To. In its wake, the supposedly captive Rey had shown up in a stolen TIE fighter, only to vanish again one day later along with the little droid BB-8, without a word to any of her friends. Then, informants had brought reports that the First Order’s largest prison, the Fortress, had suffered some kind of attack - and shortly after _that_ , a First Order command shuttle had showed up over D’Qar with none other but Luke Skywalker on board, BB-8 trailing proudly behind as the legendary Jedi made his way across the airfield towards his sister.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the Resistance was still in a buzz two days later, and even less surprisingly, rumours were running wild among those who were not as well-connected with the principal figures in these events. But D’Qar was about to receive an even more unexpected visitor.

Luke and Leia, holed up together in the General’s study, felt it before the TIE fighter was spotted over the Resistance base. Later, Leia would not quite remember how she hurried outside, her own heartbeat pounding in her ears as she watched it land under the careful scrutiny of the guards. Luke had told her what Ben had done, but a part of her still thought it was a dream. 

It was really him, though. Her long-lost son, come home.

Absolute silence fell on the airfield as the tall, dark-haired man emerged from the vessel. Few here had ever seen Kylo Ren in person, and fewer still knew of his personal connection with the leadership of the Resistance, so to most people, this man was a stranger. But with the way Luke Skywalker walked up to meet him, and the way General Organa was rooted to the spot, slumping slightly against the frozen figure of Chewbacca behind her, even the most clueless spectator realised they were witnessing something incredible.

“Poe,” Finn murmured, half leaning on his crutch, but more leaning on the ace pilot next to him, his soft address almost being drowned out by BB-8’s staccato beeps.

“I know,” Poe Dameron replied hollowly, feeling rather weak himself as he stared at the protagonist of so many of his nightmares across the distance.

“What the hell is going on?”

~o0o~

Whatever the rumour mill was saying about who he was and what he wanted, Kylo Ren was glad to find that when he left his mother’s study hours later - late at night, feeling many things, but primarily exhausted beyond belief - nobody assailed him for information. Either they dared not, or they had no words.

Or so it seemed at first. It turned out there were two people waiting for him down the corridor, after all - the two men who, aside from Rey and his own family, he had made to suffer most: the pilot Poe Dameron, and the stormtrooper defector.  _ The traitor _ , Kylo Ren shook his head slightly as he walked towards the inevitable confrontation.  _ A traitor like himself. _

“That is Rey’s saberstaff,” FN-2187 stated, staring hard at him and the staff Kylo Ren had slung across his back. The man was still leaning on a crutch after the injury to his spine Kylo Ren had inflicted, but tried to stand up as straight as he could. Kylo Ren could pick up anger and anxiety radiating off the man, even without going anywhere near his mind.

“Where is she? What have you done to her?” FN-2187 demanded aggressively.

_ How come you are walking around this place as if you own it? How come the General has not locked you up in the deepest cell we have? _ Those were other questions hanging in the air, but clearly not the ones concerning FN-2187 the most. He felt too strongly for Rey to care about anything else, Kylo Ren could tell that, too.

“What has she told you?” Kylo Ren replied, fighting down the sudden spark of jealousy he felt at remembering how Rey, too, had always been filled with a happy glow whenever she thought of this man. Now was not the time. Anyway, it seemed from FN-2187’s reaction to his question, Rey could not have shared much about her time with the First Order with him.

“I can make a good enough guess, you son of a--” Finn started, and swallowed the last bit, probably less out of respect for him rather than for General Organa.

The trio stared at each other wordlessly for a moment, until - incredibly to both Finn and Poe - Kylo Ren looked away.

“It is not my story to tell.”

He could not bring himself to say more, or to utter an apology to the two men for what he had done to them. It would have sounded wrong, shallow. Now was not the time for this, either.

Unimpeded by further addresses, Kylo Ren made his way outside, briefly checking his datapad to see whether the signal of his tracker had reappeared. Luke was out here, somewhere. It had been hard for him to find words for his mother, and just as hard would it be to find words for Chewbacca, who was not disposed to forgive him as easily. The wookiee was avoiding him, that much was clear, as unable to face him as he was to face Chewie in return.

It was strange how Luke, of all people, was easiest to talk to. Kylo Ren found him out on the airfield in his own command shuttle - the one he had told Luke to commandeer after the events at the Fortress. The Resistance had not been idle. Rey showing up in a TIE fighter had been one thing, but the personal shuttle of the Supreme Leader’s right-hand man was not only fitted with the First Order’s most advanced technology, but also held a wealth of information in its logs and computers. In the few days it had been on D’Qar, Resistance technicians had set to work to pick it apart, dismantling and studying it and stripping it of every piece of intel. Kylo Ren sighed softly as he took in the extent of the damage. This shuttle would not go anywhere in a hurry.

The overly eager technicians were not around now, but his uncle was, sitting in the pilot’s seat and evidently enjoying the feel of the shuttle’s controls in his hand. As Kylo Ren climbed aboard, he turned around.

“State of the art, really. I have to say, Ben. If you had told me the First Order offered such nice rides, I might have been tempted to join you after all.”

“Please, uncle,” Kylo Ren said softly. “It is hardly appropriate to joke about this.”

“Suit yourself,” Luke shrugged. “I thought you’d appreciate a little light-heartedness after all the heavy talk. Chewie was here earlier. Left when I told him you were coming. He does not know how to deal with you. Unlike Leia and myself, he does not understand what the dark side can do to people like us.”

People like us. These words helped Kylo Ren more than any feeble joke might have. Truth to be told, he had not been entirely sure why he had come to D’Qar at all. Maybe a part of him was sure that, when the tracking signal appeared, he was going off to his demise, and he wanted to set at least some things straight before the inevitable.

“I gave mother the frequency upon which to pick up on the tracker’s signal to the  _ Respite _ , as well as information and locations of the major First Order bases and ships. She will give me time to settle things. After that, she is free to do with the information as she pleases.”

Luke nodded distantly. Kylo Ren knew that, however much his uncle had been drawn into this matter, at his heart he still wanted to stay out of the conflict between the First Order and the New Republic. This was not his battle to fight - not really. No matter how much Leia hoped for it, all Luke wanted to do was to help and heal those closest to him, not to lead them into war.

“What are you going to do once you get to the  _ Respite _ ?” Luke asked.

“Save Rey.” Kylo Ren’s answer came without thinking, but Luke shook his head.

“Not good enough. Think. There is a reason you came here, to D’Qar, to me. You are sure in regards to Rey, but you are wavering in regards to yourself. You are still looking for guidance.”

His uncle was sharp as ever, Kylo Ren realised. Yes, it was true. At the core of it, there was one simple truth.

“I am not ready to face Snoke. I don’t know how.”

“Well, it is not strength in the force you lack,” Luke remarked.

“No, not that,” Kylo Ren agreed, and that, too, he knew to be true. He was strong, stronger now than he had ever been. “It is… how should I put it? Conviction, perhaps.”

“You feel like considering your heavy sins, you are the last person in the galaxy to call Snoke out on his.”

Once more, Kylo Ren was taken aback by how astutely his uncle knew to break his own convoluted thoughts and worries down to a simple few words. He nodded silently.

“Ben. I’m going to tell you something which you will find odd,” Luke said. “It is this: when you are standing before him, I want you to listen to the dark side.”

‘Odd’ was an understatement for what Kylo Ren considered Luke’s words to be.

“Don’t gape at me like that. It is really quite simple. You are so focussed on atoning for your own crimes that you are forgetting the ones that have been committed against you. I want you to face those first, before facing Snoke. Leave your own guilt at the door. Don’t make it about politics. Don’t even make it about saving Rey - she must face her demons on her own now, just as you did.”

“But I made her--” Kylo Ren protested, but Luke cut in sharply.

“No! I told you, there will be no time for guilt when you face Snoke. This is about him, and yourself. Confront him with what he, personally, has done to you, personally. The dark side will help you see it. It will tell you to feel rage. To take revenge.”

Kylo Ren stared in amazement at the Jedi.

“And then, of course, put it aside,” Luke said with a wink. “Choose compassion. I only just got you back, after all.”

It was this moment that the datapad lit up and gave a soft notification sound. Kylo Ren’s eyes snapped towards the map, zooming in. From deep within the Unknown Regions, a signal was pulsing softly.

“Well, this is it. I shall leave you younglings to it,” Luke said, getting up from the pilot’s seat and turned to leave. “You can’t help Rey beat her own inner darkness, but you can help her find closure. Show her a place to come home to, and so the force wills it, she will claw her own way back to the light. That is where she really belongs, after all.”

_ Thank you, uncle. _

Kylo Ren was only just beginning to make sense of Luke’s words, but he had no more time to contemplate them now. Snoke was bound to find the tracker on Rey eventually, would understand what he had done, would realise his betrayal by seeing her wield his saber if he had not caught on to it already by way of his unaccountable absence from the  _ Anthelion _ . In any case, he needed to get to the  _ Respite  _ as soon as possible, before Snoke destroyed the tracker and moved his station to some other location. Since his command shuttle clearly wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, the TIE fighter he had arrived in would have to do - the hyperdrive ring he had used to get here was still in orbit around D’Qar.

Luke had already vanished somewhere when Kylo Ren emerged from the dismantled shuttle and made his way across the dark airfield to the TIE fighter parked a little ways off. As he was about to climb inside, he felt Chewie draw up behind him. The wookiee emitted a questioning moan.

“No, not really.” Kylo Ren replied without turning around. ”I will do all I can to save her, but I don’t expect to make it back.”

He could probably have dodged the blow, but decided to take whatever Chewbacca felt he needed to dish out. The force knew the wookiee deserved to rip him apart. It was only for their past history, and him being Han Solo’s son, that he came out on the other side of that punch alive. Chewie growled as Kylo Ren picked himself up and finally faced his father’s oldest friend.

“Yes, I do deserve that, and worse,” he admitted. “But I have to go now.”

Chewbacca moaned again, accusingly, and Kylo Ren found himself bristling at the insinuation.

“Good enough to get me to the  _ Respite _ ,” he said. Yes, piloting was but a means to an end for him, and he had never understood neither his father’s nor his uncle’s obsession with flying, but it wasn’t like he was going off to a starfighter battle. The wookiee crossed his arms and, with another moan, nodded curtly into the darkness. Kylo Ren was dumbfounded.

“No. I’m not taking the  _ Falcon _ , and you are not coming. This is something I have to do on my own.”

The wookiee was in his face so fast and close he was forced to take a step back instinctively. Right. 

“ _ You will stay safely here on D’Qar and-- _ ” The mind trick Kylo Ren attempted on Chewbacca served only to enrage the already irritated wookiee further. His punch this time was even more forceful than the first, and Kylo Ren saw stars for a moment as he slumped against the hull of the starship. Chewbacca’s growl was low and threatening.

“Right. The  _ Falcon _ it is.”

Chewbacca moaned, sounding a lot more satisfied. 

And so it happened that Kylo Ren boarded Han Solo’s ship once more, briefly spending a thought to the last time he had done so on Starkiller Base. It felt like a lifetime ago. But he had decided - he was going off to fulfill his grandfather’s legacy, and what better ship to use to this end than his father’s?

Ben Solo’s fingers instinctively found their way across the  _ Falcon’ _ s control board where Kylo Ren strained to remember. As Chewie sat down in the co-pilot’s seat next to him and the  _ Falcon  _ took off, he could have sworn he felt a flash of Han Solo’s presence behind him.

[to be continued]


	36. The Respite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey takes war to the First Order.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next will be very Rey-centric. We're nearing the end - gods, I can hardly believe it myself. As always, thank you so much for your comments!

**Part III, Chapter IX: The** **_Respite_ ** **_  
_ ** _[In which Rey takes war to the First Order.]_

~o0o~

_Wake up._

Rey’s thoughts were a blur, slow and heavy as if coated in syrup. But from somewhere words reached her, barely audible.

_\-- left hyperspace -- have to wake up and take my saber. Don’t let them drug you again._

That was Ben - Kylo Ren. Saber? Right, she had to fight. Fight this leaden sleep. Where was she? What had happened?

_Wake up!_

Rey forced herself to open her eyes. She was in a close, dimly lit space - a sarcophagus of sorts - no, a transport pod! Right, she was being transferred to the _Respite_. To Snoke. Snoke.

Her hands twitched for a weapon at the thought, and that was when Rey realised she was strapped down tightly. There was a small window in the lid over her face allowing her a small glimpse to the outside - she could see a shuttle’s ceiling and a white-clad shape there, standing with their back to her. Rey quickly shut her eyes again, so that her guards would not catch on to her having woken up, and, with some effort, forced herself to stay conscious by digging her nails painfully into the palm of her hands. The pain helped her focus, claw her way back to full awareness of herself and her situation.

The drugs had weakened her severely. Her limbs were bound, her thoughts were slow. It was hard, but she grasped at the force, tapped into her bond with Kylo Ren. His presence in the force was where it always had been - funny, when exactly had this become a comfort? - but she knew he was half the galaxy away.

That’s right. She was on her own now, about to meet the creature who had made her entire life a misery, whose crooks had hunted down and killed her parents, who wanted to take away her very humanity.

The anger came back, dark and reliably, and Rey let it course through herself for strength and focus. Then she let her head dip to her side slightly. ‘Take my saber’, Kylo Ren had said before she’d woken up, and sure enough there was a small bundle right there next to her face.

A slight tremor shook her pod now - apparently the shuttle had set down somewhere, likely in the _Respite_ ’s docking bay. And then she felt something else - a force presence nearby, huge, ancient, sinister and incredibly powerful, surrounding her from all sides.

Rey inhaled sharply, nearly overwhelmed by the entity that was Snoke. Like Kylo Ren’s, his very presence seemed to distort the force around it, but it was darker than Kylo Ren’s had ever been. It was oozing, alien, and Rey remembered now when she had felt it before: Snoke had injected her with this very power once, back on the _Finalizer_.

A part of her curled up in fear and pain at the memory, but she steeled herself, trying to measure the full extent of Snoke’s strength. Kylo Ren had been right. She was likely going to die trying to defeat such a being. But there were other presences here, Rey could tell, other force-sensitives - scattered like little stars across her inner field of vision. Most likely those were the victims of Snoke’s force-sensitive breeding programme, like her parents had been, and of which she was to become one. The dark anger in her rose further.

But first, she had to get out of this pod. Her guards probably did not expect her to be awake, but they were bound to figure it out soon. She only had a tiny window of opportunity to take them by surprise - if she failed, that was it.

Rey could hear muffled voices now, and felt the pod move. Through half-lidded eyes, she watched the ceiling change over her little window as it was pushed off the shuttle into the docking bay. And as the lid to her pod opened, so did her window of opportunity.

“Sir,” a voice said full of dread, belonging to the person who had just unfastened the restraints on her left arm. “Look at the IV!”

“Oh blast!”

The guard who had just undone the straps on her right arm froze as realisation dawned, but it was too late. Lightning-quick, Rey’s eyes opened, her hands shot out. She hurled the two guards aside with the force and grabbed the bundle next to her face. Her torso and legs were still strapped down, but the restraints were no match for the Skywalker family lightsaber as it lit up with an angry hum.

With a yell, Rey lunged out of her pod, immediately buried the saber up to its hilt in the nearest guard and felt her life flicker out - she didn’t even have time to understand what had hit her.

For a second, Rey dizzily sagged to her knees along with the Divinator she had skewered on her saber, her drug-addled body protesting against the sudden movement. But then her head snapped up and she opened her eyes fully for the first time, taking in the scene around her. As expected, she was in a spacious docking bay, the shuttle behind, her transport pod having been drawn up next to some large, liquid-filled glass tank into which she probably was supposed to have been put. In her immediate vicinity, there were about a dozen guards - more Divinators. The pair she had flung aside earlier were still in the process of getting back to their feet.

And now, inevitably, all hell broke loose. Commands were shouted, and Rey immediately found herself faced with blaster fire. But even under the residing influence of the narcotics Rey was already on the move, pushing her own body to a speed and an agility to which, without the help of the force, would have been impossible. A second guard fell before her, and a third was hit by a cruel force punch that sent him to the ceiling, where his neck made a sickening crunching sound.

By the time she met the fourth guard, her enemies had rallied, advancing on her in earnest with blasters and electrical batons, and Rey let the beast take over. Like a demon she moved through the bay, cutting down Divinators before her, deflecting or simply dancing out of the way of blaster fire. Her own body protested, still weak, but Rey ignored it, overrode the signals of exhaustion with a force far greater than herself. The darkness was running through her now like fuel, and every life she took strengthened it. _Fire_ , a thought rose in her; what had served her best during her rampage on the _Finalizer_ had been fire and smoke, along with fear and confusion among her enemies. She would burn this place, burn it all to the ground.

Something pulled at her, seeking her attention, but she ignored it. She could hardly feel it through the red mist.

The last guard fell before her, and Rey’s eyes darted around. Her glance fell on the shuttle she had arrived in. She dipped back inside, ripped out the control panel as if it was made of cardboard, and rewired a few cables. After a short dive into the engine compartment under the floorboards, she emerged again and ignited the doomed vessel’s engines by short-fusing a few cables. Then, she stepped back and listened to the sound of the engine rise and rise until it was almost a scream.

Moments later, the docking bay was wrecked by a huge explosion, with wreckage flying everywhere. Inevitably, a wail went up and red lights flashed as an automated alarm alerted even the last person on the _Respite_ to the fire in the docking bay. Well, it was not like Rey had ever planned for a sneaky invasion.

Her head whipped around as unexpectedly, a figure came into view behind her, stumbling back from the burning shuttle. A Divinator who she had not noticed before, who had probably hidden from her in fear. A coward.

The guard scuttled back and screamed as she advanced on him, firing his blaster again and again. She could not see his face through the half-helmet, but she felt his terror, his fear for his very life, his miserable, disgusting existence - and it gave her another rush of power. As Rey advanced, for a split second, she saw herself as the guard saw her: a deadly, unstoppable menace clad in a black robe, just like the first time she had seen Kylo Ren in her force vision.

_The dark side can’t be used for good. It is fuelled by hatred, fear, pain, by subjugating and killing those in your path. It twists you, mind and soul, until it has turned you into the very thing you’re fighting against._

But Luke’s words, floating up in her mind unbidden, had not swayed Rey before and could not sway her now. She tore the blaster from the man’s hand with the force, then she ripped off his helmet. An unassuming, common face, just some guy who might have worked alongside her in the scrap workshop on Jakku, or sat in Maz Kanata’s cantina. As it was, he was serving on this station, for a piece of filth like Snoke.

“You would imprison and experiment on me, you and your master,” Rey growled softly. “You are right to fear me.”

The man was sobbing now, forming words to plead for mercy, but she had none to spare for the likes of him. She formed her mind into a spear and plunged ahead into the guard’s memories, disregarding the pain she was causing.

“Snoke. Where is he? Show me.”

Images unfolded, memories, knowledge - the _Respite_ , its most important locations, the corridors leading there. This man had seen Snoke, had spoken to him, she could tell. But she could not get at any memories related to him. She pressed harder until it almost hurt even herself.

“ _Show me._ ”

The guard cried out in agony, and as his mind shattered under the pressure, he fell to the floor in spasms. Rey gritted her teeth in frustration. The man had had some knowledge, but it had been hidden from her access, by a power greater than he himself had held. It was Snoke’s own doing, to prevent invaders like her from extracting his physical location.

Well. That simply meant she would need to tear up this station bit by bit until she found her target. Rey whirled around and, gripping Kylo Ren’s saber, stalked out of the docking bay.

~o0o~

The Supreme Leader was watching the scene from the monitors in his private chambers.

He curled his fists. FH-72 on the loose was not even the main problem. Far for meaningful was the fact that she had arrived here awake and armed with Kylo Ren’s very own saber, even though Hux had reported the prisoner’s retrieval to have gone off without any incident. It confirmed Snoke’s worst suspicions.

Kylo Ren had finally betrayed him.

Snoke indulged in the feeling of disappointment for a moment as many years of careful labour came crashing down around him. When had the first cracks appeared? When Kylo Ren had learnt the truth about his force lineage program? When he had trained the girl, had been exposed to her lightside influence? Had it been the force bond he shared with her?

No. The truth was, this betrayal had been long in the making. It had all begun with Kylo Ren killing Han Solo to permanently anchor himself in the dark side. The first crack had been made then, and the girl had made it worse. He, Snoke, should have seen it coming. He had in fact seen it, but he thought he had the boy under control.

However, that Kylo Ren would arm and send this vengeful girl his way, yet not join the fight himself - that spoke of wavering, of lacking conviction. Maybe, just maybe, he could get his wayward disciple back under his influence, perhaps even by using this girl as bait. If all failed, he would need to overpower both her and Kylo Ren and keep them here imprisoned - the next Skywalker generation might just be less of a disappointment.

All in all, the situation was very unfortunate, but not entirely hopeless. Snoke had seen the Old Republic fall, had lived through Darth Sidious’s rule; he was certainly not going to let his own apprentice and some girl whose very existence he himself had engineered ruin his chance at unravelling the secrets of the force now.

First, he needed to put a stop to FH-72’s rampage before she inflicted any lasting damage.

Snoke sighed once more. She had struck on his weak point, true enough. The _Respite_ was supposed to have been just what its name suggested - a place to get away from it all, a quiet, secluded dwelling from which he could pull the strings of his domain. The greater the number of people who knew about this base’s existence, the more danger there was, and so Snoke himself had seen to it that the _Respite_ held only the barest minimum and the most loyal of staff.

On the other hand, powerful as he was, he did not like to put himself out in the open. His mind was sharp as ever, and so were his skills and his strength in the force, but his body was ancient and failing more and more in recent decades. He had seen the most powerful force users brought low because, in their foolish arrogance, they forgot that it really just took one small opportunity for their much weaker opponent to land a deadly strike. No, Snoke would be smart about this. He worked through manipulation, subtle power. That was his original craft, honed in decades of being in hiding.

What had Kylo Ren told him about the girl? _She craves human connection. Her family. Companionship. Belonging._

Snoke briefly considered his options, and then activated his comlink.

“Summon my personal guards.”

~o0o~

Mind full of deadly purpose, Rey stalked through the corridors of the _Respite_. Blast doors came down in front of her through which she easily cut; Divinators kept crossing her path every now and then, but she dispatched of them without much trouble. By pooling all the memories and knowledge of the guards into whose minds she probed on the way, a picture of the station was slowly coming together in Rey’s mind.

The _Respite’s_ core structure was surrounded by an outer ring in which the docking bays were located. She had been brought in through one of them, and now she was moving along one of the four corridors that led to the core, a big complex consisting of three parts stacked on top of each other.

Having climbed around in war ships all her life, and having stayed so long on the _Finalizer_ where every design choice was aimed at improving her prowess in battle, Rey could not help but notice of how different this station was. Yes, it had shields, blast doors and weapons, but ultimately this was not a station meant to go to war. It was for living in - secluded, intimate, sparsely staffed.

Rey could see the main complex in front of her from one of the windows in the corridor. Going from her victims’ memories, the lowest part held all the integral parts: the energy core, the hyperdrive, engineering, the weapon system, water recycling and everything else that was needed to keep a base like this running.

The second, middle part held the facilities for Snoke’s pet program - its participants and their quarters, equipment, droids and medical personnel. Rey had only caught glimpses of those. The third, uppermost part of the core complex remained a complete mystery. Rey had not caught a single image from that part of the base in anyone’s memories, which meant if Snoke was anywhere, then it was most likely there.

“I’ll find you, you bastard.” Rey muttered grimly. “You can’t hide from me forever.”

_I have no intention of hiding, FH-72._ Snoke’s deep voice rang in her mind as if he had spoken aloud, and Rey froze.

_Don’t be so surprised. You are in my domain now. I can see you, I can feel you, I could crush you where you stand. But I’d much rather talk to you. Will you indulge me and listen?_

Rey snorted. That, from a creature who had nearly killed her when, during their first meeting, she had dared to ask a simple question. And crushing her where she stood? If it was quite so easy, then why didn’t he? No, if he wanted to talk now, then the only reason was because he feared what she would do to him and his precious project.

“Save your breath, you monster,” she murmured.

Rey had arrived in the lowest part of the _Respite_ ’s central complex now. Accompanied by a never-ending wail of the alarm, she hacked, slashed and punched her way ahead, looking for a way to get upstairs. The opposition was still no match for her. Was this really all Snoke was going to do about her decimating his base? Was this really all the defense the Supreme Leader of the First Order could afford?

_You think I would have been better advised to make the_ Respite _more like the Fortress. That I should come out and face you. But I have a test lined up for the strength of your resolve, first._

Rey cut down the last couple of guards before the gates that led to the station’s central axis. If there was a way up, surely it had to be here.

It turned out there was. As the gates opened, Rey found herself in a circular room, at the center of which was the entrance to what looked like an elevator. And it was guarded, by five black-robed guards who, from the looks of it, had been expecting her. Rey looked at them, and recognised it in one - these five were force-sensitive. With a chorus of hums, they ignited their lightsabers. Rey narrowed her eyes.

“We are the Supreme Leader’s personal guard,” one of them said, apparently the leader.

“You’ll never get past us, Resistance scum!” One guard to the left supplied.

Rey did not deign to reply to either statement. She charged, and watched what followed as if it was a dream, and she was just a bystander. Her opponents were not untalented, certainly not untrained, but laughably slow. They were no match for the beast inside her that had taken over the steering wheel. It was not a creature of blind, uncontrolled rage anymore, as it had been when it had destroyed Kylo Ren. It had grown calculating, ruthless, freezing her soul where once had been fire.

_It is not that they are weak. It is that I am so much more powerful._

She cut down the first with a cruel slash across his torso. The second she struck down from behind, having danced around him lightning-quick. If these were Snoke’s personal guards, Rey reasoned calmly, they might hold more information than the common crew she had encountered before. It was best not to kill them all. How had Kylo Ren done it, back in the _Finalizer_ ’s cargo hangar - snatching up a whole group of soldiers at once?

_If you find yourself overwhelmed, use my knowledge and my power on top of your own._ That was what he had said. Rey reached out to the bond, and to Kylo Ren, going back to that dreadful cargo hangar incident on the _Finalizer_.

_Rey!_ She felt him call out. _Rey, snap out of it!_

But she had found the memory now, saw the hangar through his eyes, felt the force around him curl as if it was her own, and saw Hux soldiers being raised into the air as Rey - another Rey, a shivering, silly little girl - screamed for Kylo Ren to stop the slaughter.

_Stop it!_

When Rey opened her eyes again, Snoke’s remaining three guards were trapped in her force grip. She slowly raised them up, marvelling at her own power - her power, channelled through the lense of Kylo Ren’s skills. The guards tried to wind out of her hold, but she crushed them within an inch of their life.

“Why one of you will be the first one to tell me where Snoke is?” Rey said, calmly. “You, perhaps?”

The man’s scream ended in a gurgle as she snapped his neck with the force, and the other two struggled futilely, in horror.

“Oh. My hand slipped. I suggest you two talk before it happens again.”

_Stop it._ A voice inside her screamed. Was it Kylo Ren? Was it herself? _Look at yourself. Stop it._ Whichever it was, she shut it out.

“We’ll never betray the Supreme Leader!” One of the remaining pair of guards shouted, and Rey extinguished him with one flick of her wrist. Now, only one was left, the leader. Rey let the Skywalker saber snap back into her hand while she held him with the other, and decided to take her time with this one.

“Do you feel like being a hero, hm?” She said softly, running the tip of the lightsaber along his side. She poked him lightly, the saber’s tip singing through his clothes like a knife through butter. The man hissed and groaned, but remained silent. Rey flicked off his helmet. Brown hair, strong features, perhaps slightly older than herself. She singed him with the tip of her saber again, and he uttered a cry of pain.

“Do your worst, scum,” he then said defiantly, sweat running down his face. “Long live the First Order.”

_Don’t do this!_

There was-- something. A flicker of recognition, of familiarity. This man--

\-- was undoing her force grip and slipping to the ground. Rey snapped out of it. As the guard dove for a weapon, she followed and stabbed him through the back, bringing them both to the floor. As the man under her died, Rey felt a small shock run through her, a shudder, as if taking this man’s life had been a particularly grave violation of the laws of the universe.

Why? He had been her enemy, just like all the countless others she had killed today.

Rey took a deep, shuddering breath, feeling the pulsing rush in her veins and blinking through the red mist in front of her eyes. Her high on adrenaline and dark force was taking everything out of her, she heard her own body screaming for a break with every fiber. But she could not stop here. She was so close.

_Those were your personal guards, Snoke?_ Rey thought darkly. _Pathetic._

There was no reply this time.

 

  
[to be continued]


	37. Vengeance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey meets her Maker.]

**Part III, Chapter X: Vengeance** **_  
_ ** _ [In which Rey meets her Maker.] _

~o0o~

Leaving the bodies of Snoke’s personal guard behind her, Rey advanced on the elevator. 

Evidently it had been shut down to prevent her from reaching the upper parts of the  _ Respite _ , but that could be no hindrance for a Jakku scavenger who had climbed around in starships all her life. Stuffing the lightsaber into her belt, Rey began scaling the shaft’s wall. She was in the backbone of the  _ Respite  _ now; this axis supposedly connected all three buildings.

But Rey’s hope of passing by the middle part of the station entirely and directly continue on to the top was dashed when she found the shaft welded shut after some distance. Huffing in frustration and from the exhaustion of having climbed up all this way, Rey threw open the doors that led to the middle part of the  _ Respite _ , and pulled herself through them.

Once more, she found herself in a circular room - large and empty, with a low ceiling. The reason for this, Rey soon realised, was that the ceiling was in fact a platform, with a pair of stairs ahead leading up to it.

The  _ Respite  _ had been markedly well-lit, almost welcoming as opposed to all the other First Order ships and bases Rey had gotten to know up until now. But this part of the station was dark, only illuminated by a few lights. As Rey walked up the stairs to the platform and looked up, she drew in her breath. The ceiling was high above, at least 70 meters, giving her the impression of standing in a giant metal can. Up in the center, there was a light, another platform, hopelessly out of reach. If there was another elevator, it had been drawn up. And there was no hope of scaling this room’s bare walls, not without some serious climbing equipment.

Rey’s eyes fell ahead to the center of the lower platform. There, an assortment of glowing containers had been placed. As she advanced carefully, she saw that they were tanks such as the one she had seen in the docking bay, about fifteen of them in a circle. She stepped closer reluctantly. There were people in there, alive but kept in stasis. Some were men, but most were women, some of which appeared to be pregnant. Dark rage welled up in Rey once more, and she gripped the lightsaber so tightly her knuckles whitened.

A light flickered up behind her, and Rey whirled around. Only now did she realise that in the center of the circle, a holoprojector had been set into the floor - and there he was, Snoke. Not larger-than-life-sized as he had made himself appear on the  _ Finalizer _ , but still looming even while sitting down. Presuming that this hologram was life-sized, Snoke was tall, taller even than Kylo Ren.

Rey scowled. Another hologram. Snoke still would not face her.

“Welcome home, FH-72,” Snoke said.

Without so much as a reply, Rey moved her lightsaber forward, aiming a decisive stab at the holoprojector on the ground to disable it, as if to demonstrate what was coming for Snoke himself. But just before impact, Rey felt her body freeze. She was lifted up by the force, put back several steps - and then, amazingly, she was let go.

“It is rather insulting how you think I am actually afraid of facing you, when you cannot even lift a finger against my hologram. No. We both know how this will end, don’t we.”

Rey fumed in wordless fury, her eyes flitting back to the tanks around her.

“You’re upset over these?” Snoke followed her gaze. “I did not always lock my subjects into such tanks, you know, these are merely the ones I’d hate to lose most. Sadly, after a spell of suicides including your father, and the escape of your mother 20 years ago, I felt it became a necessity to prevent further loss of my best candidates.”

Rey still refused to say anything.

“I feel I made a mistake when Kylo Ren first brought you back to me, FH-72 - or what was it that you call yourself? - Rey. In treating you with disdain and ignorance, when really, seeing how you bear much of the same innate potential as Ben Solo, I should have invested the same time and effort in getting to know you as a person. It was foolish, it was arrogance on my part.”

Rey barked a humorless laugh and turned on her heels, stalking off to find another way up to Snoke’s sanctum. She could not believe this transparent, laughable attempt at manipulation. The war drums inside of her were beating hard and fast; if Snoke was trying to sweet-talk her now, all deference and contrition, then it meant he was well and truly scared.

“I’m sorry about the death of your brother,” Snoke said, and Rey froze again, though this time it was on her own volition.

She turned around slowly and finally addressed Snoke. “What?”

“The dark side can lead you to do rather stupid things sometimes, in a fit of passion. Former Jedi who fall, especially light side creatures such as you, are even less prepared to utilize the dark side in a sensible, moderated manner, because no one prepares them for the rush. Taking lives becomes easy, too easy sometimes, and we may come to regret it later.”

Having gained Rey’s attention, Snoke abruptly changed the subject.

“If you have learnt about my force lineage program from Kylo Ren, then you know I specifically made you to be his future partner. But continuing the Skywalker family line is just one of my goals here. I am creating a new concept, new principles of what it means to follow the dark side, and I need an adequate number of loyal adherents if it is to take root.”

“These don’t look loyal to me,” Rey snapped, indicating at the tanks around.

“They are the exception. Generally, those born on the  _ Respite  _ identify strongly with it as its home. They do not require to be kept under lock and key, they are my children. If you had not been stolen from me, you might have been one of them. We do not really need to fight.”

Feeling bile rise in her throat, Rey shook her head. She knew he was baiting her and it made her even more angry, but she could not help herself. Her curiosity was piqued.

“What was that about a brother?”

But Snoke took his time of getting to the point.

“I assess the children that are born here myself. Those children without any indication of being strong in the force are given to the First Order’s stormtrooper training camps. But those few promising cases in which the force does manifest, I keep for myself. You have met a few of them already.”

“Your personal guard? They were nothing special.”

“Perhaps not. They never had your potential. Still, after Kylo Ren told me you longed for family connections, I was surprised at how easily you were able to strike down your own brother.”

Rey was completely still.

“Oh, did you not realise? The man who you tortured with your saber and then killed; he was your older half-brother through your father.”

Rey remembered the face of the man downstairs in its final moments. She had felt a something then, but it had been too fleeting for her to make sense of what it meant. She had stabbed him in the back, crushed him like a dry leaf. Like it was nothing. 

_ Do not let him get to you _ , the darkness whispered from within her.  _ He is playing for time because he is scared of your wrath. Leave this room and find him. Kill him. _

“I don’t care,” Rey said coldly. “Even if he was biologically related to me, that does not make him my brother. He was loyal to you. He would have put me into one of your tanks. He was my enemy.”

“If you do not care about blood relations, will you also not care if I tell you that this woman here is, for all intents and purposes, your mother?”

Rey’s eyes widened as she looked at the tank that Snoke was indicating at. Sure enough, a woman was floating in there, almost alien-looking in the pale blue light of the tank, but her features were familiar. The same jawline, the same nose as her own. The same face she had seen in Kylo Ren’s memories of the time her mother had visited Luke’s school. She appeared to not have aged a single day - it was hard to tell in the tank, but she could not be older than Rey herself.

“She died. She died on Jakku. I saw the report.” Rey whispered, emotion choking her.

“The original one, yes. The report, I believe, also stated that the fool who chased her to death recovered some of her remains for identification. From these remains, I was able to recover enough DNA to make an exact replica of your mother. I have not had much success with clones, but you must forgive me for hoping that she is a latent carrier of what made you and the original FH-46 so special. If you agree to stand down and cooperate, I may be persuaded to let her out of this tank. You might get to know your family after all.”

Anger at Snoke momentarily forgotten, Rey reached out to the tank with her hand and let it run down the glass. This creature, a copy of her mother, a being that had spent her entire life here, on the  _ Respite _ . Tears welling up in her eyes, Rey reached out to the other woman, lightly touching her mind with the force.

There was… nothing. This soul, this mind was like blank paper, a spirit left alone for so long it had shrivelled up. No one had ever talked to the child this woman had been once, no one had taught her a language, had taught her to walk, to play, had allowed her to live. From an early age, she had been kept in this tank in stasis, in a death-like slumber. 

This could have been herself floating in this tank, Rey realised.

“If you cooperate, I will release her. You will get to be together every day. You will have your own family, here on the  _ Respite _ .”

For the longest time, Rey stood still, gazing at the woman, Snoke’s hologram a ghostly flicker on the glass of the tank.

“You will release her?” She repeated.

“You have my word,” Snoke whispered. “Just put down your saber and cease this pointless destruction.”

Rey hesitated. Then, completely without warning, she drew back her arm and drove the lightsaber deeply into the tank’s glass. It was filled with bubbles as the saber’s heat reacted with the fluid, which took on an ominous red tint.

With an inhuman scream, Rey brought the saber around in an arc, and the tank exploded into a wave of fluid and glass shards. Rey caught the woman’s body as it fell forward, cut deeply by the saber, and together they slumped to the ground.

Rey held the clone as the light flickered out in her eyes. She wanted to cry and scream, but she couldn’t. There was a roaring, deafening noise in her head, tuning out everything around her. She looked up to see Snoke was snarling, reaching out with his hand, and she felt a wave of darkness advance. But it was slow, seemed almost feeble in comparison to the maelstrom of rage that was raging in herself. Rey flung out one arm, as if in a dream. Snoke’s attack broke like a wave on a cliff, and the holoprojector collapsed on itself like a piece of dark matter. The holographic image flickered out.

_ I’m coming for you now, Snoke. _

“I was willing to give you a chance, girl, to settle this cordially. But I see now it is futile.”

Snoke’s voice, smooth and almost sultry before, sounded now just as cold and angry as Rey’s heart was. Her eyes whipped up towards the ceiling. The platform was moving down towards her, and on it was Snoke - really him for the first time - his ancient, withered features livid with barely suppressed rage. 

Rey set the lifeless body in her arms down onto the floor, and rose. She was drenched in the tank’s fluid, and glass shards bore painfully into her bare feet, but she hardly registered them. A roaring yell from the beast broke out of her as Snoke’s platform descended. He was carrying a red saber, not unstable and flickering red and yellow like Kylo Ren’s had been, but a controlled, deep crimson one.

_ Finally. _

Rey launched herself at him before the platform had even set down fully, and the resulting clash sent sparks all over the room.

She felt all of Snoke’s fearsome power now, dark, oozing, overwhelming, seeking to crush her on the floor and suffocate her as he had done on their first meeting. But now she, too, had the darkness on her side. She took his cruelty and his maliciousness in as it hit her and redirected it, adding her own, sending a fell punch back at him. Another rain of sparks came down on them both as their sabers clashed once more.

Snoke growled. He was obliged to duck as Rey, with another inhuman scream, hurled one of the huge and heavy tanks at him with sheer force. It exploded in a wave of glass and liquid, and the man who had occupied it did not stir as he slipped out of the container. But neither Rey nor Snoke cared. She pressed him quickly and brutally now, occasionally hurling a mixture of water and shards at him with the force, cutting his robes, his arms and his face. Her own bare feet left red prints on the floor as she advanced, and she added the cruel pain of the shards digging into her feet to the power of her attacks. It did not matter how broken and exhausted her body was; if she wanted to kill Snoke, she needed to pull out all the stops. She was close, she was getting through, he was old, and faltering. But then, Rey was not wielding her staff but the Skywalker saber, and Snoke clearly was a better swordsman than she was.

_ More power.  _ Rey thought.  _ More power, and I can end this quickly. _

She reached into her bond to Kylo Ren again, and as she did so, she heard his frantic calling to her; the voice which she had successfully blocked out until now.

_ Rey!  _ He shouted.  _ You’re breaking down; I can feel it, every bit of it. Stop this! _

Rey gritted her teeth. She knew he was right - her body screamed in protest at the strain she was putting it through, but it was too late; she was in a battle of life and death now and if she let up now, it could only end one way. Kylo Ren’s skills with a saber were what she needed now. In his mind she saw him fight, felt the flow of the moves in his memories and executed them with her own body. Graceful, reckless, deadly.

With another scream, Rey twirled the Skywalker saber and brought it around in a flurry of fast, brutal strikes. Snoke hissed and was driven back. A slight widening of his eyes told Rey he was not pleased about this new development at all.

But there was another thing, Rey realised - with her drawing on Kylo Ren’s power and skills, she had thrown the force bond between them wide open. She felt Kylo Ren’s force flow into her, felt it ghost across her body like a physical touch. Equal parts light and dark, his power seared and soothed her - the pain from her wounds was lessened, the aching in her head increased as he pleaded with her insistently.

_ I can’t let you die, Rey. _

Rey shook as Kylo Ren reached out to the last sliver of light inside her, drew it out and strengthened it. Her head felt as if it was being split apart, and it was all she could do to deflect Snoke’s strikes with both his saber and the force at the same time. Her adversary was on the advantage once more.

“Drawing on my apprentice’s power won’t make you stronger.” Snoke hissed. “He has grown soft, can you feel it? He seeks to heal you, to draw you to the light. Oh, I should have seen it. Had I foreseen any of this, I might have bet on you from the start, girl. Don’t you see? Your ruthlessness, your hatred - I could have helped you hone it from infancy. None of this would have been necessary.”

_ Rey, please. _

Rey felt Kylo Ren’s presence engulf her, wrap itself around her protectively. The pressure in Rey’s head was overwhelming, and with something between of a cough and a sob, she felt blood flow from her nose. For a second, she thought she could see Kylo Ren’s face right in front of her. He was trying to help, she knew, but this was not the kind of help she needed now that she was facing Snoke.

“Goodbye, Ben,” she whispered - and then slammed shut the door on her bond to Kylo Ren, threw him back into his own mind and shut him out best she could. The pain of the shards in her feet sprung back, and Rey, taking another shuddering breath, stomped her right foot onto the floor, driving the splinters deeper into her soles. Pain transformed into pure dark power and with a mad growl, she launched herself at Snoke once more. Skywalker saber spinning madly, she threw him back, kneed him into his stomach and sent him to the floor.

“Die!” She howled, descending on him with the lightsaber aimed at his heart.

“ _ Enough! _ ” Snoke half-yelled, half-growled, and his bony arm shot out. The saber was ripped from her hand, and Rey was flung back like a rag doll, slammed against a tank so hard the glass cracked. Finally, she was thrown to the floor. Dazed, she tried to scramble to her feet, but he was already back on his now, and was pulling her back to him. Holding her close, Snoke sneered in her face.

“You! You presume to try and defeat me?  _ I made you _ , insolent creature!”

Rey felt it coming, but was powerless to stop it. Snoke’s very presence in the force seemed to curl up into a cruel blade, and rip into her own. He was assaulting her mind, shredding it into tiny pieces, just as she had done to Kylo Ren before the destruction of the  _ Finalizer _ .

_ I don’t need your spirit as long as your body functions. _

As her mind unravelled further around her, Rey saw her mother in Kylo Ren’s memories, her stepfather in his cell on the Fortress, the clone in the tank, and even her half-brother as she ran him through with her saber.

_ Don’t worry. I’ll take him with me. _

Rey’s arm twitched, and with her last sliver of consciousness she called out to the Skywalker saber. As it snapped into her hand, she used her very last reserve to stab forward, heard it, felt it connect, took in the smell of burnt fabric and flesh, heard Snoke gasp.

_ Rey! _ She heard Kylo Ren scream in anguish somewhere.

Then the last piece of her mind was smashed, and Rey sagged, slowly slumped to her knees, and finally fell to Snoke’s feet.

~o0o~

The Supreme Leader stumbled back. The lightsaber was sticking deep in his chest, and if he had not been so used already to moving his ever-ailing body through sheer will of the force, he, too, would have collapsed. As it was, he managed to lift his free hand to the saber and deactivated it. There was a hole in his chest, front to back. His lung had collapsed, his ribs were shattered.

_ I am alive. I am victorious. _

Grimly, sputtering, Snoke laughed. A few drops of blood pooled in the corner of his mouth. Reigniting the Skywalker saber, he pointed it at Rey.

“Kylo Ren swore to me that this was the blade through which he would bring about his grandfather’s legacy. Did you really think a lab rat, a scavenger like you, could come in the way of that?” He said softly to her unmoving, unresponsive form.

He activated his comlink, and moments later Divinators came rushing up the stairs to the platform, taking in the extent of the destruction with various expressions of shock and horror.

“Clean up this mess,” Snoke said with some effort, pointing at the broken tanks and at the dead bodies of their former inhabitants, then indicated at Rey. “Put FH-72 in a tank, where she belongs.”

And then Snoke felt a new presence emerge in the force nearby, and as his mind was still reeling and coming to terms with the new information, his gaze fell on the catatonic girl. The girl, who was wearing Kylo Ren’s robe, and Kylo Ren’s belt.  _ His belt. _ Of course. How could he not have seen it sooner?

With a blood-speckled cough, the Supreme Leader reached out into the force to steady himself.

_ You are too late, Kylo Ren. _

“Leader Snoke. You’re badly hurt. Please allow us to take you to medbay,” one of his younger Divinators said timidly, but genuinely worried.

“This is nothing that a medic droid cannot fix, child. Have one sent to my chambers,” Snoke growled even as he felt blood pool in his mouth, belying his words. Clutching both the Skywalker saber and his own, he moved back towards the elevator.

He could deal with Kylo Ren. The man was like a son to him, after all.

“The Master of the Knights of Ren has just arrived at the  _ Respite _ . Alert bay security. He is to be granted free passage to me.”

 

[to be continued]


	38. Two Aspects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Ben Solo confronts the whispers.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for your support, everybody! You have no idea how much it means to me. Tomorrow night shall be a double chapter, and then this thing will be actually finished. Holy shit.  
> ... too bad I don't remember what my life was like before this goddamned trash novel of a fic. Help. 8D

**Part III, Chapter XI: Both Aspects** **  
** _[In which Ben Solo confronts the whispers.]_

~o0o~

It was a good thing Chewbacca’s arms were as long as they were - when Kylo Ren collapsed over the controls and his convulsions sent the _Falcon_ off-course for a moment, the wookiee was able to reach over to his side of the panel and restabilize her. With a worried moan, Chewbacca shook the man next to him until he snapped out of his state

“Too late.” Kylo Ren said through gritted teeth as he clutched his head in pain and despair. They were too late. Snoke had crushed Rey, as he had known he would. Kylo Ren had tried hard to get through to her, to keep her grounded throughout her angry rampage, but in the end all his effort had been in vain.

_If only I had stopped her._

He could have killed Hux and the Divinators when they came to get her, he could have knocked her out and dragged her away from it all forcibly. She would have hated him forever for taking this chance away from her, but if he saw her safe, would that not have been worth it? He should have protected her from this, from herself.

_No. I had to let her do this._

Chewbacca repeated his question, and Kylo Ren finally looked at him.

“We have to keep going.” He said softly.

Not all hope was lost. Snoke would not kill Rey, not after everything, he wanted her for his sick project after all. She could come back from this. He could still save her.

_Do not make this about saving Rey._ Luke’s words came back to him, and Kylo Ren finally pulled himself together. If he lost focus now, Snoke was sure to win.

Rey’s agony had finally passed, and a horrible void had opened up behind Kylo Ren’s link to her mind. But he got a feeling that something had happened to Snoke, too. Rey had gone down fighting.

He smiled. That was his scavenger, forever fighting, tooth and nail.

Even though they were already going as fast as they possibly could, Kylo Ren urged the _Falcon_ to go faster still. Soon enough, she dropped out of hyperspace, and the _Respite_ came into view before them. From this close, Kylo Ren could clearly tell that his former master’s force presence was in an intense upheaval such as he had never witnessed before.

“Good question,” murmured Kylo Ren to another moan from the wookiee. “Snoke will know by now I betrayed him. We will have to blast our way through.”

That very moment, the _Falcon_ ’s communicator buzzed to life. “This is _Respite_ bay security to the _Millennium Falcon_. Is Kylo Ren on board?”

“He is,” Kylo Ren replied, wondering why Snoke would need confirmation from bay security for something he had clearly long felt in the force.

“Please advance to Docking Bay 2, sir. Leader Snoke is expecting you.”

Chewie growled another question at him.

“He has Rey,” Kylo Ren muttered softly. “I’m sure he wants to bargain.”

The guards that met them in the Bay as they emerged from the _Falcon_ were clearly feeling conflicted about how to treat them. Kylo Ren had never set foot onto this base, had not even known about it, but his rank and reputation in the First Order was such that everyone had heard of him, knew who he was, knew he outranked anyone in the First Order military short of High Command. And there was the fact that the Supreme Leader himself had instructed to grant Kylo Ren free passage.

However, that the Master of the Knights of Ren would show up in plain clothes, in an infamous Rebel ship in the company of a known Resistance felon - that evidently sent some conflicting messages. Time to reassert his authority. Kylo Ren stepped towards the nearest sergeant.

“I believe I am expected. Take me to the Supreme Leader,” he demanded, emanating a threatening force pressure.

“Certainly, sir. This way.” The guard shrunk back, and Kylo Ren indicated for Chewie to follow.

The procession of Divinator guards led them all the way into the core of the _Respite_ and into an elevator. Traces of mayhem and destruction were evident all along the way - there were blaster scorch marks on floors, walls and ceiling, fires being extinguished, bodies being carried off. Rey had obviously not taken any prisoners.

Kylo Ren momentarily closed his eyes, remembering that he had accepted her decision to follow this path through to the end, to be there for her and help where he could. But the guilt over having caused her to become like this in the first place still ate at him.

_There will be no time for guilt when you face Snoke._ Those had been Luke’s words, too. If at all possible, he needed to let go of Rey for the time being. Just until he had dealt with Snoke.

Finally, the elevator doors opened, they were led up a platform, and Kylo Ren and Chewbacca found themselves faced with a scene of devastation. Evidently, this was where Rey’s and Snoke’s fight had taken place - Kylo Ren could still feel the aftershocks in the force.

There was a circle of tanks bathed in a blue light, but two of them had been destroyed, and one was cracked. There were glass shards and bloody footprints everywhere. Rey’s blood, Kylo Ren knew with certainty.

_Do not make this about Rey. Do not make this about Rey._

Chewbacca growled angrily at the sight of the humans floating in the tanks, and raised his bowcaster at the guards, who readied their blasters in return.

“Stand down.” Kylo Ren commanded, putting his hand down on the wookiee’s terrible weapon. With slow, forced calmness, he then addressed the guards.

“As your Commander, I order you to assist my associate here in transporting all participants of the force lineage program onto the _Millennium Falcon_ , including those from these tanks. I will take full responsibility for this order, and will in fact be going to discuss the finer details with the Supreme Leader now.”

There was a brief moment of stunned silence, and for a moment the situation hung in the balance. But then, to Kylo Ren’s great relief, he saw the order being accepted - it was to his favour that these guards were unsettled by what had happened here earlier, and did not know how and where to place him. When in doubt, stick to what you know. And what these guards knew was that he was, at the end of the day, Kylo Ren - the Supreme Leader’s personal apprentice and right-hand man.

As the Divinators moved to comply, Kylo Ren turned around and stepped towards a particular tank. Inside - he knew before looking at her face - was Rey, alive, but with her mind in tatters. It genuinely may have been done out of consideration for hygiene, or even to make sure her wounds healed better in the fluid, but to Kylo Ren, the fact that Rey had been stripped of all her clothing simply seemed like a last petty display of humiliation, a show of how little regard Snoke had for her basic dignity. The black tunic that she had been wearing still lay crumpled on the floor next to her tank.

_Do not snap now. Do not make this about Rey._

Well, he was certainly not going to let anyone touch her again.

Silently, Kylo Ren took off Rey’s saberstaff from his back and ignited it. With one strike, he shattered the glass of the tank and caught her unconscious form in his arms.

_I’ll see this through to the end, for your sake and mine._

“Chewie.” Having wrapped her in his robe best he could, Kylo Ren put Rey into the wookiee’s reliable arms. “Keep her safe. I have somewhere to be.”

~o0o~

“Ah, Kylo Ren. Have you come here for revenge, too?”

Snoke’s innermost chambers were not what Kylo Ren had expected. They were - cozy. There was no better word for it. Bookcases lined the walls, holograms showed maps, tables, data of all sort. There was a sofa. Pillows. Carpet. The light was dimmed, but warm. There was even - and Kylo Ren could hardly believe it - a cup of tea, still steaming. This was so unlike any other place within the First Order, it momentarily stunned him.

Snoke himself was propped up in a large, comfortable chair, watching Kylo Ren. His grey face was deathly pale and covered with an unhealthy sheen of perspiration. Half of his robe was open, exposing his haggard, ancient ribcage with a horrible lightsaber wound straight through his lungs.

This was an injury which would have killed any normal being within minutes. If Snoke was still breathing with this hideous hole in his chest, it was due to the grace of the force and Snoke’s sheer determination to keep going even as his ageing, failing body was breaking down under him.

Kylo Ren knew then that whatever he decided to do, whatever happened, Snoke would die this night. This was Rey’s kill, slow and torturous.

But for now, the Supreme Leader seemed determined to cling to life. He was holding a deactivated saber in each of his hands - the Skywalker saber as well as his own.

“Revenge is too strong of a word,” Kylo Ren said. “But I have come to end it.”

The Supreme Leader closed his eyes and smiled.

“Oh, Ben, Ben, my silly boy. What will you do without me? You will have no guidance. You know your uncle’s teachings are not the answer to what you are looking for, to what you need.”

“Neither are yours. You lied to me, Snoke. All my life.”

“Oh, now that really is too simple. I have always told you that you are my perfect tool, my greatest asset, and that was never a lie. It was you who, unable to deal with the full implication of what I was always telling you, chose to interpret it in a way that suited you best.” Snoke’s almost serene expression switched into one of mild annoyance now.

“Yes, you always made sure I interpreted what you put in front of me - in a way that suited _you_ best.”

“It suited both of us,” Snoke summed up. “So why all this now? What has changed?”

“Everything,” Kylo Ren said.

“Because of some girl! You were always prone to erratic behaviour, but to throw all you have away like that - all your achievements, your sacrifices, your convictions, for her! That is truly beneath you.”

Kylo Ren shook his head. “This is not about her. This is about you and me. My eyes are open now to what you did to me.”

Snoke made a sound full of derision. “And what is it that I did to you? Teaching you, guiding you, making you strong?”

“Making me depend on you. Binding me to you. Turning me into a tool. Molding me into what you needed me to be. Taking away my choices,” Kylo Ren snapped angrily.

“Preposterous. I always gave you a choice. You were a man when you came to me, my boy, just like your grandfather was when he joined Darth Sidious. I never forced you into anything. I guided you, but you made all your decisions.”

Kylo Ren laughed softly.

“A while ago I had a similar argument with Rey. To make her yield, I cornered her, isolated her and then surrounded her until she would only see me, and nothing else. I pushed her to the limit until there was but one option left open to her, the one I wanted her to take. Does that sound familiar to you? I would think so. I learnt it all from you.”

Snoke was silent, merely taking laboured breaths through his ravaged lungs.

“It is what you have been doing to me, all these years, for as long as I can remember. At first, you came to me at night, with those whispers. I thought I was going insane. I thought the darkness itself was speaking to me. I thought my grandfather was commanding me. But it was all you, all this time, wasn’t it? You did that to me - to a child. You took my agency before I even knew what that was.”

His voice was angry now.

“And then, when I was ready, when I had nothing else left, you approached me. You understood me so well, I thought. You seemed to know all about me, about all my fears. You could make them all go away, make the pain stop, make me strong; all I needed to do was follow you. I can’t believe that I did not to see it, did not want to see it. How even as an adult I rationalised it all away. I did not want to face the truth until Rey opened my eyes.”

“That girl! What does she understand about what you and I share?” Snoke coughed. “About how precious you are to me. About how much you need me - we need each other.”

“She understands because I did to her what you did to me. And do you know what she said? That I needed to see things for what they truly were. That I needed to admit to what I was truly doing, that, far from giving her a real choice, I was forcing her into things she did not want. It took me a while accept it. Because once I did, it would mean I had to open my eyes fully, to everything around me. To what I was doing. To what you were doing.”

Kylo Ren took a long breath.

“I am here to make _you_ see it now, Snoke. But I don’t think you will, not really. Because to you, humans were never more than tools. Meat. _Cattle_.”

Snoke narrowed his eyes.

“Correct. The right to agency, dignity, freedom - they are not self-evident, they are privileges to be earned. They are earned through strength. I taught you that, too, and you lived by it. You are strong, Kylo Ren, you are magnificent, you are not _cattle_. That is why you are standing before me, and not kept in a tank in here.”

“They are not privileges. They are a fundamental right.”

“Fundamental right!” Snoke was openly sneering now, but descended into a violent cough. When he had calmed himself, he continued. “That is your ridiculous joke of a mother talking, right there. But what right have you to say such words? You who tortured, murdered countless of those weaklings over the years working for me. Who murdered his own father.”

“I did all those things, yes. I am taking responsibility for my actions. I am here to make you take responsibility for yours.”

Snoke did not say anything, he had spent himself on his earlier words. But he did not need to say any more. Kylo Ren noticed the abyss between them more keenly than ever, knowing that his words had been heard, but not felt.

“And what now, Kyo Ren?” Snoke asked. “What is it that you have come here to do? Will you be judge, jury and executioner? Will you lend one last service to the dark side?”

Kylo Ren stepped towards Snoke and took the Skywalker saber from his unresisting hands.

_Forgive him_ , the light side told him.

_Kill him_ , the dark whispered.

_End his suffering,_ both said.

“The dream you had about a new concept of using the force - I promise to carry it on. There is work to be done there. Pieces to be picked up, from the light and the dark.”

Snoke was hissing at him now furiously, blood and spit spraying. As Kylo Ren ignited the saber, he felt Snoke summon a powerful wave of the force in defense, but he nullified it almost absentmindedly.

“I want you to know, Snoke, that I forgive you,” Kylo Ren said, and felt it, truly felt it as he brought the saber around in a graceful arch. “May the force be with you.”

The Skywalker family lightsaber went through the Supreme Leader of the First Order like a knife through warm butter, separating Snoke’s head from his shoulders.

There was nothing - no force explosion, not even an implosion; no final scream or gurgle, no dust cloud, not even a lot of blood. Just a soft thud as the head rolled away, and the rest of Snoke’s body sagged in his chair. In the end, even Snoke was mortal, and even his immense life force being extinguished barely made a blip in the grand scheme of things.

A blip that - tiny as it was - caused ripples that resounded across links and bonds in the force all across the Galaxy.

Kylo Ren stood still for a long moment, feeling as if a great weight had been lifted off him. He looked around him, into the force, and for a moment he saw it, all of it. The force network around him, a silvery network of light supported by the strong, heavy pulse of the dark, two aspects of a whole, all around him, each pulling into different directions and finding a state of delicate balance somewhere in between. Unity, balance, peace.

He took the moment in, committed it to memory with every fiber of his being.

_I wish you could see this, Rey._

He reached out to her through their bond, and in the crushing emptiness on the other side, thought he could feel an echo, a pulse of a reaction to his call.

_I’ll show you. I promise._

Then he made his way back to the _Falcon_.

[to be continued]


	39. Find A Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Kylo Ren makes good on his vow.]

**Part III, Chapter XII: Find a Way** **  
** _[In which Kylo Ren makes good on his vow.]_

~o0o~

It was rare that Kylo Ren got to be alone with Rey, now. Her physical wounds had all but healed - aside from nasty deep cuts on the soles of her feet they had not been major, in any case - but there had been no change to her catatonic state.

So at some point, Rey had been moved out of the medbay of the Resistance’s base on D’Qar, and put into the room she had been assigned during her brief stay. Her friends were by her side constantly, virtually occupying her, and Kylo Ren felt he had no claim to any time alone with her, especially not while the traitor - _Finn_ \- was looking at him with unabashed hatred and distrust. Finn was blaming him for what had happened to Rey. And he was not exactly wrong to do so.

Kylo Ren did not belong here, on D’Qar. With Rey in her state, and Luke and Chewie having gone back to Ahch-To together with some of the survivors from the _Respite_ , there was not a single soul on this base - aside from his mother - inclined to treat him with anything better than barely hidden fear and malice.

But for Rey’s sake, he could not leave. She was lost in limbo - a place he remembered all too well - and declining more and more with every passing day. He had been able to claw his way back to life with the help of his grandfather and his personal epiphany, but who did Rey have?

_Me. She has me. I will save her, or none of this will have meant anything._

Those were his thoughts when he snuck into her room in the dead of the night to look at her still face, to be near her undisturbed for just one precious moment. BB-8 trilled nervously when he entered. The little droid had stationed himself by Rey’s bed like a kind of watchdog, and evidently was as little disposed to allow him near Rey as Finn had ever been.

“Calm down,” Kylo Ren said softly. “I’m not going to harm her.”

He hated justifying himself to this droid, truly, but there was nothing for it - with a series of beeps BB-8 informed him that he was going to raise every alarm if he saw him make so much of a twitch in the wrong direction. Kylo Ren sat down on a chair next to Rey’s side and carefully took her hand, ignoring the droid’s whirring sound of protest. That tantalising spark he had always felt when he touched her, it was gone, seemed to have left Rey’s body along with her spirit.

“Ben.”

Kylo Ren hastily pulled back his hand and sighed inwardly when his mother entered and drew up a chair next to him. There really was no chance to be alone with Rey for just five minutes, not even at half past 3 in the morning.

“Congratulations on your victory today,” he said. “Taking Hux prisoner will have shaken the First Order military. It’s a crucial blow, especially now with Snoke gone. High Command needs a heavy hand to keep it in line, they will descend into bickering and infighting now.”

“Easy pickings, then,” he heard her say in her hard General’s voice, and add in the much softer tone of a mother, “You’re suffering.”

 _Because Rey is._ Kylo Ren thought.

“Her injuries are not physical. We can’t do anything for her here,” Leia stated, her heart softening at the way her son was looking at Rey. When he still would not react to her words, she added, emphatically, “Ben. This is not the right place for her to be. Not for either of you.”

He looked up at that, slightly confused.

“Take her to your uncle. To Ahch-To. She spent some happy few weeks there-- well. The days were happy at least, the nights less so, from what I have been hearing.” The displeasure in Leia’s voice ebbed away as she saw her son turn his face away with a pained expression on his face. “Staying with Luke will do both of you good.”

_You are in danger, my son. There are those here who want to bring you to justice, and I don’t know how much longer I can protect you. Admiral Wells is out for your blood._

And for a second, Kylo Ren saw it all in his mother’s eyes. Though it may appear to him that way, the world had not stopped turning just because Rey would not open her eyes. The war was raging on; and the machinations of New Republican politics were drawing the noose more tightly around his neck. The only thing that kept him from the executioner’s block was his mother’s protective hand, her influence, her connections, the tireless scratching of her pen; and now even her clout was being worn down.

The thought hung in the air between them, until Leia turned towards the door.

“I authorise the patient’s removal. Take my shuttle. Come, Beebee-Ate.”

The droid chirped in confusion, but obediently rolled after the General when she raised her eyebrows at him insistently. Kylo Ren looked after them, still somewhat perplexed, but then the ghost of a smile stole across his face. Carefully, he gathered Rey into his arms, and made his way towards the airfield.

~o0o~

The girl opened her eyes. At least she thought she did. It did not really make a difference in the pitch-black, tar-like darkness around her.

It weighed her down. She could not move.

_Help me._

Who could possibly help her? Who would? She was-- nobody. Nothing. Nobody would come for her.

_You have to do it by yourself. Focus._

This darkness. That was the problem. It had swallowed her whole, and now she was slowly suffocating. If she could just focus and expel it, like she had done once before-- that one time when there had been that dark power infecting her-- that poisonous dagger hilt-deep in her body.

_See it for what it is._

Rey gasped as the memory came flooding back. Darkness, like black tar, flowed into her mouth, choking her. She thrashed and flailed, clawing at nothing.

“Did you really think it would be this easy? Like that time with Snoke’s power? Don’t be ridiculous. Now you’re dealing with your very own darkness.”

Rey turned around. Behind her stood - herself. She was wearing Kylo Ren’s black robe, arms and legs drenched in blood, saberstaff in her hands glowing red.

 _Get away from me._ Rey screamed, panic rising in her throat as her dark self advanced.

“I am you.”

Rey threw herself around, but the other Rey slammed her to the ground and let her saberstaff descend on her back.

“This is how you killed your brother.”

The red blade ran her through, and the world shattered. Rey was falling now, was tumbling down a kaleidoscope of shattered, disjointed memories. There was herself and Luke, on her first evening on Ahch-To.

_Those strongest in the light have sometimes fallen to the darkest depths. Never forget that. Temptation will inevitably befall you, too._

And another memory of her curled up in her bed after sharing that terrible dream with Kylo Ren.

_There was no poor, good Ben Solo buried under an evil Kylo Ren that could be freed and saved and could live happily ever after. People did not work like that. People were what they chose to be. Ben and Kylo Ren were one and the same person._

“I was the one who made this choice. I can’t say ‘that wasn’t me, the dark side made me do it’. It _was_ me. It was _my_ decision.” Rey whispered.

“Exactly right. And now it is time to face up to it.” The dark Rey had vanished behind her, and instead, Luke had appeared.

 _Why is it still Luke?_ Rey wondered. Had she not severed her ties to him before leaving for the _Respite_?

_The fact that we are talking, that you reached out to me, it proves that a part of you is looking for my help. A part of you is still fighting the darkness._

Apparently, that part of her had also decided that Luke was the most suitable person to represent her guilty conscience. But if her guilt should be personified by any face at all, surely it should be a face of one of the people she had killed. How many had she killed? What had their faces looked like?

“You don’t even know, do you? How many you killed, who they were. That is how far you are gone already,” Luke said accusingly. “You promised Luke. You told him you would never do anything so vile. He asked you to look after yourself, to never give in, _no matter what._ But you refused him. He argued and begged and pleaded in the end, and you turned your back on all he taught you. You thought you were so much smarter than him, didn’t you? You killed what was left of your family without any hesitation. You are no better than Kylo Ren ever was. Not in a single aspect.”

“And you don’t even have the excuse of having had Snoke whisper in your ear from an early age like Ben,” said a vision of Kylo Ren to another side of her. “No, you simply snapped and pledged yourself to revenge. Kylo Ren cares so much about you he turned from his path for you, and you dismissed even him when he asked you to turn from yours. Him, who gave you his all, and who you gave your all.”

“Shut up!” Rey screamed now, trying to drown out all the accusations. “The First Order needed to be stopped. Snoke needed to be put down. He murdered my parents - no, worse, they were crushed in his wheels! He was evil! He was vile! I stand by this, I will not apologize for that!”

Once more the images shattered, and Rey was falling again.

From the depths, the face of Maz Kanata rose, turning a small wheel on her huge goggles to look at her more closely.

“You’re not entirely wrong, child. But as Luke was trying to tell you again and again, losing yourself to defeat people like Snoke is not worth it. Those Dark Lord types come and go like the tides, inevitably. The one fight that counts, the only fight, is the one against darkness itself, and that battle is a personal one, within yourself.”

Rey sucked in her breath sharply, snapping out of the sensation of falling. She found herself sitting at the table of Maz’s improvised cantina, where they had talked last before Rey had killed the Divinator spy. The old woman was in front of her, and as always seemed to stare down to the bottom of her very soul.

“The dark side is a living aspect of the force, that is right.” The old woman said. “The great challenge is to not let it consume you. And it happens so easily. So easily that the Jedi thought it safer to forego any of its trappings and temptations whatsoever. That is certainly one way to deal with it.”

“But I wasn’t strong enough. I wasn’t good enough to be a Jedi.” Rey whispered. She had known that early on, maybe from the moment Luke had told her what life as a Jedi demanded of her.

“Only a handful of people are. Some might say it was the Jedi’s flaw, trying to turn every force-sensitive person into one of them regardless of how suitable they were. But - all that is in the past. That is not your tragedy. Not your problem.” Maz mused.

Rey slumped.

“Your problem, my child,” Maz said, “is that you genuinely think you are not worth a quarter portion of anybody’s time. Isn’t that right? Deep down, you are still that insecure little girl who was abandoned on a scrap heap to fend for herself among thugs. Nobody ever wanted you or loved you. How much worth, then, can you be? That is what you think, poor child. You don’t see your own worth, and that is why you were so quick to pawn yourself off to the dark side.”

For the first time since Maz’ appearance, Rey really looked around. Her thoughts before had been a twisted jumble of memories and visions in quick successions. But Maz’s words now reached her, clearly and coherently. The cantina was there around them, deceptively real. Music was playing, Maz had set food and drink down in front of her and was, for all her harsh words, looking at her not unkindly.

Rey did not know what to say.

“I’m sorry for trying to mind-trick you back then, Maz,” she said eventually, and really felt it. How stupid she had been then, how reckless to pull something like that on an entity like Maz.

Maz laughed, a rough, but genuine sound that filled Rey with a comfortable warmth. “That’s alright. I wasn’t in any kind of danger. I’ve had entire generations of Jedi trying to cheat me out of paying for their drinks - those scoundrels.”

“Maz. Is it really you? Are you really here?” Rey had to know. This exchange was different from her previous dreams and memories. Maybe Maz was somehow reaching out to her as Rey was dying, giving her a chance to say goodbye.

“Yes, I am. Depending on what you mean by ‘here’,” Maz replied and laughed again at Rey’s frown. “Here to help, anyway.”

“Why?” Rey asked. “Why would you help someone like me?”

“Because you are worth it, child. And if you just realised that yourself, you would see that there are already a whole number of people who feel that way about you. Leia, that good woman, and your Master Luke of course. Your stormtrooper friend Finn. My boyfriend Chewie. Your boyfriend Ben.”

“He is not--” Rey sputtered, but Maz just continued.

“Now, that young man Finn would have been a decent lad for you, heart in his right place. But no, no, you _had_ to go for the Solo boy. You’re in for a world of trouble there, sweetheart. He inherited his mother’s raw power, his father’s complete lack of common sense and his grandfather’s strong emotions, which should tell you everything you need to know. But you brought him to heel quite thoroughly, didn’t you? Good on you.”

“Alright, can we please quit talking about this?” Rey said, flustered. “Haven’t you got any better advice?”

“Perhaps this. The mysteries of the force are too big to fully grasp in a human’s lifetime, and you poor girl have been training under a paranoid old Jedi and a troubled young man with an identity crisis. If you ever want to hear about the force from an old woman who has seen a thing or two in a thousand years, come to me. And bring the Solo boy. He still owes me for the damage to my establishment and I’m tired of being cheated out of my money by this good-for-nothing family.”

Rey could not help herself - she chuckled. But Maz looked suddenly very serious, and very sad.

“Don’t die, Rey. Fight it. Don’t let your feelings of guilt consume you. Claw your way up. You have the strength. Do it for those who love you.”

_You are loved. You are wanted. You are needed._

Maz was gone, and Rey was falling again.

_I don’t want to die._

~o0o~

_I don’t want to die._

On Ahch-To, Kylo Ren was just placing Rey’s body gently onto a bed in one of the patched-up cottages when he heard her emphatic thought bleed through their bond into his own mind, like a lone signal flare over a dark, still ocean. He took a sharp breath.

Luke had admonished him when he had arrived here, had said that if Rey did not find her own way back soon, she might expire, in which case she needed to be closer to somewhere with proper medical equipment to buy her more time. But Kylo Ren was going to side with his mother on this one. If there was any hope for Rey to recover, it would be here on Ahch-To, on this battered, but ultimately sacred ground, close to Luke, close to the force. Close to him.

And the fact that he had just heard her form a clear thought proved him right.

_I’m not letting you die._

Settling down on the floor next to her bed, he cradled her head close to his own, clasped his hand around hers and reached out into the force. Moments later, he was gone.

And that was how Luke found them both, when he came in moments later to bring more blankets.

~o0o~

The scavenger was dangling on a rope over an abyss of darkness. Far below her, the huge dead turbine of a Star Destroyer yawned. If she slipped, it was all over.

But right in front of her, in the mangled mess of the engine hanging precariously over the abyss, were several valuable power cells. No scavenger but her had dared to climb up all the way here. If she could get to the loot, if she managed to get it to Unkar, she would not go hungry for at least a week.

It was tricky, holding on to the rope with one arm and trying to dislodge the cells with the other, but she dared not climb onto the wreckage itself. The slightest movement might sent it crashing down, and pull her down along with it.

“Rey. Finally.”

The girl’s head shot up, and the sudden movement made the metal wreckage before her groan and shudder threateningly. On the ledge above, where her rope was fastened, there was that dark-haired stranger again, the one she had met out in the desert when her speeder had broken down.

“You again? Get out of here,” she growled. “I’m trying to work.”

“Give me your hand, Rey.”

“Get lost,” the scavenger scoffed, and set to work on freeing the valuable power cells out of the wreckage again.

“I mean it, Rey. Give me your hand.”

“I’m not giving you anything.” The scavenger snorted, winding her fingertips through the wreckage towards the power cells. But something about what the man had said bothered her. “Why do you keep calling me Rey?”

“That is your name.” The stranger insisted. “Can’t you even remember that?”

“I’m no one.” The girl said through gritted teeth. Her fingers were brushing the power cell now; she was so close! “I’m just a scavenger trying to get by. Now go away.”

“You have to remember. You have to face up to what happened, or you’ll waste away,” the stranger insisted. “Now give me your hand. I can help. I _understand._ ”

Growling in irritation, the scavenger pushed her goggles up to her forehead to glare at the stranger above.

“Look, I don’t know who you are or where you came from, but--”

Her rope tore and for a moment - _her rope had torn, what the hell, this didn’t just happen, she always checked it diligently_ \- the scavenger felt a horrible sensation of vertigo. But her fall was stopped just a moment later. The stranger had thrown himself over the ledge, and had caught her arm in his own, holding on to the ledge with his other.

“Don’t even think of letting go. I’m not tracking you down in a lifetime of memories all over again.” The stranger panted with some effort.

_Except he will. He already has. He’s gathered all the pieces. All the fragments._

The scavenger stared wide-eyed at the stranger. Something like a low electrical current seemed to run between where his skin touched hers. And then the memory came trickling back, and with it the darkness, flowing into her mind and her very bones.

“No.” Rey gasped. “No, I can’t. I can’t go back. I have done such horrible things. Maz said I was worth being saved. But I’m not. Not after what I’ve--”

“I know about the guilt.” Kylo Ren cut in. “But I am not letting you die.”

Rey made a choking sound, and the entire platform from which they were dangling began to slide. And then they both were falling towards the yawning turbine, into the deepest darkness.

~o0o~

They came to at ground zero. Nothing to fall from, nowhere to fall to.

“Ah. I remember this,” Kylo Ren said softly. “This is where you have to start.”

“Start what?” Rey asked tonelessly. He was still curled up around her, holding her tightly. She remembered it all now. Snoke had torn up her mind, and with her last conscious thought, she had run him through with her saber. And all of it had been clouded by an all-consuming rage, such rage and pain and hatred. Rey trembled.

“Piecing yourself back together. Clawing your way back up,” Kylo Ren clarified. “I had help. I thought you’d appreciate mine.”

“Can we stay like this for a little longer?” Rey murmured, and he could not refuse her. Burying his face into her shoulder, he held on to her as if she was his anchor - even though he had come here to anchor her.

Rey did not know how much time passed until he spoke again.

“It is done, Rey. Snoke is dead. Chewie and I evacuated the _Respite_ and destroyed it.”

Rey did not know what to feel at these words, at the memory of Kylo Ren’s last confrontation with Snoke as he shared it with her. Relief, of course. But there was also a great emptiness all of a sudden. She had thrown away everything to achieve this - now, what did she have left? She had ventured so far into the darkness, she could never be the same. She could never face Luke again, much less be his Padawan as before. Nothing could be as before.

“I killed what was left of my family. I killed my stepfather, my half-brother, my mother’s clone,” Rey whispered. She could forever tell herself that there had been a good reason for it in each case, a background of circumstances that explained it, but the truth was, their blood was on her hands, and could never be cleansed off. The blood of her own family, the blood of the _Finalizer_ ’s team of engineers, and the blood of countless more who had been circumstantial enemies at best, people who she might have spared, but chose not to. She had consciously chosen to be cruel and ruthless to achieve a greater goal. Truly, she had become what she had been fighting against.

“I told you, I know about this guilt,” Kylo Ren said. “And I’m sorry, but it will never get better. It never leaves you. You will have to face it every day. But, Rey - remember what Luke said about Darth Vader. Remember, at the fireside?”

_I saw it happen. I believe anyone can come back from the dark side, if you reach out to them._

“We still have time in this world,” Kylo Ren murmured. “We can make it right. That’s what Anakin told me.”

“I can’t live with myself. I can’t do this,” Rey wailed suddenly. It was as if a huge knot inside of her had suddenly dissolved, and opened the floodgates. Tears were streaming down her face freely. Kylo Ren just held her, and let her cry out her grief for a while.

“Thank the force,” he murmured eventually. “I was afraid you’d never be able to cry again.”

Rey half-turned to him, face wet, with an expression of confusion.

“I admire that most about you,” he explained. “When I kept harassing you, when I pushed you towards the dark side by whatever means, you’d have a cry, sleep over it, and spring back to the old you the next day, unbent and unbroken.” He chuckled. “It really pissed me off then. How strong you were. And yet I could not help but admire this about you even then.”

“I’m not that person anymore.” Rey said hollowly. But Kylo Ren shook his head and gently wiped a tear away from her face.

“This proves you still are. I know you can come back from this. You just have to find a way to forgive yourself.”

Rey let his words sink in as she let her tears dry, and curled up more closely against him.

“Speaking from experience?” She murmured eventually.

“All I know is, if somebody like me deserves a second chance, you deserve at least a thousand more. It’s going to be more difficult for you, though.”

Rey frowned in confusion, and Kylo Ren was quick to clarify. “The whole galaxy hates me and wants me dead, except for my mother and my uncle. And that is fine with me, because I deserve all of it. But you - you’ll be lauded as a hero for what you did. And it’ll burden you more. The praise, the medals, the glory.”

“I want none of that.” Rey said darkly.

“I know. Come visit me in my cell when you get fed up with it all and want to talk to somebody who understands.”

Rey moved her head to shoot a glance at him. _His cell?_

Yes, of course. The world had not stopped turning. Sooner or later, justice of another, worldly authority would catch up with Kylo Ren. Rey took a sharp breath as her insides clenched painfully, and a strong conviction arose from within her - a powerful emotion, opening up in her heart like a flower.

_I will protect him. With everything I’ve got._

Rey’s eyes widened at the realisation of her own feelings, and so did his - here in this place, no thought or emotion could be a secret to the other.

“The stars know I don’t deserve you,” he murmured, resting his head against hers, and for another long moment, this was how they remained.

“What are we going to do?” Rey eventually asked, sounding lost.

“I don’t know. Luke has actually asked me to help him teach the survivors from the _Respite_. I’m not sure if that is a good idea, though. I can’t go back to who I was.”

“I can’t either. I can’t be a Jedi,” Rey said suddenly, turning around fully in his arms. “‘There is no passion, there is serenity; no emotion, but peace?’ After everything that has happened? I can’t say those things with a straight face. Least of all to you.”

Kylo Ren looked at her, lost in her eyes for a moment, and then kissed her. Rey felt him reaching out for her light again, like she had done when he had been trapped in the darkness, and replied eagerly, opening her heart to his. They clung to each other, Rey thought, like children lost in the desert, finding the solace they needed in the other. If the Jedi code forbid this sort of thing, it was just as flawed as the worst excesses of the dark side.

“I made a promise to Snoke before killing him.” Kylo Ren said eventually. “That I would carry on his vision of a new concept of force-users, outside the old light side, dark side dichotomy. I saw something then, right afterwards.”

He conjured up the image of the dual force network he had seen on the _Respite_ once more, and Rey gasped. “Both at once! I’ve wondered about how that would look.”

They both revelled in the majestic image for a while, until Rey faltered.

“But Luke is a Jedi. You can’t tell him you’re making up some revolutionary new concept of the force and set aside everything he believes in. It’d be another betrayal.”

“We’ll see. I think he has become a bit more open to the idea recently,” Kylo Ren mused. “He wanted me to listen to the dark side when facing Snoke, after all.”

“Are you sure?” Rey said doubtfully and now shared a memory of her own with Kylo Ren. The force network around them vanished, and he found himself and Rey lying under a softly illuminated dark dome instead.

High above them, there were two symbols lighting up in a slow, pulsing rhythm. The flower-shaped lightside symbol in the dark, and the star-shaped darkside symbol in the light opposite each other. Like a heartbeat they went on and on, both a part, an aspect of the other.

“I remember seeing this somewhere.” Kylo Ren said, puzzled. “Somewhere...”

“You didn’t pay attention at the time because you wanted your saber back so badly.” Rey said accusingly. “This was on the inside of the dome of the underwater Jedi temple on Ahch-To that you had destroyed. Luke was put off by the darkside symbol and was wondering why the early Jedi put it there, but-- I don’t know. I liked looking at it even back then. The pulse is calming.”

“I’m sorry I did not appreciate it,” Kylo Ren said. “But actually, Luke has mentioned he wants to rebuild the temple. At least with that, I promised to help him.”

“You must really feel how much you owe him,” Rey laughed. “What were you thinking, making such a promise? How would you even go about rebuilding a temple underwater?”

“Ah. Right. Well, in that corner there’s a surprise waiting for you,” Kylo Ren said, suddenly sitting up. Intrigued, Rey did the same.

“What is it?”

“Come and see for yourself.”

And Rey opened her eyes.

 

[to be continued]


	40. Epilogue: New Shores

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [In which Rey comes home.]

**Epilogue: New Shores** **  
** _[In which Rey comes home.]_

~o0o~

On Ahch-To, sunny days were a rare occurrence. So when Rey opened her eyes in her stone cottage, and the first thing she saw was sunlight streaming through the open door, she was almost sure she had to be dreaming still.

The next thing she beheld was the sight of Kylo Ren, impossibly long limbs sprawled next to her bed, asleep but still clutching her hand. Carefully so as not to wake him, she disentangled her hand from his and got up, legs feeling weak and wobbly as she padded towards the door. Judging from how unsteady her legs were, once again she must have been asleep for a long time.

The glare of the day hit her fully as she stepped outside. Out on the impossibly blue horizon, she could see a gigantic piece of hull stick out from the waves - the downed _Finalizer_ , apparently having crashed into shallows that prevented it from fully sinking to its watery grave. It stuck out in the distance like an artificial island.

The cliffside of Luke’s island was still ravaged with craters and debris, betraying the bombardment and the slaughter that had taken place here. But the worst of the rubble had been cleared away, and the cottages had been patched up.

As she turned down towards the bay, realisation of what she had subconsciously noticed for a while finally hit Rey, and she gasped.

The tide had finally gone down. The water level had fallen by at least 15 meters, and down in the bay where she had learned to swim some months ago, the ocean floor lay dry and bare.

The _Falcon_ was parked there, and in the distance she saw the huge hairy figure of Chewbacca striding purposefully towards the pile of debris that remained of the first Jedi temple. Luke was down there, too, giving directions to what seemed like a number of construction droids and humans, the latter clad in what at least from up here looked like Jedi robes.

“He came along to the _Respite_ to save you, but I still have to be careful around him,” Kylo Ren murmured behind her, following her gaze to Chewbacca. “He has not quite forgiven me.”

Rey turned around and only noticed now that Kylo Ren, too, was wearing light pastel and brown-coloured Jedi robes.

“Black suited you better,” she stated flatly.

“I agree, but I’m afraid Luke won’t have it.” For a second there, there was the ghost of Han Solo’s smirk on Kylo Ren’s features again. “I hope in time I can talk him into a dark grey at least.”

He found his thoughts trail off as Rey squinted at him in the light, a slow, giddy smile stealing across her features like sunrise itself.

“Come on, then,” she said, holding out her hand. “Let’s see if we can find pieces of that mural in the rubble.”

And as Kylo Ren took the hand that was offered to him, they both felt that familiar spark jump between them and run along their bodies.

“Yes. Let’s.”

 

**[The End]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JFC IT IS DONE. Since early this year, this fic has:  
> \- eaten my soul and occupied every idle thought every waking minute,  
> \- stolen my sleep, building up a serious deficiency,  
> \- exasperated my poor boyfriend (yeah, I’m the nerd in this relationship),  
> \- switched the default of my brain to English so thoroughly that now I can not make it through a work day without random interference from English vocab/grammar, making me look like a complete tool to my peers,  
> \- also I will now be very confused it Reylo does not actually end up being canon in Episode VIII or IX. Send help.
> 
> There used to be a much more elaborate epilogue which dealt with the fallout of what happens in this fic on a political scale. But I scrapped it for now, because ever since I started posting part III, I have been haunted by the idea of a sequel (non-serious working title “Fear and Loathing on Coruscant”). It’d be set on Coruscant because that place tickles my fancy and oh shit, you could have Luke reclaiming the Jedi temple and Leia fighting to keep the new senate of the New Republic from slipping into yet another military dictatorship, and Kylo Ren being put on a show trial to legitimise the government's rule and Rey finding herself utterly lost in Leia’s world of politics and intrigue (her scavenger origins and non-existent formal education being an actual drawback for once and not a deus ex machina).
> 
> That’s the general idea atm, but I’ll have to do a LOT more research first like reading all canon novels, finally finishing Clone Wars and Rebels for background knowledge, etc etc. Probably that fic won’t ever happen - but eh, in case I ever do write it, keep an eye on this account. If you want to get in touch in the meantime for whatever reason, my main blog is samsorati.tumblr.com; my Reylo/Star Wars blog can be found at sorak0.tumblr.com.
> 
> THANK YOU for your lovely comments and your support, everybody. Reylo gets a lot of uncalled-for crap, but I’m proud to be part of this fandom, and despite everything I have not had so much fun in fandom for many years. :-)
> 
> Sorati


End file.
